Are You Normal?
As you probably know, almost every couple runs into problems of some kind sooner or later in their relationship. See if any of these common issues affect you or your relationship in any way.
Please take a few minutes to take the following multiple choice test. If you are in a relationship, we have provided a test for you to take and one for your partner to take. You may also use it to analyze a past relationship.
Since some of your answers may concern or inhibit your partner, you may want to write your answers on a separate piece of paper or cut out the pages with your answers on them along the provided dotted line when you finish.
1. Compared to the beginning of your relationship, the frequency of love making has:
a. Increased
b. Stayed the same
c. Decreased somewhat
d. Decreased a lot
e. Disappeared
2. Compared to the beginning of your relationship, the quality of love making has:
a. Gotten better
b. Stayed the same
c. Decreased somewhat
d. Decreased a lot
e. Disappeared
3. You have an orgasm when you make love:
a. Every time
b. Most of the time
c. 50% of the time
d. Seldom
e. Never.
4. He is sexually satisfied when you make love:
a. Every time
b. Most of the time
c. Seldom
d. Never.
5. Compared to the beginning of your relationship, your sex drive has:
a. increased
b. stayed the same
c. gone down a little
d. gone down significantly
e. disappeared
6. He reaches orgasm too quickly:
a. Most of the time
b. Often
c. Occasionally
d. Never.
7. You find that both of you are “in the mood” to make love:
a. Always at the same time
b. Mostly at the same time
c. Not usually at the same time
d. Never at the same time
8. You find that both of you have the energy at the same time to make love:
a. Always at the same time
b. Mostly at the same time
c. Not usually at the same time
d. Never at the same time
9. Usually, when just one of you wants to make love:
a. You make love
b. You make plans to make love
c. You make an excuse
d. He makes an excuse
e. You get into a fight
10. You use the excuse “not enough time” as a reason you don’t make love more often:
a. Never
b. Sometimes
c. Often
d. Constantly
11. He uses “too tired” as a reason not to make love:
a. Never
b. Sometimes
c. Often
d. Constantly
12. You use “too tired” as a reason not to make love:
a. Never
b. Sometimes
c. Often
d. Constantly
13. He uses “I don’t feel like it,” or “I’m not in the mood,” as a reason not to make love:
a. Never
b. Seldom
c. Often
d. Always
14. You use “I don’t feel like it,” or “I’m not in the mood,” as a reason not to make love:
a. Never
b. Seldom
c. Often
d. Always
15. Some of the following items may affect your relationship one way or the other. Number them as to their importance to you, from 1 (least important) to 10 (most important):
__Making money
__Spending money
__Saving money
__Sex
__Fun together
__Fun apart
__Work Children
__Television
__Movies
__Friends
__Sports
__Other _________________________
16. Is sex becoming boring for him?
a. Yes
b. Maybe a little
c. No
17. Is sex becoming boring for you?
a. Yes
b. Maybe a little
c. No
18. Are you interested in learning how to sexually satisfy him more?
a. Yes
b. A little
c. No
19. Is he interested in being sexually satisfied more?
a. Yes
b. A little
c. No
20. Is he interested in learning how to sexually satisfy you more?
a. Yes
b. A little
c. No
21. Are you interested in being sexually satisfied more?
a. Yes
b. A little
c. No
22. Would he like for you to initiate love making more often than you presently do?
a. No
b. A little more often
c. A lot more often
23. Compared to the beginning of your relationship, he focuses on what he disapproves about you or what you do or don’t do:
a. Less than in the beginning
b. Not at all
c. A little more
d. A lot more
e. All the time
24. Compared to the beginning of your relationship, you focus on what you disapprove about him or what he does or doesn’t do:
a. Less than in the beginning
b. Not at all
c. A little more
d. A lot more
e. All the time
25. When you are not happy for any reason:
a. He is not happy
b. It affects him somewhat
c. It has no affect on him
26. When you say “No” to him about anything, for any reason, he honors your wishes:
a. Every time
b. Most of the time
c. Half the time
d. Not often
e. Never
27. When you want something (or when you want to do some thing) he listens to you, responds enthusiastically, and doesn’t give you reasons why you can’t have it:
a. Every time
b. Most of the time
c. Reluctantly
d. Not most of the time
e. Never
28. You give him a lot of praise when he does something for you:
a. Always
b. Very often
c. Half the time
d. Not very often
e. Never
29. You feel that he gives you a lot of praise when you do something for him and for your appearance:
a. Always
b. Very often
c. Half the time
d. Not very often
e. Never
30. He makes you more important than anything else in his life:
a. Always
b. Most of the time
c. Half the time
d. Not very often
e. Never
31. Do you think he should already know how to satisfy you sexually every time?
a. Yes
b. Somewhat
c. No
32. Does he think that he should already know how to satisfy you sexually every time?
a. Yes
b. Somewhat
c. No
33. Has either of your religious upbringings had an effect on your sex life?
a. A great deal
b. A notable influence
d. Not at all
34. You set up sexually intimate and romantic “dates” with him (For our purposes, “dates” means setting aside and planning time together in order to be sexually intimate and romantic.):
a. Never
b. Rarely
c. I could do better
d. He is very satisfied with my efforts in this area
35. He sets up sexually intimate and romantic “dates” with you.
a. Never
b. Rarely
c. He could do better
d. I am very satisfied with his efforts in this area
36. You plan romantic dates together:
a. Rarely
b. Not at all
c. Not as many as we would like
d. We could do better
e. All the time
37. Compared to the beginning of your relationship, having “fun” together is an important priority for both of you:
a. Always
b. Most of the time
c. Half the time
d. Not as often as I would like
e. Not at all
38. Compared to the beginning of your relationship, how much has of the “spark” has gone out of your relationship:
a. None at all
b. A little of it
c. Most of it
d. All of it
39. Compared to the beginning of your relationship, how much of the “romance” has gone out of your relationship?
a. None at all
b. A little of it
c. Most of it
d. All of it
40. Does he agree and understand that if you, the woman he loves, are not happy, it will be impossible for him to be really happy?
a. No
b. A little
c. A great deal
d. Totally
41. Does he act as if he knows more about what feels good to you and how your body works than you do?
a. Yes
b. Often
c. Sometimes
d. Never
42. How often do you not feel good about your body and bring that feeling of unattractiveness into the bedroom with you?
a. Constantly
b. Much of the time
c. Half the time
d. Not often
e. Never
1. Compared to the beginning of your relationship, the frequency of love making has:
a. Increased
b. Stayed the same
c. Decreased somewhat
d. Decreased a lot
e. Disappeared
2. Compared to the beginning of your relationship, the quality of love making has:
a. Gotten better
b. Stayed the same
c. Decreased somewhat
d. Decreased a lot
e. Disappeared
3. As far as you know, she has an orgasm:
a. Every time
b. Most of the time
c. 50% of the time
d. Seldom
e. Never
4. You are sexually satisfied when you make love to her:
a. Every time
b. Most of the time
c. Seldom
d. Never
5. You have a problem getting turned on or maintaining an erection:
a. Most of the time
b. Often
c. Occasionally
d. Never
6. You feel that you reach orgasm too quickly:
a. Most of the time
b. Often
c. Occasionally
d. Never
7. You find that both of you are “in the mood” to make love:
a. Always at the same time
b. Mostly at the same time
c. Not usually at the same time
d. Never at the same time
8. You find that both of you have the energy at the same time to make love:
a. Always at the same time
b. Mostly at the same time
c. Not usually at the same time
d. Never at the same time
9. Usually, when just one of you wants to make love:
a. You make love
b. You make plans to make love
c. You make an excuse
d. She makes an excuse
e. You get into a fight
10. You use the excuse “not enough time” as a reason you don’t make love more often:
a. Never
b. Sometimes
c. Often
d. Constantly
11. She uses “too tired” as a reason not to make love:
a. Never
b. Sometimes
c. Often
d. Constantly
12. You use “too tired” as a reason not to make love:
a. Never
b. Sometimes
c. Often
d. Constantly
13. She uses “I don’t feel like it,” or “I’m not in the mood,” as a reason not to make love:
a. Never
b. Seldom
c. Often
d. Always
14. You use “I don’t feel like it,” or “I’m not in the mood,” as a reason not to make love:
a. Never
b. Seldom
c. Often
d. Always
15. Some of the following items may affect your relationship one way or the other. Number them as to their importance to you, from 1 (least important) to 10 (most important):
___Making money
___Spending money
___Saving money
___Sex
___Fun together
___Fun apart
___Work
___Children
___Television
___Movies
___Friends
___Sports
Other _______________
16. Is sex becoming boring for her?
a. Yes
b. Maybe a little
c. No
17. Is sex becoming boring for you?
a. Yes
b. Maybe a little
c. No
18. Are you interested in learning how to sexually satisfy her more?
a. Yes
b. A little
c. No
19. Is she interested in being sexually satisfied more?
a. Yes
b. A little
c. No
20. Is she interested in learning how to sexually satisfy you more?
a. Yes
b. A little
c. No
21. Are you interested in her learning how to sexually satisfy you more?
a. Yes
b. A little
c. No
22. Would you like her to initiate love making more often than she presently does?
a. No
b. A little more often
c. A lot more often
23. Compared to the beginning of your relationship, she focuses on what she disapproves about you, or what you do or don’t do:
a. Less than in the beginning
b. Not at all
c. A little more
d. A lot more
e. All the time
24. Compared to the beginning of your relationship, you focus on what you disapprove about her or what she does or doesn’t do:
a. Less than in the beginning
b. Not at all
c. A little more
d. A lot more
e. All the time
25. When she is not happy for any reason:
a. You aren’t happy
b. It affects you somewhat
c. It has no affect on you
26. If she says “no” about anything, for any reason, you honor her wishes:
a. Every time
b. Most of the time
c. Half the time
d. Not often
e. Never
27. When she wants something (or when she wants to do something) you listen to her, respond enthusiastically, and don’t give her reasons why she can’t have it:
a. Every time
b. Most of the time
c. Reluctantly
d. Not most of the time
e. Never.
28. You give her a lot of praise when she does something for you and for her appearance:
a. Always
b. Very frequently
c. Half the time
d. Not very often
e. Never
29. She gives you a lot of praise when you do something for her:
a. Always
b. Very frequently
c. Half the time
d. Not very often
e. Never
30. You make her more important than anything else in your life:
a. Always
b. Most of the time
c. Half the time
d. Not very often
e. Never
31. Does she act as if you should already know how to satisfy her sexually every time?
a. Yes
b. Somewhat
c. No
32. Do you think that you should already know how to satisfy her sexually every time?
a. Yes
b. Somewhat
c. No
33. Has either of your religious upbringings had an effect on your sex life?
a. A great deal
c. A little
d. Not at all
34. You set up sexually intimate and romantic “dates” with her (For our purposes, “dates” means setting aside and planning time together in order to be sexually intimate and romantic.):
a. Never
b. Rarely
c. I could do better
d. She is very satisfied with my efforts in this area
35. She sets up sexually intimate and romantic “dates” with you:
a. Never
b. Rarely
c. She could do better
d. I am very satisfied with her efforts in this area
36. You plan romantic dates together:
a. Rarely
b. Not at all
c. Not as many as we would like
d. We could do better
e. All the time
37. Compared to the beginning of your relationship, having “fun” together is an important priority for both of you:
a. Always
b. Most of the time
c. Half the time
d. Not as often as I would like
e. Not at all
38. Compared to the beginning of your relationship, how much has of the “spark” has gone out of your relationship:
a. None at all
b. A little of it
d. All of it
39. Compared to the beginning of your relationship, how much of the “romance” has gone out of your relationship?
a. None at all
b. A little of it
c. Most of it
d. All of it
40. Do you agree and understand that if the woman you love is not happy, it will be impossible for you to be really happy?
a. No
b. A little
c. A great deal
d. Totally
41. Do you act as if you think that you know more about what feels good to her and how her body works than she does?
a. Yes
b. Often
c. Sometimes
d. Never
42. Do you think that if she doesn’t feel good about the way her body looks, she brings that feeling of unattractiveness into the bedroom with her?
a. Constantly
b. Much of the time
c. Sometimes
d. Very seldom
e. Never
This may have been one of the toughest tests you have ever taken. Unlike some quizzes, this one has no bad or good score. The main purpose of these questions is to give you a starting place from which you might measure your progress over the next year.
The important issues are: What do you do with your findings? What are your choices? What will be the consequences of those choices?
Here is what we recommend: Wait until after you finish reading The One Hour Orgasm and have practiced the techniques on each other at least once before you talk about the results of the above quiz.
You may discover many of the solutions to your problems by then. The answers will come from improving your sexual skills and by learning how to have more fun and pleasure together, both in and out of the bedroom.
It is a good idea to use the personal information you discover from your answers to the above questions to come up with some specific goals, goals that you would like to achieve within a year or less of the day you finish The One Hour Orgasm.
It is one thing to become aware of problems, differences of opinion and perception; however, it is another thing to know what to do about these issues. Just remember the old saying, “For every problem, there is an answer.”
What if she thinks that the frequency of love making is too often and he thinks it is not often enough? Her goal could be to change the frequency to a level where she eagerly anticipates love making which is totally gratifying to her. His goal could be to change the frequency of love making so he does not feel deprived.
Resolving the above contradictory goals may seem hopeless at first; however, the principles in this book can be used to make sure that the needs of both partners are met.
What are your sexual and personal goals? If you could have every area of your relationship and sex life exactly the way you wanted it, what would you want to be different and how? Be as specific as you can.
Start by going back and circling at least 3 of the questions you answered that you would most like to see improvement in over the next year or less.
Next, go back to your circled items and set some specific goals, even if you do not know how you are going to accomplish them.
Be specific so that you can accurately measure your progress along the way. With each goal have a precise date and time by which you intend to achieve this improvement and include what the evidence will look like to prove that you have reached the goal.
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As you read through the book, follow the instructions, and add more goals, please come back to this part and write your new goals on this list. Writing your goals down as clearly as possible and referring to them often will help you crystallize the information you are receiving and speed up the results you will achieve.
After taking the preceding test, please don’t be hard on yourself (or your partner). Expecting to know how to satisfy a partner every time is unrealistic for most people until they learn to communicate effectively and improve their sexual skills.
Where did you or your partner get your sex education? Most of us get a large amount of our education and information about sex, not from our parents, but on the playground at school or on the street corner. This happens around the time we hit puberty. We are 9 to 12 years old or younger and our friends, who are the same age, fill us in.
We wind up with what we call a “Beavis and Butthead” sex education and vocabulary. Then we grow up and get married or get into a sexual relationship. Is it really a surprise, then, that many couples eventually have sexual and relationship problems?
What makes it worse is that, even after we become adults and get married, there is virtually no effective sex education available in America. It does not exist in our schools, churches, or the Yellow Pages.
To compound the problem, where effective sex education for adults is missing, pornography fills the void. Church and social leaders will often rail against lewd sexual material and abortion, but they almost never offer or endorse effective alternatives. The only guidance they offer regarding sex is negative or general and, worse yet, highly ineffective.
The solution lies in encouraging effective sex education for adults. We have seen some incredible results from working with adults who went home to put into practice what they have learned. You are now about to join their numbers.