Sophie doesn’t call that night, and the next morning there is nothing but silence from my phone. Right now it feels like I’m in a maze, with everyone knowing the right direction to the exit except me. I’m missing something huge here, but I have no idea what it is.
When she still hasn’t called by eleven a.m., I grab my phone and call her instead, fully prepared to leave a voicemail.
‘Hello?’
‘Sophie, it’s Eve.’
‘I know.’ Yet she answered the phone as though she didn’t know who was calling.
‘Did Damien mention that I stopped by yesterday?’
‘Stopped by? That makes it sound so casual, as though you were just popping in for a coffee. That’s not what you were doing though, is it?’
I ignore her jibe. ‘We need to talk, Sophie.’
‘I helped you, didn’t I? I don’t know what more there is to talk about. I know we were close once, but things have changed, haven’t they? Surely you can see that?’
Yes, I can. If only she knew what else I can see so clearly now. ‘I don’t want to fight with you, Sophie, I just need to talk. And then if you never want to see me again, I’ll respect your decision.’ I can’t let her know that I might be the one who ends up making this choice.
Her answer is to remain silent, but I’ll wait as long as I have to.
‘Fine,’ she says. ‘Tonight.’
‘Let’s meet for dinner,’ I suggest.
‘I’m not sure about—’
‘Come on, Sophie. For old time’s sake?’
After a long pause, she agrees. And now it’s just a waiting game.
She’s twenty minutes late, and I sit alone in Café Rouge, feeling like I’ve been stood up by a date. I know that’s what the staff here must be thinking. It’s not important, though; I long ago stopped caring what other people think of me.
I’ll give it ten more minutes and if she hasn’t shown by then I will track her down. Just as I’m about to check my phone again, Sophie appears.
‘Well, this feels weird,’ she says, slipping into the chair opposite. ‘I can’t remember the last time we went for a meal somewhere.’
‘Before the twins were born,’ I say. ‘Pizza at the Italian place that closed down. It was after a parents’ evening.’
She frowns. ‘How do you remember that? I don’t at all.’
‘Well, a lot’s happened since then.’
‘What’s this all about?’ Sophie asks. ‘Why did you need to see me so urgently?’
I haven’t planned how I’ll approach this; perhaps I thought in my mind that meeting for dinner would rekindle something in our friendship, encourage her to be straight with me, but as Sophie said – everything’s changed. ‘I’m not going to pretend this conversation is anything other than what it is. I just want honesty from you, Sophie.’
‘Well, that’s rich coming from you, but I’m not you, am I?’
‘Someone smashed my car windows the other day, and I don’t think it was random.’
Her eyes widen. Is this a sign she knows nothing about it? ‘I’m sorry. That’s a shitty thing to happen.’
‘It’s not just the inconvenience of having to fix the windscreen, it’s more a case of why someone would do it. What does it mean? I’ve been going over it and it can only be some sort of warning. A pathetic one, I have to say. Why can’t people just come out and say what their problem is?’
‘Look, I’m sorry for what happened, but what’s this got to do with me?’
‘Probably nothing, but I had to go through all the people in my life at the moment, and it’s a short list. Aiden, Jamie and you.’
And the person who has been emailing me.
Sophie shrugs. ‘What about your students? Maybe one of them is angry with you because they failed an exam or something? Maybe they think you didn’t tutor them properly.’
‘No. This is about Kayla, it has to be.’
Before Sophie can respond, the waitress comes over and asks what we’d like to eat. ‘A croque monsieur for me, please,’ I say, handing my menu back. It takes all my effort to keep my hand from shaking.
‘Just a Prosecco for me, please,’ Sophie says. ‘Nothing to eat.’
‘Are you sure?’ I ask. ‘It’s my treat.’
‘No appetite I’m afraid.’
The waitress heads off, and I stare at Sophie. In the past she was the one I always turned to whenever I needed to talk, at least until I could no longer talk to anyone. I trusted her with my life, yet now she is no more than a stranger.
‘I don’t understand what you’re trying to say,’ Sophie continues as soon as the waitress has gone.
There’s no time to ease into this gently. ‘Why did you tell me you didn’t see much of Aiden and Kayla after I left?’
Looking at Sophie now, her eyes wide with shock, she looks as if she’s just been caught stealing. I’ve never seen her caught off guard before now, and a wave of guilt washes over me. I’m not the one in the wrong this time, I have to keep that in mind.
‘Damien told you.’
‘The point is, why didn’t you tell me?’
‘It’s my business, though, isn’t it? You left, so I was there for Aiden. I did tell you that.’
‘Not exactly. You made out that you were only in touch occasionally. You didn’t mention that you had such a bond with Kayla.’
And with Aiden, although I’ll save this information for later.
Sophie sits up straighter. ‘Why does that matter? Yes, I helped Aiden a lot with Kayla in the early days, so she means a lot to me.’ Her eyes narrow. ‘Wait, are you suggesting that I don’t want you around Kayla? And that I smashed your car windscreen to warn you off?’
Now that she’s said it herself out loud, it doesn’t seem to fit. So I can rule her out.
‘Maybe it was that boyfriend of yours? He didn’t seem happy when I met him the other day. Maybe he doesn’t want you being around Aiden.’
Despite everything that’s happening between Sophie and me right now, I find myself telling her that Jamie and I are no longer together.
‘So you’ve left him too? Even more reason for him to be the one who smashed up your car.’
No. There’s no way. ‘He’s… he was a decent guy,’ I say. ‘And I didn’t leave him. It was the other way around.’
For a second, I expect Sophie to throw out a remark about me deserving it, but she doesn’t. ‘Even good people can be pushed to their limit,’ she says.
I ignore this because there is no way it was Jamie. ‘The trouble was, I have far too much baggage, even for someone as decent as Jamie to handle.’
‘Hmmm. I imagine it’s not easy telling people what you did.’
‘I’ve actually never told anyone. Mum’s illness meant I never really had to explain it to her properly, and I’ve kept away from people on a social level. I never went back to the school so…’
The waitress brings Sophie’s Prosecco, and she lifts her glass and stares at it before taking a sip. ‘How did you end up in a relationship then?’
Jamie flashes into my head. Kind, funny, talented Jamie. Not someone who would deliberately hurt me, surely? ‘It was meant to be casual. I never thought he’d develop deeper feelings for me, or I would have stayed away from him.’ But would I? It had been a huge shock to me when I’d started talking to him and actually began to feel something physically. For so long I hadn’t wanted anyone to be anywhere near me, then inexplicably I couldn’t stop wanting Jamie. Until he’d fall asleep – then I needed him as far away from me as possible. I don’t tell Sophie any of this.
‘Is it really over between you two? It doesn’t seem like you’re over him.’
‘It’s more a case of him being over me.’ I would have Jamie back in an instant and give him the relationship he deserves this time. Again, I say none of this aloud.
‘Well, I hope you leave him alone then,’ Sophie says, and with her words she is right back to being a woman I can’t trust. ‘Speaking of which, I hope you’re leaving Aiden and Nicole alone too now? Oh, don’t look so surprised. Aiden and I do actually talk, Eve. There’s no law against that.’
When I don’t reply, Sophie begins her attack. ‘Don’t you think you’ve been selfish enough? They’re a family, Eve. The three of them. Then suddenly you come along and shatter their lives, and it’s like Aiden’s right back to how he was when you left him.’
‘I… that’s not—’
‘I can’t listen to this any more, Eve. I feel like I’m betraying all of them just being here with you.’ She stands up and hoists her bag onto her shoulder. ‘You’re never going to have Kayla back in your life. Just stay away from all of us.’
And then she’s gone, a waft of her perfume lingering behind to mock me.