Doing The
“Venus Butterfly”
To Him
Now that you have everything set up, begin to build and take control of his mood, his five senses, and his sexual energy. This will begin right after you make the “Venus Butterfly” date with him and will continue right up to the time the “date” ends.
• Start out by bringing or sending him some flowers (men like flowers, too) and even taking him on a shopping trip to buy him a small gift for your “Venus Butterfly” Date.
•Arrange to fix him a romantic meal with his favorite foods or take him to a special restaurant as a prelude to the “Venus Butterfly” date.
Imagine that you are moving all the excitement you have been building in his brain down into his genital area. The easiest way to do this is to directly stimulate the most sensitive nerve endings of his body.
• Having previously made sure the bedroom is ready, take him there.
• Go very slowly. Start by kissing him softly in a way that lets him know you are in charge. Start by kissing his forehead, then cheeks, nose, and finally his lips. Do not let him kiss you back unless you want him to. You are the kisser. He is being kissed.
• Begin to enjoy slowly removing his clothes. Totally focus on him and talk to him sweetly. Tell him all the things that you love about him and his body or, undress him in complete silence and sweetly “forbid” him to say anything. Do what feels good to you and it will almost always be pleasurable to him.
•When you are finished undressing him, give him a sensual bath or shower. Make sure this was on your check list and is set up and ready.
You can be undressed also or you could wear something that is comfortable and makes you feel sensual and sexy. Undressing slowly to music in front of him might increase the suspense and tumescence you are attempting to build. Do whatever is going to be fun for you.
• After the bath or shower, dry him off with towels scented with a fragrance he likes and perhaps even pre-warmed in the clothes dryer.
• Next, take him to the bed and ask him to lie down on his back.
• Whatever he is lying on is going to get oil on it, so you may want to put towels under the sheet or have him lie directly on the towels.
• Make sure he is comfortable and warm. You can cover him with a sheet or warm dry towels.
• Take off any rings or jewelry you may be wearing.
• Put some body lotion or massage oil in your hands and warm it up by rubbing your hands together before applying it to his body.
• Start with his feet. Remember to take “taking touches” as you did when you were doing yourself during “tactile inventory.” If it feels good to your hand, it will probably feel good to him.
The feet are very sensitive and have a lot of nerve endings that can give great pleasure.
•Stroke the arch of his foot back and forth from the ball of his foot to the heel. Also, try the middle toe of each foot. A man can learn to feel stimulation in his penis when his feet are rubbed. Ask him to see how much he can feel of what you are doing to his foot or toes in his penis.
•Apply enough pressure to give him pleasure without tickling him, but not enough to cause pain. All through the massage try to find just the right touch by talking to him and having him tell you what feels best to him.
All the way through this process allow yourself to feel the good feelings that he is experiencing. Imagine that you are able to feel what he is feeling at the same time in your own body. Practicing this technique is going to be very important when you get to his genital area.
Learning to feel what he is feeling is one of the most important ways to increase your sexual and sensual skills.
By practicing this method you too will learn to develop a “velvet touch.” You will learn to feel when his sensations are rising and when they begin to taper off. You will feel the contractions of his orgasm and learn how to intensify and extend his orgasmic contractions for as long as it is fun for both of you.
When you master this technique you will enjoy the sensations he is having almost as much as he does, and feel his sensations in your own body.
• As you are touching him and moving from one area to another, make sure you are staying in communication with him. Do this from the very beginning of the “Venus Butterfly” date.
• Tell him what you are going to do before you do it. If you need to stop to put some more oil or Vaseline on your hands, remember to let him know before you stop. When you are warming the oil up in your hands, say, “I’m warming the oil up in my hands before I put it on you…. Now it’s warm enough and I’m going to spread it on your skin.”
• Get feedback from him as you go along as to exactly what feels the best to him.
• Inform him of what you are doing, step by step, so he doesn’t have to think or try to figure it out. There is no need to tell him anything except what the next step is.
• Next, take his hand and begin to work on his fingers, working up his hands, then arms, and on to the front of his shoulders and his chest.
• Begin to make circles around the outermost edges of his chest. Be careful not to touch his nipples. They may be too sensitive and cause him discomfort if you touch them directly or before they are ready.
• Slowly begin to make the circles smaller and smaller as if you are teasing the nipples. Make them want to be touched.
• When you think he is expecting them to be touched, tell him that you are now going to go back to caressing the outside rim of his chest and do so.
• Keep repeating this process of teasing until you can feel the energy of his tumescence and touching his nipples comes naturally.
Some men, like women, have very sensitive nipples and you should use a lot of lubricant. You may even need to put a piece of thin cloth over him and touch his nipples through the cloth. Just make sure that you touch him in a way that gives him the most pleasure.
• When this area has had enough, begin to work on the fronts of his thighs and his stomach.
• Continue to touch that area until you are tired of touching it and then tell him you are moving on to another area.
• Only when you have shown all the above areas enough attention should you begin to tease his genital area. Use light strokes from your fingernails on his lower stomach and the tops of his thighs.
• Next, start making circles slowly around the outside of his pubic hair and penis area with the tips of your fin gers. As his excitement increases, you may notice that the hairs around his penis begin to stand up, reaching upward as if they want to be touched.
• The hairs are an extension of the skin. Run your hand over the tops of his pubic hairs, touching them lightly, and ask him if he likes the sensations.
• When you are ready, tell him to spread his legs so that you can apply Vaseline* to his genital area. Use a lot of Vaseline. Vaseline prevents skin irritation from long periods of love making and allows you to easily use both heavy or light pressure.
(Note: Do not use Vaseline or any petroleum-based product if you are concerned about the spread of a sexually transmitted disease. If you are not totally sure that both you and your partner are totally free of sexually transmittable diseases, use a water based product and latex gloves while using this technique. See Chapter 13 for more information.)
•First, warm the lubricant up with your hands.
•Start on the area away from his penis…. his scrotum (the sack that covers his testicles). Be very careful not push upwards on his testicles because this can be very painful.
•Next, continue to gently apply Vaseline until you have covered his penis, his scrotum, his external anal area, and the area between his scrotum and his anus which is called his perineum (pear-i-nee-um). Use plenty of lubricant. Too much is better than too little.
•As you are applying lubricant, ask him to spread his fingers and toes, and feel what you are doing all throughout his body. Most people report that when they do this, it allows them to experience more intense sensations.
•Remember to keep talking to him. Tell him what you are doing and keep asking for feedback. Talking to him as you go along can help to turn him on and make it easier for him to surrender to you.
At this point you need to decide what position would be most comfortable for you. It is important that you are comfortable during this entire process. If you are not, your partner will pick up your stress, which will decrease the amount of pleasure you both are having.
There are many positions a woman can use while she is doing the “Venus Butterfly” technique to a man. We will talk about a few of the possibilities, and you can select the one which works best for you.
Make sure he is lying comfortably on his back with his legs spread apart.
The best position to use, if you are right-handed, is to sit beside him on his left side with your right leg, your leg nearest his head, over his stomach. Your left leg, the leg nearest his feet, will go under his legs.
Reverse the position if you are left-handed. You will be on his right side and your left leg would go over his stomach. Your right leg will go under his legs.
Using this “Venus Butterfly” position, you can easily use both hands and at the same time see what you are doing. Most women can comfortably stay in this position for long periods of time. To make sure you stay comfortable, it is a good idea to prop large pillows behind and beside you. Support your back by leaning against the pillows, headboard, or a wall next to the bed.
1. Kneel or sit between his legs, facing his genitals. Your legs can be crossed, either under or inside his legs. In this position you can see his facial expressions and easily reach his genital area.
2. Lie between his legs with your head on his thigh and his other leg over your body.
3. Lie with his arm around you and with your head resting on his chest. Your top arm reaches straight down to his genitals.
Your partner won’t necessarily have an erection when you start even after you have applied lubrication, so start out with the following approach.
•Make a circle with the thumb and index finger of each of your hands.
•Encircle the shaft of his penis at its base with one hand.
•With your other hand, circle his penis with your thumb and index finger just above your bottom hand.
•Holding your bottom hand firmly at the base of his penis, gently and slowly slide your other hand (top hand) up the shaft. Use a milking motion with your top hand, stretching his penis gently until you reach the top. Apply more pressure at the bottom and lighten up as you near the top. This gentle motion not only feels good to him, it also draws blood into his penis, making it harder and more erect.
•Once your top hand slowly slides over the top of his penis, again form a ring around his penis just above your bottom hand. Once again, move your top hand slowly upward, using your milking motion as you slightly stretch his penis again.
•It may feel good to him if you add a slight twisting movement as your fingers travel up his shaft. Try it at some point and ask him if he likes that motion. Only ask questions that he can answer with a simple yes or no.
•As his penis enlarges, you can use more than two fingers to form your “rings.”
•Continue to do this until his penis becomes erect. You will find the above method valuable in persuading his penis to respond any time you want it to, or if you want to harden an already full erection.
If he (or his penis) is not responding as quickly as you would like, here is a sure fire and seldom used method to overcome the resistance you are encountering. We could more accurately call this “the pause that tumesces.”
•Tell him that you are going to stop for a moment, but don’t just drop his penis carelessly. Treat it with respect. Release it very lovingly and gently.
A man thinks of his penis as if it were a small and vulnerable version of him. If you are being sweet and considerate to his penis, you’re being sweet and considerate to him.
• Next, do something, such as putting a little more lubricant on your hands and sensuously warm it up by rubbing your hands together slowly, rearranging your pillows, taking or offering him a sip of water.
• When you are ready, resume by gently picking up his penis and begin again to slowly stroke upward, using your milking motion, applying more pressure at the bottom and lightening up as you near the top. Each time you “pause,” you will take him to a new level when you resume.
• When his penis becomes fully erect, continue to use your standard up and down rhythmic milking motion on the shaft of his penis, going from the base up to the ridge of the head of his penis, or even slightly over the head. Remember to continue to use slightly heavier pressure at the bottom, and lighten your pressure as you get to the top.
Men, like women, sometimes only pay attention to the “up” stroke. However, there is as much sensation available on the “down” stroke as the up.
•Check and make sure he is feeling both the up and the down.
Experiment by using both hands. Stroke up and down on his penis, one hand above the other, as if you were holding a baseball bat. Allow your top hand to slip off the top of his penis without losing contact with your bottom hand. Then slide both hands downward to the base of his penis and begin to come back up again. (See photo on the following page.)
• As you feel his excitement begin to build up, either change the stroke, lighten the pressure you are using, or stop altogether. Remember, tell him what you are doing before you do it.
• Stroke different parts of his penis, including the sides, to discover what feels good to him.
• Experiment by altering the kind of strokes you use…faster, slower, firmer, lighter, shorter, longer, etc.
Most women avoid handling their partner’s testicles because they are afraid that they might hurt him. Normally men’s testicles are very sensitive to pain, but at the high state of arousal that he has attained with your help, his testicles stop being sensitive to pain and begin to become sensitive to pleasure.
• Grasp him just above his testicles up close to his body by making a circle using the thumb and first finger of one of your hands.
• Gently begin to pull downward as you are stroking his penis with your other hand.
• With each degree of pull downward, check in with him to make sure he is feeling no discomfort. Keep gradually pulling downward without squeezing his testicles until you can pull no further, or until he says “enough.”
Testicle pulling has another advantage. It can help your partner avoid ejaculation. Men usually aren’t able to ejaculate unless their testicles are fully drawn up against their bodies.
Diagram Of The Male Genital Area
No one we have ever met has believed this was possible. Because of all of their skepticism, we even included a live demonstration of the technique in our video, For Her Eyes Only.
This part of the “Venus Butterfly” technique is also very advantageous for the man both from a vanity, health, and pleasure standpoint. Also, it is a very easy skill for you to learn.
Here’s the principle behind the technique. When a man looks down at his penis, whether soft or erect, all that he ever sees is about half of his equipment. The other half is the “root” of his penis. What we call his “buried treasure.”
When you master the “Venus Butterfly” technique, you will be able to stimulate this hidden part of his penis. If you do it properly, it will become excited, swell up like the exposed part of his penis, and push everything out further.
There are also several practical reasons for learning this technique. This part of his penis, the perineum area, most likely has “virgin” nerve endings that have never been properly stimulated by anyone. You will probably be the first person who has ever done this to him. When done correctly, this technique will act like a turbocharger. It will increase his orgasm to heights he doesn’t even know exist.
Another added benefit is that you are also stimulating his prostate. There is a lot of recent evidence that this is a healthy thing to do to him on a regular basis.
• As you are stroking his penis with one hand, reach between his bent legs with your other hand.
• Without touching him with your nails, use the tips of your fingers to feel the spot between his testicles and his anus. If he has an erection, it will feel like the semi-hard curved underside of his exposed penis.
• With the tips of your forefinger and middle finger — being careful not to scratch him with your nails — stroke this area. Make sure the tips of your fingers go in the same direction, speed, and rhythm that your upper hand is using on his penis.
Use the “Training” or “Communication” cycle that follows to find out how much pressure and speed feels the best to him. You will probably find that he enjoys a great deal of pressure on this part of his penis.
The more pressure you use, and the faster your stroke, the faster will be his arousal. If you continue, he will most certainly ejaculate.
Your goal during this process is to give your partner the most intensely pleasurable feelings possible. The easiest way to accomplish this every time is to use what we call the More University “Communication” or “Training” Cycle. With this technique, you can find out where, when, and how to give your partner precisely what he wants, when he wants it, and for as long as he wants.
When you are doing the “Venus Butterfly” to your partner, you need to know at all times if you are hitting the correct spot with the right amount of pressure. The only way you can know this for sure is to ask, but you must be careful not to make your partner lose touch with what he is feeling.
By using the More University Communication or Training Cycle, you will learn the perfect amount of pressure and speed to use with each series of strokes, without having your partner lose the mood.
The secret is to ask simple, short, yes or no type questions which can be answered without too much thought. Here is an example:
1. “Would you like me to rub faster than this?” (Answer, “Yes.”)
2. “Okay,” you say as you increase the speed. “Would you like it faster than this?” (Answer, again “Yes.”)
3. “Okay,” you say as you increase the speed even more. 138 “Would you like it faster than this?” (Answer, “No.”)
4. “Okay. Would you like it slower than this?” (If you get a “No” at this point, you are at just the right speed. Just continue to use that speed. If you get a “Yes,” continue to slow down until your partner lets you know not to decrease the speed any longer. At that point, you will know you are doing great.
This technique is very effective in helping you find the right spot on the penis or on any part of his body, and discovering which amount of pressure or speed feels best. “Would you like me to go slower?” … “Would you like a lighter stroke?” … “Heavier” … “Harder?” … “More lubricant?” …etc.
Also, let him know that you want him to let you know immediately if there is anything you can do to please him more. Ask him if he would be willing to following just 3 simple steps?
1. At anytime that he wants you to do something different, the first step is for him to acknowledge your overall actions. He sim ply says, “That’s great!” or “This feels so wonderful!”
2. Next, he makes a request of you that will bring him even more pleasure. It is a small step that you can easily fulfill. He could say, “Will you…. (one of the following)
…go slower?” (faster?)
…stroke a little softer?” (harder?)
…come up a little higher?” (down a little lower?)
…stop for a moment?”
…give me a drink of water?”
…use more lubricant?”
By making a simple request, he is furnishing you with the information that you need so that you can give him exactly what “° will please him the most. This way you don’t have to guess or shoot in the dark.
3. As soon as you respond to his request, then he says, “That’s even better!” or “That’s wonderful! Thank you.”
Now you know that you are improving and that he appreciates your commitment to pleasing him. Each time, he makes a request, he follows all three steps. This is his version of the Training cycle when he is the one receiving pleasure.
Sex is one of the most difficult subjects couples attempt to communicate about. These Training cycles will help him communicate more easily and effectively about what feels best to him.
Now would probably be a good time to try to “connect up” other parts of his body with his penis. Basically, you are to rub on some part of his body which contains a large number of nerve endings and create a sympathetic response in his penis.
• An example would be his lips. Tell him you are going to begin to rub on his lips using a little lubricant at the same time you are stroking his penis.
• Once he is feeling pleasurable sensations in both areas, tell him that you are going to stop rubbing on his penis, but you want him to see if he can also “feel” the touching of his lips in his penis.
• After a while, inform him that you are switching back to his penis, and now you want him to feel your touching on his penis in his lips.
• Keep going back and forth until you have set up a connection between the two, or until this experiment stops being fun for either of you.
Some other time, try connecting up other areas. In future dates, make sure you have included all parts of his body. The most common areas that lend themselves favorably to being connected are the areas used in petting, such as his lips, neck, inside the mouth, his lower stomach, the inside or tops of his legs, and his chest and nipples.
Other areas with large bundles of nerve endings, such as the middle toe and the area around the anus, can also be explored on another “Venus Butterfly” date.
During your “Venus Butterfly” date, he may beg you to let him go over the top, but do not do this until you are ready for him to go. Tell him over and over that everything will be all right, just relax and maybe soon you are going to take him over the top. Hold out as long as possible.
• The most sensitive areas of his penis that quickly lead to orgasm will usually be the ridge of the crown or head of his penis, and the area on the underneath side of the base of the crown. Check how pleasurable it feels to him to be stroked in different directions at different speeds and pressures in these sensitive areas, as well as on the shaft.
• Switch to rubbing different parts of his penis. It will be pleasurable, but he will probably want you back on the most sensitive and pleasurable parts of his penis as quickly as possible.
Don’t let him rush you. You are in charge and will get him there in due time.
Men can usually take less peaking than a woman. When you are starting out, a rule of thumb is to peak a man no more than three times.
• Remember to tell him what you are going to do before you do it. You might even use this opportunity to “peak” him some more. Sometimes, you can play with him in a way that increases his tumescence. Tell him that he has only twenty seconds to go over the top, and if he doesn’t make it, you are going to bring him down one more time.
He will probably choke up under the pressure and not make it. That’s fine. Every time you “peak” him, you build up the pressure of the climax and take it to a level that would not have been possible without peaking.
• As you feel his tumescence build to a critical point in his body and his penis, remind him to spread his fingers and toes to feel what you are doing to him all the way out to those areas. This allows him to spread the sensation and to feel whatever pleasurable feelings he is experiencing throughout his whole body.
All during your “Venus Butterfly” date, you should strive to get him to have orgasmic contractions and intense sensations without ejaculating. This is also the secret to a man’s ability to have orgasms that last up to an hour.
Just remember, the ejaculation is not the orgasm for the man. The orgasm comes from the intense, pleasurable contractions that precede the ejaculation, and, with practice, you can cause him to have hundreds, even thousands of these contractions during a “Venus Butterfly” lovemaking session.
• As you continue and his tumescence builds, bring him as close to the edge as is possible without going over the top and letting him get into the ejaculation phase…. then bring him down and regain control by trying one of the following methods: Stopping, Slowing way down, Changing to a much lighter pressure, Changing the direction you are rub bing, or Changing the rhythm you are using.
• Notice that each time you bring him close to the edge, the intensity of his contractions will increase. Continue to take him to the edge each time, and you will be able to keep his contractions and sensations going longer and stronger.
With enough practice, you will be able to get him to the top level of orgasm, which we call the “orgasmic state.” At this level, he will be having full body contractions, one after the other, and you will be able to keep them going for as long as both of you want.
To reach this orgasmic state, you need to become proficient using the “Venus Butterfly” technique with total confidence. Also, his ability to feel and his nervous system will need to be strengthened so as to be able to reach high levels of intensity easily and without discomfort. Anyone can attain these abilities with enough practice.
A good “test” to see if he is paying attention to how much he is feeling is to tell him you are going to stop for just a moment.
• Immediately resume and do 10 strokes on him.
• Stop again and ask him how many strokes did he feel since you stopped a few moments ago. If he says 5, then he is only feeling 50% of the sensation that it is possible for him to feel.
Throw the “test” in every once in a while to check on his improvement.
• At some point he will either slip over the top, or you will deliberately take him there. Once he starts into the ejaculation phase, keep the rhythm and pressure you are using steady. Stay very alert to what you are feeling in your hand. You may need to begin to either lighten or increase the pressure you are using. Give him just enough pressure, but not too much.
You will learn as you practice how much pressure feels the best to him, and when to begin to lighten or increase your stroke.
You will notice that he will pull away from you if you are pressing too hard and push toward you if he wants more pressure.
• Here’s the best part. Once he has climaxed totally and has nothing left, there are still pleasurable feelings left over for the taking. All you need to do is to continue to stroke him, using more Vaseline to smooth out the fric tion and probably a lighter and lighter touch as you bring him down.
• Bring him all of the way down. Do not leave him feeling like he is floating three feet over the bed. You will know you are finished when he is totally “flat.” This means there are no more pleasurable sensations left in him.
• A good way to end with him is to lie on top of him. Heavy pressure on his body or chest will help bring him completely down.
At this point, if you have been allowing yourself to feel what he has been feeling, you may feel as if you have gone through the orgasmic state and climax yourself, and you may feel totally detumesced.
• Don’t let up at this point. You are still in the process of making love to each other. Being intimate and talking is just as much a part of lovemaking as is touching each other. Have him tell you everything about how the whole “Venus Butterfly” date was for him from beginning to end. Get him to talk about even the smallest details and be specific as to what pleasurably sensitive areas you discovered on him.
You will be amazed at how much you continue to discover about each other and how new and exciting being with each other will become. Don’t be surprised if you learn something new about each other each time you practice the “Venus Butterfly” technique…. no matter how many years you have been together.
Well? Did you keep time? Did you keep his orgasmic contractions and sensations going for one hour this session?
Don’t worry. He may even slip over the top too quickly sometimes. In the long run, it doesn’t make much difference. How long you can get him to sustain an orgasmic state, or how many contractions you can get him to have, is really not that important.
The most important goal is to see how much pleasure and fun both of you can get out of practicing the “Venus Butterfly” technique.
Although being patient is easy when you are having fun, think of practicing the “Venus Butterfly” technique and training for one hour orgasms as if you were training to run a marathon.
If you were going to do a marathon, you would not jump up the first day and run 26 miles as hard as you could. You would start out with a mile or two at a slow pace. Later you would increase your distance until you got up to your goal. The same is true in mastering the “Venus Butterfly” technique.
Just keep practicing. Each time you do, you will find yourself going for more fun and pleasure.
The information you have received so far, with practice, will enable you to produce dramatically extended periods of orgasmic contractions in your partner.
However, having an orgasm last an hour or more (no matter how exciting and thrilling the prospect) is not the primary purpose of the “Venus Butterfly” technique. It is a wonderful side benefit.
Our main goal is to teach couples how to have more fun in their relationships and their sex life.
In our videos/DVDs, For His Eyes Only and For Her Eyes Only, you can see a live demonstrations of the “Venus Butterfly” technique being taught and successfully performed.
Good luck and have lots of fun every chance you get.
*Vaseline is not water soluble, so not even perspiration will wash it off. It also spreads and radiates pleasurable sensations. Vaseline seems to have a consistency that is preferable to other brands of petroleum jelly even though it is made of basically the same ingredients. After your first “Venus Butterfly” date you can try other brands, if you like, to see which one you prefer.
