FORTY

Now

Unlike Maya’s flat, Connor’s is surprisingly nice. It’s more of a maisonette, on a road similar to mine.

‘Bet you didn’t expect him to live in a place like this,’ Maya says, folding her arms and stopping outside the small gate.

‘I try not to make assumptions,’ I say.

Before tonight, I didn’t know anything about Connor other than what I saw for myself the night he forced his way into my flat. On the drive over here, Maya told me that his cousin owns a car valeting business, and Connor works with him now. ‘They’re doing very well,’ she’d pointed out. ‘And he hasn’t even been to uni.’

‘You don’t have to come in with me,’ I tell her now. The minute we got in the car I regretted not insisting that she stay at her flat. She should be on her night out with Lara. I shouldn’t be dragging her into this.

‘Oh, I want to see him. We’ve got unfinished business.’

Maya sounds so adamant that I give up trying to talk her out of it. Yet despite the strength and determination she’s exhibiting, surely underneath there must be some apprehension. ‘Do you miss him?’ I ask.

There is no hesitation in her answer. ‘No. I hate him.’ She turns to me. ‘I know you’re going to tell me that hating someone isn’t good, but I can’t help how I feel. It doesn’t mean I lose sleep over him.’

The thing is, she probably does. Whatever’s happened since, the two of them share something that can’t be erased, no matter how much time passes. They will forever be linked by Maya’s unplanned pregnancy.

‘It doesn’t look like anyone’s in,’ I say, focusing on the task at hand. I can’t get distracted by the past – even Maya’s – because Kayla’s future is all that matters right now.

Maya tuts. ‘No. He’s probably out drinking with his stupid friends.’

It never occurred to me to think what I would do if Connor wasn’t in. ‘Let’s check,’ I say.

Halfway to the front door, Maya begins to giggle.

‘Sorry,’ she says when I ask her what she’s laughing at. ‘This is just weird, isn’t it? You were my English tutor and now we’re here on a hunt for your daughter. It’s just…’

‘Surreal? Yes, I know.’

She grabs my arm. ‘Let’s do this.’

Despite the lack of lights in the place, Connor is at home, opening the door and staring at us, his eyes wide with shock. ‘What the hell?’ he says. ‘What is this?’

‘You remember me, don’t you, Connor? I just need a word with you. Can we come in?’

‘Are you crazy? I’m not letting you in here.’ Although he’s talking to me, his eyes are fixed on Maya, a clear demonstration that his feelings for her still exist. Her presence here has floored him, which can only work to my advantage.

Stepping forward, Maya takes over. ‘Let us in, Connor. Eve’s daughter’s been taken, and we need to help find her.’

He frowns. ‘Taken by who?’

Maya steps forward. ‘Let us in and we’ll tell you everything.’

‘But how am I supposed to help? It’s got nothing to do with me.’ Connor turns to me. ‘You can’t think that just cos I threatened you a bit I’d take your daughter. That’s sick, man.’

‘That’s not what I think at all,’ I assure him, even though it has indeed crossed my mind. ‘And you’re not in any trouble. She’s been missing for three months now, so the police would have already knocked on your door if I’d mentioned you, wouldn’t they?’

He digests my words then slowly nods. ‘I s’ppose.’

Inside Connor’s flat, the lights are dimmed, but I can see enough to know that this property is cared for. He doesn’t invite us to sit down, but we do anyway, and even though he’s scowling, he also sits, opposite Maya, his eyes fixed on her.

‘What do you think I can do?’ he asks, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees.

‘That night you came to see me,’ I begin, ‘it wasn’t the first time you’d been to my flat, was it?’

He glances at Maya but she looks away.

‘It’s okay,’ I say. ‘Maya knows everything. And we both understand why you were so angry with me.’

‘She had nothing to do with my decision, Con,’ Maya says. ‘Nothing. I made it by myself. And I’m sorry it hurt you.’

Now it’s Connor’s turn to look away, his eyes glassing over. ‘I don’t want to talk about it. It’s done, isn’t it?’

Maya nods. ‘Yes, it is. Please just help Eve.’

Even though I’ve been telling Maya for a long time that she can call me by my first name, it’s funny to actually hear her doing it now when until tonight she hasn’t been able to.

Connor lets out a huge sigh, stares at the floor. ‘No, it wasn’t the first time.’

‘And when you were in my flat you told me I had a lot of enemies. Do you remember that? I called you back to explain what you meant, but you ignored me. Connor, I really need to know why you said that.’

He shrugs. ‘It was nothing. I was just talking.’

Maya stands up. ‘What the hell, Connor? Just tell miss what you meant! You don’t say something like that for no reason.’

‘All right, calm down, will you? No need to get hysterical.’

‘There’s every need, Connor, when a little girl is gone.’

Seconds tick by and nobody says anything. I could urge him, and try my best to persuade him, but I feel as though he will give in before long. He’s not telling us to leave, which means there’s every chance he will tell me what I need to know.

Finally, he speaks. ‘I was watching your flat,’ he says. ‘I had to. Didn’t know anything about you so I had to get a feel for your movements.’

‘You need help, Connor!’ Maya declares. ‘That’s just disgusting. That’s stalking, that is.’

He glares at her. ‘I thought you wanted my help?’

‘Yes, we do,’ I say before he and Maya get into something. ‘Please carry on.’

‘I was there one night, and I saw someone smash your windows. Made my day, that did. Showed me that you deserved everything you got, if I wasn’t the only one wanting to mess you up.’

Maya throws up her arms. ‘Will you—’

‘Wait,’ I say. ‘Are you telling the truth? It really wasn’t you who smashed my car?’

He looks pleased with himself. ‘Nope. I didn’t care about your car – it was you I wanted to smash up.’

Maya picks up a cushion and hurls it across the room at him. ‘Jesus, Connor, you really are a piece of work.’

‘It’s okay, Maya.’ I stand up and move closer to Connor. ‘This woman who smashed my car windows. What did she look like?’ Nicole’s image floats around my head. How friendly and kind she looked when I first met her, definitely not the kind of woman who would smash car windows. Or take a child.

‘What are you on about? It wasn’t a she. It was a man.’

The ground shifts beneath me. Connor must have got this wrong. ‘A man? That can’t be right.’

‘Listen, I was right there, hiding behind a car and got a good solid look at the guy. Believe me, it was definitely a man. And he was mad as hell.’

A man. A man who hates me enough to do something like that.

My mind searches for answers. Answers I don’t want to believe. I wanted to believe that it was all over. I try to explore other options. It was the day Jamie ended our relationship, and I’d spent the day drinking in a bar. Jamie. He was so angry with me, so it would make sense. But my mind struggles to believe Jamie would have done that.

‘If I showed you a picture, would you recognise him?’

‘Course.’

Flicking through my phone I quickly search my photos for one of Jamie. There’s only one – a selfie Jamie took of us on his phone and then sent to me. I hadn’t wanted to take it; he spent a long time nagging me to until I gave in. How horrible that I never wanted pictures of us. No wonder he felt as though I didn’t care.

I hand my phone to Connor and wait for him to confirm what I already know.

‘Nope,’ he says – handing it back – ‘that’s not the guy. He looked nothing like that.’

Then that only leaves one option. I flick through my phone again, typing into Google until the image I want comes up. ‘Is this him?’ I ask, showing Connor the image I’ve found.

This time, Connor frowns, studies the picture for too long. After what seems like minutes he looks away from the screen.

‘Nah, that’s not him either.’

Hearing Connor say this, all of a sudden everything becomes clear. I know exactly who smashed my car windows. And it’s all I can do to stop my legs giving way beneath me.