Carmen comes over, looking at all of us with a smile and a drink in her hand. “Why do you all look like someone died? It’s a wedding, not a funeral, losers. Cheer up.”
“Well, someone is dying,” Liam says, “but he deserves to. And someone else could have died, but my new sister and soon-to-be brother-in-law here, they really saved the day.”
“Ooh,” Carmen says, stepping closer to examine Cole. “I don’t think we’ve met, but you look familiar. Haven’t I seen you in a magazine or something?”
“I just have one of those faces,” Cole says, extending his hand to shake hers. “I’m Sophie’s fiancé, Cole.”
“Carmen Winters. Thanks for totally stealing the thunder from this soon-to-be sister-in-law, by the way!”
“Sorry about that.”
“No worries.” Carmen leans closer to me while examining Cole. “Hey, Sophie. Nicely done. Very, very nicely done. You’ll have to tell me all about this fine man of yours.”
“Save that for the bachelorette party, ladies,” Liam recommends. “We have a wedding to prepare for.”
“Oh, do we still get to have one? Hellie won’t be a bachelorette anymore—but I suppose we could have an unbachelorette party,” Carmen suggests. Then she deflates. “But she can’t drink. How will I get her wasted and make her do terrible things?”
“We can have post-wedding unbachelor and unbachelorette parties. But I think everyone wants to do the wedding first, because they’re afraid I’ll chicken out again.”
“They don’t need to be afraid of that,” Carmen says, putting an arm around Liam to give him a friendly hug, while smiling maniacally. “Because I’ll just fucking kill you, if you hurt my sister again, you fucking asshole.”
Okay, I like this girl.
Liam laughs nervously. “Duly noted.”
“I can help,” I offer, “with any killing that needs to be done.”
Carmen waves her hand. “Don’t worry, Sophie. I’m just joking.” She gives me an exaggerated wink, before turning back to Liam and glaring. “I’m not. I’m really not. I will fucking murder you.” She makes a sign of dragging her finger across her neck slowly, as though threatening to behead Liam.
“As you can see,” Liam tells us, with a grin, “she’s going to be a wonderful sister-in-law.”
“I’ve killed a guy before,” Carmen reminds Liam. “Right here in Europe, actually. Shot him dead, right in the face.” She makes her hand into the shape of a gun and presses it against Liam’s cheek. “Don’t give me a reason to do it again.”
“Okay,” Liam says with a nervous laugh. “I’m going to go check on… the cake. Excuse me.”
“Did you really kill someone?” I ask Carmen, curiously.
“Yeah,” she responds, “but that was self-defense. I was just messing with Liam. Just some playful banter.” Then she lowers her voice and glares at Liam from across the room. “Unless he hurts my sister.”
Liam is talking with Helen’s father, and Carmen is watching them suspiciously. She receives a text message, and glances down at her phone, with concern. “Helen’s having a little breakdown,” she says softly. “I don’t blame her. I better go see if she’s okay.”
“I’ll come with you,” I tell Carmen, squeezing Cole’s leg before I walk away. “So you’re not totally on board with this wedding?” I ask her.
She shrugs. “It not up to me. But yeah, I have some reservations.”
“About Liam?”
She glances at me, hesitating as we walk to the room where Helen’s getting ready. “He’s just the first guy she’s ever really dated, you know? He’s literally the first guy she’s ever seen—because he performed a surgery on her that allowed her to see, but you know what I mean. She’s like this naïve, innocent girl, who just wants to marry her high school boyfriend, but doesn’t know that in ten years, he’s going be a terrible adult.”
“Cole was my high school boyfriend,” I tell Carmen softly. “Sometimes it works out. Also, Liam’s already an adult, so maybe she can judge a little better than you think. I’ve read Helen’s books, and I know she’s aware that there are awful people in the world.”
“Yeah. Bad things have happened to her,” Carmen admits. “And me, too. A lot of bad things. I just don’t want to see her get hurt, ever again. I don’t have the stomach for it.”
As we approach the room where Helen is getting ready, I start to wonder if the situation isn't as perfect as it seems.
"Carmen?" I ask softly. "Correct me if I’m wrong, but is your dad trying to force this wedding on Helen?"
The woman makes a face. "You see it too? My dad has a lot to make up for—he basically paid Liam to date Helen when they first met.”
“What? Helen didn’t tell me that part of the story.”
“Yeah. She experienced a violent attack in college, and she moved away from home to live by herself—away from people. Dad sent Liam to seduce her and bring her home, and tricked her into getting this experimental eye surgery. Then, when Liam and Helen actually hit it off and were spending too much time together—Dad tried to pay Liam to break up with Helen.”
“Whoa.”
“It's because she was blind for over twenty years,” Carmen says with a shrug. “My dad always saw her as this pathetic charity case he had to help out. Everything might seem really shiny and clean from the outside, but it's a little messed up once you dig deeper.” She takes a deep breath. “Here we are. I’ll go in first and see how she’s doing. Maid of honor duties and all. Excuse me.”
When Carmen enters the room, the door does not perfectly close. I stand near the entrance, and listen in on the conversation between the women. I cross my arms over my chest, processing what Carmen just told me, and what I knew from before.
“You’re having second thoughts,” Carmen is saying.
“I’m freaking the hell out," the bride responds. "What do you think I should do?”
Carmen takes a second to answer. “It’s not my place to say, Hellie. It’s your relationship.”
“What relationship?” Helen asks. “We haven’t spoken in ages. I don’t even remember who Liam is. But everyone is here, expecting a wedding! I can’t disappoint them. And I told him I would. Seeing him again was just so overwhelming that I only remembered the good…”
Carmen interjects then. “None of the people in this room are going to have to live with him. They aren’t going to have to sleep in his bed every night. They aren’t going to have to worry that he’s going to flake out when things get hard."
“Getting abducted has made you so wise,” Helen says.
This causes my eyebrows to lift in surprise. I didn't know that Carmen had been abducted. I thought these were just spoiled, rich girls from a perfect family, but they seem tougher than I previously imagined.
“You’ve always been the wise one, Hellie,” Carmen responds. “If you need more time to think about this, we’ll all understand.”
“I don’t know why I’m so jittery now. I missed him for weeks. I cried so much. I just wanted to be close to him again, more than anything. And now...”
Something strange happens in my head. I don’t know how to describe it, but the room spins, and I feel like I’m going to pass out. I grip the wall for support, fighting to stay standing. I stare at my hand, through the fogginess, and see duplicates, and triplicates of my engagement ring.
Sorry to hijack the body, Snow, says a voice inside my head.
It’s a voice I’ve never heard before. Or maybe I have heard that voice, and just never really paid attention.
I just need a minute, she tells me.
I find myself moving forward, without my own permission. I feel like I am at a distance from my own body, and there is a hazy filter over everything. I feel like I am fighting for control of my limbs. I hear my own voice speaking to the bride.
“Don’t do it, Helen.”
She looks into the mirror, at my reflection. “Sophie?”
“I don’t trust him,” my voice says. “I think he’s dangerous.”
Carmen looks up at me with surprise. “You seemed so nice and supportive out there. You were so forgiving.”
I feel myself shaking my head. “Look, I seem a lot of things. I act a lot of things. But I have trouble forgiving men when they fuck up, and Liam really fucked up. Helen—you’re such a great girl. You deserve better than my jackass brother.”
Helen looks startled. “Sophie, this isn’t helping. You’ve only met him twice, and the sample was really skewed. Trust me when I say he’s a good man.”
“You told me that he lied to you and upset you so much that you drove off a cliff and got brain damage,” my voice responds, as my body steps closer to her. “I remember everything you said to me on that cab ride, Helen. I’ve thought about it a lot. He might be good, but he’s not good enough.”
“That’s not fair,” Carmen says. “You should give him a chance. He’s your brother.”
My head nods without my permission. “I will give him a chance. I have no other choice. He’s the only blood brother I have. But Helen doesn’t have to give him another chance. There’s a whole world of men out there who could treat her better. Including David.”
“Do you really think so?” Helen whispers.
“Hey, hold up,” Carmen says, gesturing with both hands to indicate that we should stop. “Pump the brakes. We don’t know you, Sophie. Who are you to come in here and say shit like this to my sister?”
“I’m exactly what you are, Carmen. A concerned future aunt to Helen’s baby. And I’d love to be there as much as she’ll let me be. But I am also something that both of you girls are not—someone who grew up without a father. Someone who grew up in foster homes, with several incredibly shitty fathers. Now, your dad is a freakin’ saint. He bought everyone here, including me, plane tickets to come and support Helen. He’s just so lovely, that I don’t think either of you can imagine what it does to a person to grow up being abused and neglected. If Liam’s not going to be there for your baby…”
“He will be,” Helen says. “Liam would never hurt a child. Or neglect a child. I know that much, for certain. He’s a doctor. He cares about people.”
“I hope you’re right,” I find myself saying. “Because I just met Liam’s father for the first, time, and if Liam is anything like him…”
“Oh, god, no,” Helen says, with a horrified expression and a laugh. “No, absolutely not. I can see why you’d be so worried, Sophie. But Liam despises his father, and he is deeply ashamed of that man.” She takes a deep breath. “I’m happy that you care so much, Sophie. And I’m happy that my baby will have two wonderful aunties looking out for him or her. I’m just anxious, that’s all. The timing is really off—nothing is going as planned. But that’s just life. It’s messy and imperfect, so you have to seize each opportunity when it arises. I do love Liam, and I know we’ll get past this. It will take time.”
Carmen and I look at each other, and we know there is no point. You can't talk a woman in love out of making a foolish decision.
When a male voice clears his throat and enters the room, I turn around. It is David, the friend Helen was traveling all over Europe with. He looks sad as fuck, and totally crushed, but he is trying to smile, anyway.
“Can you ladies give me a minute with the bride?” he asks us quietly.
We nod and exit.
Standing outside the room. I find myself leaning weakly against a wall. I feel dizzy, like I have just gotten off a carnival ride. There is a decorative mirror in the hallway, and when I look into it, I can almost see a different person staring back at me, for a second. Sibyl.
She has red hair. But then she vanishes.
I try to move my fingers, and they respond a little. I think I am regaining control.
“You okay?” Carmen asks, putting a hand on my shoulder. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”
“Yeah, just dizzy,” I tell her, leaning against the wall.
“Sorry if I was a bitch in there,” Carmen says. “Just trying to play devil’s advocate, you know?”
I try to respond, but I still feel out of it. The world is still fuzzy.
Carmen sighs and leans against the wall beside me. “I’m trying to be strong and happy for her. Having Owen helps. But my husband just killed himself, not too long ago, and Helen warned me not to marry him. I just have this funny feeling in my stomach, like I’m supposed to warn her.”
“Your husband died?” I ask her.
“And I lost a baby,” Carmen whispers. “The doctors said I might never be able to have another. I’m sorry, I know this isn’t about me.” She waves, her hand in dismissal, clearing her throat, trying to push it all aside. “It’s just hard seeing her have it all, so easily. Well, I mean, it’s not easy. Liam was a real piece of work… but now, look around. Look at all this. She gets to live happily ever after, with the father of her baby, if she chooses. He won’t fuck with her, because he’s broke, and my dad drew up a pretty good prenup, considering all the money Helen’s going to eventually inherit. And if she chooses otherwise, there’s another great guy in that room behind us, and she can choose him, too. There’s really no wrong choice. She has it all.”
“I lost a baby, too,” I tell Carmen.
She turns to look at me, with a sad smile. “I guess I should be extra happy I get to be Auntie Carm so soon. And hey, I can just be the fun aunt, and I don’t have to push it out of me or get it cut out of me, so that’s a win, right?”
“Yeah.”
“But I was happy, for like five minutes. When I thought I was going to have something of my own. And that was all a lie. This monster poisoned my husband, poisoned me, killed my baby, abducted me, and ruined my whole life.”
I am still not feeling completely normal after the switch to Sibyl taking over, but I try to speak. “I am sorry that happened to you. I was abducted, too.”
“You were? Where were you taken? This dude took me to the Ukraine.”
That surprises me. “Oh, so you were like really, really abducted.”
“He was like a sex and drug trafficking type,” she explains, “and there was an orthodox cathedral. You know those ones with the gold roofs? It was messed up. Let me just tell you that getting on a plane to come back to Europe was not easy—and Owen had to babysit Liam, so he couldn’t even fly with me. I got totally drunk on the plane and cried in front of my dad. Humiliating.”
“That’s an exotic abduction,” I tell her, as I try to push myself off the wall to stand on my own. “At least you got a free cultural experience and to see some interesting architecture. I was just in a dungeon below a farmhouse that looked exactly like my childhood bedroom.”
“Childhood bedroom?” Carmen asks, with raised eyebrows.
“Yes.” Reaching down, I lift up my dress, showing Carmen the large, stitched up scar on my thigh. “He tortured me for a while. I was pretty sure I was going to die.”
“Oh my god. Girl, that looks fucking recent.”
“Yeah. It was like a few days ago. Weeks ago. I don’t know, they put me in a psychiatric facility after that, and time was passing strangely. I couldn’t stop sleeping.”
Carmen reaches out to give me a hug. I am surprised. But I hug her back.
It isn’t like Luciana’s hugs—suspicious, seductive, possibly intended to manipulate or control.
It’s just a real hug. It’s kind and sisterly.
And soon, she probably will be my sister-in-law, too. That makes my heart feel warm.
It seems like I’m getting a lot more out of this wedding than just one big brother of questionable character.
“Who was he?” Carmen asks, pointing at my scar.
“He was my father. The man who adopted me, when I was nine.”
“Oh my god,” she breathes, and I see tears gather in her eyes. “Don’t tell Liam yet, okay? He’ll blame himself, that your life was like that. He’s a bit of a dick, but not so much of a dick that he would ever want something like that to happen to you.”
I nod.
“And let’s try to keep it from Helen, for now, okay? She is already freaking out in there—but maybe we can get drunk tomorrow, and have a proper unbachelorette party, and get rid of the guys. Owen and Liam can take your Cole, and they can go see strippers or whatever guys do, and we can just relax and talk?”
“That sounds nice,” I tell her. But truthfully, I’m scared to get too drunk. I might switch out, and let Sibyl have control again. Was Sibyl able to take over more easily because I'd had a few drinks? The experience that just happened was a little rattling. I know I must have done the same thing to Serena, a million times. But I always thought I did it in a way that was kind, and gentle, and that she barely noticed. I never tried to rip her out of her body when she didn’t want to go, or make her watch when I had control, just to rub it in her face that she didn’t.
Carmen reaches for my wrist, studying the snowflake tattoo. I took the bandage off earlier, and applied some concealer to the redness around the edges. I realize that she is looking past the tattoo, to the scars on my wrist, and I pull my arm away in embarrassment.
“Do you ever think,” Carmen murmurs softly. “That rape is just part of the female condition?”
I stare at her closely. Her wispy blonde hair and piercing green eyes.
“All the time.”