Chapter 36

The next day, as promised, Debbie withdrew $50,000 in cash from a savings account that Jeff had put in her name just a few days earlier. He wanted to make up for some of the treatment Debbie had suffered at his mother’s hands, and moved $200,000 into an account that was completely under Debbie’s control.

“I want you to keep this money, or use it for anything that’s important to you,” Jeff had said, embracing her warmly and kissing her. He stroked her hair. “I know you had a difficult time with mother, and I’m sorry. You can buy yourself something special if you want to. I won’t ask what you do with this money.”

Today, Debbie knew what to do with it. She tucked the bank envelope into a zippered compartment in her purse, and as soon as Jeff was out of the apartment, she changed into a sexier outfit and walked to Simon’s apartment building. She now had her own key, and he was waiting for her at the door. He was wearing a robe and his hair was still wet from a shower. He held her tightly. “I’ve missed you,” he said. He wasted no time, untying his robe and pulling her close to his naked body. “I can’t live without you any longer.” He kissed her and they moved quickly into the bedroom, falling onto the bed. He undressed her and held her for just a moment before pulling her on top of him and entering her. They both savored the moment, but Debbie was restless, eager to give Simon the money and see his reaction.

Debbie got up, went into the living room and retrieved her purse, unzipping it and pulling out a thick envelope of thousand dollar bills. Simon gasped. “Oh my God, Debbie, I didn’t think you could really pull this off. You’ve saved my life. How can I ever thank you?” Their passion was stimulated all over again - his from appreciation, and Debbie’s from the sense of her own power. For a moment, she thought she could leave Jeff and live with Simon. Then she realized it was a fantasy. She had gone through too much to have the power and control she now had, just to lose it in a small apartment with Simon. No, her life had a bigger purpose than that. She climaxed again, screaming with pleasure. She was in charge of this situation. Her new wealth put her on top of the world. It had never occurred to her that money, sex, and power were so intertwined.

She ran her finger gently down the middle of Simon’s back. They were side by side, facing each other, and she drew a big heart on his back with her index finger. He kissed her. “I love you, Debbie. Let’s go away together and celebrate.”

“You know I can’t do that,” she said. “There’s nothing I can tell Jeff. No way he would let me go on a trip without him. I love you too, but this is all it can be for now.”

“Every time you leave, I wonder if you are real, or if I’ve made all this up--this stolen happiness. If only we had one whole night together.”

Debbie said, “You knew my situation when we started. I would like that too, but I can’t. I need to go soon, and you need a couple of days to fix your problems. Call me when you’ve taken care of your debts, straightened it all out, and I’ll come back.”

She sat on the edge of the bed, and Simon sat beside her, both his arms around her. “Thank you,” he said. “I know you’ve saved my life. You won’t be sorry to have helped me this way.” They held each other. Debbie had no idea she would come to care so deeply for Simon. She was trying to discourage him with words, but her actions kept reeling him in. Her relationship with him was so comfortable, so easy - not like the stress and tension she had with Jeff. And physically, she could never have imagined herself responding so completely.

If she could take the money with her, she could just replace Simon for Jeff and she would be perfectly happy. She no longer thought about her job, or teaching the children she had adored. She wasn’t so sure motherhood would be right for her, either. She found herself thinking of Simon all the time. Her emotions were all wrapped up in him. She wasn’t sure what was happening to her, or how this would all end up. Debbie was sad as she put on her clothes, grabbed her purse, and said goodbye to Simon. “Call me soon,” she said. “I’ll be thinking about you.”

On the way home, Debbie called Catherine. “Can I see you?” she asked.

“Of course,” Catherine said. “Come on over.”

Debbie phoned Jeff, who was now at his office. “Sweetheart, Catherine is having some problems and needs my help. Would you mind?”

“Of course not,” Jeff said. “I’ll be out at least another couple of hours. If you aren’t home when I get there, I’ll call you.”

“OK,” she said, quickly ending the call and wishing she had stayed at Simon’s for a while longer. She grabbed the next taxi she saw.

“You look like hell,” Catherine said when she opened the door.

“I’m in hell,” Debbie said, blurting out her dilemma, telling her of her ongoing affair with Simon, the money, her problems with Jeff, and asking Catherine for advice.

“You didn’t take my advice before,” Catherine said. “Now you pull a rescue act with Simon and expect me to rescue you? I can’t do it. I think you’re an idiot, and you’ve made your bed, and all the rest of the cliché. If I didn’t love you so much I would scream at you and throw you out of here. Nobody can fix this one,” she added.

“I’m lost. I can’t move forward and I can’t turn back. I can’t even make love to Jeff any more without thinking of Simon.”

“Then you should do the right thing and leave Jeff. You’re being unfair to him.” Catherine hugged Debbie. “Forget the money. Live for love, if you are really in love with Simon. Take a chance on him. Go back to teaching, which used to mean something to you.”

“What if Simon doesn’t really want me?”

“Call his bluff and find out,” Catherine said. “Tell him you’ll leave Jeff and live with him and then you’ll find out pretty quickly.”

Debbie said goodbye to Catherine and went home. She needed to look at her beautiful apartment and see Jeff when he came home. She had to figure out if it was really over.

Jeff would be home soon. Debbie quickly showered and changed into a robe.

Jeff walked in the door around midnight, carrying a large bouquet of flowers. He handed them to Debbie, and she thanked him sweetly. She looked into his eyes, wondering what had become of their perfect marriage, wondering whether she could step back into the past and rescue it. She was completely torn. Jeff obviously loved her, but so did Simon. Her last moments in bed with Simon were flashing through her mind, through her body. She was still tingling just thinking about him. Then she had a momentary vision of the last moments of her mother-in-law’s life, as well as the last time she had made love to Jeff. It was all swirling around in her head, and she couldn’t separate the images. For a few moments, she thought she was going insane. She couldn’t sort out one thought from another. It was like a video collage playing inside her brain, the noise of it getting louder and louder.

“What’s wrong?” Jeff asked. “You seem so distant. Are you upset with me?”

“No, of course not,” Debbie said, trying hard to pull herself back into the moment. “Why would you think such a thing?”

“Only because the last couple of times we’ve made love, you’ve seemed so far away, like you didn’t really want me to touch you,” Jeff said.

So perceptive, she thought. That’s exactly what I was feeling. “Oh, darling. No. I’ve just been preoccupied. Worried about you out there with all those murders, and just not feeling like myself, I guess.”

“Then you aren’t upset with me?”

“No, of course not.”

“Thank goodness. I was hoping you would still be up, and we could make love the way we used to, before....” He left the sentence unfinished.

“Before what?” Debbie asked quickly.

“Before it all came crashing down. Before mother died. Before you seemed to lose interest. Before I had my depression. Just...before.”

He walked over to the bar, opened a bottle of wine, and poured two glasses. “Maybe this will help us both to relax,” he said, handing her a glass and kissing her gently. It was his favorite wine, Les Forts de la Tour. The label on the bottle flashed Debbie right back to the night of Genevieve’s ‘accident.’ It was the last thing she had ever asked of Genevieve - a bottle of that wine from the cellar. She realized Jeff was talking. “If I didn’t know better,” he said, “I might think there was somebody else.”

Debbie’s heart jumped. She wondered if he knew - if this was his way of telling her. She looked into his eyes to see if there was a clue, but she couldn’t see anything, other than his deep concern, and fear that something bad was happening to their relationship. He had brought home flowers and poured their favorite wine. Debbie didn’t want this to end. Jeff was her husband, and she needed to make this work. How could she be certain things would end up any better with Simon, even if she did love him more than Jeff?

She had a feeling of panic. She stood up and faced Jeff. She couldn’t allow him to believe she was having an affair. She put her wine down next to his on the table and put her arms around his waist. She was exhausted from being with Simon, and from her emotional visit with Catherine. But she would show Jeff that she still loved him, that their marriage was intact. Right now, she dreaded the thought of making love to Jeff. She had forgotten how. She didn’t want him to touch her, and for sure he would know that she was different. He would be observing everything she did, trying to figure out if she had been influenced by another man. But there was one way around it, at least for now.

She took Jeff’s hand and led him into the bedroom, both sitting down on the edge of the bed. She slid to her knees in front of Jeff, as she had done so many more times with Simon. She could already feel Jeff’s excitement as she unzipped his pants, holding him with both hands, and using her mouth with gently increasing intensity until he could wait no longer, gasping with pleasure. Slowly, they moved onto the bed and she held him as he fell on top of her, almost instantly falling asleep, still clothed with the single exception of his penis. She was relieved, and glad she had turned the situation around. She was proud of her skill, and glad Jeff could stop worrying about her distance from him.

At least for this evening, she was back in his good graces. But she had made a decision, and Jeff would return to the number one place in her life. He had to be. She wasn’t ready to throw it all away. Simon was a fabulous lover, but that’s what he would remain--her lover. She would show Jeff that she could be a wonderful wife. He would be proud of her again. Yes, she would talk to him in the morning about having a baby--the time was right, and her decision was firm now.

The next morning, Debbie made a big breakfast and a pot of coffee. “Darling,” she said. “I’ve been thinking that we should have a baby. I know we would be wonderful parents.”

“Nothing would make me happier,” Jeff said. “Are you really certain that you are ready? I know it’s been a difficult year for you, for both of us.”

“I’m completely ready, and I know this would make all the difference to our lives. We can start trying right away - tonight, in fact.”

Jeff seemed genuinely thrilled. He told Debbie that he had to leave right after breakfast to take care of some things that were hanging over his head, but he would be home early in the evening and they would begin their new project together.

When Debbie turned her cell phone back on, there was a message from Simon. “I’ve taken care of everything,” he said. “I straightened out the debt, and my problems. I need to see you.”

Debbie was sitting on the fence. She wasn’t sure she even believed him, but she called him back. “Please come and see me. I know you’ll be pleased,” he said.

Debbie had told herself Jeff would be first, truly her number one, yet as soon as she heard Simon’s voice, she began to waver. “Just for a short while,” she said. “I have a lot of things to do today. I’ll be there soon.”

“Good,” Simon exclaimed, hanging up the phone.

Debbie got dressed quickly and made her way to Simon’s place. She had been so clear in her decision, and had meant every word of what she had said to Jeff. She used her key to open Simon’s door, and he was standing there. “I have two meetings, and by the end of today, I’ll be free of debt,” he said. “We need to drink a toast.” He popped the cork on a bottle of expensive champagne, obviously purchased with money Debbie had given him. And he had a diamond pendant in his hand as a gift for her, again purchased with her money. “Simon, that money was to settle your debts, not to buy gifts. Why did you ask me for $50,000 if you didn’t really need that much?”

“I did need it,” he said, “but I had to do this for you. None of this would have been possible without your generosity.” He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. All her resolve was gone in an instant. She knew now that Simon was her addiction. She would never be able to give him up. In seconds, Jeff was fading back into second place. This can’t be happening again, she thought, struggling against her feelings, but unable to stop herself. Her baby had evaporated. As they moved quickly into Simon’s bedroom, and onto the bed, Debbie had to accept that, as amazing as her relationship with Simon had become, he had destroyed any possibility of resuming her perfect little life with Jeff. It wasn’t her fault. She had tried. Really, she thought, it’s Simon’s fault for being so irresistible.

They were sitting on the edge of the bed, partially undressed. “Debbie, there’s one thing I need to discuss with you. I’m still having problems. I’ve paid off one of my suppliers, but the other one is claiming I owe him another $40,000. I don’t know what do to. Can you help?”

“Are you asking me to give you more money? Another $40,000?” she asked, horrified. “I can’t do that.”

“I know you have the money,” Simon said. “I know all about your situation. I would just borrow it from you. I would pay you back. I promise.”

“How would you do that, Simon? How will you raise that kind of money without selling drugs?” she asked harshly.

He kissed her again. “I need you to help me, Debbie.” She began to respond, but stopped and pulled away. How could she end this relationship with Simon if she could not resist even one kiss?

“No. It’s impossible, Simon. I’ve given you a lot of money - everything you asked for, and now it’s not enough?”

“I thought it would be, but I’m still in trouble. You’ve got to help me, Debbie,” he said.

“No, Simon. You made me a promise. Now you’ve changed your story. How can I ever believe you?”

“I wonder what Jeff would say if he knew about us. I wonder if you would still have your little fortune.”

Debbie stared at him angrily, and stood up. Simon also got up. Debbie backed away from him. “Oh my God, Simon. Are you threatening me? Are you threatening to tell Jeff about us if I don’t give you more money? How dare you? I’ve given you my life, my love? How can you say that?”

“I’m not threatening you. I’m just asking for your help. I’m wondering if you’ve thought of it from my perspective. You’re just like me, Debbie. We’re exactly the same. You’ve sold your soul for money. So have I. But we’re what’s real. You and I. Not your other life. We were meant for each other. Can’t you see that?”

“Then why did you say that about Jeff? How can I trust you not to tell him about us?”

It was a sobering thought - one that had never occurred to her before. Simon could see that she was shaken. He moved close to her and held her.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Debbie. I shouldn’t have said anything about Jeff. I...I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I love you, and I want you all to myself. I can’t share you any longer.” She was pressed against him, crying softly. She wanted to let it go, to forgive him. Simon kissed her, at first gently and then more passionately.

They moved back to the edge of the bed, sitting down again. Simon pulled her onto the bed and on top of him, quickly removing the rest of her clothing. Debbie was still crying as Simon kissed her tears, holding her tightly. “I love you, Debbie. I could never hurt you.” She felt completely vulnerable, and frightened by the flood of emotions overpowering her, but she didn’t try to stop him. He was inside her, and she began moving in rhythm with him. “I love you too. Don’t scare me like that again.”

She hadn’t intended to let this happen. Not today. She wanted to remain strong, but her entire body was trembling with a mixture of intense passion and fear. She gave herself to him completely. Jeff was a tiny distant memory and Simon was her world, surrounding her, drowning her. Just like the addicts who rang Simon’s doorbell, unable to live without their cocaine or meth, Debbie was addicted to Simon.

Now, in addition to all her other emotions, Debbie faced a new complication - a nagging doubt about Simon’s threat, and whether or not she could fully trust him. Debbie held Simon closely and looked into his eyes. As her breathing slowed and returned to normal, all the fog in Debbie’s mind cleared. She knew what she had to do. She had to break her addiction, and return to her loving marriage with Jeff. But there was only one way to accomplish that, now that Simon had crossed the line. He was taking advantage of her, and she knew it would never stop. Debbie knew that Simon had to be eliminated. Not today, but soon. Then it would be over. He would not be in the middle of her marriage any longer. He would not ask her for any more money. He wouldn’t threaten to tell Jeff about them. Not when he was dead. Debbie held him tightly. “I love you, Simon,” she said. “More than you will ever know.”

Debbie took the long route home, walking through Rittenhouse Square and sitting on one of the benches for half an hour, allowing a plan to formulate in her mind. Several alternate plans, in fact. She wasn’t happy when she thought of the violence with which Jeff’s mother had died, and she would never repeat anything like that. While most of the time, Debbie considered Genevieve’s death an accident, sometimes she remembered, and could recreate it all clearly in her mind. That was a once-in-a-lifetime murder, she thought, allowing herself a small chuckle at the way she had described it in her head. Simon should simply fall asleep and not wake up. It was the kind thing to do - the way veterinary doctors killed dogs and cats.

She would make it happen, somehow, and then leave his apartment, as though he was really asleep. She would never be implicated, and anyone who knew Simon would think he had money troubles and took his own life. It seemed like such a peaceful idea, and Debbie was already feeling relieved that the biggest cause of confusion and stress in her life would soon be gone. She knew that her life could then return to normal and Jeff would resume his place as number one. She would never again be unfaithful to Jeff. A feeling of calm swept over Debbie. She leaned back against the bench and smiled. She thought she might make love to Simon a few more times, even bring him the additional money he wanted, and then carry out her plan the same day.

There were many details to work out - for example, her number would be on his cell phone. But she would think of a way around this problem, and make up some plausible excuse if it were ever discovered. She wondered if disposing of the phone would be enough. Debbie did not think Catherine would ever make the connection, even if she somehow learned of Simon’s death. There was no other option, especially now that she had been thinking about it for more than an hour. It was practically a fait accompli.