CHAPTER 5 [PLESKIT] AIR MATTRESS

As soon as the Fatherly One had led Ms. Buttsman away, McNally made a low whistling sound. “Pleskit, my little purple pal, I think we’ve got us a problem.”

At first I did not understand. “Please, McNally, do not be angry at the Veeblax. It was an honest mistake, and it was frightened.”

“It’s not the Veeblax I’m talking about, kid. It’s the ice queen.”

“More coldness!” I cried in frustration. “I do not understand!”

“Cool is good, cold is bad,” said Tim.

“So it’s a matter of degree?” I asked, still confused.

Tim laughed, and I realized that I had accidentally made a joke. My first joke in the language of the Earthlings! This was a good thing. If only I had done it on purpose.…

“Let’s just say that Ms. Buttsman doesn’t look like the warm, fuzzy type,” said McNally.

I wondered if I would ever be not confused again. “Why should she be warm and fuzzy? She is a human, not a Grindbullian or something.”

McNally sighed. “I just mean that our new staff member does not seem very friendly.”

“She’s not,” said Barvgis gloomily. “That is what I was about to tell you about when Tim and Pleskit arrived. Based on my first conversation with her, I believe she must have eaten a rule book when she was a baby.”

McNally started to reach for his coffee cup, then pulled his hand back nervously. “Look, I’ll see you guys later. I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

I decided this was a good time for Tim and me to go to my room, too. So we bid Barvgis farewell and left the kitchen. I believe he was very happy to be left with the rest of the splurgis nuggets.

Tim was excited about going to my room. It had not been included in the official tour I gave him, his mother, and Linnsy the night before, so this was going to be the first time he saw it.

“Whoa!” he cried when I touched the pad that causes the door to slide into the wall. “It’s so… clean!”

“Clean is good, is it not?” I asked, leading the way into the room.

“Yeah, I guess so,” said Tim uncertainly. “I’m just not really used to it.”

This made me curious. “What does your room look like?”

“Like a bomb hit it, according to my mother. But she’s a real fussbudget about that kind of thing.”

“She budgets her fussing?” I asked in fascination. “Does that mean she only gets to fuss a certain amount each day? Like a fuss allowance? What an interesting concept. I wonder if I could get the Fatherly One to consider such an arrangement!”

Tim laughed. “It’s just a saying, Pleskit. It means she fusses a lot.”

I sighed. “You have such a strange language! It is bad enough that you make each word have many meanings, as if there were not enough sounds and smells to go around. But then you let the meanings fight with each other!”

“What do you mean?”

“Budget! From what my language programs taught me, one uses a budget to limit how much one spends of something—as in ‘I am on a budget.’ But now you call your mother a fussbudget because she does so much of it! I do not know if I will ever master this strangeness. Come on. Let’s go jump on the bed.”

“What bed?” asked Tim. It was his turn to look puzzled. “I don’t see a bed at all. I was wondering where you sleep.”

“I have an air mattress.”

Now Tim looked completely baffled. “You live in this totally cool place, you’re from a super-powerful alien race, and you sleep on an air mattress?”

“It’s very comfortable,” I said, starting to feel annoyed. With my sphen-gnut-ksher I emitted the smell of sleepiness. At the same time, I farted the medium fart of summoning. This pair of signals caused the mattress to form itself.

I climbed onto it.

Tim looked at me in astonishment. “How did you do that?”

“Do what? Climb on. It’s fun!”