Chapter Eight

“So this is shabby shit?”

Gwen slapped her hands over her mouth and turned to him, her eyes wide and filled with laughter. He ignored the saleswoman in the booth who was frowning fiercely at him. What the hell?

“Chic. Shabby chic.”

He grinned. “Oh.” He thought it best not to mention that none of this crap looked particularly chic. It was used and the paint was chipping off. They were standing in what had to be the tenth booth featuring furniture that looked exactly like the previous nine booths. Really, he wanted to spend the day with Gwen. Even though he should be spending less time with her, he was spending more.

He kept telling himself he’d tell her the truth, but the churning in his gut always stopped him, reminding him that the second he did that, she would walk out on his life. So what options did he have really? Just enjoy his time with her.

“I’m thinking this cute powder-blue desk with that white chair we saw at the last booth. They will look great with the white nightstand we saw at the first booth. Then we get the powder-blue and white paisley quilt we saw at the third booth.” She smiled up at him.

She must have been waiting for a reply. “I have no idea what you just said.”

She rolled her eyes at him and tugged him along where they spent the next half hour buying all the stuff she mentioned and then loading it into his SUV. “You do have a bed for her, right?” she asked once he closed the trunk.

“A bed?”

She put her head in her hands. “Seriously? Get in the car, we need to get a bed and mattress. And pillows.”

He grinned. He liked the bossy side of Gwen. “You’re very hot when you’re barking out orders,” he said, tugging her into him.

She frowned. “I don’t bark.”

“Kind of,” he said, smiling as he leaned down to kiss her. “Well, you’ll be pleased to know I’m not completely incompetent. There is a double bed in the spare room.”

“I’m impressed,” she said, patting his shoulder like he was a first grader.

They spent the rest of the day running errands, Gwen coming up with stuff he hadn’t even thought of. When they were finally back at his place, she took charge and started setting up his sister’s room. “You don’t have to do all this you know. It’s your day off.”

She straightened up from smoothing out the quilt on the bed and he forced his eyes from her very cute ass and up to her eyes. He needed to keep things from moving too fast. Or whatever it was he was doing. “I’m happy to help. I like decorating. So what do you think?” she asked, lifted her arms and spreading them wide. He thought she was hot. And gorgeous. And kind. And he thought that he was the biggest ass for knowing all of that and wanting her anyway.

He didn’t want to be standing here talking about decorating when there was a bed in the room. He wanted to be in the bed, with Gwen. What kind of sick demented situation had he gotten himself into? The one woman he wanted more than anyone was the one woman he couldn’t have, but he couldn’t get enough of her, so he kept agreeing to these PG visits.

“Hello?” she asked when he hadn’t answered yet. “Don’t you think this room is gorgeous? I hope she likes it. I mean what if she has your taste? She’ll hate it.”

He managed a smile. “She doesn’t have my taste. This looks exactly like something Haley would like.”

“Good. I can’t wait to meet her. I should probably get going, I have a bunch of errands to run. Baby shower stuff. Then I need to get some food to my friend. Oh, hey, before I forget, do you want to go skating Friday night?” She crossed the small room to stand in front of him.

“Uh, no.”

She frowned at him, clearly not insecure in his feelings for her. He liked that. “Well, we’re going skating Friday night because we’re actually really lucky the outdoor rink is still open this close to spring.”

He tried to hide his smile. “Lucky according to who?”

She poked him in the stomach. “Seriously, you’ll love it. Can you take Friday night off?”

He’d take off any night for her. Just not skating. “I haven’t been on skates since high school.”

She smiled, like maybe she liked that, or that she was anticipating watching him fall flat on his ass. “Don’t worry, I’ll help you. Consider it payback for you helping me when I was sick.”

“I think the term you’re looking for is returning the favor…I believe payback implies something sinister.”

She patted his shoulder. “It’ll be okay.”

He was laughing when he bent down to kiss her. “Fine. Skating on Friday.”

The knocking on the door prevented him from figuring out how he was going to stop kissing her. Before he could even walk out of the room, the door opened, followed by the sound of his sister. “Hello, Luke!”

Suddenly his sister threw herself at him. He held her close, deciding he’d reprimand her for not giving him any warning later.

“I made it!”

He heard the relief in her voice, combined with happiness. He hated that she had been through something traumatic. He wouldn’t press right away but over the next few days he’d find out what had happened with her husband. She finally pulled away and he got a good look at her. They were similar in coloring, but she had dark circles under her eyes and her face was pale. She looked as though she’d lost a significant amount of weight too. He clenched his teeth, trying to control the anger he felt toward her loser ex. “Glad you made it in record time.”

“Hi,” his sister said, spotting Gwen. “You must be Gwen.”

“Hi, you must be Haley,” Gwen said. Instead of reaching out to shake his sister’s hand, she pulled her into a hug. “I’m so glad you came to stay with your brother.”

Holy hell. His gut tightened and his throat constricted as he saw tears form in his sister’s eyes. Gwen was so damn sweet. “And I’m so happy you’re in my brother’s life, I’ve heard so much about you,” she said, shooting him her trademark badass little sister grin.

Gwen looked surprised. “I’m surprised he mentioned me. “

“Oh, he talks about you all the time,” Haley said.

“You too. We just finished decorating your room because he had no idea what to do.” They both burst out laughing.

“Standing right here,” he said, happy as hell and awed that Gwen had already made his sister laugh.

“I can’t wait to see it!” Haley said, and the two of them started walking down the hall.

“Do you like your room?” Gwen asked, completely ignoring him as Haley stood in the doorway of the guest bedroom.

Haley looked around, judging by the huge smile on her face totally loved it. “It’s so nice. Honestly, I was expecting a sleeping bag on the ground,” she said with a snort.

Gwen nodded sympathetically. “Yeah, I kind of nudged him in the right direction. I had a feeling he was going to drop the ball.”

“Sometimes I worry about him. Like does he remember to eat?”

“It’s amazing they let me in the ER to oh, I don’t know, save lives, when I’m such an idiot,” he said. Their opinion of him was a little shocking. Instead of either of them looking the least bit sheepish, they burst out laughing.

“Well, it was great meeting you, Haley. I’m going to head out,” Gwen said, and they started walking toward the door. He followed. He had known they’d get along but seeing them together made him realize how great Gwen would be for Haley. She was loyal and caring and that was what his sister needed. He needed Gwen. He wished he’d met her when he was younger, before anything had happened, maybe then things would have been different.

“You don’t have to leave because I’m here,” Haley said.

“No, you guys need to catch up. Besides, I have a million things to do and this is my only day off. Oh, also, in case Luke forgets to tell you, you’re invited to my parents place for Sunday night dinner,” Gwen said, pulling on her coat.

His gut clenched. Right. Sunday night with all of them.

His sister was smiling again. “Thank you so much. I’d love to.”

“I’ll walk you out,” he said.

Haley rolled her suitcase to the bedroom. “Bye, Gwen!”

Once the two of them were outside, he grabbed her hand, needing to make contact with her.

“Your sister seems really great.”

He blew out a breath. “She is. Thank you for being so nice to her.”

“She’s hurting though, you can see it,” she said, concern in her eyes as she stopped at her car.

He agreed. He’d seen the same thing. She had put on a brave front, but he could tell. “I know.” He’d deal with Haley when he went back inside. Now he wanted a few moments of just Gwen.

“So, anyway, I’d better get going,” she said, looking unsure of herself.

It was his fault. He was being a prick because he didn’t know what to do. He wanted Gwen in every possible way, but he was torn between hurting her now and hurting her later. He put his hand on her car door and raised one hand to the nape of her neck. Her breath caught. “Gwen, I’m sorry our day was cut short.”

She shrugged. “Not a problem. We are just friends anyway.”

“We’re so beyond friends,” he said, lowering his head. “You’re the best thing I’ve ever known,” he whispered before kissing her. Kissing Gwen seemed inevitable, since every time he saw her, he wanted to kiss her. Not kissing her was becoming impossible. She kissed him back with the same need he felt and soon what was meant to be a quick kiss turned into something much more. They both had layers of clothes on and it was snowing and his sister was inside the house. She pulled away first.

“I’d better get going. ”

“Gwen,” he said roughly, not knowing what to say to her, yet not wanting to leave things like this.

“Yes?” she asked, hope lighting her eyes. Hope in him was always a mistake.

“I’ll see you in a bit,” he said, leaning down for one quick kiss before shutting her door. He stepped back and watched her pull away, giving one final wave as she drove off. The distinct feeling in his gut that he was about to destroy everything made him feel sick.

He glanced back at the cabin, took a deep breath, and went to join his sister inside. When he walked in, he spotted her standing by the large window in the family room.

“Not bad, Luke. It’s gorgeous out here. I think I could get used to this cold because of the view.”

He’d grown accustomed to Montana and the winters. “Yeah, it’s pretty cool, especially after a snowstorm.”

“Wow, look at you appreciating nature,” she said, walking toward him.

His gut churned because now that her coat was off he noticed she looked like a skeleton. He knew she was forcing herself to appear happy. She wasn’t fooling him. “I’m just repeating crap I overhear.”

She laughed and hit him on the shoulder. “I absolutely love Gwen. She’s perfect for you!”

He winced. “Don’t want to talk about it. But yeah, Gwen’s great. Are you hungry?” he asked, hoping to change the subject. “If you would have told me you were coming, I would have gotten some food.”

“You can’t cook. Also, we will come back to the topic of Gwen.”

He ignored the Gwen comment. “I’m too busy to cook, but I would have bought food. You want a pizza? There’s a great pizza place in town and maybe if I offer the guy extra, he’ll deliver out here.”

Her stomach growled and she nodded. “Done. Extra cheese. Extra pepperoni.”

That was more like it. He placed the order and after agreeing to pay Luigi’s kid an extra ten bucks to drive out there, they sat in the family room. Even though it was small, the ceilings were vaulted and all the wood beams exposed. If he was into this kind of thing, he’d say it was a pretty perfect room. His sister snuggled up under a blanket and settled onto the couch opposite him. “Well, look at us, together again, our lives in shambles. Who would have thought, huh?”

The sadness in her voice prompted him to make light of it. “So you were young and picked a douche of a husband. It’s not a big deal.” But it was. They had both picked the wrong partners. If he’d been married to Gwen, his life would never have gone down that road. He couldn’t have seen himself as the man he used to be. But that wasn’t Lisa’s fault; it was his own. If he had met Gwen back then, they never would have worked. It had made him question his own ability to read people.

It was also a reminder of his own failings. He’d failed his wife. He’d been an equal if not greater screw-up in their marriage. It made him question the entire damn institution, which presented another problem. It’s not that he’d even consider getting married again, but there was something about Gwen that made a guy think about marriage. She was the real deal. She was the kind of woman he should have looked for in the beginning, but maybe he wasn’t ready for a woman like her then. His priorities had been very different. Gwen had made it very clear she wanted the whole package, marriage and kids. He could never be a father again.

Haley’s eyes filled with tears. “You warned me, though. How come I didn’t see it?”

He paused for a second, hating that he had to ask, bracing himself for her answer. “What did he do, Haley?”

She turned from him and shook her head. “I can’t talk about it yet.”

He leaned forward, trying to still look calm. “Do you need me to hurt him?”

She laughed and he smiled with her. “Do you want a hot drink or something?”

“You learned how to make coffee?”

He frowned. “You know I am an adult, right? And a doctor?”

Her brow stayed lifted.

He leaned back in his chair. “Fine. It’s a Keurig, but it still counts as making coffee.”

She laughed again.

“So, coffee? Tea?”

“Coffee,” she said. “Always coffee.”

He stood and prepped two cups for them. “Oh, I don’t have any milk or cream.”

“Omigod, Luke. How can I have coffee without dairy?”

His sister had always been picky. “Like I said, if you’d told me you were coming today, I would have bought some.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll take it black.”

He walked back to the couches and handed her a cup.

“So tell me what you’ve been up to. Please tell me the reason you and Gwen are hanging out and kissing like teenagers at her car is because you’ve told her the truth and as I’ve predicted, she accepts that it was an accident and all is well with the world.”

He leaned forward, bracing his forearms on his legs. “No.”

She groaned. “Why?”

“I…I’ve become involved with Gwen without telling any of them the truth,” he said, his voice sounding strange to his ears. He regretted telling her the minute the words came out of his mouth. Her theatrical gasp solidified how stupid he was to tell her anything.

She raised her hand to her heart. “Oh, Luke. What a tangled web we weave.”

“Seriously.”

She shrugged. “Sorry, it seemed like the perfect time to use that expression.”

“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I wasn’t supposed to get to know her, but I did and now…”

“Please don’t tell me you’ve slept together.”

“I’m not a total douche.”

“You’re not a douche at all,” she said, with a look that told him she clearly pitied him. “You know what I think of all this already. You know you’re not responsible, right? Wrong place, wrong time, it could have been anyone, Luke.”

He stared down at the ground. Yeah he’d played this game with her before, but it didn’t matter because it had been him, no one else. If he had done things differently then maybe Gwen’s brother and nephew would still be alive. Lisa and their baby would have been alive. “Well, we’ve been over this before. I am to blame for the condition I was in when I got behind the wheel that night.”

“Stop saying that as though you were a drunk driver! You were a tired doctor, you were a husband fighting with his wife, and the road conditions were bad.”

“I could have slept at the hospital.”

“Stop it. Stop it. You’ve blamed yourself for five years. I understand needing to come out here and meet these people and apologize, I do. But what you’ve done now by getting to know them and getting involved with this Gwen woman is setting yourself up for disaster. How the heck is she going to feel when you tell her the truth?”

He didn’t say anything, just gripped his coffee mug tight. He had no idea. He had no answers to any of her irritating, if not completely relevant, questions. “I don’t know.”

“Luke, you have to tell her.”

The doorbell rang and his sister jumped up. Pizza time. It took him a moment to get up, to shed the weight of the new burden that was now on his shoulders. He wanted time with Gwen. He wanted to know her, everything about her in every possible way, even if it meant that she’d hate him in the end. He just wanted time before he saw hatred in her eyes, before everything was ruined.