NICK’S FEET POUNDED the wet sand in the dark, wee hours of Sunday morning. He’d slept for two hours after helping his team prep to leave within the next thirty-six hours. He could sleep on the plane, but he couldn’t sacrifice time with Kaylan. He wouldn’t. Not now. Not when he might need to reassure her. Not when every fiber of his being wanted to be by her side.
She’d softened again over the course of the summer, her healing compounded after visiting Haiti again. She’d gained her weight back and then a little more, but he loved her gentle curves and the fullness of her face when she smiled. He loved every freckle on her nose and the crinkles in the corner of her eyes when her musical laugh graced the air around them. He loved that she loved with her whole heart, and he loved that she respected herself enough to be sure before she shared her heart with him. She may not understand her feelings, but her eyes lit up in his presence, as if he alone made her world spin. He couldn’t believe how much he loved her. He would lay down his life in an instant to make her happy.
Kaylan’s internship in San Diego kept her busy, but they still managed to see each other a couple times a week. Every certified dietetic internship required participants to complete rotations for clinical, community, and management nutrition. Over the coming months she would rotate between hospitals and a couple of nonprofits, but she was gunning for a position that aided disaster relief because of her experience in Haiti. Despite her busy schedule, she still struggled to find a balance between living and grieving. Unfortunately the two were synonymous, but she’d learn how to cope and build new memories. She didn’t talk about Sarah Beth much, but he’d catch her with tears in her beautiful green eyes every now and then.
They planned to go back to Alabama as often as possible. Pap remained strong, despite his previous mini strokes. Kaylan talked to him every Sunday afternoon, and Nick loved the old man’s wisdom. Her other brothers, Seth and David, remained in Alabama, David advancing in his career as an accountant and dating Melody, and Seth playing football for the University of Alabama. Nick knew Micah and Kaylan missed their family. He wished he could shorten the distance for them. But it was the price they paid for being in the military.
He checked his watch. Zero five hundred. He’d have to hustle to watch the sunrise with Kaylan before she went to work. He sprinted the last quarter mile to his Jeep, pulled the key off the tire, and turned the nose toward her house about fifteen minutes away. He knew he’d find her on her front porch in the rocking chair, writing in her journal and reading her Bible, her hair wet from a shower.
Tedashii’s “Make War” song blared over the speakers as Nick drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. The lyrics reminded him of how much he’d distanced himself from his past—a college playboy and party jock, the guy who knew how to have a good time and didn’t care who he hurt along the way. But man, Jesus was good. The day it finally clicked had been Nick’s sunrise moment, and he refused to go backward.
The wind cooled the sweat on his brow as he drove. He ran a hand over his face, feeling the stubble and knowing it would be a while before he picked up a razor. Kaylan liked a little scruff, and he enjoyed not worrying about shaving when on a mission. He guessed it was the California hippie in him.
He exited the highway and turned onto her street. There she sat, third door on the left, her porch screened in, but open to sight. The stone and stucco house was a far cry from the rustic lake house her parents owned in Alabama, but she and Megan made it home.
Her auburn hair had grown longer, and he loved the loose waves. He chuckled at her awful posture as she bent over her Bible, her leg tucked under her on the chair. “Hey, hey, beautiful.”
Her smile melted his heart. Man, he loved this woman. She opened the door and flew into his arms. “You smell sweaty.” Her laughter joined his as she leaned back to look into his eyes.
He swooped in for a kiss as the sky turned a deep turquoise in the blooming light. When he pulled back, they were both breathless.
“You sure know how to start a girl’s day.”
“Only yours, Kayles.”
“You mean you don’t have a date to watch the sunset with some chick tonight?” Her mischievous smile lit her emerald green eyes. “That sure is good to know. I don’t share well.”
“Brat.” He poked her ribs, and she jerked away, giggling.
“Don’t be mean, or you can’t have your coffee.”
He stalked her and backed her into the railing, his fingers striking all the right places on her ribs.
She squealed. “I give. You win!” She jerked away from him and opened the door to the house. “I’ll get your coffee.”
“Oh, no, you won’t. You’ll spit in it or something.”
“Me?” She threw a hand to heart, but he knew better than to trust that innocent look. Her brothers had trained her well. She did not back down from a challenge, and she knew how to give payback.
“I’ll get my own coffee, thank you very much.” He kissed the freckles on her nose as he squeezed past her in the doorway, careful not to wake Megan as he grabbed a mug and poured his coffee.
Nick took a sip, enjoying the steaming, black brew. Pure adrenaline would keep him going until he left. Time with Kaylan was too short and too precious. He glanced at the waterproof watch on his wrist as he slipped back onto the porch. He would need to leave within the hour. A lot of plans still had to be made.
Kaylan patted the spot next to her on the loveseat, and Nick sank down next to her, immediately tugging her tight to his chest. Light spilled over the houses across the street to the east. The sunsets definitely trumped sunrises in California, but Kaylan insisted on her morning routine.
“When do you leave?” The mood immediately changed in the warming air.
He kissed her forehead, smoothing her damp hair from her face. “Tomorrow.”
She turned her face to meet his, and he sensed the growing unease as her bright green eyes darkened a shade. “And when will you be back?”
“Kaylan, you know I don’t know that.”
She nodded, turning away from his gaze, but not before he saw tears. He shifted on the seat. “Babe, look at me.”
Her eyes met his again, and she blinked away the moisture, swallowing hard. He silently willed her through it. Attagirl.
“I’ll miss you,” she whispered.
He ran his fingers through her hair, down her cheek, over her lips. His eyes never left hers, memorizing every feature. He knew this would never get easier, but he knew he would feel more confident knowing that he didn’t have to leave her side when he came home. He was ready to share a home and a life with this woman. He tilted her chin up and met her lips with his, hungry to hang on to this moment.
Every nerve came alive as his hand drifted to her neck, pulling her face closer to his, deepening his kiss. He didn’t want to stop, wanted to stay like this forever. He tasted the vanilla coffee creamer on her lips, and his senses swam with the smell of her flowery shampoo. His grip tightened just as Kaylan pulled away.
“Slow down there, surfer boy.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, not quite meeting his gaze.
He ran a hand over his face, a nervous laugh matching her own. “Sorry. Not sure where that came from.” His breathing came heavy, and his heart sank as he realized old patterns died hard. He grabbed her hand and pulled her from the seat. “Let’s walk to the park.”
“Nick, it’s Sunday.”
“Kayles, it’s not even six yet. We’ll be back in plenty of time. Besides, I can’t stay long anyway.”
The walk took several minutes, and Nick’s desire cooled in the morning air. They walked hand in hand, and he enjoyed the simple pleasure of her fingers threaded through his. She trusted him. After his past abandonment, her struggle to let go of Sarah Beth, the renewal of their relationship, and her move to California, she trusted him fully. He treasured that confidence.
“Want to know a secret?” Her smile made the morning light shine brighter.
“I’m always up for a juicy secret.”
“As a little girl, I always had this picture in my head of finding my guy and just fitting like lock and key. Maybe that’s dumb. I’m not into the idea that there is only one person in the whole world for me. But I liked the idea that I would know because we would just fit together.”
He smiled to himself. He loved when she broke down the remaining walls with him to share the romantic, vulnerable pieces of her heart. That still came as a challenge to her. He squeezed her fingers.
“I think it’s a perfect fit.” Truthfully, her hand fit his like it was made for him. He kissed her fingers. “You know, if my team ever sees how sappy I am with you, they might lock me in an institution somewhere.”
She paused as they stepped onto the playground. Plastic jungle gyms and a swing set surrounded them. She sidled up to his side and placed a kiss on his cheek, her breath caressing his face. “I won’t tell,” she whispered. She laughed and pulled back. “But don’t go getting all macho around me just to save face. You’re soft as a gummy bear when you finally let that thick armor down.”
He winced. “A gummy bear?”
“Would you prefer teddy bear? Those are soft and cuddly and . . . ”
“Nope. I think gummy bear is slightly more masculine than the other option. But we still need to come up with something else.”
She used his arm for balance as she slipped her shoes off and wiggled her toes in the sand. He led her to the swing and sat down in the one next to her. Quiet fell as they propelled themselves into the air.
She broke the silence. “You know Sarah Beth and I loved to swing when we were little. We used to see how high we could go, and we sang this song about a rainbow as we flew back and forth.” She went quiet a moment, and for the first time he noticed the faint dark circles under her eyes and the almost wild sadness that she seemed to hold at bay. “It’s crazy how quickly it ended, how one day she was there, and the next day gone. There aren’t any guarantees.” She dragged her feet in the sand, bringing her swing to a stop. “I mean, what happens if you don’t come back, Nick?”
A hint of the old bitterness crept into her voice. He jumped from his swing in midair, landed, and turned to stand in front of her. “You knew that was the risk you took dating me. I’ve never lied about it, Kayles.” He ran his fingers down her cheek. “I love you. I want to build a life with you. Wake up every day together, have a family, grow old and fat and gray.” He shrugged. “Okay, maybe not fat.” Her gentle smile encouraged him. He loved that she still blushed.
“But you will have to decide if you can handle this. Kaylan, I believe with all my heart this is what God’s called me to do. I want to protect those I love, this place that I love.” Passion filled his heart as he thought about his team, and he felt proud to be a SEAL to serve his country, his state. To serve her.
He linked their fingers. “I want to protect you. But that involves sacrifice on my part and on yours if you choose to embrace our journey. It means partnering in something bigger than ourselves.” He bent down in front of her. “Are you willing to do that?”
The blue sky hung like a canopy over them as he kept his gaze locked on hers. She leaned forward and rested her forehead on his. “I would do anything for you,” she whispered and cradled his face. His breath caught at her gentle touch. “You are more than worth it. Just be patient with me. It’s hard.” She leaned back to meet his eyes. Determination colored her tone, and her gentle hold on his face firmed. “But I can do this.”
He pulled her out of the swing and into his arms, kissing her again until they needed to draw back for breath. Reality rushed back in with his ringing phone.
“What’s up, Bulldog?”
“Time’s up. Need you back, ASAP. We may be able to see Kaylan one more time before we fly out.”
“I’ll be there in half an hour.” If traffic wasn’t bad and he sped the whole way.
“I’ve gotta go.” He and Kaylan hurried back to his Jeep, the air now stuffy and the neighbors waking for church or yard work. He pulled his keys out and leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Come by tonight? It may be late. I’ve gotta throw some things in a bag before we head out.”
“I’ll let myself in and wait.”
He climbed in the car and started the engine. Kaylan leaned into the window. “Hey.” Her green eyes pulled him out of work mode for a moment. “Go save the world.”
He grinned and backed out of the driveway, his nose toward his next mission.