KAYLAN COULDN’T WAIT to get off her feet as she entered her house and tossed the keys on the bar. The guys had been gone for four days, and she’d just gone to check their house and get the mail. Everything was as she left it. “I guess ole Mrs. Buckner finally croaked,” Megan said as she stirred pasta in a pan on the stove.
“Megan!”
“It is what it is, Kaylan.”
“That’s sad. We didn’t get to say good-bye.” She sank onto a bar stool, her feet sore from her rotation. This month they had her stationed in a hospital, creating meal plans for different patients. She loved the nutrition aspect, but she was ready to finish the internship, take the dreaded registered dietician exam, and become Kaylan Richards, RD.
“I went by at the beginning of the week and took Mrs. Buckner some soup. She didn’t look so good. Real pale. Barely able to move on her walker.” Megan glanced at Kaylan. “It’s kind of sad her family didn’t take care of her. They would have thrown her in a shabby nursing home and never thought twice. I’ll miss going over there to watch Wheel of Fortune when I take her dinner.”
Kaylan nodded, thankful for the small glimpses of compassion she saw in Megan. Her friend was tough out of necessity. Life had dealt her some rough blows. Megan had lived in the house for a year before Kaylan moved in and had visited her ailing grandmother for a year prior to inheriting the house. Mrs. Buckner had been friends with her grandmother, and Kaylan knew Megan had grown more attached to their elderly neighbor than she let on.
“Guess we will have a new neighbor soon.” Megan smirked. “I’m guessing we’ll take her cookies? I think your Southern hospitality is rubbing off on me.”
Kaylan laughed and allowed the full brunt of her Southern accent to color her words. “Stick around, darlin’. There’s more where that came from.”
“Oh, wow. Shoot me if I start talking like that.”
Kaylan hopped off her stool and began to pull ingredients from the cabinets. “Not a chance. I’ll have you saying ‘y’all’ in no time.” She held up two bags. “Since you are making pasta salad, I think I should take cookies to this dinner tonight. Should we make chocolate chip or M&M?”
“You’re in the mood for chocolate.”
Kaylan snuck a small handful of M&Ms. “Always. So what’ll it be?”
“Chocolate chips.” Megan turned off the burner and drained the water over the sink. She preheated the oven, and the two moved around the kitchen in perfect sync, sneaking handfuls of chocolate until the cookies were in the oven. Their next-door neighbor, Nina, had invited them over for one of her monthly “Pick-a-Little, Talk-a-Little” dinners and tea. She liked to get the ladies on the block together once a month to gossip and eat. She was on neighborhood watch and took her job very seriously. Megan had refused to go to dinner until Kaylan accepted for both of them. They had an hour before the festivities began.
Megan hopped onto the kitchen counter. “The dough is the best part. We should just take that.”
“Oh, so true.” Kaylan licked the spoon before placing it in the sink and running the water.
“Where’s lover boy been lately? Haven’t seen him in a few days.”
Kaylan didn’t take her eyes off the spoon. “Work got crazy. Both of our hours have been all over the place this week.” She shrugged. “We’ll figure it out.” She knew she wasn’t exactly lying, but she wasn’t telling the whole truth either. For a moment a longing for Sarah Beth hit her, and she physically ached. She never would have had to lie to her, even about Nick being gone. She winced.
“Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise?”
Kaylan forced a smile. “Everything’s fine. What about you? I haven’t seen Lance lately.”
“That ended last week.”
“You haven’t even been together for two weeks.”
“Flings are easier, Kaylan. Nothing serious, no strings attached. Just fun and then done.”
Kaylan shook her head. “That doesn’t sound very fun to me.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. From what I can tell, you have a perfect family, perfect boyfriend even if he is military, perfect friends, and a perfect life. You wouldn’t know what it’s like to move from place to place every year, your mom out of your life and off with some guy, your dad too consumed with his job in the military, promising face time then never showing up. You wouldn’t understand . . . ” She stopped short, her face filling with pain and anger. She quickly lowered her gaze, her dark hair falling to hide her eyes. With a sniff she lifted her head. “Forget it.”
Kaylan watched Megan for a few moments, her heart racing. She knew what she had to do, but it was the last thing she wanted to share. Lord, please. Anything but that. I can’t talk about that. She waited, hoping the urgency would pass. She’d rather face the barrel of a gun than talk about what happened to Sarah Beth. Not yet.
But Kaylan couldn’t shake the stirring deep within her. Kaylan could tell Megan why Jesus loved her, or she could be honest, risk showing Megan the most vulnerable place of her heart and what God had done. She could acknowledge that she still didn’t understand the why, but she knew where her hope came from and because of that she could live a life full of joy. She wasn’t there yet, but one day she would be.
Kaylan hopped from the counter and grabbed Megan’s hand. “Come with me.” Megan pulled her hand free but followed Kaylan to the bookshelf in her room that held photos of her and Sarah Beth over the years. She handed one to Megan, taken in Haiti.
Megan glanced at the framed photo in her hand and then back at Kaylan. “Okay, I’ll bite. Who’s this?”
“That is my best friend in the world. And this is also a big reason my life isn’t perfect.” She grabbed another frame housing a photo of her and Sarah Beth trick-or-treating as third graders. Kaylan was dressed as a scarecrow and Sarah Beth as the Tin Man. It seemed appropriate. In the end Sarah Beth really did have the biggest heart of all. She’d encouraged Kaylan to live joyfully. Kaylan could never thank her enough for that.
Kaylan sank onto her bed and patted the spot next to her. “I know you think I’ve lived this charmed life, and in reality, I have. It’s been incredibly sweet and incredibly blessed. Up until a year ago I lived in a safe bubble of family, friends, and college. Life was good.”
“Yeah, I think you’re only proving my point.” Megan moved to stand up, but Kaylan put her hand on Megan’s arm.
“Wait, please. You need to understand. You need to know that I really do understand some of your heartache.”
“How could you possibly? This Sarah girl sounds pretty spectacular to me. Looks like you’re set in the friend department.”
Kaylan shook her head, her eyes welling with tears. More than ever she understood that despite outward appearances, one could never really know or understand the broken stories or the beauty that lay hidden in some people’s hearts. Lord, I don’t want to.
Again the urge to speak overwhelmed her, and she continued, praying for the right words. “In late December Sarah Beth and I went to Haiti. That’s where everything changed.”
“I don’t get it. I’ve heard you talking to that Rhonda lady and Abraham on the phone. You have pictures of Haiti all over the house. How could that experience possibly be bad unless . . . ” She grew still and her eyes searched Kaylan’s face. “Kaylan, please tell me . . . no. You weren’t . . . you weren’t in the earthquake, were you?”
Kaylan swallowed the growing lump in her throat, unable to speak. She nodded, tears beginning to fall, but she remained calm. “Sarah Beth and I were in Rhonda’s guest bedroom when the quake hit. I managed to roll under my bed right before part of the room caved in, but . . . Sarah Beth didn’t quite make it to cover. Once I managed to climb over to her, she . . . ”
Megan reached for Kaylan’s hand and patted it awkwardly before squeezing, nearly causing Kaylan to wince at her strength. She thanked the Lord for the pressure. It kept her focused. “They didn’t find us until the morning. By then, well, Sarah Beth went to be with Jesus. She . . . ” Her voice cracked and Megan intensified her grip. Another tear slipped down her cheek, and Kaylan realized Megan was crying too. “She died in my arms. It wrecked my world. I spent the next few days trying to help as many people as I could. A little boy I had played with died. I know I shouldn’t have favorites, but Reuben”—she smiled through her tears—“he was something special. So many gone. I still have nightmares.”
“That explains a lot. Kayles, if I’d only known, I wouldn’t have given you a hard time.”
Kaylan covered Megan’s hand with her free one. “I should have been honest from the beginning. It’s just, it hasn’t even been a year, and there are times I still struggle. I probably will for a while.”
“So how do you get over something like that? How can you still say God is good? Doesn’t seem like He cares much to me.”
Kaylan shrugged. “I still struggle with that too. But I know He’s good because I saw what He did in the midst of the destruction. He is a master at bringing beauty from brokenness, Megan. You can trust Him with your hurt. You can trust me with whatever you aren’t saying.”
The kitchen timer went off, and Megan jumped from the bed as if electrocuted.
“I’ll get that. Thanks for telling me about Sarah Beth.” She placed the frame she’d been holding on the bed. “Maybe some other time.” She turned and hurried from the room.
Kaylan replaced the photos and ran her finger down the glass protecting the shot of Sarah Beth and her in their Halloween best. “Miss you, Bubbles.” Her mind raced back to her first meeting with Sarah Beth in kindergarten, blowing bubbles on the stairs, and the beginning of a beautiful, lifelong friendship. In truth, it had been lifelong, only ending in physical death. And they had an eternity together one day. That thought made the tears dry and a small smile break through the lingering sadness.
She started to leave the room and noticed the frame she’d knocked to the floor in her hurry to get to church on Sunday. She retrieved the frame and placed it on her dresser, then stopped. The smiling faces of a foreign couple stared back at her, the bar code from the store at the bottom of their portrait. She knew there’d been a photo of her and Nick at the beach in that frame just last week. She searched the floor and came up empty, then picked up the frame and studied the back. No loose edges. Maybe Nick took it with him for something.
She shook her head. She still couldn’t find her necklace, and now this. Maybe she was losing her mind. She wandered toward the smell of cookies, making a mental note to talk to Nick about the photo when he returned.