The Answer
A major complaint that marriage therapists hear today is that their patients “want to make love” but they “don’t feel like it.” They know they should make love more often, but the passionate force that was there in the beginning has disappeared.
What does it mean if your mate does not want to make love as much as when they were first married? Usually neither is involved with anyone else, and it is hard to understand why, after only a short number of years, one or both have become so disinterested.
All couples run into many of the same basic problems sooner or later. This book will provide the answers and information you have been looking for. Circle the following problem(s) you are most interested in solving:
1. The spontaneity has diminished or disappeared completely from your love making.
Impulsiveness goes away to some degree in every sexual relationship. This does not mean you are no longer in love. It is strong evidence that you are going to have to be more deliberate about your love making. In other words, make dates to be romantic and intimate, just as you did when you first met.
It is best that you first make and agree on a plan. What if you both enjoyed tennis? If you always waited until both of you just happened to have on your tennis clothes and you found yourselves standing on a tennis court, racquets in hand at the same time, with an hour or so and nothing better to do, tennis would not happen very often. Sex is no exception. Why should it be?
2. You are not in the mood, or lack the desire or energy, at the same time.
After the honeymoon period of the relationship, which usually lasts for 6 to 36 months, it is really very unrealistic to expect both of you to be in the mood and have the same amount of energy or desire at the same time. It is like expecting both of you to have an itch on your backs at the same time.
With the “Venus Butterfly” technique, you will never again have to wait around until your partner is in the mood. It only takes one of you to be in the mood for the technique to work. All your partner has to do is lie back and enjoy all of the pleasurable feelings which you will be creating for them.
If the lack of desire or energy comes up on either of your parts; just remember the official “Venus Butterfly” slogan:
“The Hungriest One Cooks!”
3. The frequency of your love making has gone down so much that one or both of you are feeling deprived.
Even if just one of you is feeling a little bit deprived, the situation is very dangerous and you should take steps to remedy it right away.
Using the “Venus Butterfly” technique, your frequency of love making will increase because your love making, sexual, sensual, and relationship skills will be improving. You will look forward to practicing the “Venus Butterfly” technique every time you don’t have something better to do.
4. She isn’t being satisfied romantically or physically.
Two out of every three American women don’t have orgasms through intercourse whereas men generally do every time. This situation exists even though there is nothing wrong with the women or their bodies.
More University and The Institute of Human Abilities has not found one woman in over the last thirty years who cannot have orgasms if she wants to have them and is with a man who has practiced the “Venus Butterfly” technique.
We cannot entirely blame men for the the lack of female orgasm. Most men don’t know how to satisfy the woman that they love every time. Most women we interviewed wished the man knew how to sexually please her without having to tell him.
5. One or both of you thinks or acts as if the man should already know everything about how to satisfy a woman every time.
Though very few men have been taught to be great lovers, most men assume they are. To make it worse, men often mistakenly think that if intercourse feels good to them, it must feel the same to the woman.
6. You have both stopped putting a priority on having fun together and being playmates.
Most of us start out as romantic playmates and then we get married or start living together. All of a sudden we become bill payers, home owners, career people, and parents. We can easily forget how important having fun together is to our relationship.
Practicing the “Venus Butterfly” technique gives you a great excuse to have more fun, be playmates again, regularly plan romantic and intimate dates, and practice and improve your skills in pleasuring each other.
7. You have stopped making it important to set aside specific times to go on intimate and romantic dates.
“Dating” or setting aside specific times to be alone, intimate, and romantic was one of the things you probably used to do at the beginning of your relationship. You were deliberate about spending time together. Now, it is if you both are waiting for the “Turn-On Fairy” to show up and, most likely, she hasn’t been around for a long time.
8. The romance and intimacy has faded and gone away from your relationship.
Romance and intimacy decreases because you stop doing things which are romantic and intimate! Like a muscle that isn’t exercised and shrinks. Your failure to revitalize your love making, diminishes it.
Even if love making is good for both of you, doing the same thing over and over won’t continue working. We call this “coasting.” In life, coasting takes you only in one direction…. downhill.
9. She is one of the 81% of American women that, according to recent research, does not know how to or want to initiate love making in an effective way that is fun for both of you.
How is she supposed to know? Do you remember what they called girls in high school who liked or even talked about sex? Those were not flattering terms and being a “nice” girl did not get her the information or education she needed.
10. He acts as if he knows more about what feels good to her and about her body than she does.
Almost all women know that most men think this way. The big give-a-way is that men almost never ask questions. It is the same as when they get lost while driving. They won’t pull over and ask for clear directions.
A sexually untrained man doesn’t even know how to ask the right questions. If he gets lost in the bedroom, he just keeps driving until he runs out of gas or falls asleep.
11. He is one of the twenty to thirty million American men who suffer from the fear of impotency or premature ejaculation.
The good news is that impotency or premature ejaculation is not usually a physical problem. This is a popular myth that most men have been sold on and that the drug companies profit greatly from. Now we know for a fact that most impotency and premature ejaculation issues are not physical, but educational problems.
The main cause of impotency, that we have found, is that the man thinks that he causes his own erection. The harder he tries to have or maintain an erection and the more he worries about it, the worse matters get.
Premature ejaculation is also an educational problem. The victim of premature ejaculation has never learned how to control his levels of excitement, causing him to go over the top before his partner is ready.
12. He hasn’t figured out yet that the woman he loves sets the ceiling on how happy he’ll be.
How much evidence will he need to be convinced that if she is not happy, he cannot be truly happy? This is the hardest principle for some men to get, and yet the idea is so obvious. This insight is what makes it possible for both people in the relationship to feel like they are winning with each other both in and outside of the bedroom.
13. She doesn’t feel good about her body and she continuously brings her doubt and that feeling of unattractiveness into the bedroom with her.
Women have a typical way of looking at themselves in the mirror which is strange to men.
Women look in the mirror for what is wrong with them.
And worse, next, she makes sure that she calls her husband over and says, “Look how fat I’m getting. Look at this cellulite! Look at these wrinkles and flab. How can you stand to even look at me? I hate my body!”
The man is astonished. “Gee baby, I think you look wonderful.,” he says.
“Shut up!” she fires back. “I’m fat and I look disgusting!”
The sad ending to this story is that after years and years of this interchange, one day she finally enrolls him into how unattractive she looks and then wonders why he isn’t turned on by her anymore.
Practicing the principles in The One Hour Orgasm, both partners will learn how to focus on what they find attractive about each other. The more they practice this approach, the more things they will find to approve of and get turned on about.
You will discover that the more you verbally appreciate and approve of your partner, the more they will want to please you and make you happy.
14. She seldom or never thanks him for everything he does and repeatedly complains about everything that makes her unhappy.
The biggest complaint we hear from men is, “I do ninety-nine things right and never hear a word about it. I do one thing wrong and she never lets me hear the end of it!”
15. He seldom or never appreciates her, values her, shows her that he loves her, or thanks her for all the things that she does. He may repeatedly complain about everything that he disapproves of regarding her or her actions.
The same issue is being triggered in the above two problems which is…
In life you always get more of what you focus on. If you go out into the garden and water only the weeds, you’re going to wind up with more weeds.
16. She doesn’t give him information about her body and expects him to be a mind reader.
Maybe she doesn’t know a lot about her own body or if she does, she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. It is much easier for most women to say, “Would you please pass the salt,” than it is for them to ask, “Would you please move a quarter of an inch to the left.”
17. He puts his job, watching sports, being with his friends, or his goals ahead of her pleasure.
Most women hate to play second fiddle to anyone or any of his goals. She expects to be the most important thing in his life.
In over 30 years of research, only one main reason could be found for why women get angry…. they are not getting what they want.
Anger and love cannot exist at the same time, and anger is always destructive. Anger hurts both people. He may suffer, but her anger will also slow down the delivery of her true goals.
The good news is that: The techniques and the philosophy in The One Hour Orgasm and in its companion videos, For His Eyes Only… How To Make Sex More Fun For Her, For Her Eyes Only…How To Make Sex More Fun For Him, and The Ultimate Guide To Making A Relationship Work, will help reduce many of these anger related problems.
This “Venus Butterfly” technique will put the total control to pleasure or be pleasured in your hands. You will want to “do it” because you will know that every moment is going to be pleasurable, and the “Venus Butterfly” communication techniques will guarantee that your love making will continue to get better and better because you will always know exactly what you are doing.