The Call of the Wild and Free

Kristin Rogers | @kristinrogers

OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS, I HAVE RECEIVED thousands of messages from people wanting to know how to get started in homeschooling. These are everyday modern mothers, who know very little about homeschooling and never dreamed they would be considering it. They are drawn to the beauty, freedom, and organic way of learning this lifestyle provides. They want more for their children’s futures, and they desperately want more for their childhoods.

There will always be people who misunderstand what it means to be wild + free. They assume it means letting kids run amok without any structure at all. There are certainly homeschools that are less structured than others, but you can be wild + free and organized.

Some contend that homeschooling isn’t rigorous enough to turn out successful adults. On the contrary, homeschooling is driven by a child’s innate desire and capacity to learn, which is often inhibited by the conventional school system. Homeschooling can actually provide a more rigorous education than any other. Imagine not being held back by the pace of an entire class.

Some people need systems and programs to feel secure. They want prescriptions to follow so they can feel that they’ve accomplished something. This is why families come away from homeschool conventions with arms full of boxed curriculums. This fear of missing out (FOMO, as we call it) drives an entire industry of educational products, and it’s all completely needless.

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An entire world of advanced learning lies at your fingertips. As a homeschooler, you don’t have to merely read about the Revolutionary War; you can visit the actual sites and relive history in the places where it happened. No school bell beckons you back by three o’clock. You don’t have to calculate how many gallons of theoretical milk a herd of cows can produce, you can actually milk them yourself and ask the farmer about sustainable farming while you’re at it.

There are internet search engines, Wikipedia, the Khan Academy, virtual tours of art museums, online courses, and, best of all, books. There is nothing you cannot learn, no information you cannot access.

Your children’s education is not made possible by standardized systems and programs but rather is limited by them. Every education has learning gaps, even the best private schools and colleges. But somehow, we feel better about those gaps because they’re committed by experts with credentials. In homeschooling, the only gaps are in your curiosity and desire to learn.

Let’s look at how to get started.

REGULATIONS AND REPORTING

Yes, you are allowed to do this. There are some countries, such as Germany and Denmark, where homeschooling is illegal, but it is perfectly acceptable in the United States and Canada, and it is a relatively new but fast-growing phenomenon in the United Kingdom. According to the BBC, the number of children being homeschooled has risen by 40 percent in the past three years.¹

States vary in the degree of requirements that parents are required to meet. For example, California requires parents to check in with their local school district and keep a record of their activities, but it also offers charter school programs in which funds are available for resources.

In Virginia, where I live, we’re free to homeschool without much day-to-day accountability, but we must submit a letter of intent each August and complete standardized testing unless we opt out with a religious exemption.

You can contact your local school district to find out what conditions must be met. It could be as simple as emailing their office to let them know you’re doing it or making a phone call to find out the procedure. While city and state requirements differ, I’ve found that our local school district is more than willing to help homeschoolers navigate the process.

Additionally, most states have homeschooling associations that try to help families understand their local requirements. You can contact your local association or talk to other homeschooling families in your area to find out what they do.

The Homeschool Legal Defense Association is a nonprofit organization that was established in 1983 to “defend and advance the constitutional right of parents to direct the upbringing and education of their children and to protect family freedoms.” HSLDA.org is a great resource for getting legal advice, staying informed, and finding necessary forms and requirements for each of the fifty states. Don’t let all the legal talk intimidate you. The organization exists to protect the rights of homeschooling families but also to keep us informed.

When I first started homeschooling, I felt twinges of guilt when taking my kids out in public during the school day. I worried that strangers would accuse my kids of truancy. But homeschooling has become a cultural norm, and most people are aware of it.

In fact, I’ve found that most people are genuinely curious when they ask questions, while the naysayers have learned not to say anything at all because what they get from us in return is a motivational speech about the merits of homeschooling.

It’s like asking a multilevel marketer how he’s managed to create a life of financial freedom with an online business. No one really wants to go there.

And if confrontation isn’t in your DNA, please know that you are not accountable to strangers or even disgruntled family members. I recommend composing an answer that you can pull out of your back pocket whenever you’re stuck in an awkward conversation. Keep it short and succinct, and then change the subject. Something like this: “Homeschooling isn’t for everyone, but it’s working for us. Can you please pass the potatoes?”

TEACHING ALL AGES

Most homeschool moms find teaching different ages one of the biggest hurdles to overcome. It doesn’t have to be. Subjects such as language arts, science, and history can become a family affair. There is nothing a fifth grader is learning that a third grader cannot or would not be interested in, whether it’s about robots or the rain forests in Brazil. When you’re a one-room schoolhouse, gathering together for a time of reading books, memorizing poetry, and studying history is a beautiful way to combine ages and subjects.

A great example of how all ages can work together is a practice called morning time, when everyone comes together to read aloud, play games, recite passages, learn a handicraft, or even sing songs. It can last from ten minutes to two hours and is a practical way to build relationships and get in the daily reading for language arts, history, or other subjects.

Many families have a basket of books and materials they can pull out for morning time. It may hold the books you are currently reading, handicraft supplies, puzzles, games, paper, crayons, and anything else you want to include.

If your young children’s attention spans are shorter, let them draw or play while you read aloud. Even the older kids often enjoy doing something with their hands. It’s not a sign of immaturity if they can’t sit still. Moving could actually be their brain’s way of learning.

I think our fear as parents is that by engaging their hands, we might be disengaging their minds. But research says the opposite is true. Studies show that retention is greater and anxiety is reduced when a person’s hands are engaged or one’s body is moving.

My two older boys don’t mind settling in for a read-aloud, but my nine-year-old son, Cody, has to be tinkering, building, and moving around the entire time. He will even leave the room and come back minutes later, acting like nothing’s the matter.

There are times when I want to make him sit still, stop playing, and pay attention. But he’s actually quite aware of what I’m reading. He’s taking it all in, even if he doesn’t look like he is. When I ask my boys to tell me what they remember about the story, Cody is often the first one to respond, recalling details that the other two boys can’t remember.

Tackling other subjects, such as writing and math, can also be a family affair. By sitting around the table together and focusing on one subject at a time, older children are able to work on their own, and they always have you nearby if they need support. You can help the younger ones play with numbers, complete worksheets in context, or work out problems with manipulatives.

Having multiple ages together is a blessing for the homeschool mom and children alike, so don’t let it intimidate you. Make the most of your environment, and find ways to bring everyone together as much as possible. Toddlers are the most challenging to keep engaged. Your days will have interruptions, and you’ll have to get used to it. But there are a few things you can try.

First, help your older children become self-directed in certain subjects, such as math, keyboarding, or specific online programs. Work together to create manageable expectations. Ask them if they’re ready to do more on their own—with your support, of course. If you’re working through a curriculum, figure out what assignments they need to complete each day. Depending on their age and your personal style, you can either give them a game to play together when they’re finished or let them move on to their own pursuits. This way, if you’re tending to the little ones, the older kids will know exactly what to do with their time. If allowed the freedom, children won’t need much guidance before they’re off to their own creative endeavors.

Of course, some kids are more capable of this than others. You can’t expect a nine-year-old to have the same self-directing capabilities as a thirteen-year-old. Plus, experience shows that children learn better with a partner. It keeps learning exciting and engaging. And this, after all, is why we’re homeschooling. The idea of self-directed learning sounds wonderful and is at times necessary, but our goal shouldn’t be to push children toward complete removal of partnership. That isn’t always fun for them, and it can diminish their desire to learn.

Second, find similar activities that can help the younger ones feel that they’re participating with the older ones. If the older kids are reading independently, give the younger ones a picture book to flip through. If the older ones are doing math, help the younger ones count with objects.

Finally, make the most of those concentrated times when you can pour into the older ones without any distractions, such as when the little ones are napping, engrossed in imaginative play, or spending time with Grandma. And don’t forget evenings and weekends. No one said school has to be completed Monday through Friday.

This is a short season of life and won’t last for long. You can doschool where and when it works best for you. Being wild + free is about creating a family culture of living and learning.

FAVORITE ACTIVITIES DURING READ-ALOUDS

Easy handicrafts like finger knitting
Clay or modeling beeswax for sculpting
Wooden blocks, letters, and peg people
Puzzles, magnetic tiles, or sorting games
Small bin of Legos (small because the sound of kids sorting through big bins is stressful when you’re trying to read and may make you want to hurl the Legos; trust me on this)
Colored pencils and paper

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Play dough with various natural items, such as shells, rocks, and flowers
Water beads with measuring cups and small animal figurines
Watercolor paints

CHOOSING A CURRICULUM

Before you ask about curriculum, it’s better to discover your unique approach to homeschooling. Both parents and children approach the world differently. Some children thrive in a structured environment, while others need less organization in their day. Some parents are better teachers through physical activities, such as hiking and nature journaling, while others are better at reading literature and hosting book clubs.

There’s no sense in shoehorning an approach that doesn’t fit your family. You’ll get frustrated, your kids will check out, and homeschooling won’t work for either of you. If you need permission to quit something that isn’t working, you’ve got it. If you’re wondering whether it’s okay to try another approach, consider this permission granted.

My third-born son, Cody, has wanted to play the violin for as long as I can remember. He has dyslexia, and I’ve heard the violin is a great instrument for dyslexic kids to exercise their extraordinary minds. But with his propensity to roughhouse his instruments and subsequently break them, we chose to wait until he was a bit older. Cody’s desire never went away, so earlier this year, we decided to surprise him. On a rainy Tuesday morning, we took him to a quaint little violin shop where a brilliant craftsman named Yordan Popov matched him with the perfect one. We just happen to live in the same town as our favorite family band, The Hunts, and their violinist, Jenni Dowling, took him on as a student.

The lessons went well for a few weeks, and then Cody suddenly stopped practicing. He loved cleaning his instrument and taking it in and out of its case, but he wouldn’t play it. My husband, Ben, suspected that Cody needed more structure than our other children, so he worked up a practice chart in Microsoft Excel and printed it out for Cody to follow.

Sure enough, Cody loved checking practice times off the list. He even started practicing two and three times a day so he could keep marking boxes. Turns out, his sweet little mind couldn’t handle a schedule with no accountability. To-do lists feel like a prison to me, but to a structured child, they represent freedom and fulfillment. Go figure.

When it comes to homeschooling approaches, there are many styles to consider. You can combine these approaches and incorporate a little of each. It may take some time to figure out your style, but by understanding your unique approach, you’ll create a rich environment for learning. But remember, it isn’t just about you.

Many parents think about how they personally, not their children, are wired. While it’s important to feel passionate about our teaching style, it’s equally important to consider how our children learn. When you understand how your child learns, you can create lessons that are project based, literature driven, hands-on, visual, or a combination of approaches.

HERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF:

Do I prefer a more structured or less structured learning environment? How about my kids?
Do my children learn better in more natural places or walled ones?
Do I value literature as a source of all education?
Do I believe in the value of play as a tool of education?
Do I think screens are a good or bad idea for kids?
Do my children learn better if they are using their hands, working on a project?
Or do they prefer to work quietly, book and pen in hand?
Do my children reject all formal learning, or are workbooks okay on occasion?

These questions will help you as you consider the various styles and curriculums, but for most of us the real answers will come with hours spent in the trenches, figuring it out as we go. In time, you’ll discover which homeschooling approach works best for your family, the curriculum will fall into place, and you’ll be on your way to a healthier, happier homeschool.

ESTABLISHING A ROUTINE

If you are thinking about homeschooling while your children are still little, before they have “gone to school,” establishing a routine won’t be an issue for you. Homeschooling from the start is an organic process that grows out of your relationship with your young child.

As you introduce a daily rhythm that includes activities you value, such as making meals, taking nature walks, doing art projects, and reading books together, you will establish a basis for your involvement in their learning journey. Sure, you’ll run into struggles, just as in any parent-child relationship, but you’ll work through them as you would with any other issue.

Taking your child out of traditional schooling to bring them home poses a different dynamic that can be intimidating to a lot of parents. Most kids need a period of time called “deschooling.”

This isn’t when you let them sit around and play video games or do whatever they want; rather, it’s an intentional time to forgo any formal studies and give your child time to rediscover the love of learning, as they did when they were little. Through having outdoor adventures, visiting museums, working on art projects, and diving into good books, together you will discover what passions lie dormant in your child’s heart and mind. Your child will begin to come alive again.

Homeschooling is essentially parenting amplified. It brings out the best in your kids, but it can also bring out the worst. That’s simply the downside to living under the same roof. The good news is that kids are highly moldable and will exhibit the fruit of your relationship with them.

If you have a time of formal studies, you’ll need an effective system for helping them settle into a routine. Not every tactic works with every child. Some kids just need some verbal guidance, while others might need a ritual, such as a song or a saying, to start the learning time and focus their attention. Some might enjoy having a personal timer to help them stay focused on a task for ten-minute sessions. If you’re just starting out with an older child or a teenager, invite him or her to help you create the daily schedule. Work together to find a rhythm that works for both of you.

We homeschool not to do school at home but to do life together.

FIND YOUR TRIBE

No one can do this alone. Homeschooling will expose your children to new worlds and provide unlimited possibilities for their education. You’ll grow closer as a family and become each other’s best friends. At first, you’ll love the simplified schedule, the unhurried pace, and the lack of obligations. But keeping everyone home all the time creates a sense of isolation that can discourage the best of us on difficult days. All of us need a community of friends to share this journey with. Mothers need mama friends, and our kids need peers who understand them.

I’ve involved our family in co-ops, nature groups, paid classes, and even moms’ nights out. And there have been months when I’ve skipped all of them for a season of rest and solitude. But I treasure the relationships that have brought such richness and joy to our homeschooling life.

I love that I can call my friend Hannah and meet at one of our homes to make soup and bake sourdough bread together while our children play in the backyard. I love that my friend Katie and her family will join us at the beach on weekday nights to enjoy a picnic dinner and play football. I love that my friend Paula will invite us to her home on the lake for a day of water sports. And I love that our Wild + Free Group hosts nature hikes, book clubs, and handicraft fairs throughout the year.

Whether it’s a weekly gathering or a quarterly outing, finding your tribe can be the difference between a joyful homeschooling experience and one that feels like drudgery.

I’ll confess that I don’t resonate with every homeschooling family. Sometimes their values greatly differ from mine or I can’t relate to the approach they take, which is why Wild + Free has been such a blessing to me personally. It provides a common language for the values we hold dear and knits together those of us who believe this lifestyle can be so much more than “schooling at home.”

There were a few years when we didn’t have much in the way of a local community, but because of Wild + Free I now have dear friends all over the country I can call or text and even visit on occasion. Some of my dearest homeschooling friends live hundreds of miles away.

I love the story Wild + Free mama Nikki Moore shared in a recent Instagram post. “A couple of years back, we started to have conversations about what our kids’ education was going to look like. The idea of homeschooling my kids filled me with overwhelm and drudgery and resentment, but we could see that Silas wasn’t going to thrive in a traditional school environment. So we made the decision to keep him at home. We figured we could homeschool for the upcoming year, then reevaluate. I looked into a few different homeschool ‘styles’ and local groups and couldn’t see them being a good fit for Silas’ needs. Even though I was homeschooled myself, I didn’t have a strong vision for what homeschooling could be for my own family. Sometime in that year, I discovered the Wild + Free homeschooling community. And it was like a revolution in my heart. I read and listened to everything from W + F I could get my hands on, and sparks started to fly in my imagination. I began to envision what an education could be, and it didn’t feel like drudgery. My mental picture of homeschooling shifted from ‘replicating school at home’ to something deeper and wider. A high quality education—and along with it, wonder and adventure and freedom. And for the first time, I felt the confidence to be the teacher my kids needed. I found ‘my people.’”²

BE BRAVE

I don’t know anyone starting out in homeschooling who thinks they know what they are doing. For that matter, I don’t know anyone who has homeschooled an entire houseful of children—and is on the other side—who thinks they got it all right.

Anyone who takes on this all-important endeavor of educating their own children does so holding their breath, crossing their fingers, and praying for a miracle.

It takes bravery to do what we do.

There are moments when the pain of it is greater than our passion for it.

At some point, we all ask ourselves, “Why the heck am I doing this?” The times when strangers quiz our children in grocery stores. The times when parents or grandparents remind us that it’s never too late to put them in school. The times when we threaten our kids with putting them on a bus when they drive us crazy or won’t stop bickering. Or those times when we feel like we’re failing them because of our own inadequacies.

But there is a reason we do this that defies explanation. There is a quiet whisper calling out to us, beckoning us to give our children a different way, inviting us to preserve their childhood, to give them (and us) the gift of more time together.

Many of you may not be homeschooling in five years or even one year from now. Your goal is to give your children the gift of a childhood, a slower, more intentional start. And you might choose a different path later on, and that’s more than okay. We must always follow our heart and do what we think is best for our families, especially our children. And that takes bravery too.

But the rest of you will keep on going. In time, you will realize that this path isn’t just for childhood but for a lifetime of our kids’ exploring their own interests; responding to life, not bells; pursuing their passions; and building a life based on purpose, not perfection.

No matter the reason, you are reading this book because you have heard the call, and you have answered it. You too believe that childhood is a time to foster wonder, creativity, and discovery through play and exploration. You believe children learn because they want to, not because they’re forced to. And you believe in letting them learn at their own pace.

Your knees might be knocking. Your voice might be quaking. You might feel scared or on the verge of giving up. But you are not alone. All over the world, in your state, down the street from where you live, unbeknownst to you, there is a mama, just like you, going the distance, day in and day out, attempting to change the course of history by investing in her children.

And in case no one’s told you lately, you’re doing an amazing job. All those hours of training hearts, making meals, reading books, teaching math, nursing babies, conducting science experiments, going on adventures, inspiring minds—they’re not being wasted. Whenever you have a moment of doubt, remember this: extraordinary lives are formed in the ordinary moments of a relationship-rich childhood.

When I was a child, I was highly introverted. I barely spoke at all. I just wanted to hide in the crowd. Standing in front of people would have made me vomit. And I still want to.

But in third grade, I had a teacher who noticed me and told me the meaning of my name, Ainsley. She said it meant Bold One. I hated the sound of it. Or what it implied.

Every day, I went to school mortified that I had to answer roll call by standing up and saying, “Bold One.” I would think, “Why couldn’t my name be Sarah, which means Princess, or Jenny, which means Gift of God?”

Years later, I discovered that my name actually means My Own Meadow. I scoured name books from every generation looking for one that said my name meant Bold One, and it wasn’t to be found.

My teacher lied to me.

But it did the trick. I went my whole life thinking I was supposed to be brave. And today, even when it’s painful, I choose boldness over comfort.

I want to take a moment and tell you the meaning of your name.

It means Brave One.

(Just do me a favor and don’t look it up.)

The next time you look in the mirror, remember these words: Brave One.

And when you hit a wall with homeschooling a month or a year from now and wonder if you can go on, you’re going to hear a whisper. Brave One. You might try to ignore it, even laugh it off, but trust me, these words will haunt you.

From this day forward, your name means Brave One.

Courage, dear heart.

You are brave. And don’t ever forget it.