RJ
My hands shake as I head back into the cabin. It’s quiet inside and I pray that everyone is still out on the slopes. Not only do I need to be by myself for a few moments, to not see everyone living their best life, I need a hit in the worst way and desperately need to calm the raging addict inside my head and chest.
Quickly, I make my way up the stairs, trying to go so fast that no one will be able to notice I’m here, but that’s when I hear it.
“Oh my God, babe.”
“Yes, yes, fuck me, Everett.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
The words and sounds stop me right in my tracks. I know it’s a private moment I shouldn’t be listening to, yet here I am. Standing outside my older brother’s bedroom door as he fucks his wife.
Why?
The answer is easy. I want what he has and I wanted it yesterday but, for some reason, I can’t seem to figure it out. To get the woman I love to overlook all the shit I’ve done to her. I wish to God she was here right now. That she was underneath me and I was able to tell her how much I love her. The part of me that can’t let myself be happy is the one I hate the most. Immediately, I want to hear her voice.
Getting to my room, I fish my phone out of my pocket and dial her. As soon as she answers, my voice is questioning. “Why are you not here?”
She laughs. “I am; I’m just outside. Where did you go? I was looking for you.”
Feeling defeated, I whisper, “When is this going to be too much?”
“RJ, what do you mean?”
Swallowing thickly, I lay out the thoughts going through my head. “I keep pressuring you. Wanting you to prove you love me, but never fully believing it. How far can I push you until you’re not gonna come back? Until you’re gonna tell me to go fuck myself?”
“I don’t understand any of this.”
“You don’t have to, Montgomery. Just know I love you.”
Sliding my finger across the bottom of the phone, I hang up. Walking to the bathroom, I take out the kit I’ve been using lately, the one a friend showed me how to use. Instead of the pills, these needles and injectables get the drugs into my system quicker and, right now, that’s exactly what I need.
Bri
“Has anybody seen RJ?” I ask our group as I walk into the main living area of the cabin. Most of them are eating dinner or having a conversation. It’s nice to see them all without their phones out. That’s way too much of a normal thing with our group. “We were supposed to meet to go to the festival of ice tonight, but I haven’t seen him.”
As I look around, everyone shakes their heads, admitting they haven’t seen him since earlier and, suddenly, I’m scared. More scared than I’ve been in a long time. After the way Everett’s confided in me and the things I’ve seen with my own eyes, I have a bad feeling about this. “Okay,” I sigh, squaring my shoulders. “I’ll just go see if he’s in his room.”
The stairs look hard to climb, as if it’s an insurmountable task to take them one by one. My legs are jelly as I start, as if they’re keeping me from getting there as soon as possible.
There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to but, in my heart, I know there’s a reason we haven’t seen him and I’m terrified as to what that reason might be.
Slowly, I make my way up and knock on the door. “RJ,” I call out, hoping he comes and tells me he just forgot our plans. But there’s no answer. “RJ,” I try again.
When he doesn’t come to the door, I reach down, trying the knob. To my surprise, it’s unlocked. Slowly, I turn it and head across the threshold. The room is eerily silent and my stomach is in my throat as I walk across the floor. My hands shake as I do my best to not immediately go to the worst place imaginable, but I’m definitely almost there. “RJ.” I give it one more go, but there isn’t an answer.
Part of me warns myself not to go in the bathroom. Don’t go and get someone else to check it. Call someone else and let them do this for me. But then there’s another part of me that says I’ve started this so I have to complete it.
Opening the bathroom door, I’m met with a vision I’m not prepared for. He’s sitting in the tub with the shower running. Water is on the floor. Skin that should be the color of the living is gray. His eyes are closed and it doesn’t look like he’s breathing. I do the only thing I can think of.
I scream so loud I hurt my ears.
People come running and, it’s at this moment, I snap out of it and know I need to do something. Blindly, I pull my cell out of my back pocket and dial 911, hoping that someone can come and help.
As I’m relaying to the operator what’s happening, my husband and father-in-law are pulling RJ out of the shower and starting CPR.
“C’mon,” Reaper is begging as he’s bending over, breathing his own air into his son’s lungs.
Everett’s lips are set in a firm, grim line as he works at doing the chest compressions.
Behind me, I reach to grab hold of Harmony’s hand, holding it while she brings Montgomery close to her. I’ve never seen Harmony upset, but the tears streaking down her face cause my stomach to clench. This is serious in a way I haven’t ever been privy to in my entire career.
It’s a blur as paramedics make their way into the room.
“Narcan,” one of them says as they rub his sternum and proceed to give him a shot.
“Should we do another?” They question as RJ doesn’t respond to this one.
“We can try it.”
They again rub on his sternum and place the shot in his thigh. All of a sudden, he comes to with a start, opening his eyes.
“RJ,” they call to him. “How are you?”
He’s answering. “I’m okay, I’m okay. What are you doing here?”
“You overdosed, man. Don’t pull that.”
He’s making a jerking motion toward the oxygen in his nose. “Get this out of my face.”
“No, you need that. The Narcan will wear off and then we can’t tell what’s going to happen with you. The drugs are still in your body. It needs to stay there until we can make sure you’re in the clear.”
Things look okay as they put him on a stretcher and work on getting him out. But life takes another turn when he starts convulsing. Montgomery is screaming and Everett is gripping my hand tightly.
“I don’t understand.” Reaper is holding his entwined fingers on top of his head. “He was fine…”
“Depending on what drugs he took, this could be an adverse reaction. It could be that the Narcan isn’t strong enough to last. We don’t know. What we really need to do is get him to the hospital.”
Our group stands back, letting them work and helping them leave. The quiet that remains after they’re gone is unsettling.
Gone is the good time we were having and in its place is reality.
The reality RJ lives every day. The fear Everett lives with every day.
I pray to God he makes it through this because I don’t know how any of us will handle it if he doesn’t.