A dozen people from school are milling around the tables filled with snacks and drinks in Kasey’s basement. Kasey makes her rounds, paying particular attention to the single guys, which makes me happy. I’m glad she’s not moping about Carlos.
“Hey, guys!” Kasey hugs me, her breath smelling of champagne. “Happy New Year! You look great!”
“Thanks,” I say, and unwrap myself from her limbs.
“What’s Annie up to?” she asks more quietly.
Devon sticks his hands in his pockets and watches me.
“Staying in with some friends,” I say.
“I’m glad she’s made some new friends.” Kasey leans in closer. “I remember what you said that she said, about being different in this town? How it’s hard or whatever?”
I think back to the summer, when everything was the same but different. “Yeah?”
“She was right. It sucks.” She loops her arm through mine and pulls me into the corner of the room. “I was flirting with Zack and he was flirting back and even kissed me but then he said he likes me but he’s not attracted to me so we can only be friends. I know it’s because he doesn’t like black girls, or he thinks his family wouldn’t approve or some other crap.”
“That does suck,” I say. “What if that’s not the real reason why? Didn’t he just break up with Laura? Maybe he’s not ready to date someone else.”
“He’s not still in love with Laura,” Kasey says. “But he thinks she’s gor-geous. And she’s whiter than you.”
I know it’s the champagne talking, but her words sting and I’m not sure why. I am white. Super pale white like Mom’s Nordic ancestors. I also know this isn’t about me. “Kase,” I say, “you are gorgeous.”
She shakes her head. “No one else in this school will ever like me. You have Devon. I’ll never have a Devon.”
I think about Annie and how a twenty-year-old guy from Albany made her feel like no one in our school could, like no one in our family could, and I hug Kasey again. “Then all those guys are losing out. Besides, in six months, it’ll be all cultured San Diego boys for you.”
Instead of a smile, Kasey gets totally serious. “Did Annie go for an Asian guy? Is that who the father of her baby is?”
“You’ll have to ask her,” I say in a rush, and change the subject. “You’re worth someone who loves you no matter what.”
Kasey nods, teary. “Sorry,” she says through a sniffle, “I’ve had a little champagne.”
I laugh. For her that’s probably two glasses. “It’s OK.”
“I really am happy for you and Devon,” she says.
“I know.”
Kasey wipes her eyes. “You can sneak up to the guest room if you decide to. I’m serious about it.”
“Thanks.” My body tingles.
“I need to refill the chips.”
“Go,” I say with a laugh, and Devon replaces her at my side. I turn to him, so close that my nose touches his chin. “Sorry about the drama.”
He takes my hand, kisses my cheek, and says, “No problem.”
We don’t let go again for the rest of the night.
At five to midnight, someone switches on the TV to the Times Square New Year’s Eve party and we wait for the countdown.
“Ten…nine…eight,” Kasey yells.
“Seven…six…five,” we all join in. “Four…three…two…happy New Year!”
Devon pulls me to his chest and kisses me long and soft as if we aren’t surrounded by a dozen of our classmates setting off noisemakers. Confetti rains down over our heads. Through all the shouts and whoops and hollers I can barely hear Devon.
“I love you,” he says for the first time.
My head explodes with happiness and my heart grows. “I love you, too.”
His head tilts and our kisses deepen. My eyes close and heat zips through my body, making my fingers and toes tingle with energy that has no way out. Devon must feel it too, because it’s like we can’t be close enough. I’m only slightly aware of our friends dancing and singing around us as a boy band takes the stage on the TV – until I get elbowed in the ribs and am torn from the moment.
“Do you…” I start, my heart thumping as I force myself to meet Devon’s eyes. If I can’t look at him now there’s no way I can undress in front of him.
He twirls a lock of my hair. His lips twitch, his eyes sparkle. “Do you?”
I nod, afraid my heart will burst. I take his hand and lead him to the stairs, glancing over my shoulder to see if Kasey is watching. She’s got her arms around a junior guy, dancing up a storm.
When we reach the main floor, I shoo away the poodles, pass the room where the birds are thankfully sleeping, and show Devon into the guest bedroom. Kasey’s mom’s bedroom is on the second floor and I hope she doesn’t decide she needs the sewing machine stored under the window sometime tonight. Not that I have anything to be ashamed of. Devon and I have been a couple for five months.
We love each other.
I close the door, press the lock, and realize how completely dark it is. Devon and I stumble toward around and laugh when our shoulders bump.
“Maybe we need some light,” he says.
“OK,” I say, hoping it’s not too bright.
Devon fumbles to the end table, clicks on a reading lamp, and bounces onto the bed. It creaks loudly and I cringe. Devon doesn’t seem to notice.
“Why don’t you come get warm next to me?” he asks.
I kick off my boots and pad across the carpet to the full bed, climbing in next to Devon. He wraps me in his arms and positions his head so his lips fit perfectly against mine. Just like no time has passed since we left the basement, I fall into his kisses and find myself grabbing his back and pulling him into me, slipping my tongue through his mouth like he is all I need to breathe.
Devon’s hands are under my dress before I realize he’s hiked my skirt up to my waist, and I shimmy out of it the rest of the way. I unhook my bra and he unbuttons his shirt so we are pressed skin against skin. The fire I feel between us is unreal, like nothing I ever thought I could feel. When he kisses my breasts, the ones I always felt were too big and too heavy to be pretty, and whispers, “You are so beautiful,” I nearly cry.
Or maybe I do, just a little bit.
“Mel?” Devon wipes a tear from my eye. “Are you OK? Did I…did I hurt you?”
“No,” I say, kissing his head so he knows it’s the truth. “I just feel…amazing. All over. Inside and out.”
“You deserve to feel amazing because you are.” Devon trails kisses from my neck to my chest, pushing against me so I feel him through his pants. His hand tickles its way down my back slips into my underwear.
“Oh god,” I mutter, laying back, my body a puddle of tingling goo that I can no longer control.
Was this how Annie felt, how she got carried away with Harris?
Was this how she ended up pregnant?
I jump like a bucket of cold water has been thrown over my head. Devon rolls back, half tossed by my frantic movements.
“Sorry!” I say.
“No, it’s fine.” He shoves his hair from his face. “I was going too fast.”
“No, I’m too slow,” I say, with a sigh. There’s no way I’m mentioning Annie or any thoughts of why I freaked. Conversations that involve her only end up making things awkward between us no matter how much I try to normalize it.
Devon passes me my bra that somehow ended tangled around his ankles. “This, uh, this is my first time…going this far,” he says.
“Me, too,” I say shyly, though I suspect we both knew this about each other going into it.
“I don’t want to mess anything up. Between us,” he says.
It’s like he can read my mind.
“Trust me,” I say, dressing again and feeling more beautiful than ever before, “everything just got even better.”