Vince dreaded the end of this week. It would be full moon and Penny still had no idea he was wasn’t a real shifter.
“Let’s go out for sushi.”
He gave her a sideways glance. “Sushi? I thought you said fish was all either radioactive or over-farmed and disgusting.”
“Yeah, but I researched a place that swears they only serve free range fish caught in the Atlantic Ocean, which should be healthier for you.”
His purr started before he even realized it. He coughed to cover it, but Penny was already laughing and pulling him along. “Let’s go!”
He draped his arm around her shoulder and walked downstairs with her, tensing when he saw that asshole door guard, Quinn, in the foyer. He gave Vince a snide look after eyeing Penny when she wasn’t looking. Vince pulled her closer and kept her as far away from the creep as possible.
Penny drove and Vince was like a kid in a candy store as soon as they walked into the restaurant. The entire place smelled like fish and he had a hard time sitting still. He wanted to pounce on every piece of meat he saw. If he had a tail, it’d be twitching right now.
**
Penny thought Vince would struggle with using chopsticks since he’d never apparently used them before, and because he was so shaky all the time, but for some reason he was totally in control of himself tonight. He watched her so carefully as she explained what wasabi and ginger slices were, and how she liked to use them to spice up her food, then sat next to him to help him with his chopsticks. She thought he’d grab the fish as soon as it was set down in front of them, but instead he waited, carefully watching it as if it would get up and walk away.
When she finally took the first bite of her own food, he did exactly what she did and dipped the fish into a little soy sauce, then took a bite.
His eyes went wide and at first she thought he hated it, until his face went slack as if he’d just had amazing sex.
“So… you like it?”
He stared at her as he slowly chewed, then finally swallowed. “God yeah. Can I move in here and eat this every day?”
She chuckled and said, “I’ll ask.”
They ate in silence for a time, Vince slowly savoring every bite he took.
“I thought you’d tear into the fish since you said you love it so much.”
“We never had much, so when something nice came along, we made sure to savor the moment instead of rush through it.”
She studied him as he ate. “You’ve had a hard life.”
He shrugged.
“Full moon’s getting closer. Where do you go to run as your cat?”
He said with a smirk, “Where do you go?”
“I usually tag along with Suzanne, my alpha, up to the ranch. It’s land the family owns. I ride up there with her, then find a spot to shift by myself. Sometimes I end up shifting with my sister, but mostly not. After we turn, though, we run with the pack.”
A family came in the door and the sound of high pitched voices let them know kids were here. Hooray.
Vince said, “So it’s always a big group of you guys?” He looked towards the family as they got seated across the room from them.
“Yeah. Hey, is your fur spotted, or is it all black like Zach’s?”
He took a drink of the tea she’d convinced him to order, though it looked like he was still getting used to the taste of it. She was trying her best to ween him off soda.
Vince was still watching the family when he said, “Can I ask you something?”
“Ok.”
He looked her straight in the eye and said, “Have you ever thought about having kids?”
A jolt went through her at his question. She’d had too many failed relationships and didn’t see the point of planning for marriage and kids, especially since it was highly likely that she’d see the end of the world in her lifetime. A warm rush went through her just the same, though.
“I used to imagine myself getting married and having a couple.”
He frowned ever so slightly. “Used to?”
She shrugged and wished she could hide away from his over developed senses. “I don’t know. Too many bad relationships.” She snapped in irritation, “What about you?”
“Yes.”
“Yes what?” She wasn’t sure why she was so mad right now, but she was.
“Yes I want kids. I want a wife and kids and a place of our own.”
The way he said that made it seem like he’d already thought about it… with her. Had he? She wanted to know but was too afraid to ask. If he said yes, was she ready to give up her soul to him?
The air between them was charged with what if’s and unsaid things that were too soon to talk about, so she started eating again. That was her. A big coward.
He said, “We’ve never used protection.”
She mumbled, “I have an IUD.”
“A what?”
“It’s birth control implanted inside me.”
He nodded, and if she didn’t know any better, she’d think his mood just dropped.
**
Vince knew he should feel happy that the chance of getting Penny pregnant right now was off the table, but it truthfully bothered him. He’d pushed the conversation too far, though. She couldn’t even look at him right now. For as mouthy as she usually was, she was actually pretty frail when it came to her emotions. But his life was weird enough as it was, he didn’t want to wait to talk about things when he knew in his heart she was someone he could really love.
A heavy emotion settled in him and now it was his turn to feel shocked at the conversation. Did he actually love her? Already?
The waitress came by to check on them and thankfully broke the tension that was building in the air. They shared a smirk as the oblivious woman was again astonished at how much food they’d ordered.
Vince slid his arm around Penny and pulled her in close to his side. Thankfully she rested her head on his shoulder and let him just hold her. It felt good to have someone in his arms, someone who made him feel calm and warm, and like a person that mattered.
She gave him a purpose in life. Before, he simply existed, day after day just working to make ends meet and always trying to stay invisible. Now, with Penny, he felt like he had the possibility of an actual future that he’d thought was just a fairy tale. Yeah, Anthony and Zach and everyone helped with giving them a place to live and even some cash, which he was still worried there’d be strings attached to if he spent any of it, but with Penny he could imagine a life he looked forward to.
A family. A home of their own. Friends and neighbors they could get to know and hang out with and not worry about them knowing who they really were…
He wasn’t sure how long he’d been quietly purring when Penny shifted in his arms and looked up at him. Yeah, he could love her. He knew the feeling was there and that it was real. She was smart and funny and damn sexy… he just wasn’t quite ready to tell her. He wanted to be a whole man for her. He couldn’t start a new life while he was still dragging around a crippled body.
So he’d try to heal. He’d do whatever the doctor and Zach thought might help. He’d eat more. He’d exercise. He’d even try blood again. Anything to be able to look Penny in the eye someday and say that he was strong enough to start a family with her. That he could make her a good husband and be a good father to children that would be just as beautiful as their mother.
His heart hurt even thinking about it. He finally had something he really wanted in life. Please just let him be able to heal and not be deformed anymore. Please let his struggles all these years have been a thing of the past that he now had some help to heal from.
And in the days that followed, whenever Vince wasn’t at work, he drank more protein shakes, ate more food, he even tried exercising at the gym, but it always ended badly. He either threw everything up within a couple hours, was flat on his back every night from over exerting himself, or was just plain old shaky every day. He even tried blood one more time, the doctor wondering if his first reaction was just because he’d never had any before, or maybe Bobbi’s blood just wasn’t the right person for him to be drinking from. He threw it up just the same. Nothing worked and it gave him a sinking feeling that if Zach couldn’t force him to shift at full moon, he might as well face facts that he was permanently disabled.
He refused to think of a possible life as a husband and father when he couldn’t even pull himself out of bed some days. And Penny tried her best to be supportive when he was too tired to do anything with her, but she was closed off around him at those times. He could see it in her eyes and feel it in the way she hesitated to give him a hug and kiss goodbye. She didn’t want a sickly boyfriend any more than he wanted to be one, and he didn’t blame her one bit.