Lainey
It had been years since I’d been on an interview, and Glenda tried convincing me that it was like riding a bike—you never forget how to do it. I did forget how nervous interviews made me, as the palms of my hands began to sweat. I noticed it when I handed the gentleman behind the desk my résumé. As he eyeballed it, my heart thumped. Loud. I was afraid he might hear it.
“You’ve been out of work for a long time, Mrs. Williams. Why the huge gap?”
“My husband made a very good salary and didn’t require me to work,” I explained. “I became a homemaker for several years.”
“And why do you want to return to work now?”
“My husband was killed in a car accident recently, and…”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Thank you,” I said. “He left me pretty well off, and I don’t need to work now. But I’ve always loved advertising. That’s my field, and I want to come back into the industry. I realize that a lot has changed…”
“The industry’s changed tremendously. How will you catch up?”
“I’m a quick study,” I said. “Give me a chance, and I’ll prove that I can do this job just as well if not better than some of your newbies.”
“You do have some wonderful experience.” He breezed over my résumé. “Your skills would be an asset to Nichols and Finch.”
“You won’t be disappointed.” I smiled.
“When can you start?”
“Monday morning?”
“Get here around seven and I’ll introduce you to some people. Start you out on one of our smaller accounts.”
“Thank you, Mr. Finch.”
“Call me Edward.” He stood and I followed his lead. Buried my hand in his. “I’ll see you on Monday, Elaine.”
I wanted to do a Toyota jump in the parking lot. It was exciting, having a career again. At one time, advertising had been my life. But then Don became my life and everything else became second. But now I wanted to participate in everything that I’d missed out on, and achieve everything that I’d placed on hold for my marriage—a marriage that had been a farce anyway.
On Monday morning I would enter the corporate world again, and that shook me. I would be playing catch-up in an industry that had changed rapidly since I’d last pounded the pavement. Not to mention, I’d be competing with youngsters half my age, much smarter and way more savvy. But I was up for the challenge.
I stopped by the mall on my way home—Macy’s.
Macy’s was having one of their seasonal sales and I stocked up on pantsuits, dresses and fancy blouses. I bought shoes and jewelry to match every outfit. I needed to look the part of an executive again. I felt a little intimidated about making an entrance into the world of marketing, particularly since the advertising world was highly competitive. College students entered the workforce with a wide range of skills, to include strong communication skills, which is an area that I could run circles around them in. Strong computer skills, which hadn’t been a skill that I’d exercised lately. Creativity, I had, as well as a wonderful ability to learn quickly. If I worked on my computer skills a bit, I could give those kids a run for their money. My degree in public relations would come in handy and marketing was something I could do in my sleep. I was ready!
The long hours would absorb some of the idle time that I had. And the opportunity to travel would keep me busy during those times when my mind began to wander. This was exactly what I needed—a career—that would demand every inch of my life. I looked forward to being drowned in my work.
I left Macy’s and trekked over to Best Buy. I needed to upgrade my computer with the latest technology and convince one of the techie sales associates to give me a crash course in Microsoft. I marched into the store and found my victim. He introduced himself as Earnest, wore black-rimmed glasses and braces on his teeth. His hair stood straight up with the assistance of the mousse that he’d lathered onto his head that morning, and his canvas sneakers was a dead giveaway to his nerdiness. Before long, Earnest had sold me on the latest of technology, earned a hefty commission, and worked for it by giving me that crash course that I’d demanded. As the doors of Best Buy had been locked, half the lights had been turned off, and it was five minutes to closing, Earnest and I stared at my computer as he flipped from screen to screen with the click of the mouse. By the time I left, I knew everything from creating a PowerPoint presentation to designing a colorful newsletter, to making the columns add up in an Excel spreadsheet.
I wanted to package Earnest up in one of those boxes and take him home with me.
As I walked in, I turned on the lamp next to the door, slipped my shoes from my aching feet, and set my new laptop on the sofa. Made my way upstairs, a bubble bath on my evening’s agenda, followed by skewers of grilled shrimp and Cajun rice—a recipe that Emeril himself had prepared for me on the food channel the night before. I thought about calling Nathan, wanted to share my good news with him, but I pushed past the urge. I’d sent flowers to the house after the funeral, but hadn’t attempted to make any other contact. Neither had he. Everything in me wanted to call to see how he was holding up, but I didn’t want to intrude. People grieved differently.
“But he flew all the way to California with you to help find answers about your dead husband,” I told myself. Didn’t that mean I needed to at least reach out?
“No, you would be intruding,” I answered, and blocked out the self-talk.
Candles burned at the edge of my garden tub, the flicker of one hypnotizing me as my head rested against the porcelain. The smell of juniper floated through the air, as the sound of jazz crept through the vents from Don’s stereo downstairs in the family room. Norman Brown’s soothing, smooth voice tickled my ears and relaxed every muscle in my body. It was a tune that Nathan and I had danced to at the jazz club in downtown Atlanta not so long ago. I could still smell his cologne as our bodies pressed together and swayed to the music. His strong arms had embraced me and made me feel safe. I always felt safe around him, perhaps because he seemed to make everyone in his world feel that way. Protected. It was his way. I missed him. Missed his voice in my ear, his laughter, his beautiful face…his scent, his overprotection. Why had he absorbed himself into me this way? And why hadn’t he called?
There. Now I was at the root of the problem. I tried to be mature about it, not expect anything. Tried not to feel hurt, or neglect. But the truth was, I was hurt. He received a phone call that night, one of hope that his wife would recover. He breezed over to the hospital, and I never heard from him again. Hadn’t we at least been friends? Didn’t friends check up on each other…making certain that the other was okay?
I sat at the edge of my bed, towel wrapped around my wet body, cordless phone in hand. I dialed Nathan’s home phone number. It rang twice before someone picked up.
“Hello?” The female voice on the other end demanded a response. “Hello? Is anybody there?”
“Hello?” I said. “I’m sorry, I’ve dialed the wrong number.”
“It’s okay.” She hung up before I could say another word.
I contemplated calling his cell phone, but common sense ruled against it. Instead, I threw on my bathrobe, bounced downstairs to my kitchen, plugged in my grill and placed skewers of shrimp and vegetables onto it. The aroma filled my kitchen immediately.
My phone rang, and I thought it might be Nathan calling back. Surely he had Caller ID and knew I’d been trying to reach him. Maybe he’d invite me to his little jazz spot, or maybe he’d ask me to meet him at IHOP for dinner. Maybe he just needed to talk, or cry in my ear. Maybe he just wanted to hear my voice. I didn’t know for sure, but I rushed to the phone, picked up the receiver.
“Hello?”
“Lainey, it’s me, Alvin. You busy?”
Disappointment. Wasn’t the voice I was expecting.
“Not really. Just winding down, about to have dinner.”
“You alone?”
“Yes, why? What’s up, Alvin?”
“I need to talk to you,” he said. “Can I come over?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
The sound of Alvin’s voice caused me to tremble as I placed the receiver back in its place. Every day since Don’s death brought with it a new challenge.