EJ
“How are sales?” I ask as I sit down in the weekly meeting we’ve been having since we went independent. So far, each one we’ve had has been better than the last. I’m not crazy enough to think that will continue, but I can hope. Having more control of what’s happening with our promo, sales, and pricing has been nice. I kind of wish we had done this in the beginning.
“Good, really good. Better than expected.” The PR agent shuffles a few papers in front of him. He does it so smoothly, I almost miss the little crumb he drops. “We only have one little hiccup. The previous record company filed a motion.”
Jinxed us with those thoughts, obviously. Immediately, my stomach cramps and I wonder what we’ve got to face this time.
“What kind of motion?” RJ asks. He sits next to me, hands clasped in front of him. I can’t help but notice a fresh bruise on his arm.
“An injunction to stop Grey Skies and Bri from selling your albums. They’re saying they get first refusal rights of all music you put out. They’re alleging they weren’t notified of these albums and weren’t given that right. It’ll be up to the court to decide if your lawyers and theirs can’t agree.”
All those happy feelings I had before? Fucking gone.
“What the fuck? That was within the confines of the first contract, not the one we ultimately signed and they’re fighting over right now. Which we all know was predatory on their part. We never should’ve been allowed to sign that contract. It never should’ve been put in front of us.”
“You and I both know that. They’re hoping they can make you look bad in the eyes of the fans and press. Don’t freak out. There are attorneys working on this as we speak.”
Don't freak out? I’m already worrying about us possibly bringing another mouth to feed into our family and now this. “Some of us have to think about our paychecks.”
“Yeah.” RJ gives me a look. “Some of us more than others. Not everyone has a rich wife to fall back on.”
“The fuck did you say to me? Rich wife? We're all in this together.”
“Yeah,” RJ scoffs. “In this together.”
I don't know what's up his ass, what he's done. But I've had it. Grabbing hold of his arm right above the bruise that I saw, I point at him. “Before we leave here, we’re gonna have a discussion.”
“Yeah, okay, dad.”
He's certainly irritated, but so am I.
“Just so you know, asshole, I know what this means. We've been here before. I don't want to be here again.”
The men at the table try to get our attention back by clapping their hands. “Look, we only have a few more minutes of this meeting. We really just wanted to talk to you so you can be aware of what's happening. There’s no reason for you to worry. That’s our job.”
“Yeah, well, I'm gonna fucking worry.”
The rest of the meeting passes in a blur. Before we end, something occurs to me. “Wait, have you guys told Bri about this?”
One of the attorneys sitting next to the PR rep looks at the other. “She's going over it at her meeting.”
Immediately, I feel bad. She's going through this by herself. There's no one sitting there with her. At least here, I have my brother and bandmates. She's by herself. She and Madison haven't spoken to one another since their spat the other day. Immediately, I want to get to her as soon as possible, but there are more pressing matters today.
As a band, we all say goodbye to one another as we head out to the parking garage. But before RJ can get away from me, I grab hold of his shirt and pull him into an alcove.
“What the fuck is this man?” I point to the bruise.
“What do you mean?” He plays stupid like he always does.
“You know what the fuck I mean. You know what this is. You've been here before. What are you doing?”
“What am I doing? What are you doing? All you care about right now is the family you're building with your wife.”
I see red. What I’m choosing to do in my life is none of his business. I don’t have to run shit by him when it comes to what I decide to do.
“Yeah, the family I'm building with my wife. We're thinking about having kids, RJ. And how am I supposed to have a kid when I'm not sure whether it's uncle will be here?”
“That's none of your business,” RJ spats.
“What I do with my life is my business. What you do with yours is yours, yet here you are annoyed that I'm married and I'm starting a life with my wife,” I point out. “You can have it all, bro. You can have all of this.” I beat my fist into the palm of my hand. “If you would get off your ass and realize what you're doing. Stop being a dick and tell Montgomery you love her. Fuckin’ mean it this time.”
“I do love her,” he argues, “I do love her. It's just hard, you don't understand.”
At this moment, I want to pull my hair out. Everything is so fucking complicated with him. “I don’t. I don’t understand. There's no way a substance could mean more to me than the love that I have for other people. I don't understand, RJ. What is it that makes it so hard?” My voice is shaky and scratchy, scared for my brother. At this moment, I’m worried none of this will ever change. If I have this fear, then how must Montgomery feel? “Why do you not believe that people love you? That people want you to do well? Why can't you get it together?” I push into his shoulder. “Why can't you see how much we love you?”
“Because, man, I don't love myself,” he pants, voice haggard. “How can someone else love me when I don't love myself?”
It's a clarity I've never seen with him, one I've waited to see for a long time. This is more real than we've ever been. “Because I love you enough for the both of us. Montgomery loves you enough for the both of you. How can I do life without you, RJ? This is what I'm scared of. This is my biggest fear. You think my biggest fear is my wife leaving me? She and I haven't been together our entire lives like you and I.
You and me? We have a lifetime of memories. You're always going to be one of the most important people in my life. And I don't understand why you can't see it. It's like you want to be the only person in my life.”
“No,” he argues. “No, that's not it. I don't want to be the only person in your life. I just want to matter.”
“You do matter.” I try to make him realize, wanting him to see everything I do is for him. For us. “I don't know how to make you understand.”
There are tears in his eyes. “I don't know how to make myself understand either.” His voice is regulated to where his life has seemed to end up.
“I don't think you can fix me, EJ.”
I reach out, putting my arms around him. “I might not be able to fix you bro, but I'm never gonna stop trying.”