Maze’s updated maid of honor to-do list:
—Don’t kill the man of honor.
Maze was still awake the next morning because . . .
She.
Was.
Married?
Good God. She rolled out of bed and . . . oh yeah, tripped over her pretend boyfriend, Jace.
Her life was officially a sitcom.
“Hey,” Jace grumbled sleepily, and sat up. “There’s no acceptable reason for waking me up at . . .” He blinked at the clock. “. . . Jesus, five A.M.—unless morning sex is on the table.”
“Dream on.”
“I was dreaming just fine, thank you very much—”
A knock came at the door. Maze froze for a beat, then tore off her sweatpants, leaving her in just the oversized T-shirt and cheeky panties. “Get up here,” she demanded as she leaped back into bed. “He doesn’t believe that we’re together and I need him to.”
“Why?”
“So he won’t be able to melt my cold, hard heart. There. Are you happy?”
When Jace just looked at her in disbelief, she waved her hands frantically.
“Come on, come on!”
“You’re unhinged, you know that?”
“Yeah, yeah, now get your ass up here and fake being into me. I know, I know, but just pretend I’m whoever you were dreaming about,” she said.
“I wasn’t—”
“Right. So that’s a gun in your shorts then?”
“Shit,” he muttered, getting into bed with her. “This is awkward.”
“It’s only awkward if it’s for me.”
He adjusted “it.” “Trust me, it’s not. You’re too mean.”
There was another knock and an accompanying teeny-tiny demanding voice. “Jace!”
Maze relaxed and smiled. “Sammie!” she called out, shoving Jace away from her. He was laughing so hard, he hit the floor. “Come on in, baby!”
The door opened. Sammie was bouncing up and down like the Energizer Bunny, but she wasn’t alone. Behind her was Heather in a matching pj set with little kitties on them. Her hair was wild, and a pillow crease ran across a cheek. She looked like she was twelve. “It’s a pajama party. Remember when we had those?”
Caitlin appeared next to her wearing a pretty silk robe and slippers, with perfect hair and . . .
“Are you wearing mascara already?” Maze asked in disbelief.
“Of course,” Caitlin said.
Maze laughed, but it dried up in her throat when she realized Walker was behind Cat, wearing his sweat bottoms from last night. He’d added a T-shirt from—she stopped breathing—the dive bar in Vegas where their problems had all begun.
They all came in. Walker eyed the pillow and blanket on the floor with Jace.
“Fell out of bed,” Jace said easily, and rose to his feet.
“With your blanket and pillows?” Heather asked.
“Yep.”
Maze slid her gaze to Jace’s boxer shorts as he got into bed next to her. Luckily, morning wood was no longer a problem. Good thing too, because before she knew it everyone was on the bed—except Walker. He walked slowly into the room, purposely eyeing the pillow and blanket on the floor before meeting Maze’s eyes.
Dammit.
She was now sandwiched in between Heather and Caitlin, with Jace at her feet and Sammie trying to climb on top of him, but for a second, all that craziness faded away. It was only her and Walker in the room, which both gave her a secret thrill and pissed her off.
“Up!” Sammie yelled at Walker.
“Yeah,” Heather said to him, patting a corner of Maze’s bed. “Up.”
“I’m good.” But he scooped up Sammie and, to her screaming delight, hung her upside down off the back of his shoulders. Then he playfully tossed her to the bed. She bounced and squealed and gave a sweet belly laugh. Caitlin leaned in to tickle her . . . and Sammie stopped laughing and gave her a deadpan look.
Walker laughed.
“It’s not funny! I want her to love me. I need her to love me.”
“She will,” Heather promised, ever the peacemaker. “Sammie, remember those brownies we make? Caitlin taught me how to make them. She also tells the best stories. I used to crawl into her bed at night when I got scared and she’d read to me. You like being read to.”
Sammie remained unconvinced.
“It’s okay,” Caitlin said with false cheer. “I guess I can’t be loved by everyone.”
Everyone but Maze laughed. She was just too aware of Walker standing bedside while Jace was actually in the bed and under the covers with her. Seriously, how did she manage to get herself into these situations? She sighed and forced herself to check into the conversation going on around her.
“I mean, I don’t get why wanting to be a mom with a simple job is so strange,” Cat was saying. “He has a life list, and children are on it.” She turned her head to look at Maze. “What do you think?”
She thought she was currently too busy having a freak-out to speak intelligently. But since Caitlin could spot a freak-out from ten miles away, she smiled and nodded. “You need to follow your dreams. You want to be a mom sooner than later.”
“But that’s not crazy, right? I’d make a good mom. I mean, I really think that raising kids, my own or otherwise, is the most important thing I’ll ever do. Like my parents did.”
“They were good at it,” Heather said. “And you would be too. We learned a lot from them, they’re amazing. I mean, I never thought I’d have a kid, but now I can’t imagine my life any other way.”
“But what if Dillon’s not on board?”
“Cat, you should do what you want,” Maze said.
“Yeah, that’s not exactly how healthy relationships work,” Caitlin said dryly. “Healthy relationships are about the three Cs.”
“Calamity, cluelessness, and catastrophe?” Maze asked.
Jace laughed, and she glared at him.
“Communication, commitment, and compromise,” Caitlin said.
“Well, compromise means he has to give something up as well,” Maze said.
Cat gave her a look. “I’m not sure you understand how these things go. I mean, you barely committed to keeping a plant alive for a week.”
Maze opened her mouth and then shut it. Because what Cat said was true.
“Not everyone’s known since they were a five-year-old what they wanted to be, Cat,” Walker said with a slight censure in his voice.
Surprised by his defense, Maze looked at him. He met her gaze—his unreadable, of course. But he knew her, maybe better than anyone. He certainly knew her better than she knew herself, or so it seemed at times. She had no idea what the hell she wanted out of her life, but she did know one thing for sure. “Very few people get a real shot at happiness,” she said carefully. “I just want to make sure you get a shot at yours.”
Caitlin looked at her, like, really looked at her. “Are you okay?”
At that, everyone craned their necks and stared at her. Awesome. And no, she wasn’t okay. She was never okay. “I’m great. And starving.” She rolled off the bed, not so accidentally kicking Walker in the shins while she was at it.
Five minutes later she was in the kitchen, watching Caitlin working on a huge spread while everyone else showered and dressed for the day. It was shockingly impressive. The girl had been born to take care of people.
Maze was definitely missing that gene. But in spite of Cat liking to do everything herself, she stepped in to make toast.
Cat smiled. “Just like the old days. You making toast.”
“It’s the only thing you’d ever let me do.”
“Because you hate to cook.”
Maze smiled. “But I do love to eat.”
Cat smiled too and set her head on Maze’s shoulder for a beat. “I’m sorry about before. I know sometimes I sound bitchy.”
“Sometimes?”
Caitlin laughed and hugged her. “Missed this,” she whispered. “Missed you. So much.”
Maze wrapped her arms around her. “Me too.”
“Today’s going to be a busy day. Wedding errands and chores, et cetera.”
“We’ll help,” Maze said.
“Thanks.”
They pulled apart.
“Do you ever miss those days?” Cat asked. “When we were little and lived at Mom and Dad’s house and had no worries?”
Maze always had worries. But the answer was simple: “Yes.”
Her eyes fell on the two small framed pics hanging by the fridge. The first one was of Cat sitting at the lake’s edge with a laughing Michael. Maze remembered that day. She and Cat had been tasked with babysitting Michael, which had never been a task in Maze’s eyes. Playing tag with him on the edge of the water had been more fun than anything else, and she’d loved being with him. Caitlin too. Because the two of them had been so . . . normal. They had no idea what the big, bad world was like, and when she was with them, Maze could pretend she didn’t know either.
Hungry for those days, she looked closer at the pic. Cat was laughing too, looking open and happy. And carefree. Seeing it made her realize something: she hadn’t seen carefree Cat since . . . since . . . After Michael’s death, Cat had taken everything on as her personal responsibility. Making sure her parents got through losing their son. Making sure to keep in touch with Walker and Heather and Maze when they’d all been separated. She’d become Head In Charge of Everything, and as a result, carefree Cat had been buried with her brother.
Feeling an ache in her chest for all Cat had been through, Maze turned to the second pic. It was of Cat’s parents, looking vibrant and happy. “I’ve never seen that picture,” she murmured.
“It was two years ago, right before Dad’s diagnosis.”
Maze sucked in a breath. “Diagnosis?”
“Cancer. It appears to all be gone now, though. We’re holding our breath.” Caitlin pointed at her with the whisk. “You’d have heard about it from me before now if you’d asked about them even once.”
Maze cringed. “I know. I’m so sorry. It’s . . . complicated.”
“Complicated how? They loved you and doted on you all the time. Hell, my mom favored you over both me and Michael. You could do no wrong. They did everything they could for you, got you into the same classes as me, offered to help you stay in contact with your mom if you wanted, clothed and fed you, kept you safe—which you didn’t care about, I know, but my point is they cared. So much, Maze.”
Until the fire, that is, after which they’d moved on without her.
Actually, that wasn’t fair. They’d reached out to her just a few months after the fire, asking how she was. She’d responded, and a part of her had hoped it meant they’d be coming for her. But at that point, they still hadn’t had a big enough place. Maze could admit that at the time, she hadn’t understood the depths of what they’d been through. All she’d known or thought about was what she’d been through.
A few years or so later, she’d texted them, just a breezy “hi, thinking of you, hope you’re well” sort of thing. They’d responded sweetly and suggested that they meet up for lunch sometime.
Maze had stared at their response for days, before ultimately deleting the text rather than replying. She still didn’t know why exactly.
Wait. That was a lie. She did know. It was called hurt. She was still acting like that abandoned teenager.
Then she’d further screwed up at the anniversary party, the last nail in the coffin of that relationship.
“Well?” Caitlin asked.
“You don’t get it.”
“Why? Because I’m the real kid?”
“Well . . . yeah.”
Caitlin was slicing cheese now with a very big knife. “Yes,” she said stiffly. “I was the real kid who did her best to keep everyone happy. Michael too. We shared our parents, willingly, but it’s not like it was easy, Maze. I worked my ass off to always be okay and take care of everyone.”
And when Michael passed away, Cat had changed forever, something Maze was just starting to see. More guilt settled in her chest. “I never asked that of you.”
“Of course not, because you’re allergic to asking for help.”
Maze turned to walk away, but Heather was in the doorway. “Morning!” she said with way too much morning cheer, telling Maze she was here as the peacemaker, as usual.
“Hope you’re hungry,” Caitlin said.
Heather nodded. “Starving. Walker took Sammie outside to see the birds. She was a little cranky. He’s got a way with her.”
That was because Walker had a way with all women.
“So where’s the boyfriend?” Heather asked Maze.
She was buttering the toast and took an embarrassingly long moment to realize Heather was talking to her. “Um . . . maybe he went back to bed?” She sniffed. “Wait, is something burning?”
“Oh my God.” Caitlin yanked open the oven. Smoke curled up to the ceiling. “It’s the biscuits. Dammit!” She pulled out the charred mounds and stared at them. “You know what? It’s fine. Totally fine. I can make more. It’s all fine.”
Dillon came into the kitchen. “What burned?”
“Nothing! I’m fine!”
Dillon lifted his hands. “Okay then.” He started to head back to the living room.
Maze shook her head at him. “Dude, when a woman says she’s fine, it’s code for she’s not fine.”
“Caitlin and I don’t speak in code, we speak our minds like adults,” he said, and walked out of the kitchen.
Still holding the cookie sheet, smoke curling up from each individual biscuit, Caitlin pushed out the back door and dumped the biscuits onto the ground. Roly and Poly ran through the kitchen and outside, snorting and squealing. They took one sniff of the charred mess and vanished back into the house.
Maze peeked out. “You okay?”
“Everything is totally one hundred percent fine!” she yelled.
A few birds flocked to the biscuits, pecked at them, then flew off.
“Great, even animals won’t eat them.” Cat sagged. “It’s a metaphor for my life.”
Maze stepped out and shut the door behind her. She used a towel she’d grabbed to take the hot cookie sheet from Caitlin, which she set aside before wrapping her arms around the sister of her heart. “It was just a few biscuits, Cat.”
“It’s more than the biscuits!” she wailed.
Maze sighed. “I know.”
Cat hugged her back tight and held on. “Are you getting hives from the prolonged hug?”
“Yes.”
Caitlin let out a watery laugh and tightened her grip like a true sister. “You’re avoiding me.”
“Are you kidding me? You’ve kidnapped me and are holding me—literally—against my will for a week. How in the world can I avoid you? Please tell me, so I can do it.”
“You know what I mean.” Cat pulled back and wiped her tears. “You’re avoiding being alone with me. You don’t want to be here.”
“It’s not that.” Maze tried to collect her thoughts. “It’s not you, and I’m sorry if I let you think that.”
“You won’t talk to me, which means it is about me. I want this all out in the open, it’s past time. Just talk to me, dammit.”
Now Maze sighed. “Fine. I’m worried you’re rushing this whole marriage thing.”
Caitlin’s mouth fell open. “What?”
“The wedding. You’ve only been with Dillon for what, a year? I’ve got things that have been growing in my fridge for longer than that. What’s the rush? I mean, they say you don’t really know someone until you’ve been with them for well over a year, and even then you have to see them in a variety of emotional situations to make sure you can deal with their reactions.”
Cat’s eyes had narrowed. “What kind of emotional situations?”
“Like . . . say if a toddler is coming at your pristine, fancy white couch with sticky fingers.”
Caitlin sighed. “He loves that couch. Look, I know what this is really about. It’s because I’m getting married before you.”
Oh, the irony of that statement. “No, it’s not. And wow. Is that what you think? That I’d be jealous because you’re getting married?”
Cat tossed up her hands. “I don’t know what to think, you don’t talk to me. Do you think you’re the only one who’s struggling to find her place? Who feels like she doesn’t belong? Do you know I feel guilty because my childhood was damn good and I know it?”
“You lost your brother and childhood home in one fell swoop, Cat. You’re allowed to be as fucked up as the rest of us.”
Caitlin sighed, and a lot of the air seemed to go out of her sails. “I just want you to consider my family yours. I wanted to give that to you.”
Suddenly Maze’s throat was burning like the biscuits. “I’ve always admired how you keep people in your life,” she managed. “You keep people, even when they don’t always deserve to be kept.”
Caitlin was clearly astonished. “If you’re about to tell me that you don’t think you deserve to be kept, I’m going to hurt you, Maze. I mean it. Oh my God. You’re so stupid.” She yanked her back in for another hug and this one hurt.
“Can’t. Breathe.” Maze tried to tap out, but Cat just tightened her grip.
“So, so, so, so stupid,” Cat repeated, sounding tearful. “I love you, you stupid, stupid girl, and I know damn well you love me back.”
Maze shrugged. “Maybe. When you’re not yelling at me or trying to strangle me.”
Caitlin pushed her away with a teary laugh. “Okay, fine. But seeing as you do love and adore me, it turns out there’s something you can do to make me feel better.”
“Anything except hug you again.”
“Haha. All you’ve got to do is answer one question.”
“Oh boy,” Maze said warily.
“No, don’t be scared.”
Maze laughed a little. “Right. You do know you’re scary as hell, yeah?”
“One question, Maze, and you can’t lie.”
Oh, but she could. And had . . .
Caitlin looked her right in the eye. “Is there something going on between you and Walker? And before you answer, I want you to know it’s a nonjudgmental question. I’ve always thought the two of you would bring out the best in each other. He’d help you realize how amazing you are, and you’d—”
“What? Scare him off women entirely?” she asked dryly, pretending her heart wasn’t pounding.
“No,” Caitlin said, not joking. “You’d soften him.”
Maze snorted, because she could attest to the fact that there wasn’t any softness to Walker, not a single inch of his leanly muscled bod. The man was a rock.
Inside and out.
“You know what I mean,” Caitlin said earnestly. “He’s always had a soft spot for you. Different from what he feels for me or Heather. He takes care of the two of us. But with you, he . . .” She shook her head, smiled. “It’s like he admires your strength and knows he can stand at your side. He doesn’t have to watch your back all the time, he can just . . . enjoy you. If that makes sense.”
If that had been true, he’d never have let her go. But he had. “You’re wrong.”
“Maybe,” Caitlin replied in a tone that said she didn’t believe that for a hot second.
“Pick another question,” Maze said flatly.
Caitlin nodded so easily that Maze felt certain she’d been tricked.
“I was thinking,” Caitlin said, “maybe while you’re here, you could stay . . . open. Like really open. And don’t even bother looking at me like I’ve just suggested a gyno exam in the middle of Main Street. You know what I mean by open.”
Yes, but she wished she didn’t. “That’s not a question.”
“Will you stay open? Just for the week?” Caitlin asked. “And thank you. It’s a lovely present. I won’t even regift it.”
“How about this?” Maze asked. “I will if you will.”
Some of Cat’s smugness left. “Maze—”
“I will if you will,” she repeated softly, and Cat slowly nodded.