Idiot.
The word should be tattooed on his forehead.
That’s what he deserved for even allowing himself to be attracted to a woman. To make matters worse, he’d have to spend two days with her at Base Camp. His ten-day shift started tomorrow, and she’d arrive the next day. With her brother.
John reached around him for the CMC. “So … you gonna fill me in on what that was all about?” The seasoned ranger stacked it on the shelf and reached for the paperwork on the table. John was the father figure of the rangers, and Zack knew he was in for a scolding.
“Nope.” It’d be all over the station by the end of the hour anyway. It wasn’t that they were gossips, the office just wasn’t that big. And the whole station looked after one another like family.
John walked toward the door then turned back and sat on the corner of the table. “My advice to you is simple: next time you want to come to work acting like a grizzly and jam your foot in your mouth, stick your head in a pile of snow and rethink it. Don’t offend our climbers.” The warning given, John stood and exited.
Short and sweet. That was his way. But Zack still felt the sting. This was why he never let his emotions get involved. In anything. Because he simply couldn’t handle it.
Kyle’s figure filled the doorway. “I hear you’ve had quite a morning.”
“Don’t even start.”
“John asked me to finish briefings with him today. You’re on equipment duty for Base Camp.” No trace of a smile remained on Kyle’s face.
Zack swiped a hand down his neck. “Great.”
“Look, I don’t know what crawled up your shorts, but this is busy season. Everyone needs to be on the top of their game.”
“I know that, Kyle.”
“I know you know that. I’m trying to be your friend here.”
Guilt flooded Zack. What was his problem? He knew better than to insult the climbers. “Sorry.”
Hands on his hips, Kyle looked down. “Taylor, we need to talk. Lunch?”
As much as he hated to admit it, Zack needed someone to talk to. “Fine.”
His friend left the room, and Zack stood. How could one woman turn his world upside down just like that? It wasn’t as if he had everything under control, but at least he managed okay. So he liked to take risks on his own time. He’d never put anyone else in any danger. In fact, just the opposite. Didn’t he save lives for a living?
A stark realization hit him square in the face. All the excuses in the world couldn’t answer the question why he couldn’t get enough. Why he risked his life again and again. Kyle was correct, the hole inside Zack couldn’t be filled—it was bottomless.
Missy rounded the corner and entered. “Hey, Zack, since you’ve been rescheduled to be at Base Camp this week, I need to give you some information about one of our climbers.”
Back to business. “Okay, shoot.”
“We’ve got a cancer survivor, age thirty-two, in excellent health and in remission for two years.” She handed him a paper.
“Any meds?”
“None.”
“Good, that makes things easier. What’s the name?” He perused the sheet.
“Granger. Karon Granger.”
A chair scraped across the café’s wood floor. Zack didn’t take much notice.
Karon was a cancer survivor? She seemed so vibrant and positive. So healthy.
So happy.
Cancer. The word alone stabbed his heart. His grandfather had died of cancer. But the cancerous attitude of his mom and dad through the battle had destroyed more than the disease had, in his opinion. Mom and Dad had divorced, Dad moved away and drank himself to an early grave, and Zack’s own relationship with God suffered.
It hadn’t just suffered. Zack turned away.
That was when he’d turned to extreme mountaineering. K-2, Everest, Aconcagua, Denali—they’d all been challenging. He’d used up fifteen years of his life looking for the answer—trying to fill the hole in his heart.
“Hey, man.” Kyle patted him on the shoulder.
He nodded. Hadn’t even realized Kyle had shown up.
“You look deep in thought.” His friend sat down. “You ordered?”
Zack leaned back in his chair. “Nah, been waiting for you.”
“Good. ‘Cause what I’ve got to say needs your attention.”
He looked up. “Go for it. I got nothin’ to lose.”
“You know what I’m going to say.”
“Yeah, you’re gonna preach at me and tell me the only way I’m going to turn things around is to turn back to God.”
Kyle smiled. “Preach? Seriously?”
“Yeah. Maybe one day I’ll listen.”
That brought a laugh. “Well, you nailed it. You’ve refused to listen to anything I’ve said about God for five years. But it’s true. He’s the only way to get rid of the ache. To fill up the hole.”
“Easy to say. It’s like a nice little script all good Christians rehearse. But it’s not that easy. It was when I had faith that everything fell apart around me. My parents became the ugliest and meanest people I knew. I still hate having conversations with my own mom because of the negativity. Faith in God is what tanked my life. Let me climb a mountain or fly into a blizzard any day.”
“And that makes you feel better?” Kyle crossed his arms and hiked an eyebrow.
If he were honest? Not really. But it did fill his time and his thoughts.
“Yeah. That’s what I thought.” Kyle leaned his elbows on his knees. “Look, I’m far from perfect. I have a temper. I struggle with all kinds of temptations. But the Bible never told me that when I became a Christian, I’d be a saint overnight, or that my life would be easy and smooth sailing. What I did learn was that life would be filled with trials, and my faith would help me grow through those trials to be a better man.”
Zack stared him down.
“Your faith didn’t ruin your life, pal.” He paused to take a deep breath. “You let go when you should’ve held on tighter.”
“So it’s my fault my life tanked?”
“If the crampon fits …” Kyle tempered the remark with a smile.
A short laugh escaped his lips.
“Think about it. If you were climbing and let go of the rope—you’d take a nasty, if not life-ending fall, right? Would you blame the rope for your fall?”
Ouch. Was that what’d he done? Zack leaned back and laced his fingers behind his head. “You just cut to the chase, don’t you? I’m almost afraid to admit that you’re making sense.” What would happen if he quit his daredevil ways and lived the way normal people lived? Let God take over and fill the hole?
“Good, ‘cause I’m hungry. This isn’t rocket science, my friend. Promise me you’ll think about it.”
“Deal.” He leaned forward. His chest already felt a thousand pounds lighter. “As long as you don’t nag me.” Maybe he was on the right track. He could even call his mom just because. But then again, maybe he was rushing things.
“No guarantees, man. I’m great at nagging.” Kyle tossed a menu on the table. “But I’ll buy your lunch to make up for it.”
“You’re on.”