“I’m so sorry, Scar,” Levi says, backing away from me, with a horrified look on his face. “I thought you were someone else. I had no idea—I never thought…” He swallows. “I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay,” I tell him. “But can you just tell me who Savannah is?”
“I feel awful,” he says, and his hands are shaking. “I feel so awful. I really hoped…”
“Levi, you’re my friend,” I whisper. “Can you please talk to me?”
He shakes his head in refusal. “Maybe later. It’s too painful right now.”
With that, he turns and walks out of the room. I move back to sit on the bed, and stare into space for a while in confusion. I reach up to touch my lips, trying to understand the feelings and thoughts, and extremely foggy memories swirling around in my mind.
“What happened?” Cole asks a few seconds later, upon walking into the room. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I don’t know… he just kissed me and called me Savannah.”
“He kissed you?”
“Don’t—don’t get upset. There was probably some reason. I probably did something I don’t remember.”
“We’ll ask the therapist for help,” Cole suggests immediately.
“Have I ever told you anything about a Savannah? Have you ever met her?”
“No.”
“He said I’ve been writing him letters, Cole. I don’t remember any of that.”
Cole hesitates. “This is a little weird, but… Maybe you could go undercover and pretend to be Savannah. See if you can find the letters and investigate.”
“He was touching me, Cole. Like, a lot. Are you comfortable with that?”
“Are you comfortable with it?” Cole asks. “I’m not thrilled about it, but it could be valuable to learn about Savannah. Your mental health comes before everything else.”
I shake my head, feeling strange about this. “You know what I said earlier about Serena not being addicted to sex?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, maybe I am.”
“You definitely are,” he responds. “I have the bruises.”
“Shut up, I’m not being funny here. I rejected that idea about Serena, because she didn’t really have a lot of sex. Or even if she did, she wasn’t present for it. I was. I was the one who was always there, doing all her dirty work. I had to finish everything she started, no matter what crazy shit she started. I didn’t really make the decisions—I just went along with the flow of things.” I hesitate. “I don’t know if I can manage to go undercover and pretend, because if he starts touching me, I’ll have trouble stopping him. I genuinely like him—or feel drawn to him, or something. Just now, I even had trouble shoving him away. But if I didn’t make him stop, he would not have.”
“It sounds like Savannah and Levi were really close,” Cole says with disappointment. “But it doesn’t matter.” He lifts his shirt, and points to the compass tattoo. “I have a prediction for you. If I ever do meet this Savannah, I’m going to win her over, and get her to like me better than Levi.”
I smile sadly. “Cole, my mental illness is not an opportunity for you to prove your masculinity and best your peers.”
“Okay,” he says. “Maybe I have issues, too. Do you have your laptop in here?”
I nod, looking toward my computer bag, which is with my luggage.
“Grab it, and let’s try to talk to the therapist. You should see if you can find a way to reach this Savannah and talk to her.”
“Okay, fine,” I grumble, retrieving the laptop and setting it up in the bed. “Oh, shit—I didn’t get the code to Levi’s WiFi. Whatever, I’ll make a hotspot,” I say, getting up again to grab my phone. A huge yawn escapes my lips as I go to Skype and message the therapist to see if she’s available for a session. To my surprise, she messages back almost instantly.
She begins calling me, and I answer to see that she is actually at her home, which is just as posh as the office.
“Hey Dr. B!” I say with a little wave.
“It’s good to see you two made it safely to Karachi,” she says, with a pleasant smile. “And please, call me Jeannine. How are we all doing today?”
“She’s a little stressed out,” Cole responds.
“I may have discovered a new alter,” I tell her.
“Oh, yes? What was the trigger for her coming out?”
“No, there was no trigger—she didn’t come out. That’s the problem. I don’t know anything about her existence. But when we met with our old friend in Karachi, he took me aside and kissed me and called me Savannah.”
“Oh, dear,” Jeannine says. “First of all, Savannah, if you can hear me, I would like to welcome you to the system. Serena is the host of the system, although she is currently unavailable, and Snow and Sybil both seem to be protectors of sorts. Snow is a physical protector, while Sybil seems to be more emotionally defensive. All these alters appreciate having you as part of their collective, and would love for you to make yourself known, if you feel comfortable. I am Dr. Jeannine Bartholomew, and I will be working together with your system, to help identify its parts. Cole is also a friend and ally, and he is engaged to marry Snow, and previously married to Serena. Please don’t feel the need to hide from any of us. If you want to communicate, feel free to write to me, here on Skype, or grab the notebook in your purse, and jot down anything you feel might be necessary to share with the system.”
“Do you think she can actually hear that?” I ask the doctor.
“I’m not sure, but it’s worth a shot,” Jeannine says with a smile. “Don’t worry, as we continue to work together, we have many strategies we could try, including hypnosis, to help identify parts of the system, and help everyone communicate with each other.”
“Would it be unethical or unwise for me to pretend to be this Savannah person with Levi—the friend we’re staying with—to learn a little more about her?”
The doctor hesitates. “It does seem unwise, and it could also backfire, and make Savannah trust you less. But if interactions with Levi are what led to the creation of Savannah, or if Levi is a trigger for her—then that could be a very clever way to access her. But I want you to pay close attention to absolutely everything you’re thinking or feeling when you’re around Levi. Sometimes, Savannah’s thoughts and feelings might disguise themselves as your own.”
“You mean, like wanting to have sex with him?” I ask the doctor. “Because he started trying, and it was very difficult to make him stop.”
The therapist hesitates. “These situations can be tricky. That could be Savannah peeking through. But just be careful, and make sure that you don’t use your disorder as an excuse to knowingly hurt Cole. If Savannah did something in the past that you were not aware of, that was out of your control. But what happens next, as long as you’re able to control the body, is all up to you, Snow.”
“Okay,” I respond.
“Why don’t you try talking to your friend and asking him to see the letters Savannah wrote him? Reading those letters could offer you amazing insight into any relationship they’ve had. And I’ll be here, and try to be available as much as you need me. If I’m ever busy with other clients when you message me, I’ll try to get back to you as soon as possible. I understand that this is a sensitive time for you.”
“Thank you so much.”