Chapter 20

April understood everything now. Everything.

Love made you drunk.

And when you were in love, you wanted to do things for the man you were so drunk about, such as preparing home-cooked meals.

Maybe on a subconscious level, a woman cooked to keep a man’s strength up so he could give her delicious orgasms later on. April was willing to consider that possibility. But mostly she wanted to cook because Brandon and Matthew were so adorably incapable of doing it for themselves. It was a testament to good genes that they were as healthy as they were, given the stuff she saw in their refrigerator.

But as Brandon watched her opening and closing the kitchen cupboards, nosing around in the pantry, compiling lists, he looked puzzled.

“Baby, what are you doing?”

“I’m going to the store,” she told him, adding sliced ham to the list. “I’m buying food for the house but I also want you and Matthew to come to my place for dinner tonight. I have all the things I need over there. So will you?”

He came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her shoulder. “Will it be anything like that other dinner you made? Because that was sexy.”

“Even better,” she promised. “I’m unemployed now. I’m a dangerous woman.”

Brandon followed her out to the car and then opened it so she could get inside. The look he gave her as he rested his elbows inside the door was the same lazy sensuous one she was used to seeing. But this time he also seemed a little worried.

“What happened this morning,” he said. “You know, with the cops showing up. You’re not still freaked out about it, are you?”

“Well, sure,” she admitted. “A little. But no need to worry.”

“I live a different life than you do,” he said. “Bad shit follows me around no matter where I go. I just don’t want you getting caught in the crossfire.”

He looked so serious, it worried her. April didn’t know a lot about men, but enough to know they weren’t sharey-feely the way women were.

“It’s not your fault that Long Jon’s in trouble,” she said. “What happened this morning wasn’t…” She searched for a word that wouldn’t make him think she scared off that easily. “Well, let’s just say I never should have gone out with Ryan in the first place.”

Brandon frowned. “I gotta feeling. Can’t explain it really. But something bad is about to happen. And I don’t want you anywhere near me when it does.”

A fluttery kind of nervousness opened up in her chest. “What do you mean something bad?”

“Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe this whole Long Jon thing’s just got me spooked. But I want you to keep your eyes open, okay?”

She nodded, but now she was more worried than ever. “Sure.”

He looked around and then tapped her car. “See you tonight. We’ll be there around seven-thirty.”

It felt as though the sun had gone away, leaving her cold and shivering. “Aren’t you going to kiss me goodbye?”

Brandon gave her one of his rare, tender smiles before leaning down to kiss her. His lips were warm, surrounded by soft stubble, but even as she sank into them, she felt a shiver of fear.

It wasn’t like him to talk this way. What if he was right?

“Please keep Matthew’s phone with you,” she said, gazing up at him anxiously. “I’ll feel better if you have a way to call.”

He nodded. “And you stay within the speed limit. It would make the Sheriff’s day to write you a bunch of tickets.”

April backed down the driveway and then drove off. As she went along the road, birds peeled off the telephone wire in a cloud of wings that shivered and changed direction in midair, the sun turning their feathers from black to silver. The field beyond the birds that just a few days ago rippled with wheat lay fallow, all the dirt turned up, which reminded her that things could change in a heartbeat.

Something that felt like full-blown panic almost made her turn the car around and go back, but she knew that Brandon would think she was being silly and hysterical. Besides, what could she do?

After what had happened this week, anything was possible. Life was changing so fast, it made her head spin. She used to have a job, for starters.

Now there was no job. April didn’t have any illusions about the review board. They’d boot her out the same way they did Cleo—and April couldn’t help but feel there might have been a double standard there. Ten years ago when Harv Gunderson, a supervisor, married Rosa DiSantos, a caseworker, everyone looked the other way. “Oh, those were different times back then,” Joanna once told her. “The rules are a lot stricter now.”

Yeah, for women maybe.

And then April had fallen in love with a man who not only had a record, he received early morning visits from the police. She’d lost her virginity to him. But when she was with Brandon, she knew it was right. He gave her things no other man could give her. He didn’t love her because she was pure—or had been. He loved her because of who she really was.

She spotted the Strom Mart and decided not to obsess over her worries. If something actually did happen, she’d have plenty of time to think about them later.

As she pulled into the grocery store parking lot, her neighbor, Mrs. Costello, was at the entrance waiting to leave. April waved to her. She could have sworn Mrs. Costello saw her, but she didn’t get a wave back.

Strange, April thought. She’s usually so friendly.

Finding a parking spot was a breeze when April didn’t have to do battle with the after-work traffic. She gathered her purse, her keys, her glasses and went inside.

Strom Mart was overly air-conditioned, but to April it was her reception here that seemed to be on the chilly side. Instead of the usual “Why, hi there, April,” Mrs. Woburn, the cashier, gave her a cold-eyed stare. In the frozen foods section, April ran into Sara’s husband, Sam Merriweather, who seemed nice enough at first, but by the time April met him again on Aisle Two, his smile began to look a little threadbare.

Of course, as weirded out as she was right now, she was probably imagining things.

April pushed her cart through the produce aisle, wondering if she needed more potatoes or should just go with the frozen, when her phone chimed. She looked down and saw a text from Jacey.

Where are you? Jacey texted.

April typed back: Grocery shopping. Why?

I need to know where you are so I can kill you. Meet me at your house in fifteen minutes.

April dropped the phone back in her purse. That was silly. Why on earth would Jacey want to—

She grabbed the shopping cart to keep from staggering. In an instant of horrible clarity, she knew what was going on.

Oh, no. It can’t be.

Jacey had just found out about Brandon. Worse, it was Ryan who’d told her—Ryan who had nothing good to say. Jacey was probably furious. April felt like the worst kind of friend.

But that wasn’t all. While Ryan went around telling everyone what a big slut she was, other rumors had sprung up, too, about why she’d been suspended from her job.

April Roby sleeps with clients, you know. That’s why they had to let her go.

Despite the blast of the air-conditioning, sweat sheeted the back of April’s neck. Her heart hammered. She knew exactly how these things played out in Cuervo. She’d been on the front line when Cassidy was shunned as a teen mother.

April tucked her hair behind her ears, kept her head down and tried to make it to the checkout line without bursting into tears. It felt as though everyone was staring at her, staring and judging, and she hated people’s disapproval. It was why she’d tried so hard to be perfect all her life. If you were perfect, people didn’t disapprove of you.

Mrs. Woburn, who had the face of an angry Pekinese, right down to the under bite, regarded her sourly.

“Day off from work?” Mrs. Woburn asked nastily, dragging April’s items over the scanner.

There was a sudden ringing in April’s ears. The store seemed unnaturally bright and the colors on the candy wrappers in front of her blurred together. April forced herself to breathe, but her throat had closed up. As she pressed one hand to her chest, she remembered that Mrs. Woburn and Mrs. Costello were both members of the Ladies Auxillary. The auxillary met under the pretense of beautifying Cuervo, but it was mostly to gossip. At this point, everyone in town knew April’s business.

Mrs. Woburn dragged a can of cling peaches over the scanner and said coldly, “Manny’s on break, so you might want to start bagging.”

If there had ever been a sign that Mrs. Woburn disapproved of the choices April made, it was this one. She’d never asked a customer to bag her own groceries, not once in her life. Not even Matthew Willis, who’d been a church pastor before his affair with the wife of a church deacon was discovered. Mrs. Woburn not only double-bagged his groceries, she made sure one of the stockers helped him out to the car.

If Maggie had been here, April thought, she would have told Mrs. Woburn to go to hell. That idea sustained her as she shook out a paper bag and loaded her purchases. But neither she nor Cassidy were capable of saying those things.

April paid and left, the shopping cart rattling over the parking lot. She felt numb. The afternoon sun blazed down on the cars, blinding her, but not enough to avoid seeing Miriam Fletcher and her sister Helen. They put their heads together when they saw her but at least they didn’t look entirely unsympathetic.

Jacey was waiting on the front porch when April got home, arms crossed, pink pom-pom keychain dangling from her hand. April parked in back, dropped her bags in the kitchen, and then hurried to let her in. Deep breath, she told herself, knowing that Jacey was really going to let her have it.

“What the fuck?” Jacey said when April opened the door. “Ryan has to tell me that you’re shagging a biker?”

April stepped back to let her in. “I can explain,” she said. “I didn’t tell you because Raymond County—”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Those assholes more-or-less fired you.”

April stared at her in surprise. Okay, so everyone knew. At least Jacey didn’t seem that angry at her.

Leaving a cloud of perfume in her wake, Jacey went to the kitchen. April found her rummaging around in the grocery sacks.

“The whole town’s talking about it,” Jacey said. She pounced on a canister of potato chips April had bought for Matthew’s lunch and peeled off the clear plastic lid. “You know, for a girl who wasn’t even on the map yesterday, you’re front page news now. I’m kind of jealous.”

“My life? Not something to be jealous about.”

“You have the nerve to say that? You?” Jacey took the chips with her to the table and sat down, munching. “I’ve seen that biker guy, April, and believe me when I tell you that any woman in this town would donate a kidney to science just to see him naked.”

April sat at the table and stared blankly at her friend. “Okay, so does this mean you’re not mad at me for not telling you?”

“Of course I’m mad! I plan on killing you later, just not until I hear what it’s like being with a guy who looks like that.” She made a d handshape and tapped her nose with it. “Roxanne told me he has a super big one.”

“Really?” With a sigh of relief, April grabbed the canister and pried out a few chips for herself. “I should’ve known all you’d want were the gory details.”

“Roxanne said you caught her coming out of Brandon’s house one time. That’s his name, right? Brandon? So I guess you already know she was having a thing with him before you were. It didn’t end well, though. She seems really bitter.”

“She knows I’m seeing Brandon?” Great. Another reason for Roxanne to hate her.

“Knows?” Jacey gave a hoot of sheer triumph, like that was a good thing. “Honey, she’s eating her heart out. She ran into him the other night at the Double Aces and he totally blew her off.”

April’s heart melted. Any man who could say no to a sexual carnival ride like Roxanne was a hero, at least in her book.

“I know it might be tough for you guys for a while,” Jacey said soberly. “A guy like Brandon is always going to have enemies, and it’s too bad Ryan’s one of them.”

A feeling of disquiet moved through April, pushing her to her feet. She went to the kitchen counter and started unpacking groceries. “Ryan tore into me this morning. I pretty much hate him right now.”

“Oh, I hate him, too,” Jacey said. “That’s why we’re dating.”

April slapped one hand over her mouth and spun around. No, it couldn’t be. Jacey was joking.

Except she clearly wasn’t. Peering inside the potato chip can, Jacey shook loose a few more chips and popped them in her mouth. “Don’t look so surprised, April.”

“So that’s why you’re not mad at me,” April said. “You’ve been keeping secrets, too.”

Jacey shrugged. “Ryan’s all right. He’s got a good job. He makes me laugh. And I knew you didn’t want him, so no hard feelings.”

April turned back to the grocery bag. Jacey and Ryan. Well, Jacey would certainly keep him on his toes. He probably needed that. Jacey was far from the pushover April knew herself to be.

“He told me my parents would find out and they’d be really disappointed,” April said with a bitterness that surprised her.

Jacey snorted. “Are you kidding? Your mother is beside herself. I talked to her a couple of hours ago. You know she hated your job. And she may not be crazy about your new boyfriend having a criminal record, but hand to God, April, I think she’s just happy you finally got laid. Seriously, I think she worried you might be gay.”

April was so relieved, she had to sit down again. “So she’s not upset with me?”

“No. And your dad isn’t either or she would’ve told me. He’d always been pretty hands off about this stuff. You worry too damn much. I always told you that was your problem. Well, one of your problems. You have quite a few.”

April sprang up and threw her arms around Jacey. She wanted to hug her friend ’till neither of them could breathe again. This thing with her parents…April could handle anyone’s disapproval, even Joanna’s, but not theirs. She hadn’t realized until now how heavily it had weighed on her.

“If you weren’t such a goof, you would know your folks only want what’s best for you,” Jacey said. “Now, let’s get back to you and the biker dude. I want you to describe his body to me, on a scale of one to ten, one being hot and ten being the hottest. Or maybe you just want to sketch it? I can find a piece of paper.”