The next Thursday afternoon, Sam arrived at the turnoff to his brother Troy’s farm with a sense of relief. His sister was right; he needed to take a break from interviewing nannies during the day and working late into the night to make up for it. But he was desperate; Mindy’s last day of school had been Tuesday, and without a regular child care provider, he’d had to stay home or use babysitters who weren’t necessarily up to par.
Mindy bounced in her booster seat. “There’s the sign! Look, it says D-O-G, dog! But what else does it say, Daddy?”
He slowed to read the sign aloud: “A Dog’s Last Chance: No-Cage Canine Rescue.”
“Cuz Uncle Troy and Aunt Angelica and Xavier rescue dogs. Right?”
“That’s right, sugar sprite.” And he hoped they could rescue him, too. Or not rescue—they had too much going on for that—but at least give him ideas about getting a good child care provider for Mindy for the summer.
“There they are, there they are! And look, there’s baby Emmie!”
Sure enough, his brother and sister-in-law stood outside the fenced kennel area. He parked, let Mindy out of the car and then paused to survey the scene.
Troy was reaching out for the baby, all of two weeks old, so that his wife could kneel down to greet Mindy with a huge hug.
The tableau they presented battered Sam’s heart. He wanted this. He wanted a wife who would look up at him with that same loving, admiring expression Angelica gave Troy. Wanted a woman who’d embrace Mindy, literally and figuratively. Seeing how it thrilled Mindy, he even thought he wouldn’t mind having another baby, a little brother or sister for them both to love.
This was what he and Marie had wanted, what they would have had, if God hadn’t seen fit to grab it away from them.
He pushed the bitterness aside and strode up to the happy family. “How’s Emmie? She sleeping well?”
Troy and Angelica looked at each other and laughed. “Not a chance. We’re up practically all night, every night,” Troy said, and then Sam noticed the dark circles under his brother’s eyes. Running a veterinary practice and a rescue while heading a family had to be exhausting, but though he looked tired, there was a deep happiness in Troy’s eyes that hadn’t been there before.
That was the power of love. Troy and Angelica had married less than a year ago and instantly conceived a baby, at least partly in response to Angelica’s son Xavier’s desire for a little sister. They’d even gotten the gender right.
Sam renewed his determination: With or without God’s help, he was going to find this for himself and Mindy. He didn’t need the Lord to solve his problems for him. He could do it on his own.
“Where’s Xavier, Uncle Troy?”
Troy chuckled. “It’s Kennel Kids day. Where do you think?”
For the first time, Sam noticed the cluster of boys on the far edge of the fenced area. It was the ragtag group of potential hoodlums that Troy mentored through giving them responsibilities at the kennel. Amazing that his brother, busy as he was, had time to work with kids in need. Or made time, truth be known, and Sam’s conscience smote him. He ought to give more back to the community, but he felt as if he was barely holding his own life together these days. “Who’s monitoring the boys? Is that Daisy?”
“Can I go play, Daddy?” Mindy begged.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“It’s not safe, honey.”
“But Xavier’s over there.”
“Xavier’s a boy, honey. And...” He broke off, seeing the knowing glance Troy and Angelica exchanged. Okay, so he was overprotective, but those boys were playing rough and Mindy, with her missing hand, had one less means of defense.
And one more reason to get teased, in the sometimes-cruel world of school-aged kids.
Mindy’s face reddened and she drew in a breath, obviously about to have a major meltdown.
Sam squatted down beside her, touching her shoulder, willing her to stay calm. He was so tired after another late night working, and he wasn’t that great about dealing with Mindy’s frequent storms. Didn’t know if there even was a good way to deal with them.
“Hey!” Angelica got a little bit in Mindy’s face, startling her out of her intended shriek. “I know! Why don’t you and your daddy go ask Xavier to take you down to the barn? He can show you the newest puppies. You can stay outside the fence,” she added, rolling her eyes a little at Sam.
“Okay! C’mon, Daddy!”
Thank you, he mouthed to Angelica, bemused by the way a little girl’s mood could change in a second.
“Not sure if you’ll be thanking me in a minute,” she said with a chuckle.
She must mean his ongoing battle with Mindy, the one where Angelica and Troy were staunchly on Mindy’s side. “We’re not getting a puppy!” he mouthed over his shoulder to Angelica, keeping his voice low so he wouldn’t reawaken Mindy’s interest in the issue.
But as he and Mindy approached the group at the other end of the fenced enclosure, Sam wondered if Angelica might have been talking with Daisy...and if her joke about him not thanking her might have meant something entirely different.
Because she was there.
Susan, the firebrand waitress and job candidate he hadn’t been able to get out of his mind for the past four days.
Who was she to tell him he wasn’t raising his daughter right?
And what on earth was she doing here?
The answer, apparently, was that she was working with the kids, because she was squatting down beside one of the smaller boys, probably seven or eight years old. From the boy’s awkward movements, Troy guessed he had some kind of muscular disorder.
And Susan was helping him to pet a pit bull’s face.
Sam shook his head. Of course she was. The woman obviously had no common sense, no safety consciousness, no awareness of what was age-appropriate. If that kid’s parents could see what she was doing...of course, given the nature of Kennel Kids, the boy might not have involved parents. Still, Troy or Angelica ought to rein Susan in.
At that moment, she lifted her head and saw him. Her mouth dropped open, and then her eyes narrowed as if she was reading his mind.
“Xavier!” Mindy’s joyous shout was a welcome distraction. “C’mere! C’mere!”
Susan called out to Daisy, who was, he now realized, standing guard over the overall group. Daisy came and knelt beside the boy Susan had been helping, and Susan exchanged a few heated words with her, then rose effortlessly to her feet. She followed Xavier, who was running toward the fence to see Mindy.
A knee-high black-and-white puppy bounded over on enormous, clumsy feet, barking. The kids immediately started playing with it, Mindy poking her fingers through the fence to touch its nose and Xavier jumping and rolling with the puppy on the inside of the enclosure. Which left Sam to watch Susan’s approach. She wore cutoff shorts and a red shirt, hair up in a long ponytail. She looked young and innocent, especially since she’d removed her multiple earrings. “Didn’t expect to see you here,” he said, hoping his voice didn’t betray his strange agitation.
“The feeling’s mutual, and when I get the chance, I’m going to strangle your sister.” She knelt down, and Xavier, along with the black-and-white dog, fell into her lap, pushing her backward.
Daisy. Oh. Susan’s being here was Daisy’s doing. “I never could control that girl. She always does exactly what she wants.”
She flashed a smile. “And she always means well.”
He watched Susan struggle out from under the dog, laughing when it licked her face. Then she handed Xavier a ball from her shorts pocket and he threw it for the dog to fetch.
“What’s Daisy doing?” Sam asked. “Is she pushing us together on purpose?” If his sister was playing matchmaker, she was doing a poor job of it. She had to know Susan wasn’t his type, even though the thought of going out with Susan sounded the tiniest bit appealing, probably just for the chance to argue with her.
“She wants you to give me your nanny job, which you and I both know is ridiculous.”
Oh, the job. Heat rose to the back of Sam’s neck as he realized he’d misinterpreted his sister’s actions as dating-type matchmaking. And, yes, it was ridiculous from his own point of view to hire someone as mouthy and inappropriate as Susan, but why did she find the idea ridiculous?
“Hi, Miss Hayashi,” Mindy said, looking up at Susan with a shy smile.
“Hi, Mindy.” Susan’s voice went rich and warm as honey when she looked down at his daughter. “Want to come in and play with the dogs?”
“No, she can’t come in!” The words practically exploded out of Sam’s mouth.
“Oh.” Susan looked surprised, and Mindy opened her mouth to object.
“She can’t...” He nodded down at her. “It’s not safe.”
Xavier provided an unexpected escape route. “You’re too little to come in here,” he explained. “But I can take you to the barn and show you our new tiny puppies. There’s eight of them, and they’re all gray ’cept for one spotted one, and their eyes are shut like this!” He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, them immediately opened them, grinning.
“I want to see them!” Mindy jumped to her feet, hugged Sam’s leg and gazed up at him. “Please, Daddy?”
Love for his daughter overwhelmed him. “Okay, if you have an adult with you.”
Xavier ran a few yards down to the gate, and with an assist from Susan, got it open. “Come on, Dad will help us,” he said, and the two children rushed off toward the barn.
Leaving Sam and Susan standing with a fence between them. “You shouldn’t have invited Mindy to come in without my permission,” he informed her.
“Right. You’re right. I just...who knew you were that overprotective? She’s not made of glass, but you’re going to have her thinking she is.”
“I think we’ve already established that you don’t have the right to judge.”
“Yeah, but that was when I was trying to get the job with you. Now, I’m just a...well, an acquaintance. Which means I can state my opinion, right?”
“She’s an acquaintance with a double certification in elementary and special ed,” his sister, Daisy, said, coming from behind to put a hand on Susan’s shoulder. “Sam, when are you going to realize you’re way too cautious with that child? Marie was even worse. You’re going to have Mindy afraid of her own shadow.”
“That day is a long way off,” Sam said, frowning at the idea that Marie had been anything but the perfect mother. Did everyone think he was too overprotective? Was he? Was he hurting Mindy?
“Um, think I’ll go help get the kids ready to go home.” Susan walked off, shoulders squared and back straight.
Daisy glared up at Sam. “What’s your problem, anyway? Susan said her interview with you didn’t go well.”
“Did she tell you she couldn’t stop questioning my abilities as a father? I hardly think that’s what I want in a summer nanny.”
“Come on, let’s walk up to the house,” Daisy said, coming out through the gate and putting an arm around him. “Sam, everyone knows you’re the best dad around. You stepped in when Marie got sick and you haven’t taken a break since. If you’re a tiny bit controlling, well, who can blame you? Mindy’s not had an easy road.”
“You’re using your social worker voice, and I’m sensing a ‘but’ in there.” He put his own arm around his little sister. She definitely drove him crazy, but he didn’t question her wisdom. Daisy was the intuitive, people-smart one in the family, and Sam and his brother had learned early on to respect that.
“The thing is, you’re looking for a clone of your dead wife. In a nanny and in a partner. What if you opened your mind to a different kind of influence on Mindy?”
“What do you mean, in a partner?” He’d kept his deathbed promise to Marie a secret, so how did Daisy know he was looking for a new mom for Mindy?
Daisy laughed. “I’ve seen the women you date. They’re all chubby and blonde and worshipful. It’s not rocket science to figure out that you’re trying to find a replica of Marie.”
The words stung with their truth. “Is that so bad? Marie was wonderful. We were happy.” He’d never been like Daisy and Troy, adventurous and fun-loving; he’d always been the conventional older brother, wanting a standard, solid, traditional family life, and Marie had understood that. She’d wanted the same thing, and they’d been building it. Building a beautiful life that had been cut short.
“Oh, Sam.” Daisy rubbed a hand up and down his back. “It’s understandable. It was a horrible loss for you and Mindy. For all of us, really. I loved Marie, too.”
Reassured, Sam could focus on the rest of what Daisy had said. “You think I need to be worshipped?”
“I think you’re uncomfortable when women question your views, but c’mon, Sam. You’re Mensa-level smart, you’re practically a billionaire and you’ve built Hinton Enterprises into the most successful corporation in Rescue River, if not all of Ohio. It’s not like you need reassurance about your masculinity. Why don’t you try dating women who pose a little bit of a challenge?”
“I get plenty of challenge from my family, primarily you.” He squeezed her shoulders, trying not to get defensive about her words. “My immediate problem is finding a nanny, not a girlfriend. And someone like Susan has values too different from mine. She’d have Mindy taming pit bulls and playing with hoodlums.”
“She’d let Mindy out of the glass bubble you’ve put her in!” Daisy spun away to glare at him. “Look, she’s the one with coursework in special ed, not you. She’s not going to put your daughter at risk. She’d be great for Mindy, even if she does make you a little uncomfortable. And you did kind of contribute indirectly to her getting fired from her waitressing job.”
A hard lump of guilt settled in his stomach. He didn’t want to be the cause of someone losing their livelihood. He’d always prided himself on finding ways to keep from laying off employees, even in this tough economy.
She raised her eyebrows. “Think about it, bro. Are you man enough to handle a nanny like Susan, if it would be the best thing for Mindy?”
* * *
Susan sat at the kitchen table with Angelica and the new baby while Daisy warmed up the side dishes she’d brought and ordered her brothers outside to grill burgers.
“Do you want to hold her?” Angelica asked, looking down at the dark-haired baby as if she’d rather do anything than let her go.
“Me?” Susan squeaked. “No thanks. I mean, she’s beautiful, but I’m a disaster with babies. At a minimum, I always make them cry.”
Of course, Sam came back into the kitchen in time to hear that remark. She seemed to have a genius for not impressing him.
“I used to feel that way, too,” Daisy said, “but I’m great with little Emmie. Here, you can stir this while I hold her.” She put down her spoon and confidently scooped the baby out of Angelica’s arms.
Susan walked over to the stove and looked doubtfully at the pan of something white and creamy. “You want me to help cook? Really?”
“Oh, never mind, I forgot. Sam, stir the white sauce for a minute, would you?”
“You don’t cook?” he asked Susan as he took over at the stove, competently stirring with one hand while he reached for a pepper grinder with the other.
In for a penny, in for a pound. “Nope. Not domestic.”
“You’ll learn,” Angelica said, stretching and twisting her back. “When you find someone you want to cook for.”
“Not happening. I’m the single type.”
“She is,” Daisy laughed. “She won’t even date. But we’re going to change all that.”
“No, we’re not.” Susan sat back down at the table.
“Yes, we are. The group at church has big plans for you.”
“My singles group? Who would run it if I somehow got involved with a guy?” Susan pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them, taking in the large, comfortable kitchen with appreciation. Old woodwork and gingham curtains blended with the latest appliances, and there was even a couch in the corner. Perfect.
She enjoyed Daisy and enjoyed being here with her family because she’d never had anything like this. Her family had been small and a little bit isolated, and while Donny was great in his way, you couldn’t joke around with him.
She watched Sam stir the sauce, taste it, season it some more. This was another side of the impatient businessman. Really, was there anything the man wasn’t good at?
He probably saw her as a bumbling incompetent. She couldn’t succeed at waitressing, at cooking, at holding a baby. He thought she’d be bad for his daughter, that much had been obvious.
Too bad, because she needed the money, and Mindy was adorable. Kids were never the problem; it was the adults who always did her in.
Suddenly, the door burst open and Xavier rushed through, followed closely by Mindy. “Give it back. Give it back!” she was yelling as she grabbed at something in his hands.
“No, Mindy, it’s mine!”
Mindy stopped, saw all the adults staring at her, and threw herself to the floor, holding her breath, legs kicking.
Sam dropped the spoon with a clatter and went to her side. “Mindy, Mindy honey, it’s okay.”
The child ignored him, lost in her own rapidly escalating emotional reaction.
“Mindy!” He scolded her. “Sit up right now.” He tried to urge her into an upright position, but she went as rigid as a board, her ear-splitting screams making everyone cringe.
Sam was focused on her with love and concern, but at this point that wasn’t enough. Susan knew that interfering wasn’t wise, but for better or worse, she had a gift. She understood special-needs kids, and she had a hunch she could calm Mindy down.
She sank to her knees beside the pair. “Shhhh,” she whispered ever so softly into Mindy’s ear. “Shhhh.” Gently, she slid closer in behind the little girl and raised her eyebrows at Sam, tacitly asking permission.
He shrugged, giving it.
She wrapped her arms around Mindy from behind, whispering soothing sounds into her ear, sounds without words. Sounds that always soothed Donny, actually. She rubbed one hand up and down Mindy’s arm, gently coercing her to be calm. While she wasn’t a strict proponent of holding therapy, she knew that sometimes physical contact worked when nothing else could reach a kid.
“Leave me ’lone!” Mindy cried with a little further struggle, but Susan just kept up her gentle hold and her wordless sounds, and Mindy slowly relaxed.
“He has a picture frame that says...” She drew in a gasping breath. “It says, Mom. M-O-M, Mom. I want it!”
Sam went pale, and Susan’s heart ached with sympathy for the pair. Losing a parent was about the worst thing that could happen to a kid. And losing a wife was horrible, but it had to be even more painful to watch your child suffer and not know how to help.
To his credit, Sam regrouped quickly. “Honey, you can’t take Xavier’s picture frame. But we can get you one, okay?”
“It might even be fun to make one yourself,” Susan suggested, paying attention to the way the child’s body relaxed at the sound of her father’s reassuring words. “Then it would be even more special. Do you have lots of pictures of your mom?”
“Yes, ’cause I’m afraid I’ll forget her and then she’ll never come back.”
Perfectly normal for a five-year-old to think her dead mother would come back. But ouch. Poor Mindy, poor Sam. She hugged the child a little tighter.
“Hon, Mommy’s not coming back, remember? She’s with Jesus.” Sam’s tone changed enough on the last couple of words that Susan guessed he might have his doubts about that. Doubts he wasn’t conveying to Mindy, of course.
“But if I’m really good...”
“No, sweetie.” Sam’s face looked gray with sadness. “Mommy can’t come back to this world, but we’ll see her in heaven.”
“I don’t like that!” Mindy’s voice rose to a roar. “I. Don’t. Like. That!”
“None of us do, honey.” Daisy squatted before her, patting the sobbing child’s arm, her forehead wrinkling. “I don’t know what to do when she’s like this,” she said quietly to Susan.
“Mommy!” Mindy wailed over and over. “I’ll be good,” she added in a gulp.
Sam and Daisy looked helplessly at each other over Mindy’s head.
“It’s not your fault. You’re a good, good girl. Mommy loved you.” Susan kept her arms wrapped tightly around Mindy and rocked, whispering and humming a wordless song. Every so often Mindy would tense up again, and Susan whispered the soothing words. “Not your fault. Mommy loved you, and Daddy loves you.”
She knew the words were true, even though she hadn’t known Sam and his wife as a family. And she knew that Mindy needed to hear it, over and over again.
She was glad to be here. Glad she had enough distance to help Sam with what was a very tough situation.
Very slowly, Mindy started to relax again. Daisy shot Susan a smile and moved away to check the stove.
“Shhh, shhh,” Susan whispered, still holding her, still rocking. Losing a piece of her heart to this sweet, angry, hurting child.
Finally, Mindy went limp, and Susan very carefully slid her over to Sam. Took a deep breath, and tried to emerge from her personal, very emotional reaction and get back to the professional. “Does she usually fall asleep after a meltdown?”
Sam nodded. “Wears herself out, poor kid.” He stroked her hair, whispering the same kind of sounds Susan had made, and Mindy’s eyes closed.
“She’ll need something to eat and drink soon, maybe some chocolate milk, something like that,” Susan said quietly after a couple of minutes. “Protein and carbs.”
“Thank you for calming her down,” he said, his voice quiet, too. “That was much shorter than she usually goes.”
“No problem, it’s kind of my job. Did she have tantrums before you lost your wife?”
Sam nodded. “She’s always been volatile. We thought it was because of her hand.”
Susan reached out and stroked Mindy’s blond hair, listening to the welcome sound of the child’s sleep-breathing. “Having a disability can be frustrating. Or she could have some other sensitivities. Some kids are just more reactive.”
“Did you learn how to be a child-whisperer in your special ed training?”
Susan chuckled. “Some, but mostly, you learn it when you have a brother with autism. Donny—that’s my little brother—used to have twenty tantrums per day. It was too much for my mom, so I helped take care of him.”
Sam’s head lifted. “Where’s Donny now?”
“Home with Mom in California,” she said. “He’s eighteen, and...” She broke off. He was eighteen, and still expecting to be going to a camp focused on his beloved birds and woodland animals, because she hadn’t had the heart to call and tell him she’d screwed up and there wasn’t any money. “He’s still a handful, that’s for sure, but he’s also a joy.”
Mindy burrowed against her father’s chest, whimpering a little.
“How long has it been since you lost your wife?” Susan asked quietly.
“Two years, and Mindy does fine a lot of the time. And then we have this.” He nodded down at her.
“Grief is funny that way.” Susan searched her mind for her coursework on it. “From what I’ve read, she might re-grieve at each developmental stage. If she was pre-operational when your wife died, she didn’t fully understand it. Could be that now, she’s starting to take in the permanence of the loss.”
“I just want to fix it.” Sam’s voice was grim. “She doesn’t deserve this pain.”
“No one deserves it, but it happens.” She put a hand over Sam’s. “I’m sorry for your loss. And sorry this is so hard on Mindy, too. You’re doing a good job.”
“Coming from you, that means something,” he said with a faint grin.
Their eyes caught for a second too long.
Then Angelica and Daisy came bustling back into the room—when had they left, anyway?—followed by Xavier. How long had she, Sam and Mindy been sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor?
“Hey, the potatoes are done,” Daisy said, expertly pouring the contents of one pan into another. She leaned over and called out through the open window. “Troy, how about those burgers?”
“They’re ready.” Troy came in with a plate stacked high with hamburgers, plus a few hot dogs on the side.
Sam moved to the couch at the side of the kitchen, cuddling a half-asleep Mindy, while the rest of them hustled to get food on the table. Susan folded napkins and carried dishes and generally felt a part of things, which was nice. She hadn’t felt this comfortable in a long time. Being around Mindy, she felt as if she was in her element. This was her craft. What she was good at.
Again, she couldn’t help comparing this evening to those she’d spent with her own family. The tension between her mom and dad, the challenges Donny presented, made family dinners stressful, and as often as not, the kids had eaten separately from the adults, watching TV. Susan could see the appeal of this lifestyle, living near your siblings, getting to know their kids. Cousins growing up together.
This was what she’d want for her own kid.
And where on earth had that thought come from? She totally didn’t want kids! And she didn’t want a husband. She was a career girl, and that was that.
So why did she feel so strangely at home here?