Did he just give too much away? Zack watched her face as she processed the information. Might as well go for broke. “Bet you don’t have trouble finding footholds when you’re climbing.”
Her bell-like laughter split the air. “I never thought of it, but you’re right. I’ve never had trouble because my feet fit on almost any little ledge, crack, or crevice.”
Yep. The guys would never let him live it down if they saw him flirting.
She continued walking, seeming comfortable in the silence. Her questions about Christian books threw him a curve. After talking with Kyle, he still wasn’t sure if he was ready to let God back in. But faith seemed important to Karon. What did that mean, that both of them had mentioned faith? That God was trying to get at him?
They walked a ways up the glacier before she spoke again. “So … tell me about your job. I know you’re a mountaineering ranger, but you’re also a rescue helicopter pilot. How do you do both?”
A safe topic. She wanted to get to know him, too. Good. “Well, during climbing season, I take rotations at Base Camp and High Camp like the other rangers. Just one of each, though, because High Camp rotation is thirty days. Right now, I’m on Base Camp rotation, then I’ll return to the ranger station and be on call for rescue duty. There’s another guy they call in for rescue when I’m on rotation. Then next month, I’ll do my thirty days up at High Camp.”
“Wow. You guys do that all winter, too?”
“No, we don’t keep rangers up here during the winter months. It’s too brutal. Although there are those who’ve tried to climb it.”
Her mouth dropped open. “Seriously? Someone would attempt this in the winter?”
“Yep, last year, we had three guys try it in January.”
“That’s crazy.” She shook her head. “Why would anyone do that?”
The question made him laugh. He’d wondered the same thing, but he’d been itching to go rescue them in one of the worst storms ever. “Because if they would have made it, they would’ve been able to say they summitted Denali in January, in the dark.”
Her mouth made an O. “Gotcha. So it was totally a macho, conquering thing.”
The comment caused him to bristle a little. “Maybe. But isn’t that what you’re doing?”
She bit her bottom lip. “Maybe. At least the conquering part. But it’s more than that.”
He waited. Hoping she would share the real reason she was attempting to climb this mountain.
“It’s about living my life.”
“Can’t you live your life back down in Louisiana?”
“Well, sure. But …” Several moments passed. “I need to do this.”
“Why?”
“I just do.”
Should he tell her he knew about the cancer?
Too many thoughts jumbled in his brain and confused him. Kyle had nagged him, as promised, since their talk, and Zack couldn’t decide what God wanted from him.
Karon’s light voice broke through the moment. “Haven’t you ever longed to live your life to the fullest? No one holding you back. No thing holding you back. Just living … to live.” She paced with her hands on her hips. “Making the most of every day. Because every second is precious. Every person is precious. Every breath—”
“Precious.” He smiled. “Yeah, I get it.” He turned away. Had God answered him? She put his very thoughts into words—understood him. In a way no one else ever could. “We’ve got the same perspective, we just traveled different roads to get there.”
“What do you mean?” She paused in her stride and watched him.
“You came here with a life wish. You want to summit this mountain as a symbol of your life—that you’re living it.” He put a hand on her shoulder.
No flinching. No pulling away. No confession. She just stood there, waiting for him to go on.
“I came here with a death wish … trying anything and everything to risk my life.”
Karon jolted at Zack’s words but she also understood them. She considered blurting out everything about her cancer. But would that repulse him? Even though his words took her back, she really wanted to hear the rest of his story. Maybe it was too soon; from the increased pace she could tell he’d closed up. He walked on ahead. “Zack, wait. I want to ask you a question.”
“Sure.” His brows lowered.
“You said you came here with a death wish? Does that mean you’ve changed?”
A moment passed. “I hope so—that is, I’m trying. Although it’s too early for me to say the transformation is complete.”
“I’m not sure I understand….”
His steps slowed then stopped. A muscle in his jaw twitched. “I’m not good at this, sorry. But you’re right, every moment counts.” His shoulders rose as he took a long breath. “I turned away from God a long time ago when my life fell apart. I blamed Him.” He started walking again, slow steady steps up the glacier. Karon was at his side. “A good friend of mine, another ranger, took me aside recently and asked me about it. I told him that of course it was God’s fault because when I had faith my life took a turn for the worse.” A sad chuckle reached Karon’s ears. Zack shook his head. “But my friend asked me a great question.”
She waited.
He stopped and looked straight at her. “He said, ‘If you were climbing and let go of the rope, would you blame the rope for your fall?’” Zack shook his head again. “It was amazing. In that one simple moment, I understood. My faith in God—or even God Himself—hadn’t caused my life to tank. Because He’s the rope. I let go, when I should’ve been holding on tighter.” Zack shrugged and continued walking.
Karon smiled. “So you’re saying you’re a believer?”
“Yep.” He stared ahead. “Have been a long time. Just haven’t been holding on to the rope like I should. But I’m changing that.”
She tugged on his parka sleeve. “Zack, wait.” A lump the size of Texas grew in her throat as he stopped a few feet below her and pulled his goggles up. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For sharing that with me. I need the reminder to hold a little tighter to the rope, too.”
They walked together in silence back down to the camp. Karon’s thoughts ran a mile a minute. This man beside her was quite a conundrum. He both attracted and confused her.
“Can I come by your tent later to get the book? I’ve got some other duties to attend to….” Back to business, Zack didn’t wait for a response, just gave her a nod.
Karon admired his broad shoulders as he walked away. One minute they’d shared a pretty deep connection, and the next? He left.
With a sigh, she turned back to her tent and decided to focus on food. She already missed jambalaya, crawfish, and shrimp. Maybe she could grab another bagel if she made it back to the tent in time. After the first week, they would be eating more tortillas, so she wanted to eat bread now while she had the chance.
The afternoon was spent hiking and hydrating to help them adapt to the elevation change. Then they rechecked gear and prepared dinner. Tortellini was on the menu and she found herself starved. Hopefully Lionel would let her pile on the mozzarella cheese. She wanted extra cheese on pretty much everything. As their private guide, Lionel catered to most of their wishes, as long as they were within reason. Even with the hardships they’d face on the expedition, she was looking forward to the climb.
But not looking forward to saying good-bye to Zack.