Kristin Rogers | @kristinrogers
A STIRRING IS HAPPENING IN MOTHERS ALL OVER the world, a desire for a simpler way of living and raising our children. We want to save their childhoods. We want to reclaim what’s been lost over the past few decades.
Time in nature.
Time for childhood.
Time for exploration.
Time to learn at their own pace.
And time to pursue their own interests.
But in reclaiming childhood, we are reclaiming motherhood as well—trusting our instincts and doing what’s best for our children, rather than what society says is normal or expected.1
When it comes to education, it can feel risky to diverge from societal norms. Without a standardized measuring stick, we have to tune in to our natural instincts as mothers. And that can be frightening when we’ve been trained to tune them out. We have to believe that our children are not products to be measured but souls to be set free. And we must trust that we have what it takes to teach our children at home.
In other words, we have to bring education in-house again.
You are your child’s best teacher, not because you know everything about all the subjects. Not because you have an education degree or a PhD in physics. Not because you have the best ideas or make the most interesting lesson plans. Not because you’re a great planner, conduct the best science experiments, or have it all together. Not because you’re exceptionally creative or can set up a beautiful classroom or afford the best resources.
And certainly not because you have a limitless amount of patience.
You are your child’s best teacher because you can lead by example. You can show them how to pursue knowledge by doing so yourself. You can join them on this learning journey as a guide through life and education, and sometimes the other way around.
You can show them how to push through hard subjects, how to navigate relationships, and how to interact with the real world every single day. You can offer hugs and kisses or a listening ear. You can talk with them about anything, no matter what else is going on. You can get them outside help when you need a hand or when they simply need a break from you and you from them (yes, that can happen, and yes, it’s okay).
You can watch them, study them, learn their quirks and eccentricities. You can discover what makes them tick, what makes them frustrated, and what lights them up. And you can love them and believe in them like no one else ever could. Because you know them best.
A NOTE TO THE FATHERS
Without a doubt, fathers are also homeschoolers. Whether they take on this endeavor full-time or simply as a supporting spouse and parent, we applaud them. Homeschooling dads don’t get nearly enough recognition or encouragement. When I think about the sacrifices—emotional, physical, and financial—my own husband has made over the years, not to mention his educational contributions to our children’s lives, I am both humbled and grateful.
So no, this lifestyle isn’t just for the women and mamas. The Wild + Free message is for all who take on this all-important work of raising and educating their children at home. But, as a mother, my heart has always been to create a space for women to become respected thought leaders.
Wild + Free operates from a deep passion to inspire mothers to tap into their natural gifts and follow their hearts in raising their children. The fact is that even though 97 percent of homeschoolers are women,2 men still make up 68 percent of the speakers at most conferences.3 While this doesn’t determine where things are headed, it is the state of homeschooling today.
When Wild + Free began, I wanted to create a community that focused on the gifts women bring to their families and the strength of a sisterhood forged not by blood but by our stories. This is why Wild + Free, as an organization, has sought to turn this equation on its head—allowing everyday mothers, not simply educational “experts,” to become respected voices in the homeschooling space.
If you’re a dad reading this, thank you for all you do. For supporting us, for sacrificing so much, and for sharing your hearts with your children. You are making a world of difference for generations to come.
RELEASE YOURSELF FROM EXPECTATIONS
I used to believe that being a good mom meant having a three-month-old who could sleep through the night in his own crib, take two naps a day, and drink from a bottle without any trouble. I thought my three-year-old should be able to sing his ABCs, count to twenty, solve puzzles, and not have separation anxiety when he was dropped off at preschool.
I remember reading all the baby books, from Dr. Sears to Dr. Spock and everything in between. One popular book proposed that children should conform to their parents’ schedule, not the other way around, no matter how much it hurt your heart. It became the norm for moms to ask each other at play dates if their babies were sleeping through the night, what kind of nursing schedules they were on, and whether they fell asleep on their own.
Oh, the pressure.
I still remember lying outside my baby’s door one night, curled up in a fetal position, listening to him cry himself to sleep with sobs that pierced my heart. I was doing everything my mothering instincts told me not to do because the books told me it was better this way.
It didn’t start out this way. Those expectations crept into my consciousness over time, thanks to the experts, trends, and societal pressures. When I first became a mama, I believed that my love and mama instincts were all I needed, and I was right.
Well, that, and cute baby gear.
And oh, how I loved him. I loved him with my whole being. I loved him mind, body, and soul, and I would have died for him before I ever saw his face. I didn’t need to be “educated” on how to love him well. I had never been a mother before, but it all came naturally to me.
Those first few weeks were both hard and beautiful. I nursed him until my nipples were cracked and bleeding. I cried with himat night as he writhed and screamed from colic. I slept with him when he slept. I held him despite the prevailing advice to let him go. Sometimes I would hold him so he could finally rest and, at other times, simply to stare into his face.
I followed my gut. I gave him my heart. And our souls were knitted together in an unbreakable bond. We were inseparable and perfectly content.
But then the questions came.
Is he sleeping through the night? How long does he nap? Does he fall asleep on his own? Oh, you nurse him to sleep? How many times does he wake up in the night?
I began to question what I was doing as well. I heard the voices when I was alone.
You’re spoiling him.
He’ll never learn to be on his own that way.
It’s good for him to cry.
I was strong and independent, but over time, my confidence began to waver. I doubted my intuition. All I ever wanted was to be a mother, and I was failing.
You get questions at every stage. Mothers can’t help themselves. Some want to judge, but I’ve come to see that mostly they just want to know they’re not alone, that their baby is normal.
I have a pediatrician friend with two daughters. Neither of them was walking at seventeen months. She told herself not to worry. They were fine; nothing was abnormal. But she couldn’t handle the stares from other moms at play groups. While all their toddlers were running around, her girls were still crawling. In spite of her own expertise, she began to doubt herself too.
Comparison is the thief of joy, but also of a mother’s confidence.
If you think the pressures of motherhood are intense during babyhood, try educating your school-age children in an alternative way. There is nothing that will rattle you more than having friends and neighbors, let alone all of society, question your decisions.
And yet there is nothing more natural to a mother’s heart than to look after the needs of her own children, to preserve their childhoods, and to give them the chance to be who they were made to be. We need only to keep the voices from convincing us otherwise.
For a mother who chooses to homeschool, it can feel as if she’s defying cultural norms, social convention, and years of academic tradition when, in fact, she’s simply trusting her instincts.
Raising children is hard, full of twists and turns, missteps and mistakes, regrets and trying new things. But even on its most challenging day, homeschooling is really just an extension of parenting. Rest assured, there is no perfect school, classroom, teacher, mother, or homeschool. But we can do the best we can, one day at a time. And that’s good enough.
Let’s stop striving to be good moms by other people’s standards and start becoming the mothers our children need.
“Our children are children for such a small season of life. Let their laughter ring out, their imaginations soar, their feet stomp in puddles, their hands clap for joy. Too soon they will grow up and out of their youthful exuberance and zest and settle into the life and routine of adulthood.”
—L. R. KNOST
BECOME YOUR CHILD’S EXPERT
The role of homeschooling mother is part teacher, part nurse, part mathematician, part naturalist, part scientist, part counselor, and part coach, and that’s just getting started. For those of us who do it, homeschooling is not a “season of obscurity” or the fallback for what we really wanted to do in life. It’s a calling, the most important thing we can do with our lives right now.
As author and homeschooling veteran Julie Bogart said, “You are not just washing dishes. You are not just keeping house for a man. You have chosen a career of education, just as worthy as all those schoolteachers who get up every morning and drive to a building. You’re doing the same thing. It’s a career.”
So treat it like one. Don’t just homeschool your kids. Become their expert.
No one knows your child better than you. You began to study your child from the time he was born, watching his mannerisms, how he acted and reacted, what made him tick. You brought him home from the hospital and immersed yourself in learning your baby, even when you had no idea what you were doing. You followed your instincts one day at a time.
Nothing could have prepared you for what was ahead. From birth and breastfeeding to colic and sleepless nights, the education comes quickly, and it comes in the form of experience.
You figured out what worked to calm your baby. You figured out the difference between a pain cry and a hunger cry. You figured out how to sneak in a nap. Maybe you figured out that holding your baby made you both happy, despite what the experts said. Or that nursing on demand felt right to you. Or that nursing didn’t always help because it was sleep your baby wanted.
You figured out your baby because you were with your baby.
The same is true now. You are your child’s greatest expert. In the past, you may have been silenced by the naysayers and the so-called experts. You may have doubted yourself when questioned by family and friends. But motherhood is yours to be reclaimed once again.
Trust your natural instincts, even when you don’t know what to do, because if all else fails, you still know how to be a parent. You still know how to read books to your children. You still know how to spend time with them and share the wisdom of your years. And you still know how to love them and nurture them through the difficult and joyous seasons of life.
You had to become a parent for these insights to make sense. Experience was the most valuable education for you as the mother of a baby, and it still is today for your growing child.
Being your child’s expert doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes. It doesn’t mean you won’t need to seek out advice, help, or encouragement from time to time. But if we can trust moms to take their babies home from the hospital, to be responsible for their emotional and physical well-being, then we can certainly trust them to teach their children how to learn.
You are not perfect. Your child is not perfect. But you are enough.
Let’s hold on to the grand vision of raising and educating our children according to their way. Let’s not allow the noise and clutter of our culture to cast doubt on ourselves or let our insecurities get in the way of what we have been called to do.
KNOW YOUR WHY
I have been homeschooling for nearly ten years, and each year, something causes me to question my decision. This is familiar territory for any parent, but because of our close proximity with our kids, homeschool parents are set up to reevaluate their choices constantly.
Dainty Doll Art | Creative Market
The way we live and learn is so different from other people’s ways that I used to have occasional moments of panic. But over the years, I have reminded myself that we brought our children home for a reason. We have nothing to prove and no one to prove it to. We have guidelines from the state, which I respect and follow because my children’s education is at the top of my priorities. But a natural consequence of breaking the mold is being different. And I’m okay with different. At the end of the day, homeschooling is about relationships. It’s why I do it, and it’s why many other mothers do it. I want to savor every moment I have with my children. I know that one day, they’ll go off and have adventures with their own families. But the time we spend together as a family will root them deeply in values that matter and dreams that inspire.
Everyone needs a “why” to make it through the difficult times, the seemingly unfruitful times, the times when you question your decision. And you will have those days more often than you think. Your “why” is your reason. Your “why” is the conviction that inspires you and fuels the passion within you. Your “why” gives you the strength to carry on when your will is wavering. Your “why” gives you the ability to inspire your children and guide them on this journey.
“Instead of raising children who turn out okay despite their childhood, let’s raise children who turn out extraordinary because of their childhood.”
—L. R. KNOST
Your “why” could be a vision for your children’s futures, the quality of the time you have together, or any number of factors that motivate you to keep them at home. But by all means, have a purpose. Write it down, and remind yourself often. Because one day you’ll need it.
My friend and fellow Wild + Free mama Jillian Ragsdale came up with a list of questions to define her “why” and to help others discover theirs:
- Why do you want to homeschool your children?
- Why do you think this is the best way to educate them?
- What is your main objective or focus in homeschooling?
- What goals do you want to achieve with your children at home?
- What do you want your children to achieve and do with their lives?
- What is your overall vision for this homeschooling life?
- How can you create the homeschool life you envision?
We all homeschool for different reasons. Some choose this path before their babies are born. Others vow they’ll never homeschool but end up choosing homeschooling for one reason or another. Maybe you don’t know yet what you’ll do when your child reaches school age. Maybe your child is in the traditional school system but struggling with academics, peer pressure, bullying, or physical or mental illness, and you’re leaning toward bringing her home.
No matter how you end up on this journey, your “why” gives you purpose and passion. Over time, your “why” may change, and that’s okay. Revisit your vision often. Rewrite your “why” every few years. Sometimes our reason to start homeschooling isn’t the reason we keep going.
“‘Stuff your eyes with wonder,’ he said, ‘live as if you’d drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It’s more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories.’”
—RAY BRADBURY
I first brought my son home because I wanted more time with him, more time for him to be a six-year-old, and more time for him to rediscover the joy in learning. These are still goals I have for all my children. But today there are many more reasons on my list: learning at their own pace, discovering their individual passions, and traveling the world together, to name just a few.
If homeschooling is your second choice, or even a last resort, defining your “why” will be equally important. What might feel like a chore can bring so much joy if you allow your vision to guide you. What might start out feeling impossible can turn into something natural and beautiful. In the midst of a difficult time, you might find that the journey is the destination after all.
LET’S BE WILD + FREE
If we’re going to raise wild + free children, we need to be wild + free mamas. In reclaiming motherhood, we are reclaiming a natural connection to our purpose, our calling, and our children. We are reclaiming the wildness and freedom that are our own birthright.
Without reclaiming motherhood, we have no chance at reclaiming their childhood.
Wild + Free mamas aren’t worried about what others think of them. They’re passionate about what they believe, how they want to live, and what they desire for their children. They embrace who they are, defy expectations, and raise children according to their natural bent.
Everything about this message clashes with the conventions of our society. We’re conditioned to deny our instincts, outsource our expertise, and become numb to wonder.
It’s time to find our way back. You weren’t born to be status quo. You didn’t become a mother to raise standardized children. You were born to live a life of adventure, to take risks, to live boldly, and to make mistakes. You were born to be wild + free.
I love what one Wild + Free mama shared: “Although I started homeschooling to give my children a wild and free childhood, I soon realized it was my husband and I who longed to be wild and free. We get to relive our own childhoods and make new memories as a family. I’m so grateful for how homeschooling has enriched every facet of our lives.”4
Once you get a taste for living wild + free, it’s impossible to go back to your old life. Taking risks, living with purpose, and writing your family’s story together gets into your bones, and you won’t be able to do it any other way. You’ll be ruined for “normal.”