Chapter 21

 

 

ESI’S EYES FLUTTERED OPEN. Instinctively, her hand sought out his side of the bed. Finding it empty, she turned to look. Gone. She sat up, brushing away a tendril of hair that stubbornly fell over her face. The shards of her beautiful dress lay in a heap on the floor. She wrapped her arms around herself, her heart filling with both contentment and confusion as memories of last night flooded her mind.

She could hear music. He must be playing the piano. She leant against the headboard, soaking it in. Her pulse raced as her mind remembered the feel of his hands on her body, his voice in her ears, and his breath against her skin.

A smile curved on her lips for an instant, then, out of nowhere, tears brimmed in her eyes, spilling over. She didn’t know why she was crying. It was certainly not that she hadn’t enjoyed last night—she had. So why did she feel sad? How could she shed tears for the pleasure he’d given her? How could she cry when her body still tingled at the memory of his touch?

After she’d pulled herself together, she took a shower and busied herself with household chores, avoiding him, hoping it would keep her mind at rest. Every now and then, a thought would slip through, and she started to think about the things that had happened since she’d got married. She loved him more than she could ever think possible and wanted very much to stay with him, but was it worth the pain? Is that what marriage had to offer?

Osei’s words came to mind. Don’t give up on him. She’d once found strength and hope in his words, but today, her spirits didn’t lift. Why should she stay with him if he was unhappy with her? How else could she interpret his behaviour? She found herself looking forward to her return to Ebinom.

Finally, when lunch was done, she couldn’t avoid him. She walked into the sitting room to look for him. Finding him engrossed in the music, she stopped by his side.

Lunch is ready.”

Unsure whether he heard her over the music, she raised her hand to touch his shoulder.

The music ceased immediately. She made to leave, but he grabbed her wrist. An unexpected jolt of pain shot through her arm, and she flinched. She hadn’t realised her wrists were tender.

Alarm filled his eyes.

Did I—” His voice caught. “Esi, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He rubbed her wrists, then, bringing her slender fingers to his lips, kissed them.

To her horror, tears filled in her eyes, and she began to cry. When he pulled her into his arms, she went willingly. She tried to absorb everything she could, knowing this might be the last time she got to be in his arms like this.

 

****

 

The rest of the week passed quickly. Though they didn’t argue, they didn’t talk much, either. Silent tension hovered over them. Each time they kissed, Michael’s heart swelled with emotion, yet, every time she said something, whenever he looked at her, he couldn’t shake the feeling that she was saying goodbye.

Sometimes, he was sure he loved her; other times, thoughts of Forest Girl invaded, creating doubt. What if he declared his love to Esi, and then met Forest Girl again? He needed to be sure before he made any declarations.

****

 

The next weekend arrived too quickly for Michael’s liking. He felt himself relegated to the side-lines as he watched Esi prepare for her trip to Ebinom. When she was ready to go, he dutifully carried her suitcase to the car. It came as no surprise when he realised he already missed her. As they drove to the State Transport Corporation—STC, as it was normally called—he wished something would happen to prevent her from going. He stole a glance at her.

She sat silently in a somewhat serene manner, gazing at the passing scenery with the same quiet aloofness she’d adopted the past week. It occurred to him that he’d never caught her stealing glances at him. He shrugged the thought away as they entered the bus station. He found a spot in the parking lot and drove in.

It was Friday, and the ticket counters were filled with traders on their way back from shopping in Accra and people going for funerals in their hometowns. Michael paid for Esi’s ticket. Luckily, she got a good seat, but unfortunately, STC buses weren’t available from Kumasi to Ebinom.

I’m sorry I couldn’t arrange for one of our cars to take you home.” He smiled apologetically, worried that, upon reaching Kumasi, she’d have to struggle alone to get another bus to Ebinom.

You don’t have to worry about me.” Esi turned away, busying herself with checking the lock on her suitcase.

His smile died on his lips. The matter-of-fact tone was much worse than sarcasm. “When are you coming back?”

Maybe Sunday evening.”

Sunday evening,” he repeated with a nod.

Why did she have to push it to the evening? Why did she have to leave at all? He had all those questions, but it was the ‘maybe’ that stuck. Most of all, he wanted to tell her that he loved her and ask her to come back. There were a lot of things he wanted to say, but courage failed when he needed it the most. After all, he had no right to say any of those things to her.

A few minutes later, they heard the boarding call. They both made sure the suitcase was safely in the cargo space of the bus, then stood waiting for the station attendant to call their seat number.

I left instructions with Ama about meals for the weekend,” she informed.

He nodded. Food was the last thing he wanted to talk about. He bent over and kissed her lightly on the lips.

See you on Sunday.” Maybe.

She looked around uncertainly and touched her lips, embarrassed at the giggling of excited passengers. Michael ignored them. Instead, he smiled at her. With all his heart, he wanted her to stay, but she moved a step backwards. Unexpected tears sprang to her eyes.

Hey, c’mon, it’s only two days.”

Two long days. He tried to cheer her up, not really believing she was sad to go. He embraced her just before she entered the bus. I’ll miss you. When she didn’t pull away, he held on to the hope that she’d come back although there was no doubt in his mind that she was happy to be leaving.

 

****

 

When Esi alighted at the station in Ebinom, it was already dark. She made her way home on foot, hoping no one would notice her. If they did, they would stop her to find out about life in Accra, and she was too exhausted for that.

Hardly had she reached the entrance gate when Agyeiwaa, her sister-in-law, called out, “Who’s there?” Then she added with disbelief, “Esi?”

It’s me.”

Agyeiwaa announced her at the top of her voice and rushed to embrace her. Her nephews and niece hurried to hug her, too. Soon, her mother and Abena also had their arms around her, all of them speaking at once. Before long, her bag had been whisked from her. From nowhere, her brother, Kwame, lifted her off the ground. She screamed with delight. Her heart soared.

Joy engulfed her, filling her heart. She was back among people she knew loved her and felt no shame to express it. When she was back on her feet, she turned to her sister.

Aren’t you supposed to be sick?” she asked as they entered the house. “Where’s Papa?”

He’s asleep,” Maame Akua answered in a low voice. “Let’s keep our voices down.”

How’s your husband?” Kwame asked.

He’s fine, but he was busy at work, so he couldn’t come with me.”

You should go to his house first thing tomorrow,” her mother said.

Yes, I know. I even have some things in my bag for them.”

They settled down in her former room, speaking in low tones. Esi told them how worried she was upon hearing about Abena’s illness that she had to come. Her joy was so overwhelming, her hands shook as she tried to open her bag. She gave each person a little present from Accra. They talked into the night, trying to catch up on the time they’d spent apart. Finally, well after midnight, the others left the room to Esi and Abena.

The journey had been exhausting and should could barely keep her eyelids open, but Abena wouldn’t let her sleep. She appeared to be filled with the extra energy that seemed to come with recovering from an illness.

Esi, tell me about Accra.”

Abena, I want to sleep.”

Come on, don’t be shy. Tell me about Bro Yaw.” She poked Esi. “Is he good to you?”

Yes, he’s nice. Now, please let me sleep.”

Abena wouldn’t hear of it. She kept pestering her sister for more girl-talk that Esi had to talk through her drowsiness until she was fast asleep.

 

****

 

Michael woke up at six o’clock the next morning and didn’t feel like doing anything or going anywhere. He hated himself for missing her so much. She’d been gone less than twenty-four hours, but her absence created a silence that frightened him.

Slipping out of bed, he tried to figure out how to spend the day, let alone the whole weekend, without breaking down. He shuffled out of the room and into the kitchen where he made himself a cup of instant coffee and then went to the sitting room. He picked up the telephone from the sideboard and sat in an armchair. Placing the directory on his lap, he contemplated different people he could call. While he was still thinking, it rang. He lifted the receiver to his ear almost immediately.

Hello.”

Mike. Are you all right? You sound ill,” an alarmed Osei asked.

Lovesick, maybe.”

Osei laughed. “You’re sick, bro.”

I told you. Lovesick.”

Osei laughed again. “How’s Esi?”

I don’t know.”

Don’t tell me you’ve been an idiot again.”

No.” He laughed weakly. “She’s gone to the village, and the silence is killing me.”

Hurray.”

That I’m feeling empty?”

Of course not. You’re finally coming to your senses.”

I’ve grown so used to her. It’s so quiet without her,” he confessed. “Osei, I think I’ve fallen in love with her.”

Mike, you’ve been in love with her ever since you told me about her. You just haven’t admitted it. How about lunch today?”

Thanks, but I want to stay at home and do some work.”

Liar. In his state of mind, he’d be poor company. Now that he’d said the words out loud, he needed to figure out how to undo the damage he’d caused, assuming it wasn’t too late.

How long will she be gone?”

Two endless days,” he answered, sounding as if he was dying. He heard Osei give a short laugh. “I thought you were my friend, bro. You’re not supposed to laugh at my misery.”

Osei laughed harder. “Goodbye, buddy. I tried to cheer you up, but you turned your old pal down.”

Is that why you called?”

No. I called about the machinery we ordered, but I think I’ll have to let you enjoy your weekend. You, my friend, are not in the right state of mind to discuss work.”“Ouch.” Michael failed to sound funny like he’d intended as his feelings escaped with the word. The line clicked, and he could hear the dialling tone.

Replacing the receiver, he couldn’t help trying to imagine what Esi was up to at that very moment.

 

****

 

A beautiful morning rose over Ebinom. Esi lay in bed listening to the songs of the morning birds. Abena slept soundly by her side. The love and warmth from her family was something she’d been looking forward to, and she’d shamelessly soaked it all in. She hadn’t expected to miss Michael, at least not so soon, but she already did.

Back in her old bed, it felt like old times. She could only think about Michael, and this time, she reminisced over actual kisses they’d shared, times he’d smiled at her, held her, made love to her. Yet, there remained confusion for those days when he refused to talk to her, days when they only argued and shouted at each other.

Getting out of bed, she walked out of the room cautiously and met her father. She greeted him. He asked her to come and sit by him and welcomed her home. He inquired about her new life, probing to find out more about how she lived in the big city. She was embarrassed at having to talk to her father about such personal things as she’d never discussed personal issues with him. After an uncomfortable eternity, Papa Afriyie gave her some advice and left for the farm.

When her mother was also about to leave, she found Esi where her father had left her. “When are you going to Maame Badu’s house?” she asked.

As soon as I take my bath.”

Go with Abena. When I return, we will talk.”

 

****

 

Agoo,” Esi called out when she and Abena reached the entrance of the Badu house.

Amee,” came the response.

A few seconds later, Serwaa came out.

Breaking into a smile, she said, “Ei! Esi.”

A moment later, Esi found herself in her sister-in-law’s arms. Serwaa led them into the visitors’ room, offering them seats.

Serwaa, who is it?” Maame Badu called.

It is our wife, Esi,” Serwaa answered.

When Maame Badu walked in, Esi stood. Her heart squeezed tight as she remembered the old woman’s love for her the few days she and Michael had spent here.

My daughter,” Maame Badu said, opening her arms.

Esi walked into her mother-in-law’s embrace. Emotions swept through her. She’d always liked Maame Badu, but as the old woman continued to hold her, Esi realised her love for Michael extended to his family.

After she’d been released, she resumed her seat and accepted the offer of water. Maame Badu asked about her journey, and Esi related the details of her journey and her visit, after which she gave her the gifts from Michael.

Are you happy with my son?” the old woman asked.

Esi’s heart thudded. The hopeful look her in her mother-in-law’s eyes made her realise she couldn’t tarnish her son’s image before her. Even if she didn’t love Michael, which she did. Maybe not with the pure, unadulterated love she’d always held for him before he’d shown her the sort of man he truly was.

Focusing on the good memories, she answered, “Yes, Maame. He makes me happy.”

Maame Badu extended her hand. “Come here, my daughter.”

Esi rose and went to kneel before the old woman.

God bless you, my child,” Maame Badu said. “A wife’s job is not an easy one. There are good days, and there are bad days, but you have honoured a son in the eyes of his mother.”

She looked up at her mother-in-law. “Thank you, Maame.”

The old woman smiled at her. “You will eat lunch with us, before returning to your parents’ house.”

 

****

 

Later that evening, Esi sat in her room, staring outside the window, her mind replaying her visit with Maame Badu. A sound from the door jolted her out of the memories. She turned to find her mother entering.

Esi, I want to talk to you.” The older woman sat on the bed. “You’re not happy, are you?”

What are you talking about, Mama?”

Tell me everything. Don’t hide important things from your mother.”

Mama, I’m fine, really.” She wished her mother would leave her alone. “I told you everything.”

I’ve heard enough of that, but no marriage is without problems.”

Esi felt as if she’d been caught in a lie. Could her mother read her mind? Maybe it was simply the voice of experience, she thought, remembering Maame Badu’s words. The weight of all the emotions she’d kept in check began to crash down on her, and she broke down.

Oh, Mama. Everything is so different and difficult, and I miss all of you.”

Calm down,” her mother said and held her in her arms.

As her mother rocked her, Esi’s tears finally subsided.

She pulled back.

Does he eat your food?” her mother asked.

Esi nodded.

He gives you money for the house?”

Again, she nodded.

Does he sleep at home?”

Another nod.

Maame Akua hesitated a fraction. “When you sleep with him…does he treat you well?”

Esi gaped at her mother, a flood of heat attacking her face and neck. She lowered her gaze.

Well,” her mother persisted.

Yes,” Esi replied, looking up again. It was one of the reasons why her heart still remained in Accra.

Her mother smiled, relief evident in her eyes. “Then you have nothing to worry about,” she said. “It will take some time for you to grow used to each other.”

Esi sat straight. She realised her mother didn’t understand. For the first time, she saw how different she was from her mother’s generation. Her mother didn’t know how it felt to have a husband who ate your food and asked you not to eat with him, who slept at home yet never looked at you and shamelessly boasted of his mistress.

She didn’t know what her daughter was going through and the confused emotions she grappled with daily. A tear drained from Esi’s eye. She was glad to be home, and though Accra held a lot of hurt, she’d rather try to fix that than hide here. She missed Michael.

I’m okay, Mama,” she finally said. “I just miss him.”

So, marrying him was the right decision?”

Yes.”

Just then, Agyeiwaa entered the room. “Esi.” The extent of her surprise resounded in her voice. “Mama, why is she crying?”

She is realising that marriage is not a game.”

Being so far away by herself is the problem. There’s no Mansa to talk to.”

Esi smiled, wiping her tears. “You’re right. I miss Mansa a lot.”

She had hoped to spend some time with her best friend, but she’d learnt this afternoon that Mansa had already moved to Kumasi.

Agyeiwaa shook her head. “It comes and goes, Esi. In the long run, it turns out okay.”

Esi looked at her. She didn’t understand, either, because she had a husband who loved her. For a moment, she’d wanted to confide in her mother, but now, she realised only she could do anything about her life.