| |
1940
Ellen stared at the young woman, unable to speak. She was built like her mother, tall and slim. She had the same almond shaped eyes and high cheekbones. She had straightened her dark, shoulder-length hair and pulled it back from her face with combs. She was glaring at Ellen, her hands fisted at her sides. Orly stood up.
“Janet Moss, you apologize this minute.”
“I will not,” she declared. “Maybe no one else in this family cares that Abraham is running around like some stud on the plantation... ”
“Janet!”
“I mean it, Mama! It’s no different from those rich white men who think they can have whatever they want from the colored maids their wives bring into their houses every day.” She pointed accusingly at Ellen, frozen in her seat. “She’s having her fun with the nigger who mops the floors in her hospital. And when she’s done and she’s got her fancy degree, she’ll pretend she never saw him and act like he’s too dirty to cross her path. Just you wait and see.”
“What the hell do you think you’re doing,” roared Abraham, who had appeared in the doorway behind his sister.
She spun to face him, not intimidated by the anger in his eyes. She drew herself up to her full height and put her hands on her hips.
“I’m telling the truth about what’s going on here, brother. I can’t stop you from making a fool of yourself over this piece of white trash, but I’m not going to keep quiet about it, either.”
“Don’t you talk about her that way. You don’t know anything about Ellen or about us.”
“I know that you brought her here and don’t care about the danger. What if some white boys saw you two together? What if they decide to teach us all a lesson? You think the cops are gonna care if some windows get broken or a house gets burned or some niggers get beat up? You think she’s gonna care?”
Abraham stepped closer and pointed his finger in her face. “You shut your damn mouth, Janet!”
Orly stepped between the two of them and spoke in a sharp voice.
“Both of you stop right now. I cannot believe any children of mine would shame me like this... using that kind of language in my house. And in front of a guest.” Abraham and Janet both glared at one another one more time before murmuring apologies. “Janet, you go on back to your room until I’m ready to have a talk with you.” Orly ordered. The young woman opened her mouth to protest, but her mother folded her arms over her chest and fixed a stony gaze on her. Janet turned on her heel and stalked out of the room, pointedly ignoring Ellen. Orly turned to Abraham. “You go on outside. No,” she said when he tried to speak, “you go outside and wait for Ellen. She’ll be out directly.” Abraham glanced apologetically at Ellen, but turned and left without arguing.
The silence was profound after the angry yelling and Ellen stared at Orly for a moment. Tears welled up in Ellen’s eyes and flowed down her cheeks. Orly moved to sit next to her on the sofa and patted her hand.
“I’m sorry that happened,” Orly told her. “Janet was brought up better than that. But that girl has a mind of her own and isn’t afraid to tell everyone what she thinks.”
“Is what she said true,” Ellen asked, thinking of the men who attacked them last summer. “Is it bad for you, for your family, that I’m here?”
“It could be.”
“Why did you ask him to bring me?”
“Because I don’t scare so easy,” Orly said firmly. “My son is in love with you and I’m not going to let other people tell me who I can have as guest in my own house. Not even my daughter.”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Moss. I shouldn’t have come.”
“Yes, you should. I invited you. But you see what you are up against, don’t you? It’s not just white people. There are plenty of colored people who won’t like this, either.” She paused for a moment before saying quietly, “I don’t want my boy hurt.”
“I love Abraham. I don’t want to hurt him.”
“I know you don’t want to, Ellen. But whatever happens now... if you break it off or if you stay with him... he’s going to be hurt.”
Ellen was quiet as they walked. They had said little to one another when they left his mother’s house. Lost in thought, Ellen didn’t realize he wasn't leading her to the bus stop until she saw his apartment building.
“Abraham... I should get back home.”
“We need to talk first. Alone.” She hesitated and he added in a low voice, “Please, baby.”
She allowed him to lead her into the building and up the flight of stairs to his floor. Once in his room, he tried to pull her into his arms but Ellen shook her head and pushed him away.
“Abraham, I... .”
“Look,” he interrupted. “Janet had no right to say those things.”
“Why not? It’s what she thinks. It’s what a lot of people will think.”
“I love you and you love me. That’s all I care about; I don’t care what other people think.”
“You care what your mother thinks. Isn’t that why you wanted so badly for me to meet her?”
“My mother likes you, I can tell.”
“Your mother thinks I’m going to hurt you.”
“Did she say that,” he asked in surprise.
“She said that you will be hurt whether I leave you or stay.”
“Well, she’s partly right.” He took her left hand and held on when she tried to pull away. “It will hurt me if you leave.”
“Abraham, please... ” Ellen’s tear-filled eyes widened when Abraham dropped to one knee at her feet, clasping her hand in his. “What are you doing?”
“Ellen, you know I would ask you to marry me if I could.”
“But you can’t,” she said, trying to tug her hand from his iron grip.
“But if I could, what would you say? If there was no stupid law and if we didn’t have to worry about what folks think or what they would say... if it was just you and me, what would you say? Would you marry me, Ellen?”
He kissed her hand and Ellen began to weep.
“Of course I would. You know I would. It’s what I want more than anything in the world.”
Abraham stood and this time she did not resist when he pulled her against him. She buried her face against his chest and he held her tightly as she cried. When she finally stopped shuddering with sobs, she lifted her wet face and looked at him sadly.
“B..but... it’s n..not that easy,” she whispered.
He kissed her, gently at first, then deeper, more insistently. She whimpered and wrapped her arms around his waist. He kissed her wet cheeks and eyes, then his lips moved lower.
“It is that easy,” he murmured against her throat. He raised his head and looked into her half-closed eyes. “The Bible says, ‘Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent; he took Rebekah and she became his wife, and he loved her.’ Don’t you see, Ellen? In Bible times they didn’t need a law that said they could get married. They didn’t even need no preacher. Isaac just ‘took’ Rebekah and she was his wife.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying,” his hand slid over her breast, “that this... what we’ve been doing here for months... this is what it means to get married... in the Bible.”
His thumb skimmed lightly over her nipple, through her dress. She cried, “Oh!” softly and closed her eyes, her cheek against his chest. She could hear his heart thudding and thought hers must be beating in time.
“What do you say, Ellen,” he whispered, his lips warm against her ear. “Will you marry me? Will you be my wife? Today, right now... right here?”
She tilted her head back and looked up into his face. This face she knew so well and loved so much. She knew every inch of his body. She stared into the eyes that always seemed to be laughing, except for times like this when they darkened with passion. Passion for her. The mouth that made her laugh at jokes and swoon as it moved over her body.
She knew she should tell him that he was being romantic and foolish. They should be sensible and stop before anyone else found out about them. There could be nothing but trouble if they continued. They should stop seeing each other outside of work and should be professional and polite only. Those were the things she knew she should say.
Instead she said, “Yes, Abraham.”
He led her to the bed and tenderly undressed her, and then removed his own clothing. He pulled back the colorful quilt made by his mother and drew Ellen onto his bed next to him. It was not the first time they had made love, but he had never been more tender and adoring. She never wanted to leave his arms. In this bed, in this room, the rest of the world faded and nothing mattered but what they felt for one another.
In the following weeks Ellen felt as if a protective shield surrounded her. She went to work at the hospital, completely focusing on her patients. However, rarely did an hour pass without Abraham’s face coming to her mind. Sometimes, as she gave orders for treatment, the memory of his lovemaking teased her. In her mind, they were husband and wife. It was just as real to her as if they had stood before a preacher. A smile would light her face as she daydreamed about being Dr. Ellen Moss.
“Have you met a man,” one of the nurses asked one day. “You’ve got this glow about you.”
Ellen just blushed and went on discussing the patient. She worked Thanksgiving weekend. She ached with missing Abraham, who had the entire four days off and spent it with his family. When she got home after work on Thanksgiving, she used the one phone in the house, in the drawing room, to call her family. She talked to both of her parents, her brother and sister-in-law, even her niece and nephew. She was homesick, hearing their laughter and descriptions of her mother’s famous cornbread stuffing and pumpkin pie. She had not been home for a holiday for several years and she missed the familiar warmth and smells.
Between her schedule and Abraham’s, it was difficult to find time to be together. Nevertheless, almost every week, they were able to find one day to spend alone. She would take the bus to Watts and Abraham would be waiting for her when she got off the bus. They would spend the day in his room. They made meals together; they talked about everything and about nothing. They danced to songs on the radio, or read to each other from favorite books. And they made love. Always they made love.
Ellen had not had a real vacation since beginning medical school and she had three weeks off to go home for Christmas and New Year’s. As the time drew close, she was torn. As much as she missed her family and wanted to see them, she could not stand the idea of being away from Abraham for so long. She cried in his arms one day and said she was going to stay. He insisted, however, that she needed to go home and see her family. He reminded her that they were expecting her and would be hurt and disappointed if she did not go.
The day before she left, they had their own early Christmas. Ellen gave him a blue shirt; her favorite color on him. Abraham surprised her with a wedding ring; a very plain and very inexpensive gold band. She knew he must have saved and sacrificed for a very long time to buy it. She cried. realizing how long he had been thinking of asking her to marry him.
He put it on the third finger of her left hand and she wore it all day, holding her hand out to admire it frequently. She took it off before leaving, knowing she could not wear it in public. Ellen was determined to find some way to keep the ring on her person at all times, even if she could not let anyone see it. She decided if nothing else, she would simply wear it on a string around her neck, hidden inside her blouse.
The bus trip was long and for the first time in her life, Ellen experienced motion sickness. She decided she must have picked up the flu before leaving Los Angeles, because she was sick for her entire vacation. Even the scent of all of her favorite dishes, which she had been so homesick for, now just made her even more nauseous.
Worse, she missed Abraham desperately. The realization that she would never be able to bring him home and introduce him proudly to her family, would never be able to share with him all the things she loved about her home, wore on her and made her moody. She seemed to spend the three weeks sleeping, crying or throwing up.
Finally, the three weeks were over and Ellen’s parents took her back to the bus station. She cried and hugged each member of her family before leaving, and clung to her parents for a long time. Once she settled on the bus, she tugged on the string around her neck and pulled her wedding ring out, rubbing it as she cried. She was feeling so many conflicting emotions; it was difficult to separate them out. She was happy and anxious to see Abraham again, but sad at leaving her family. Most of all she was heartbroken at the thought that her life with Abraham would never be a part of her life with her family. Exhausted, she finally fell into an exhausted sleep for the duration of the trip back to Los Angeles... and back to her husband.