KAYLAN MADE A mental note to teach Megan how to hold a baby by practicing with a sack of potatoes. She’d never seen her roommate so out of her comfort zone. Nadia Elaine Carpenter had Megan wrapped around her finger, and Megan couldn’t figure out how to hold her.
“Here, Megan.” Kim helped Megan balance the tiny newborn, supporting her bald head that was dusted with tufts of blonde.
“I’m not sure who she looks more like, you or Logan,” Kaylan marveled, her heart stolen by this new addition to her SEAL family.
“Isn’t she beautiful, Miss Kaylan? I got my sister.” Molly plunked down in Kaylan’s lap, her eyes trained on the newborn. Kaylan had no doubt that this baby would be the most fiercely protected child on the block. Her brothers already hovered over her. Molly barely let her out of her sight.
“I’m going to teach her how to play dolls and have tea parties and play dress up.” Molly clasped her hands in excitement. “I just can’t wait.”
Kaylan hugged her close, tickling her in the process. “You’re going to be the best big sister ever. It takes a special kind of love to be a big sister.”
“Are you a big sister, Miss Kaylan?”
She nodded. “I have a baby brother, Seth. But he’s not a baby anymore. He’s taller than Uncle Nick. When we were your age, I wouldn’t let Seth out of my sight. I took care of him, but he changed pretty quickly, and soon I was chasing after him and my two older brothers.”
Molly rolled her eyes. “I know all about chasing after those older brothers.”
Megan chuckled at Molly’s drama queen antics.
Logan entered the room in his wheelchair. “All right, Molly baby. Time to get ready for bed. It’s Tuesday night, which means you have preschool tomorrow.”
“Ah, Dad, do I have to?” She slipped from Kaylan’s lap and gingerly climbed onto Logan’s, balancing on his good leg. Kaylan loved that Molly didn’t see her dad any differently. He remained her hero.
“Pretty please, Daddy?” She batted her blonde lashes, and Kaylan watched Logan hide a smile.
He tweaked her little nose. “Bedtime. Now. Hop to, Molly baby.”
With a groan, she hopped to the floor and stomped down the hallway. Moments later Kaylan heard the faucet turn on.
Kim entered the room with a burping cloth slung over her shoulder. “Honey, if you’ll get the kids to bed, I’ll feed Nadia and chat with the girls.”
“You got it, love,” Logan responded. Kim bent to kiss Logan, smiling near his face.
Kaylan turned away from the moment, tears pricking her eyes. How quick they all were to think a lost limb signified the end of the world. This family couldn’t be happier.
Kim settled on the couch next to Kaylan, and Megan passed Nadia to her. “How long have you two been together?” Megan leaned into the couch and wrapped her arms around her legs.
Kim patted Nadia’s back. “Seems like forever. We started dating when we were nineteen. Got married when we were twenty-one, so coming up on twelve years.”
“Whoa.” Megan shifted in her chair, clearly curious about this couple. Kaylan could think of no better example of a healthy, Christ-centered relationship than the Carpenters.
Kim held out her hand. “Now let me see your ring, Kaylan.”
Kaylan grinned as Kim examined the ring. News traveled fast. Kim had heard of the engagement almost before it was a done deal.
“It’s beautiful, Kaylan. Tell me how he proposed.”
Kaylan recounted the story, still feeling the anticipation and surprise. “It was tough having him leave yesterday after all the excitement.”
“Get used to it. Logan was away when both of the boys were born. Thankfully he was back for Molly and now Nadia.”
“I know all about absentee parents,” Megan intoned, a hint of bitterness in her voice. “My dad was in the military.”
“I’m so sorry your dad wasn’t around, Megan. I’ve never seen Logan as an absentee parent, though. I’ve always seen him as a very active one, active when he’s here and active in prayer when he isn’t. Even when he was gone, I knew he was actively protecting our family. We believed the sacrifice was worth it. I’ve always been thankful that when Logan couldn’t be here, I knew my kids had a heavenly Father watching over them.”
“Yeah, but He doesn’t really do much, does He?”
“I guess that depends on how you look at it. I believe that even though God isn’t physically present with us, He is providing, protecting, and working all things for the good of those who love Him.”
“And even when bad things happen, you still see God as good?”
Kim smiled. “My husband is alive and still active. But even if he had died”—Kim paused to blink back tears—“the Bible says God is a Father to the fatherless. Even when life is hard, you can trust Him.”
Megan sat chewing her lip, watching Kim and Nadia.
“Kim, how did you handle Logan missing the big moments?”
Kim shifted Nadia in her arms and looked at Kaylan. “I knew I found a fighter when Logan and I started dating. When he came to my room to tell me he wanted to join, it was never a question of him doing it alone. I knew we would go together. When you marry a fighter, part of loving them is having the strength to let them go, take care of things while they are gone, and still submit to their leadership when they get back, knowing they probably saw things that you will never be able to understand. You comfort, you help them adjust to normal life, and you send them off and welcome them home with your head up.”
“I don’t know how to do that. I wish I were as strong as you.”
“Kaylan, you are.”
Kaylan glanced at Megan, knowing she was about to share things her roommate had never heard. “Last January, during the earthquake, I broke. I lost my best friend. I became angry and bitter toward God and my family. And Nick, Nick was the strong one. He pointed me back. I’m still not fully myself. I still have nightmares. The fact that he might not come back makes me panic. I don’t know how to let him go without losing it or begging him to stay. I don’t feel strong, Kim. I’m not sure how to do this.”
“It’s not about me feeling that way, Kaylan. It’s about making a daily decision to be strong for my husband, knowing that some days I’ll need him to hold me together,” Kim said.
“Doesn’t all the stuff going on terrify you? The fact that this person was so close to Molly?”
Kim lifted Nadia on her shoulder to burp her, the baby nuzzling into the cloth. Kim’s face tightened at Kaylan’s question.
“It terrifies me and makes my mama bear instincts kick into high gear. With Logan’s leg still healing, I’m trying not to worry about that. I can take extra precautions, but that’s it. Kaylan, strength isn’t the absence of struggle or chaos or fear. It’s choosing not to let it beat you and knowing who is bigger than fear. I’m strong because I trust my husband, I know who my God is, and I know He is in control. Before you can let Nick go and be strong for him, you’ve got to remember the One who supplies that strength for both of you in your relationship. Let God be who He is.”
Megan shook her head. “Whoa. Kaylan isn’t the only one who buys into all this. You believe it too. I mean, you really believe it.” She stood abruptly, signaling the end of the conversation. “I’d like to see Molly before she goes to bed.”
Kim smiled and nodded. “Feel free to read her a story or play with the dolls for a few minutes. It will help her wind down.”
Kaylan cleaned the kitchen while Kim put the baby down and finished helping the kids get ready for bed. She mulled over Kim’s words. She could feel herself getting stronger, but it was so much more than a feeling. She wasn’t the same girl who had graduated last December or the same girl who had returned from a second trip to Haiti in July. She wasn’t even the same girl who jumped at fireworks at the Labor Day party.
She was somehow more herself and a stranger all at once, growing into a new role and stage she never dreamed or planned. In that came the necessity to trust the Lord for each new step, and in that process came strength.
Kim entered the kitchen and stopped. “Kaylan, thank you. This looks great.”
Kaylan chuckled as she dried the last pan and returned it to the correct cabinet. “If you can’t find something, give me a call. I tried to put it all back in the right place.”
“Will do.” Kim’s brown eyes turned thoughtful. “Kaylan, you know Nick wouldn’t have asked you to marry him if he didn’t think you could handle this.”
“I know. And I think I can. I just have moments of wondering how in the world I’m going to do this.”
“Baby steps. You’ll develop a rhythm, and it will get easier over time. And you’ll have all of us to help you. We’ve got a pretty great community.”
Kaylan leaned on the cabinet and studied her friend. “How are you handling all this?”
As Kim sighed, Kaylan caught a small glimpse of the weight she shouldered so well. “Little by little. Logan is already talking about a prosthetic lower leg. He’s thinking through jobs that can combine his knowledge of the military with his passion for justice. We might be looking at law school and then JAG. We’ll see.”
“I hope you know we’re here for you too. Anything you need, just call.”
“You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, Kaylan.”
Kaylan smiled. “I’m getting there. I better find Megan and get home. Congratulations again on Nadia. She’s beautiful. I can’t wait to baby-sit.”
“Believe me, we’ll take you up on it.”
“How did you choose her name anyway?”
Kim bowed her head. When she once again met Kaylan’s eyes, tears glistened. “Nadia means hope. She came at a time when we needed to remember that gift the most. Kaylan, that’s a major component to strength—hope when all else seems hopeless. Don’t lose that.”
Kaylan nodded. She’d experienced the strength of that hope already, a hope in something eternal, something Janus and the earthquake could never take away.