CONFIDENCE TRAINING
BECOME AN ALPHA MALE BY MASTERING YOUR CONFIDENCE, SELF ESTEEM AND CHARISMA
Robert Moore
Table of Contents
INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER 1: CONFIDENCE – SEPARATING MYTH FROM FACTS
CHAPTER 2: CONFIDENCE MINDSETS – WRONG AND RIGHT
CHAPTER 3: SOWING THE SEEDS OF CONFIDENCE WITH RIGHT MINDSETS
CHAPTER 4: SELF-CONFIDENCE STRATEGY – POSITIVITY
CHAPTER 5: SELF CONFIDENCE STRATEGY – ROCK YOUR BODY
CHAPTER 6: SELF CONFIDENCE STRATEGY – LOOK THE PART
CONCLUSION
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INTRODUCTION
Hey badass!
I’m glad you decided to invest in yourself.
Confidence is one of the most important traits to master if you want to succeed in your life.
While you decided to bet on yourself, most men out there are going to continue on their boring lives, controlled by their emotions, like weak little leaves in the wind. You will not.
You’re meant for greatness, and I hope this guide will help you reach your goals and transform your life.
In fact, for some guys, mastering their emotions and becoming truly confident will be their graduation from little children to ALPHA MALES. Because from now on, your emotions will work for you, instead of the other way around.
Confidence is one of those personality and character traits that are often taken for granted. Many well-meaning guys seem to think of confidence simply as hubris or chutzpah – nothing more. In fact, many men look at confidence as if it was a negative trait that can turn off people, especially women. Thoughts and statements like:
“The nerve of that guy!”
“Who does he think he is – God’s gift to women?”
“So he thinks he’s good eh? Well, let me show him.”
It’s thoughts and statements like these that give confidence such a bad rap to the point its value – if any – is underrated.
But confidence isn’t like that at all. As you’ll find out in this e-book, confidence is a positive trait – a desirable one in fact. And if you’re a guy that wants to be successful in most of the things that you do, confidence is a must, not an option.
In this book, I’ll show you what it means to be truly confident and more than that, how to be one confident man. By the end of this e-book, you’ll be in a position to be top dog or alpha male in your social or even work circles. And when you become that, you’re just a few steps closer to becoming a success in whatever it is you do and whatever circle you are.
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Believe me: this stuff will change your life, you won’t regret it!
CHAPTER 1: CONFIDENCE – SEPARATING MYTH FROM FACTS
“I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I won’t intimidate you.” – from iliketoquote.com
Like I said earlier, if confidence were a dude, he’d be one of the most misunderstood guys in the world. You know, probably like Caitlyn Jenner. It’s so misunderstood that many guys don’t even wanna come within a 10-foot diameter. There are just so many misconceptions about it.
I assume that obviously, you want to be confident – be alpha! I’d also assume that you’re totally or somewhat clueless as to whether or not it’s good to be confident, what does it really mean to be confident and how to be confident – an alpha male! In this chapter, I’ll whoop the living daylights out of those wrong misconceptions you may have about being confident. Why?
There’s a very good analogy in the Bible that says you can’t put new wine in old wineskins. Why? It’s because the old wineskins will burst if you put in new wine, and you’ll just wind up with wasted wine and an old, useless bag. Talk about lose-lose, eh? That’s why I want to start by aligning your perception of what confidence is even before getting into the nitty-gritty of the stuff. You can’t take in any confidence training lessons if from the get go, you already have a pre-conceived notion that confidence is bad for your social and career health.
Aight, enough small talk and let’s buckle down to demolishing those wrong, pre-conceived notions you may have about confidence.
CONFIDENCE ISN’T HUBRIS
Hubris may be thought of as too much pride, which manifests itself in among other things, arrogance, self-importance, superiority complex and conceit. All of these actually involve confidence; hence the really bad rap confidence gets from many people. However, hubris is having too much of the stuff and as we all know, too much of a good thing can eventually become bad for you. Don’t believe me? Just look at food!
So how can you tell the difference between hubris and confidence? Is there a gold standard or barometer by which you can conclusively differentiate confident behavior from an arrogant one? Unfortunately, it isn’t like obesity where you have the benefit of using some outdated and relatively inaccurate measurements such as the Body Mass Index 0r BMI.
There are, however, some relatively good indicators of hubris. Consider the following behaviors and contexts to see the difference between hubris and confidence.
Pointing Fingers
Imagine your co-worker gets promoted even if you’re perceived to be the one who’s more promotion-worthy. You point your finger at him during the meeting where his promotion was announced and say “You’re the man!” with a genuine smile on your face. That’s confidence. Pointing your finger at him during a meeting to tell him he should do this or that – now that’s hubris.
Name Dropping
When you’re sent to meet with a high-level official of another company on behalf of your company President or Chairman, it’s obviously necessary to drop that person’s name. “Hi, I’m Joseph and I’m here to represent our President/Chairperson Douglas Smith in this meeting.” is confidence.
You enter an Apple store to buy an iPhone 6 but there’s a long queue. You’re in a hurry and so you cut to the front of the line and tell the store dude or dudette to attend to you first. When the dude or dudette tells you to go back in line, you tell them the truth that you know Steve Jobs (as do millions of people) in order to intimidate them into letting you cut to the front of the line to the chagrin of the multitudes that lined up patiently. Now that’s hubris.
Interrupting Conversations
Imagine being in a conversation with someone who’s badmouthing someone close to you – probably your mother. Imagine further that what this person is saying is totally of whack and is purely malicious and fabricated. When you courteously interrupt him in the middle of his character assassination of your mom to defend her, that’s confidence.
If you’re talking to someone and you simply cut him or her in the middle of his or her speech just to satisfy your urge to promote yourself or what you find interesting, that isn’t confidence. That’s hubris – and impolite.
CONFIDENCE ISN’T CHUTZPAH
Pronounced as hutz-pah (silent C), the word originally comes from the Jewish or Hebrew word “hutspa” that means audacity or insolence. As with hubris, it does involve confidence, which gives the latter a negative connotation. The difference being is the amount, which is also excessive as with the case of hubris.
How can you tell the difference between chutzpah and confidence – how much is too much? Again, here are some situations that will give you a good idea.
Confidence is asking the minister of a conservative religious organization to officiate a same-sex wedding. Chutzpah is suing that minister and his organization for standing up to their religious beliefs and declining to hold that marriage.
Confidence is walking up to a hot girl in a bar, engaging her in a fun and interesting conversation and getting her digits for going out with her later on. Chutzpah is approaching the same hot girl in a bar and telling her straight to her face “I know you have the hots for me so let’s get it on.”
Confidence is asking a prospective client who just turned down your business offer for other prospects that they know who may be interested in what you just offered. Chutzpah is forcing that prospect to say “yes” to your proposal or telling him that by turning down your offer, he’s making the biggest mistake of his life.
I can go on and on but I think you get the picture, eh? Great!
CONFIDENCE ISN’T INSENSITIVITY
Insensitivity is, well, being insensitive to situations and other people’s feelings. In particular, it means speaking and acting without regard to whether or not it will negatively affect other people. Unfortunately, it’s also one of those things that are mistaken for confidence because just like the first two, it involves an excessive level of it. It’s like alcohol – moderate consumption can actually be good for your health and over doing the stuff makes for a stupid drunk. Confidence is similarly like it – too much of it can make you a stupid drunk and do and say stupid things.
Insensitivity is one of those stupid things. So how can you tell if you’re confident or just plain insensitive? Again, it’s best to give you examples instead of boxed definitions.
Speaking Your Mind
You’re confident when you’re able to express your opinions at the right place, time, tone and with the right words. Take for example same-sex marriage – a highly sensitive and controversial topic these days. If someone asks you what your stand is concerning that, you’re confident if you’re able to express your true belief – pro or con – in a respectful manner and tone of voice. If you simply express the popular opinion these days even if you believe otherwise, which is pro same-sex marriage, you’re not confident. Or if you say you’re against it when asked by a rather influential member of a conservative religious group even if you’re for it, you’re not a confident man. You’re simply a people pleaser with no backbone.
If you were introduced to a same-sex married couple and off the bat, you blurt out “What you’re doing is wrong and you’ll burn in hell for that!”, that’s insensitivity. The same goes if you were introduced to a gracious Christian and without batting an eyelash, you tell that person “I believe people who are against same-sex marriages are neo-Nazis and supreme bigots!” That’s not confidence – that’s insensitivity.
Smoking
Let’s face it – smoking looks cool. I mean, you look at the Marlboro Man and you see alpha male. You look at rock stars, they smoke too. Many of the iconic alpha males are smokers. Never has been slow suicide so cool!
Regardless of your views about smoking, it does take confidence to actually smoke regardless of all the negative information going on around as well as well-founded criticisms from many health buffs. As one famous preacher said, only dead fish swim with the current.
But this book is about confidence and not the healthiness (or lack of it) of smoking. Smoking in a non-smoking place – never mind if it’s an open air one – with lots of non-smokers (obviously) is insensitivity to their rights to live a healthy life. Further, it’s insensitivity when you continue smoking there despite being politely asked to smoke somewhere else.
If you want to die early, it’s your right, dude. Just be sensitive enough to know that there are actually some people who’d like to live longer.
CONFIDENCE IS…
Now that you know what confidence isn’t, it’s about time you get to know what real confidence is. Real confidence is an internal issue, not a behavioral one. It starts in the mind and ends in actions or speech. To give you a better idea of what it means to be really confident, I’d like to use the illustration of an apple tree.
If you plant an apple seed on the ground, what will you expect to grow in a few years’ time? That’s right – an apple tree! Well done, my padawan – you studied well! Now, why’s that so? Well, it’s because you planted an apple seed! It would be loonies to think that a tree other than apple one would grow out of the soil in which you planted the seed.
Say that tree has grown to maturity and has already borne much fruit during the last several years. If you pick all the apples hanging from the branches, can you expect to do the same in the future? Why, yes you would! It’s because it’s an apple tree and as such, you can’t expect it to bear any other fruit.
If you cut the branches, can you still expect to harvest apples in the future from said tree? Oh yes you would, dude! It’s because it’s an apple tree! Although it may take some time for the branches to grow back to their former glory, eventually it would and bear the same fruits.
Why is that so? It’s because at the roots (literally speaking), it’s an apple. For as long as the roots are alive and planted in good soil, it will always bear apples. That’s its nature, hence the consistent apple-bearing ability.
Let’s say that after a few years of being in an exclusively apple diet, you’ve grown sick and tired of apples and would like to enjoy oranges instead. However, your property only has apple trees on it. You can try to buy oranges and graft them onto your apple trees’ branches and it would seem to bear oranges instead of apples, right?
But would that futile attempt actually be successful in the long term? You’re right – it won’t be. In fact, I believe what you’re thinking is “How stupid an idea that is!” I couldn’t agree with you more, dude! It’s the stupidest idea on the face of this planet!
But guess what? You’re like that tree bro! What ever is at your roots (mindsets, beliefs about yourself) is what will constantly manifest in your actions and speech. Yes, I can teach you ways to exude confidence and act confidently but if your wrong mindsets (roots) about what confidence is don’t change, it’s the same as grafting oranges onto your apple trees’ branches and expecting it to bear oranges year in and year out. It just won’t happen. You’ll always revert back to your un-confident, insecure and omega male habits, actions and speech.
And same with the apple trees, you’ll need to uproot wrong mindsets first before planting new seeds that will bear confidence fruits. In the next chapter, I’ll show you harmful mindsets that keep you from becoming confident about yourself and the right mindsets to have for a truly confident you.
CHAPTER 2: CONFIDENCE MINDSETS – WRONG AND RIGHT
“My greatest challenge has been to change the mindset of people. Mindsets play strange tricks on us. We see things the way our minds have instructed our eyes to see.” – Muhammad Yunus
It’s impossible to view the world without biases. It’s because our experiences growing up have shaped much of what we believe in, how we see things and our perceptions of what reality is.
For example, don’t expect a person who grew up in abject poverty and with regular sexual and emotional abuse to believe in the “goodness” of life. Well, at least not in the near term horizon and until that person chooses to do so.
Which brings me to another equally important and influential factor when it comes to mindsets – thoughts. You may not have grown up in a socially and economically challenge neighborhood but because you saw a rich friend become bankrupt in a such a short period of time, you tend to always think about just how possible it is to become poor in the wink of an eye. As you regularly think about it, you’ll eventually believe it will happen to you. And when you start believing, your mind will look for ways to make your belief come to pass.
You may not have any control on many things that happen to you – being fired from your job, growing up in a poor family and losing your business because of a criminal employee – but you can control your thoughts. In fact, your subconscious mind, which basically controls most of your behavior, can’t tell the difference between what’s a real experience and one that you create in your mind. It simply accepts whatever input you actively give it or allow to enter and it will effectively act to make those inputs come to pass.
At this point, the decision is yours man. Will you continue to hold on to wrong mindsets about who you are by continuing to let society or your experiences shape your confidence in yourself or will you do something about it? If you want to start doing something about it, here are some of the wrong mindsets that need to be uprooted before you implant the right ones.
PERFECTION
One of the wrong mindsets that can cause you to feel lack of confidence is perfection. Many people, sad to say, believe you’re only good enough when you’re perfect. While it’s true you can’t be confident when you more than often screw things up, it doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to do so every now and then.
Perfectionism is a sure-fire recipe for sucking the confidence out of you every time. Why? Because nobody is perfect. If you will only be confident about yourself when you’re already perfect, well I have really terrible news for you, boy. You’ll never be confident.
When you think of confident, alpha males like Michael Jordan and Novak Djokovic, they aren’t perfect at all! If you’ll recall (or Google), Michael Jordan at one point failed to make the cut of his school’s varsity team. Many times in his career too, he missed free throws and open jump shots. Did it hamper his belief in himself and in his abilities? No. In fact, it even drove him to further improve on what is arguably the best set of basketball skills of his generation.
When you consider Novak Djokovic, the world’s current top-seeded men’s tennis player, you’ll see he hasn’t won all of his matches. He has also missed shots and continues to do so every now and then. He’s number one but he isn’t perfect. He isn’t perfect but his confidence in his ability to play at the game’s top levels isn’t slightly affected.
MINDSETS ARE PERMANENT
Many people believe in fate – that their destinies were already written in the stars long time ago. As such, it includes such excuses as:
“This is how God made me to be.”
“I grew up in a poor family and I’ll possibly die in one too.”
“This is who I am and I can’t do nothin’ about it!”
“Once shy, always shy!”
These statements reflect the belief that everything in one’s life is permanent and can’t be changed. Why is this anti-confidence? Obviously, it doesn’t give you hope for a better future, i.e. that you can actually be confident and become alpha! Without such hope, you wouldn’t do the things needed to become confident, believing they’ll be a complete waste of time.
If this is a mindset root for you, you will consistently reject anything that requires effort in order to change yourself for the better. You can try for a few days, weeks and even months but you’ll eventually come crashing back to the earth of your true mindset – that you’re hopeless.
ACHIEVEMENTS = CONFIDENCE
While it’s certainly true that achievements can certainly make shy person confident or a slightly confident man into a seriously more confident one, it doesn’t mean you have to achieve first to become confident. In fact, many great men became so because they believed in themselves first. Any achievement that doesn’t require self-confidence is at most, accidental or circumstantial. Like a shy man who was in a situation he had to save a drowning child. After successfully doing so, he receives so much adulation and praise from the public that it made him a confident person. Such confidence is purely coincidental and will most probably be a short-lived one, i.e., will disappear after the initial public euphoria over what he’s done has passed.
Again, look at people like LeBron James or Kobe Bryant, both of whom are two of basketball’s greatest stars ever and who went pro straight out of high school. They had so much confidence in themselves that they took the risk of going straight to the NBA, the world’s toughest basketball league, to strut their high school-level stuff. Such confidence led to their great achievements – championship trophies, MVP awards, etc. – and not the other way around.
So when you feel you need to achieve first in order to become confident, don’t dwell on it. You’ll need to be confident in yourself first before you can even hope to achieve anything significant or meaningful.
UPROOTING MINDSETS
There are many different ways to uproot wrong mindsets – some are easy and free while others are rather complicated and costly. I’ll show you some practical ways you can uproot wrong mindsets that are keeping you from becoming confident and turning alpha.
Starve The Beast
One of the best ways to defeat a formidable, living enemy is to starve it to death. Any living thing will die naturally without enough food and drink. Mindsets are similar: stop feeding it and it will die or be uprooted.
In what ways do you actually feed mindsets? One way is by looping them in your mind. You may argue that “Hey, I don’t sit in a lotus pose and chant all those wrong mindsets like a negative yoga practitioner.” Believe me dude, you don’t need to enroll in a yoga or meditation class and chant “ohm, ohm, ohm” for hours on end to meditate.
When you always think about why you can’t be confident and how you aren’t confident, you’re looping these thoughts in your mind. Meditating simply means thinking or ruminating about something regularly. That’s it. Whether it’s “ohm, ohm, ohm” or “What make me think I can be rich and successful when I don’t have the right connections and I’m not born into a rich family?”, you’re meditating.
The less you think about your wrong mindsets, the more you starve it. Over time, you’ll starve it enough to be able to truly uproot or destroy it.
Self-Interrogation
One of the best ways to gradually uproot wrong mindsets is by challenging it – and one of the best ways to do it is to regularly question its validity and benefit (if any). Think of it as a court hearing, where the defense attorney – you – merely tries to establish reasonable doubt against the charges of the prosecuting lawyer – the wrong mindset – and in so doing, destroy any legal claims or power it may have over you. Allow me to be more specific.
Let’s take the wrong mindset of permanence for example. One way to establish reasonable doubt is by interrogating it on the level of both validity and benefits. Some questions you can regularly ask yourself regarding this mindset are:
“How true is this? What about my friend Hubert who used to believe that there’s no God? If mindsets are really permanent, then why is he a minister at a local church now?”
“Will believing that I can’t change how I think and feel about myself be beneficial or harmful for me? Will I be really able to live life to the full, which is what I really want, if I continue to believe this is so?”
“If it’s true that I need to achieve something significant first before being feeling confident about myself, then what should I make of my best friend George? He’s not exactly well-off, didn’t go to college nor isn’t particularly the reincarnation of James Dean but how was it that he was confident about approaching random beautiful women everywhere and getting their numbers even before his first successful attempt?”
“Would my life be so much better if I ditched my current belief that I need to be an achiever first before I become confident about myself? If I continue holding on to this screwed-up belief, would I be able to live life to the full?”
Do this frequently and over time, you’ll find yourself slowly uprooting your wrong mindsets about being confident and eventually uproot them enough to plant new seeds of confidence mindsets.
Flock Together With Same Feathered Birds
If you feel that the first two approaches are too burdensome for you, consider simply hanging out with confident people. There is such a thing as transference of spirits and by simply hanging out with confidence-infected people, you may be able to catch enough of the confidence virus to uproot your old, wrong mindsets.
Experience is the best teacher, as the saying goes. And the best experience is of course, personal. But other people’s experiences can also be very good teachers, which can help you uproot major wrong mindsets without much effort. It’s been said that when it comes to learning, more is caught than taught. In other words, actions speak louder than words. When you hang out with really confident people, you put yourself in a position to really see for yourself the folly of your wrong confidence mindsets and gradually condition your mind to uproot them.
CHAPTER 3: SOWING THE SEEDS OF CONFIDENCE WITH RIGHT MINDSETS
“Your mind is a garden. Your thoughts are the seeds. You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.” – Ritu Ghatourey
The best way to get rid of weeds is to uproot them. Now that you learned some of the best ways to uproot your mindset weeds, it’s time to sow confidence mindset seeds!
POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS
Jimmy Connors, one of the greatest tennis players in history, once said “use it or lose it.” In many ways, this is true. Check out stroke victims and their road to recovery.
One of the worst effects of suffering from a really bad stroke is losing the ability to use certain muscles. Because of bad strokes, victims suffer from muscle atrophy – shrinking muscles – and consequently, significantly less strength. This is due to their inability to use their muscles for a significant period of time.
Consider what happens to you too when you stop lifting weights at the gym. Your chest muscles drop down to your belly, making your chest smaller and waist bigger. Why did your chest shrink? You guessed it right – lack of use!
When it comes to our thoughts and mindsets, it’s the same. The less we exercise our minds, the weaker they become. As they weaken, we become more prone to being influenced by external factors, which can significantly affect our self-confidence.
Positive affirmations – also known as positive self-talk – are a very good way to exercise our mind muscles towards becoming more and more confident about ourselves. Positive affirmations can be a very effective way to influence or reprogram your subconscious mind to become more confident. And as Jimmy Connors said, you either use it or lose it.
So how do you utilize positive affirmations? First step is to take a piece of paper and fold it in half lengthwise. On the left side, list down your wrong confidence mindsets, which need not be limited to the ones I wrote in Chapter 2. Once you have completed your list, write down positive affirmations you want to replace your wrong mindsets with on the opposite side.
Next, tear away the left side (wrong mindsets) and throw them away. Keep the right side that contains your positive affirmations, creating multiple copies if possible for security and flexibility. Post these affirmations in places around your house that you frequent, i.e., the toilet, kitchen, on the ref door and in the bedroom. As often as you see them, read them aloud and simply allow it to sink into your subconscious mind. It’s important that you don’t try too hard by memorizing or by forcing yourself to recite them verbatim from memory. The secret lies in reading them aloud in a relaxed manner, letting your mind be marinated in those affirmations. When your subconscious mind absorbs it, it will automatically seek out ways to manifest them naturally and you’ll be pleasantly amazed at how the change feels natural and unforced.
As much as I’d like to promote positive affirmations as something that’s totally easy and automatic, I can’t. You’ll still need to put in effort even after you have already successfully planted those thoughts in your subconscious mind by being wary of the possibility that you may revert back to speaking your former mindsets. As such, I highly recommend that you don’t stop the practice of positive affirmations even if you feel you’ve already replaced your wrong mindsets. Given it’s not a burdensome practice, why not be ensure that you won’t backslide? Better safe than sorry, right? Right!
Lastly, positive affirmations are best utilized with the help of other people. Why? It’s because you’re not perfect (nobody is, man) and you certainly have blind spots. By recruiting a few of your most trusted friends or family members into your positive affirmations team, you have the benefit of having others help you catch yourself if you’re backsliding into your old, wrong confidence mindsets.
Ask them to tell you as soon as possible if they think your going back to your old mindsets. Sooner, not later is better. Better catch it while it’s still relatively easier to correct than later when it has already become quite a challenge.
THE RIGHT CROWD
Hanging out with the right crowd doesn’t just help uproot old and wrong mindsets but replace them with the right ones as well. Let me share with you an experience that can really help you see how important this is.
It used to be I was shy. The last thing I wanted in this world – I want death over this – was to speak in front of a crowd. It doesn’t matter if the crowd is as big as only 2 people. Death before public speaking.
But fortunately, I was “forced” to hang out with people who were very confident about speaking in front of other people. No formal lessons were taught and no counseling sessions every happened – I was just obligated to hang out with them and assist them. Within a year, I was already speaking in front. Today, I speak in front of more than 1,000 people every week and I can do it confidently.
Because more is caught than taught, hanging out with these confident public speakers allowed me to “catch” their techniques and consequently, their confidence. Because I saw and heard with my own eyes and ears, respectively, I started to believe it wasn’t impossible at all – that it was something well within arms’ reach. As a result, the confidence gradually built up inside me until I was already leading the group and currently, I’m speaking in front of multitudes.
Hanging out with other confident, alpha males can transform you into a confident alpha male too. So if you know of someone who fits the bill, hang out with this dude more often. Hang out with him as often as possible, in fact. The more time you spend with such people, the faster you’ll be transformed into the confident alpha man you wanna be.
EXCELLENCE, NOT PERFECTION
Remember that perfection is one of the biggest confidence busters of all time? The extreme opposite of perfection – poor quality – isn’t the answer either. In fact, it’s another confidence buster, for how the hell can you be confident with being sloppy or with poor quality work?
The answer is excellence. Excellence is simply giving it your best and giving good quality work. Be it with your schoolwork, office work, sports performance or simply dressing well, excellence is both achievable and a great way to boost your confidence.
The key to excellence is making the most of what you have. Excellence is not donating $1,000 monthly to charity when you’re making just $1,100 every month. If based on your personal circumstances you’re able to afford a maximum of $300 for monthly donations, giving $300 is excellent. Buying a $2,000 suit when all you can comfortably afford to pay in cash is a $300 one isn’t excellent – it’s stupid. Going for the best $300-suit you can find is excellence.
Get it?
I’d like to think of excellence as “no-holds barred” when it comes to quality. Just as underground fighters give it their all when it comes to beating the hell out of the other guy during matches, so it is with you in all aspects of your life that matter most. That’s excellence.
CONTINUOUS IMPROVEMENT
Speaking of excellence, what is excellent now may just be average within a few years or even months. In today’s rapidly changing world, it’s not unusual to find that the very expensive smart phone you bought 3 months ago can be considered passé by next month.
But of course, we’re not talking about gadgets here. We’re talking about you. The skills you have now may be passé in a few years time, which can significantly affect your ability to perform excellently and consequently, your confidence. Let’s consider marketing.
Social media marketing has become a force to reckon with when it comes to businesses and as such, the demand for very capable social media or Internet marketers has gone up significantly. More importantly, more and more people are catching up on this demand and are learning to be very proficient social media marketers.
If you’re a marketing professional, it is imperative that you are at least familiar with Facebook, Twitter and Instagram as a very cost-efficient and effective social marketing tool. If not, you’re in deep trouble in your profession and may eventually be booted out of your job or lose your clients to younger, more aggressive and skilled social media marketers. More than being adept at using the 3 aforementioned social media sites, you’ll also need to be up to date with the latest social media developments in order to catch the wave early on and position yourself well. Again, being on top of your game is a big source of natural confidence and if you don’t continuously invest on your personal and professional growth, you run the risk of losing confidence in the medium to long term. On the other hand, continuous personal and professional growth is a highly potent tool for becoming and staying confident.
Personally, I find reading to be the best source of continuous personal and professional growth for the reason that I have access to the minds of many of the best practitioners of a particular topic or profession through their published works, printed or electronic. Reading their works also provides me with the luxury of convenience – I can read at the most convenient time for me.
Next to reading, attending classes and seminars are next on my list. The only reason they’re second on my list is because it can be time consuming. Other than that, it would’ve been at the top of my list.
Lastly, hanging out with people who are very good at what I want to learn enables me to grow personally and professionally. As more is caught than taught when it comes to learning, being able to witness first hand how things I want to learn are done makes for a very good learning experience.
CHAPTER 4: SELF-CONFIDENCE STRATEGY – POSITIVITY
“Positive anything is better than negative nothing.” – Elbert Hubbard
Positivity is looking at life or the things that happen in life through a positive point of view. For example, there are 3 ways of looking at an event such as the bus you’re riding hurriedly to work busting a tire. The delay causes you to be late and you can either look at it as positive, negative or neutral. Positive because you choose to believe that it could’ve been worse like the bus was raptured by an evil UFO along the way or it could’ve ended up being swallowed by a sinkhole the size of California! You can take it negatively and rant all the way to work that you missed an important meeting and because of that you can get fired, fail to find new work and end up homeless and living in a shelter. Neutrally, you just don’t care!
Now let’s take this example in terms of being a man – an alpha man! Let’s say you spot a really hot chick at the other end of the bar. You catch her glancing at you several times now. So what are you gonna do, boy? Are you just gonna stay where you are and get drunk or hop over to that chick, engage her in interesting conversation and try to get her number and who knows – score? What? You’ll just stay and get drunk? What the hell?
Let me guess, you’re concerned more with the possibility that she’ll ignore you – reject! Now based on the 3 ways we talked about earlier, here’s how you can handle that risk:
-Negatively: You’ll come back to your seat with your tail in between your legs (wait, you already have one in between both legs!), sulk about what happened and conclude you’re just not worth hot women’s attention, much less their bodies. You condemn yourself to a life of solitude and potentially, celibacy. Good Lord help you!
-Neutrally: You just brush it off, go back to your seat and get drunk.
-Positively: You go back to your seat and like Thomas Edison, consider that setback as progress, i.e., you learned another way to unsuccessfully interact with hot, random women in a bar. The more unsuccessful ways you discover, the less mistakes you’ll probably commit next time and the higher your chances of finally getting it right!
Positivity shouldn’t be confused with the Pollyanna syndrome, wherein you simply think nothing’s wrong in the world and that everything’s A-Okay, even when things are falling apart! Positivity is several notches higher in the sense that you still acknowledge the negative thing that happened but instead of dwelling on what went wrong that you couldn’t change, you dwell on the possible or actual good things that can come out of such events.
Going back to the girl in the bar example, if she did turn down your attempt to get into a conversation or ask for her digits, you exercise positivity by acknowledging that you were rejected and concentrating on the potential benefits of being rejected such as you’re one step closer to figuring out how it works or that you may have been spared by God from being butchered by a potentially mad serial-killer chick!
CHAPTER 5: SELF CONFIDENCE STRATEGY – ROCK YOUR BODY
“Body language is a very powerful tool. We had body language before we had speech, and apparently, 80% of what you understand in a conversation is read through the body, not the words.” – Deborah Bull
That’s how significant body language is. In fact, other experts peg the percentage of effective communications that can be attributed to body language at 90%! That’s both an exciting and a scary thought, don’t you think so?
What that means is this: you may say that you are a man that’s worth following (as the alpha of the pack) and having (by the woman you’re so into) but if your posture, gestures and hand movements are slouched, hurried and fidgety, respectively, guess which between your speech and body language will be picked up by the people you want to lead and the woman you want to have? That’s right, your body language.
FROM THE INSIDE OUT OR OUTSIDE IN?
You may be wondering why the focus on body language if, as mentioned in earlier chapters, it begins with the inside: your mind. Well, my intelligent padawan – that’s a very good question! If such a question actually entered your mind, it means you were actually paying attention! Good job, bro!
Yes, it begins with having the right mindset. But it’s also worth noting that repeated actions can also influence your mindset. This is the reason why alpha athletes still practice hard… it’s how they stay sharp or even continue getting sharper at their game, which further reinforces their self-confidence. Look at the 2014-2015 NBA regular season MVP, Stephen Curry. He’s probably the sickest, wickedest outside shooter I’ve ever seen…ever! Just how confident is he? Check out this video , where Stephen Curry high fives his teammate Andre Iguodala even before his three-point shot went in. Wanna talk about confidence? That’s confidence for ya’ right there!
But did you know that Stephen Curry, despite his crazy-mad shooting skills, still practices like a mad man, shooting at least 1,000 shots before every practice. Yeah, you read that right, 1,000 shots even before the team’s actual practice begins. And you wonder why he’s the sickest son-of-a-3-point-shooter ever? By the way, he really is a son of a 3-point shooter. His father, Dell Curry, was himself a high-percentage 3-point shooter during his NBA career. As Stephen Curry continues to re-define the art of taking jump shots, he becomes ever more confident of his playing skills. All this is possible by practicing the motions.
Body language is like taking 1,000 shots before every practice session. When you have the right confidence mindset, you become confident enough to continuously work on your body language, which makes you even more confident and the cycle continues. Without acting your mindset, you either stagnate or worse, backslide into the deep, dark world of insecurity and lack of self-confidence. I don’t know about you, Holmes, but that’s as scary to me as the dark pits of hell!
ACTING THE PART
There aren’t a million different things you need to do to exude confidence, just a few key body gestures, postures and movements. These may be relatively simple yet they are mostly taken for granted. But don’t underestimate the subtle power such gestures, postures and movements exude.
Eye Contact
Nothing exudes more confidence, manliness and raw power than making and maintaining eye contact. Why? Consider the following questions:
-Remember the last time you did something really bad as a kid, like soiling your mom’s favorite couch with spaghetti sauce, and how afraid you were for them to find out? Were you able to look at your parents in the eye?
-When you accidentally spilled the beans on your best friend’s hidden desire for your class’ hottest chick, could you comfortably look at him in the eye when he ranted to you about that douche bag who ratted him out to that girl?
-When your Mom accidentally caught you making love to your hand when you were still in your teens, were you able to look at her straight in the eye when she washed you down like laundry?
If you answered no to any or all of the questions above, do you now see the link between self-confidence and eye contact?
Experts in body language like Dr. Cal Lightman of the hit TV series Lie To Me know for a fact that people who are hiding something normally can’t make or sustain eye contact. It’s because they’re afraid they’ll be found out – they’re not confident.
Contrast it to people like Vladimir Putin, who make eye contact and sustain them when talking to other people or when they’re giving a speech. It comes from a place of inner confidence and acting out that inner confidence through, among others, eye contact helps fan the flame of self-confidence even more.
Next time you talk to another person, especially a really hot chick, look at them in the eye. The best place to actually do it isn’t on the eyes or one of the eyes but on a spot in the middle of their eyes. Also, don’t over do it. Just look but don’t stare, and don’t hold eye contact for too long. After a while, slowly look away to something or someone else and slowly look back into the other person’s eyes. This way, you don’t give them a spooky feeling that you’re some kind of a stalker or mad man.
Posture
When it comes to posture, the words “stand erect” or “stand up straight” usually comes to mind. To a great extent, that’s true but the confident man or alpha male’s posture isn’t just about standing straight. It also means standing tall.
Just what does standing tall mean? Here’s how you stand up tall:
-Begin with your legs. You must straighten and extend them fully – don’t bend or look lazy.
-Next up, focus on your spine. Standing tall means avoiding a hunched-over or forward leaning posture. The posture you need to take is one where in your back is shaped a bit like a small letter C. Essentially, your chest is a bit puffed out, shoulders drawn a bit backwards (not too much, aight?) and you’re standing upright.
-The key here is moderation. Don’t overdo the C position of your back nor push your chest so far out that you look like your being towed by a car from the chest.
The Look On Your Face
Facial expressions are so important that slews of studies have been conducted on it and many books have been published on how to read them. In fact, you can tell people a lot about how confident you are about yourself by your facial expression. When it comes to increasing your self-confidence however, the right facial expression can play an important role but only as a supplement, not the foundation.
Here are tips on the kinds of facial expression that you, as a confident male, should exhibit for drawing others in with your charisma and further enhance your confidence and alpha male status:
-Smile: This is very important when you meet somebody for the first time. Smiling isn’t just communicating openness – it also communicates everything’s ok with you and that you’re comfortable and happy with who you are. Just make sure it’s genuine alright? Smile with your eyes.
Just don’t smile too much and often. Doing so tends to make you look like someone who is too nice and naïve – totally un-alpha and un-confident.
-Eyes Wide Shut: Avoid looking like a dear that’s about to be hit by a mac truck in the middle of the night – eyes wide open. It communicates being surprised or unaware, which means you’re not in control of your situation.
-If the social situation calls for a serious face, i.e., not smiling or laughing, then by all means be serious. Don’t look all too perky during a funeral, for example.
Head Position
Your head position can communicate either confidence or insecurity. Looking down often communicates you’re either shy, not confident about yourself or plain scared of people. If you look up too often, you’ll look like a lost schoolboy inside a candy factory – too innocent, unassuming and worse…nice!
The best way to do position your head? Keep your head forward straight – neither high nor low. It communicates confidence, security and dominance.
Hands Where They Can See Them
Hand positioning may not communicate as much about your confidence and status but it can greatly enhance other body languages. For example, hands on the side communicate being relaxed, confident and open while crossed hands in front of chest communicate insecurity, close-mindedness or possible opposition. Hands in pockets are neutral and are dependent on the context of other body languages. If your slouching and looking down, hands in pockets highlight your lack of self-confidence and personality weakness.
Walking The Walk
Lastly, the way you walk is also indicative of how confident you are and your alpha-ness, if any. Confident alpha males take long, slow strides while omega males take many fast and short ones – always seemingly hurrying. Unless necessary – like if you’re running late for a meeting – short quick strides communicate agitation and anxiety, both of which exude insecurity and inability to control self and situation.
Bond…James Bond
The best way to see how all of the gestures and facial expression you’ve learned here in this chapter look and work together is to go to YouTube and watch video clips of James Bond, particularly Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnan. Observe their mannerisms and body language in order to get a vision of how confident and alpha you can become when later on.
CHAPTER 6: SELF CONFIDENCE STRATEGY – LOOK THE PART
One of the best ways to build self-confidence is by dressing well. While it’s true that confidence begins inside, it can be enhanced by the clothes we wear. And when your confidence is up, you’re on your way to being top dawg or alpha male.
Before I teach you the art of dressing well, allow me to convince you why dressing well is valuable for building self-confidence and ultimately, becoming alpha.
THE FIRST IMPRESSION HARDLY DIES
The very first – and obvious – benefit of dressing well is creating a very good first impression with people in general and that hot girl you want to hook up with. I don’t want to sound like most people but really, looks do matter. And no matter how hard we promote the value of “don’t judge a book by its cover”, truth is we always do. So if you can’t beat us, join us!
This is probably due to the way we as a species evolved. Back during the Stone Age (not stoned age), humans didn’t have the benefit of giving scary looking species, say a T-Rex or a Raptor, the benefit of the doubt – “Oh, he must be an adorable cuddly creature deep inside if given the chance!” Such naiveté can lead to being that night’s dinner!
Unfortunately, such thinking has been passed on from generation to generation – it has become a survival mechanism. These days though, the danger lies not in being shredded to pieces but in being swindled or worse, committing to an extremely undesirable person in an exclusive relationship!
If you want to be confident, you will need some degree of social validation. Let’s put it this way, without other people, you won’t need confidence! Further, without other people to be subject to your influential rule, there’s no opportunity to be alpha male! It’s like saying you’re the valedictorian in a class of one! And making a good first impression can go a long way towards increasing your self-confidence and becoming alpha.
SOCIAL STANDING
Regardless of how many guys tell you that being confident and alpha is all about being yourself, being both require some degree of high social standing. Again, you can’t be top dog if you’re the only dog, right? Being on top of the social food chain can make you even more confident than ever. And nothing else can quickly elevate you to the top of most people’s minds than being well dressed.
SENSE OF CONTROL
When you dress well, you’re able to practice control over an area of your life that can significantly impact your personal success, which of course makes you feel even more confident! Don’t tell me your confidence gets a boost when people admire your personal style. Of course it does. And as you get more compliments, you’re inspired to dress even better and it snowballs your self-confidence even more to ginormous proportions!
BRANDING
Truth is, the way you dress will be the basis for the way people will brand you, which can either be good or bad for your self-confidence. Even if you feel confident about yourself, if people continuously take a jab at how lousy you look, such confidence will eventually erode. But if you dress well, your inner confidence will be fortified even more and grow to the size of say, Shaquille O’Neal or Yao Ming!
Suits give people the impression you’re a successful businessman, CEO or top-notch lawyer. That’s a good example of how your clothes help brand you the right way with people. Dressing well brands you as a confident and successful man – an alpha male! Dressing poorly, well, brands you as the man-bitch of your social circle.
AUTHORITY AND INFLUENCE
Ever wondered why the world’s best speakers – with the exception probably of uber successful and rich ones like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs – are dressed sharply most of the time? It’s because dressing well can – to some extent – give you authority over people. Between a personal finance speaker who is wearing a nice, crisp dress shirt that’s tucked in a great pair of jeans, wearing Cole Haan shoes and a nice blazer and one who’s in a loose, round neck shirt and baggy jeans with a pair of Chucks for shoes, who do you think will you give more respect and authority to? Right – the Chucks guy!
HOW TO DRESS SMART
Now that you know the value of dressing well in terms of building up your self-confidence, let’s talk about how to actually do it. Let’s start from scratch as compared to simply modifying your current wardrobe. Why? It’s because you want your clothes to reflect the person you want to be – confident – instead of you adjusting to your clothes. If your current wardrobe screams “sissy!”, there’s no point of you having to adjust to it, right? Unless you want to be one or continue being one.
I can hear you say “Objection, your honor!”, especially if you’re under-budgeted. Take heart, my padawan – you don’t need to do it all in one fell swoop! If you can, that’d be great but if you can’t, simply do it over a period of several weeks or months as your budget allows. Simply discard the worst looking of clothing items as you buy new ones until the old has totally gone and the new has completely come.
ASSUME YOU KNOW NOTHING
Let’s get real here dude – you’re probably not confident or happy about your personal fashion style that’s why you’re reading this section. Acknowledging that puts you in the best possible position to actually do something about it. I salute you!
Now that I’ve established that, I also intend to establish the fact that what you know now about fashion and style is contradictory to how you’d like to look like and as such, it means you know little or – I’ll be as bold as to say this – nothing at all about how to dress smart or well.
The best place to start is to assume that you do know nothing about smart dressing. It’s easier to learn how to dress well if you know you know nothing compared to knowing something you thought is legit. It’s like a canvas – it’s easier to create a masterpiece over a clean one than one that’s already smudged with someone else’s work.
Now that you realize that you really do know nothing about dressing well, you’re in the position to ask for other people’s help. And there are 3 ways to do this: hire a fashion consultant, ask a fashion-savvy male friend to help you rebuild your wardrobe or simply do your own research.
The first option is the best but as with all the best things in the world, it’s probably the most expensive option. That is unless you’re married to or best friends with a fashion consultant so as to get the service for free. The reason it’s the best is because professional fashion consultants do this for a living and they do nothing (or practically close to nothing) for a living but be on top of the latest fashion styles as well as the best enduring ones. It’s like asking a professional mutual fund manager to manage your investments and asking a friend who’s a part-time stock market trader as a hobby.
The second option is also good, being in the middle of hiring a professional fashion consultant and doing your own research. It offers the benefit of having a 2 nd party opinion of what’ll look good on you (first option benefit) and the cost-efficiency of doing it yourself for free (third option benefit). When it comes to how you look, it’s always best to have someone who knows fashion look at you. We all have blind spots and until we’ve learned to dress well (what works for us and what doesn’t), we can’t really trust our own opinions of how fashionably stylish we are.
If you don’t have the budget and if you’re hanging out mostly with people from the Big Bang Theory, you really have no option but to do things yourself. Good news is there’s a whole world of sources out there on the Internet and on print media (books, magazines). Again, because this doesn’t give you the benefit of an objective outside party opinion of your prospective wardrobe, it’s best to do this only as a last resort.
STICK TO THE BASICS
The best way to really look good, especially if you’re not used to being so, is to stick to the basics. With them, you practically can’t go wrong. If you get the basics right, your almost 75% done with your new personal style and will be enough to get you through most social situations without a hitch – and with new found confidence.
What are the basics then? These are clothing items that will tend to make you look good in just about any or most social situations you may find yourself in. These include white round neck t-shirts, dark blue jeans, a dark navy blue blazer and a good pair of sneakers and loafers. These clothing items aren’t just adaptable to most social situations, they can also serve as your personal style training ground as you work on mastering the basics and eventually, developing your own personal style trademark. Just be careful to resist the temptation to accessorize – do so only after you’ve gotten the basics right.
SUAVE AND SIMPLE
Many men think that they can learn a lot from women when it comes to their own personal style, i.e., they’ll also look good with lots of accessories and donning an extravagant look. Well, it’s a ladies’ thang, dawg! It’s much different for us confident, alpha people – it’s all about simple suave. As another famous – but also dead – alpha male once said, simplicity is actually the ultimate in sophistication.
So keep it simple but suave. Confidence is all about not having to try hard. Trying too hard reeks nothing but insecurity and a great desire to be accepted by people, which is the anti-thesis of the confident alpha male.
YA’ CAN’T LOOK GOOD IF YA DON’T FIT GOOD
If there’s a Ten Commandments for dressing well, the equivalent of “thou shall not have other gods before me”, which is the top commandment, is this: though shall not force yourself to fit in clothes that are either too tight or too lose! Never mind if you have the face and body of the 2 hottest Ryans in the world – Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling. If you wear shirts and pants that are at least 2 sizes smaller, you’d only succeed at looking as alpha male as Richard Simmons – I smell something burning…it must be your fats! If you wear clothing at least 2 sizes bigger, you’d only succeed at looking as alpha as Alvin and the chipmunks. Only a few, select men (mostly hip hoppers) can pull it off like, say Snoop Dogg and Jay-Z.
So what exactly is a good fit for you? For shirts, the primary indicator is the shoulder line. Both lines should rest on your shoulders’ edges – not before or after. If it’s before your shoulders’ edges, you’ll notice it feels a bit tight and if it falls after, it’s loose.
Another way to tell if your shirt is too long is how it looks on you un-tucked. If the edge of your shirt falls past your crotch area, it’s too long. If it’s above, it’s short.
Now for your trousers or pants, the simplest way to check in the mirror is if you look like you’re attending a hip-hop convention or like MC Hammer in a suit and tie, you know you’re wearing totally loose pants, bro. Now, if you’re crown jewels feel like their being to snug with each other to the point that you sound like Mike Tyson after being hit in the balls, you know your pants are just too tight. Go for a middle-of-the-road feel.
JUST ENOUGH
If you have too many clothes, it’s as inconvenient as having too few. Knowing this, keeping a budget for your wardrobe revamp should be a source of great joy! Believe me, the more ain’t necessarily merrier. It’s like drinking alcohol – it get’s really bad past some point. But instead of puking and a really bad hangover the next day, having too much on your closet can burn holes in your pockets and make you suffer from wardrobe analysis paralysis.
One way to do this is to periodically check your wardrobe for clothes that either don’t fit you well anymore (loose or tight, whatever) or are a bit faded in color already. Throw them away so your closet can have more breathing room or you can have more space for better looking and fitting ones later on.
DIVERSITY IS FRIENDLY
Lastly, looking good can make you confident but looking the same will eventually erode it. Can you imagine Jake Gyllenhaal wearing the same shirt and pants every day for a month? His alpha male status would dip, even if just a bit if he did so. Since you’re not Jake Gyllenhaal, wearing the same rag day in and day out will ultimately cause significant alpha male and confidence damage. That’s why it’s important to vary your clothing pieces’ looks.
It’s important to clarify that variety doesn’t mean quantity. All it means is different colors or styles. It means having more than just a couple of white t-shirts but also those of other colors and prints. Just keep in mind to have enough variety to fit in a ideal-sized wardrobe (remember just enough?). When it comes to footwear, you can’t go wrong with having 3 pairs – casual, formal and athletic.
CONCLUSION
Congratulations badass! After reading everything in this book, you’re now in the prime position to build up the self-confidence for which alpha males are known.
After learning the value of having the right mindset for true and lasting confidence (and alpha-ness), you learned how to get rid of wrong ones. You then learned how to have the right mindsets before learning of strategies to build or further enhance your self-confidence. But these aren’t enough.
Knowing is simply half the battle. The other half is applying or practicing what you learned. Only then will you start building up your confidence to legendary alpha male levels.
As we part ways, I challenge you to act on what you learned. Don’t just be the man, BE THE ALPHA MAN! As you apply the things you learned here, I’m confident that indeed, you will be confident enough to be alpha.
If you enjoyed this guide, then why don’t you write a review, like many readers have already done? It’ll be helpful to other readers and I’ll be able to constantly upgrade this book with new content and tips.
I know you are a TRUE BADASS, who understands the importance and the value of investing in yourself. That’s why you’ll find my other training books in the next few pages.
Make sure to check them out!
Finally, if you enjoyed this book, then why don’t you leave a review on Amazon, just like all the other customers did? Your opinion is important in order to make this guide better and better. I really appreciate your feedback!
Cheers!
Robert Moore
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Body Language Training - How To Attract Any Woman You Want Showing High Status, Confidence, Charisma And Leadership
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Social Anxiety: Social Skills Training - Unleash Your Charisma! Overcome Anxiety, Shyness & Fear
In any and every kind of society structure... school... a job... a city...there are people who seem to have it all...
- The fame...
- The popularity...
- The recognition...
- The adoration and fawning...
Doors magically open for them in all kinds of life-changing ways.
It seems their life defies the laws of gravity. They’re immune to failure.
While they're enjoying life to the fullest, you are spending your nights alone.
You know THE PAIN. The pain of being ignored.
And I know it too.
I used to be shy and reserved... just like you. And you know what?
One day I discovered that everyone can unleash their inner CHARISMA
so that they can start seducing not only girls, but the whole world, easily and naturally.
You have the inner power to break your "social anxiety cage" and free your true, awesome self.
You don’t have to be creative. You don’t have to fake anything...
Being charismatic is a skill that has immeasurable power and influence in the world.
Unleashing your charisma will help you overcome social anxiety, depression, shyness and fear.
You will soon be recognized as a valuable member of your social circle or, even better, as the leader.
After my Social Skills Training , you'll be able to land the best job opportunities, dream clients, major promotions and juiciest assignments. It's THAT easy.
After reading Social Anxiety - Social Skills Training, this is what will happen to you:
People will instantly acknowledge you. They won’t know quite why, but make no mistake, you’re going to be a force to be reckoned with!
You won't fear conversations with big groups of people - ever again!
Doors will open. Opportunities, made especially for you, will present themselves. People will seek you out and remember you
You will simply be the person in the room that everyone is drawn to!
Go get it now! Amazon.com link: http://amzn.to/1Qhsd0H
If the links do not work, for whatever reason, you can simply search for these titles on the Amazon website to find them.
PS: don’t forget your FREE bonus book, click here right now to get it!
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What are you waiting for? It’s 7 Untold Secrets , my best-selling guide on women psychology, attraction and seduction.
Believe me: this stuff will change your life, you won’t regret it!