KAYLAN KNEW THE sound of his footfalls as well as she knew her own heartbeat. Funny how more time with a person bred familiarity with the most basic habits. He sank down next to her on the patio.
They sat like that for what felt like hours. She heard every car that passed by, the sound of the wind whipping through the streets. But loudest of all seemed to be the roar in her head, dark memories still fighting for prominence. Tears pricked her eyes, but she refused to let them win, let an unknown force scare her back to the cave she’d made inside herself months before. It had almost cost her the man she loved.
Loved. The commitment bound her to him regardless of a ring. As certainly as she knew life had not ended with Sarah Beth’s death, she knew life had only just begun with Nick Carmichael. She couldn’t turn her back on that. If only she could be as strong as Kim.
Nick’s arm settled around her, and she gave into his embrace, resting her head on his shoulder. He’d always been her rock. But the man she’d seen in the entryway had somehow snapped. What if she was in danger that even he couldn’t protect her from? “Kayles, I’m sorry for letting my temper get the better of me. You asked a question I couldn’t answer, and it scared me.” His fingers traced patterns down her arm. She shivered, leaning in closer to him. “Please forgive me?”
She sighed and nodded. Closing her eyes, she pressed into him, imagining everything was okay, remembering the bliss of Labor Day weekend when he had told her he loved her and everything seemed right in the world. Now fear and uncertainty filled her. “Can we talk it out before you snap, next time?”
He groaned. “I told you I have some anger issues occasionally.”
“Can you tell me anything?”
“Kaylan, please don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be. All I can tell you is that hopefully we will wrap this up in one more mission.”
Knowing this was the price for dating a SEAL, she swallowed the urge to ask more. Demanding answers wouldn’t change the reality anyway. They could do nothing but wait. For now, she was safe.
The quiet stretched between them again, and she forced herself to relax. She wondered if it would be like this fifty years from now when time had bonded their souls so much that they could say as much in the quiet as in conversation. It had been like that with Sarah Beth, although that bubbly blonde had rarely shut up for a moment. Kaylan smiled at the memory, thankful Nick had met her.
Nick’s deep voice broke through her reverie. “You know, growing up, Mom hated Halloween. Since I was an only child, our house was always full of the neighborhood guys, and they loved my mom. She never let us dress up as anything scary for Halloween. When I was really little, she dressed me up as the Cookie Monster.”
Kaylan laughed. “Still got those pictures?”
“Somewhere. Buried in a box. Where you can never use them for blackmail.”
“C’mon.” She could hear her Alabama twang emerging more as the night wore on. “I’m sure you looked cute.”
“I think we’ve covered this. Me and cute do not mix.” He squeezed her knee playfully.
She shrieked and tried to pull away, but his arm tightened around her. “All right, all right, I give. I’m sure even at three you looked very tough.” She rolled her eyes but slowly quieted, sensing he had more on his mind than costumes.
“When I was ten, I decided I wanted to be G.I. Joe. Dad helped me go all out with my costume. Toy guns, camo, patches on my uniform, the whole nine yards. When the other guys came over to go trick-or-treating, I felt tough and in charge. I barked orders all night.”
He shook his head, his sigh carrying in the quiet breeze. “Oh, Kaylan, if only I’d known then.” He turned to face her. She could barely discern his features in the dim glow of the bulb hanging next to the screen door. “I don’t know how to keep you safe right now. Even in a house full of Navy SEALs, this woman still had the nerve to come in and this time leave you a direct threat. I have no idea what she’ll do.”
His eyes were wild, and for the first time Kaylan feared his next words. “I’m wondering if it is best for us to spend some time apart. Maybe if she thinks we broke up, she’ll leave you alone.”
Emotions roared through her, filling her ears. His words stung in places where scars from Haiti hadn’t quite calloused. She couldn’t, wouldn’t be abandoned. And she wouldn’t walk away from this. She’d lost one best friend. She refused to lose another to something outside her control.
“Are you kidding me?”
“Kaylan, I . . . ”
“No, shut up and listen.”
He pulled back, his eyes regarding her, uncertain.
“Don’t you dare break up with me or pull away. You aren’t allowed to do that. You want me to let you leave, to fight for your country. You want me to support you like Kim does for Logan. You want to raise a family with me. But you want to walk away now? I think it’s pretty clear that we are better together, stronger together. And I refuse to let something shake our relationship. No more earthquakes, Nick. Do you understand?” Tears rolled down her cheeks, but anger overrode the fear. “I will not lose you too. You got it?”
A small smile lit his face, but uncertainty clouded his eyes. “Kaylan, you aren’t losing me. This is temporary. Just so she thinks . . . ”
“I don’t care what she thinks. What happens if this comes up when we get married? We won’t separate then. No.” She shook her head, determined to fight this, determined to never hide or cower again. “We fight this. We figure it out together. And we do what we need to.”
He pulled her tight against him, his hands running through her tangled hair. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”
“That’s usually my line. You trust the Lord. And we do this together.”
“Kaylan, you don’t get it. If I can’t protect you, if something happened to you while I’m gone . . . ”
“Stop. That’s not your job, Nick.”
“It is my job to protect you, to love you, to keep you safe.”
She knew he would pack her in a bubble and send her to Antarctica if he could. She traced the hard cut of his jaw, the stubble growing there, the faint traces of white left over from where he had scrubbed his face. She loved the safety she felt in his presence. But too often he tried to play God for her.
She’d wanted that after Haiti, wanted it more than anything because she’d thought God wasn’t a safe place for her. He had allowed the earthquake. But as she saw hundreds rise up after the earthquake to follow “the best way,” as so many Haitians referred to it, she couldn’t help but acknowledge that even in the moments that shook her faith, God remained good and in control. Of all things. Even if things weren’t her version of “good.”
“Babe, you can’t protect me from the world.”
“Kaylan, if you agree to marry me that will be a big part of the ‘husband’ job description.”
“That’s not what I meant. Nick, ultimately that job belongs to the Lord. He gives you that position in my life, but He alone can truly protect me. Don’t take on yourself what isn’t yours. Trust Him with this, with me, with whatever comes.”
He rested his forehead on hers. “When did you get so smart?”
“Some guy shared that with me early this year. He can be my knight in shining armor, but not my King.”
“Sounds pretty smart. Whatever happened to him?”
“He forgets from time to time. But thankfully he has someone pretty awesome around to remind him.”
She could feel his grin charge the air even though she couldn’t see it. He placed a gentle kiss on her lips before pulling her to her feet and wrapping his arms around her. “Well, I guess he better keep her around then, hmm? No matter what comes.”
Kaylan wrapped her arms around his neck, loving the fact that for once she could help him. She kissed him this time, reassuring, trusting him. “No matter what,” she whispered against his lips.
They returned to help Micah finish with the house. In the morning they would see the baby, she would ask more questions about Janus, and they would determine a plan. Together. No matter what, their relationship was worth fighting for.