Twenty-three

Maren sat in her father’s study and rubbed her temples, trying to relieve the headache that was partly from the fact she hadn’t seen Kern for hours and partly from the strain of trying to access his magic.

There’d been a few times when she’d felt the magic burn inside her, and for a fraction of a second the pain was gone. Then, just as quickly, it retreated beyond her grasp, like the faded memory of a dream.

She thought of everything she knew about magic, everything she’d learned during the siege, and what was in her father’s books.

Spells.

It was the one thing she hadn’t tried. But what spell could she use? There were spells of defense, of attack, of healing, and too many other things to count.

She grabbed the closest of her father’s books and randomly opened to a page. A spell of removal stared up at her.

What could it hurt?

She began reciting the words, trying to focus on the magic in her shoulder, but nothing happened. She tried another spell. Again, nothing. And another. All with the same result.

Maybe they were the wrong spells. She thought about the three times she’d been able to use Kern’s magic and tried to find a commonality.

Protection.

From Kern. For Daric. From the people in town.

She flipped through the book again, stopping when a spell titled “General Protection” stared up at her. For a long time she just looked at it. What if it didn’t work? What if there was no hope?

Looking at it wasn’t going to give her any answers.

She memorized the spell and then closed her eyes. And began.

Almost immediately, warmth spread down her arm and her pain receded. She laughed out loud, and tried it again.

The connection to the magic didn’t fail, and neither did her joy at knowing she’d used Kern’s own magic to work against him.

She picked the book back up and headed for her favorite chair, wanting to see if there might be other protection spells she could access, when the sight in front of her stopped her cold. Philip leaned against the door frame, his eyes glued to her.

“How long have you been there?”

“Long enough.” He stepped into the room and shut the door. Then he turned the key in the lock until it clicked.

She backed away, fear and uncertainty warring within her. “What are you doing?”

“Making sure we’re not interrupted.”

Not good. Not good. He shouldn’t be here. They shouldn’t be alone. If Kern even knew they’d talked, he’d…

Philip stepped away from the door and moved towards her. She stayed where she was, keeping the sofa between them.

“You just used magic, Maren. And you are no mage. No more avoiding me. I want answers. I’m not leaving until I get them.” He moved to the right and she countered, circling the opposite direction.

“Please, don’t do this,” she whispered, eyes darting to the door, expecting Kern to walk in at any moment. “We can’t…I can’t…you don’t know…”

“Then tell me!” he yelled.

She flinched in fear of being overheard and once again checked the door.

“Except for the servants, we’re alone,” Philip said more gently. “Daric took everyone out riding. We won’t be interrupted.” He sat down and motioned for her to join him. “Why don’t you start with how you can use magic? And why you would. Don’t you know what it can do? What it has done?”

His last words came out harsher than she’d heard in a long time, as if they were wrenched from him by force.

It only made her angry. “I have no choice!” she yelled back. “It’s the only way to save—” She stopped short, realizing she should have kept her mouth shut as she watched his eyes grow wide.

For a moment, silence spread between them like a barrier. Then he sat down and put his head in his hands. “I didn’t handle that right. Can we pretend none of that was ever said? Can we start over?”

She hesitated. He might believe her now. Things were different than they were before. But Kern still held all the power. He could hurt Adare. He could control her again.

“I can’t,” she whispered, desperately hoping for him to let it go. To leave her alone. She was already miserable enough. “I can’t put you in danger.” She choked on the words. “You’re life is worth too much.”

He groaned. “And what about yours? Is it worth nothing?”

“I have no life! I’m dying!” He flinched, but she kept going. “Daric’s life, Adare’s, everyone’s, they all matter more. It doesn’t matter what happens to me as long as no one else has to die.”

He stood and paced across the room, and then he put both hands on the back of the sofa and leaned against it, his head dropping towards his chest. He looked defeated, and as much as it hurt to see him like that, she hoped she’d finally gotten through, that he’d given up.

Until he raised his eyes to hers. “You told me the truth about Teige, didn’t you? And I wouldn’t listen.”

“Philip, don’t. Please.”

“No.” He straightened, with a determined set to his jaw that didn’t bode well. “I have to know.”

For a second they just stood there, eyes locked, at an impasse. And then Philip leapt over the sofa before she even realized what he was going to do and clamped a hand around each of her arms.

“I’m not going to give up, Maren.”

“But—”

“I’m going to help you. We’re going to save Daric. And then we’re going to save you.” He ran a hand along her cheek. “My life doesn’t matter without you.”

Her breath caught, and she forced her eyes away from his.

“You’re still not going to tell me, are you?”

She shook her head, imagining herself a captive of Kern’s magic again. She could do this by herself, without getting Philip involved.

“Then let me tell you a few things. Maybe it will change your mind.” He still didn’t let go of her, though. It was like he was afraid if he did, he’d never be able to touch her again. “A few months ago, when you first told me Teige wanted to hurt Daric, I didn’t believe it. I knew Teige. He was my best friend. He helped defeat Kern. I’d never seen any evidence he was other than what he claimed.” He paused. “Until I started truly watching the two of you together.”

Maren shivered.

“At first, I thought it was all in my imagination, that I was taking what you said and letting my jealousy fill in all the blanks. But the more I watched, the more I worried. You didn’t remember things. It was almost as if you, Maren, disappeared.” He ran a hand across his face. “I still don’t understand it all, but I know Teige has something to do with it.”

He was getting too close to the truth, and she struggled to break free of his grasp, but his hands only tightened.

“And you don’t love him. When you look at him, it’s more like desperation I see in your eyes. Teige has some kind of hold over you. I want to know what it is. What has you so terrified you can’t tell anyone?”

Her entire body sagged in defeat, and she didn’t even resist when Philip pulled her into his arms.

“It’s time to ask for help.” His hand stroked her hair and his lips brushed against her forehead. “I promise to trust you this time, no matter how hard it might be to believe. I want to know everything.”

“I’m afraid you won’t believe it,” she finally managed. “Just like you didn’t before. Just like Daric didn’t when I tried to tell him, or Adare when I tried to tell her. You’re all under some kind of spell.”

He pulled back until he could look into her eyes. “I’m not under a spell.”

He sounded so certain. “Philip, I know there’s a spell protecting Teige. No one can believe anything bad about him. No one can say anything bad about him.”

“And I know I’m not affected.”

“What does this room look like?”

He looked at her in surprise. “What?”

“Was everything repaired after the siege? Is there anything wrong?”

His eyes wandered over the room. “Not that I can tell.”

“Then you are just as blinded by the spell as everyone else.” She closed her eyes. “Because nothing has been repaired. Everything is falling apart.”

He pulled her close. “There are different kinds of spells. Some affect a person’s ability to think on their own or, like you said, believe a certain way. Other spells only affect surroundings, things that are more impersonal. I may be blinded by the second, but I can assure you I’m not affected by the first.”

“But how can you be sure?”

His entire body tensed, and for a very long time he didn’t say anything. “Because I inherited more from my father than just a physical resemblance. I have some magic.”

He said “magic” as if it was a disease. Then his face clouded over, just like it had every time she asked him about those two missing years. And she finally understood why he wouldn’t talk about them. It had something to do with magic, something he hadn’t told her.

But then, there were things she hadn’t told him either. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was time for the truth. If he wasn’t under the spell, he might believe her, even be able to help her.

She looked at him, really looked at him. He had shadows under his eyes, and his forehead was creased with worry. Not just for the kingdom. For her.

“All right,” she whispered and let him guide her over to the sofa.

He sat next to her and took her hands.

“No,” she pulled away. “Not like this. You have to give me some space. And please don’t interrupt until I’m done. It’s going to be hard enough as it is.”

He moved to a chair further away and waited, his gaze burning into her.

She couldn’t return it, couldn’t face him and say what had to be said. It was too horrible.

He wanted the truth. And that’s exactly what she gave him. She told him about her shoulder getting worse the first time Teige took her hand, about how a part of Kern’s magic was still inside her. She told him about the ring and what she saw, and who Teige really was. At which point he gasped and tried to interrupt, but she held out a hand to stop him. She told him about that first day in the garden when Kern confronted her. She told him about the pain, the torture, the manipulation, about how Kern was going to murder Daric. She told him everything. Well, almost everything. The part where Kern almost killed her after she’d talked to Philip the first time she left out. He was going to be upset enough as it was.

“The only good thing is that I’ve found a way to access the magic in my shoulder,” she ended. “I can use it to take away the pain – as long as Kern isn’t close enough to sense it.”

She still didn’t look at him, didn’t want to see his disgust at what she’d done, at how she’d given in to Kern. She didn’t want to see the disbelief she was certain was in his eyes. So she waited. But he didn’t say anything. She couldn’t even hear him breathe. Desperate for his reaction, she finally dared to look.

He sat with his head in his hands, his only movement the slight rise and fall of his back.

“Philip?”

Nothing.

“Philip, please say something. Anything. Look at me. Tell me you believe me. Tell me you don’t. Are you even listening?”

His hands dropped, and he slowly raised his head until their eyes met. She could only stare in surprise as a single tear traced a line down the side of his face. But that wasn’t the tone of his body language. He was tense, his hands now clenched so tightly his knuckles were white, and his lips were pressed into a thin line.

“I didn’t believe you.” He sounded lost. “You tried to tell me and I didn’t listen. I could have prevented it. I could have stopped Kern before he had the chance to hurt you anymore.”

Relief rushed through her. No matter what happened now, at least Philip knew the truth. Somehow, that relieved her of a weight she hadn’t realized she carried. Maybe everything could still be all right. If they could find a way to stop Kern. Together.

She smiled up at him, but it faded quickly at his despair. His eyes burned with pain, and sorrow, and misplaced guilt. Not to mention what he’d just heard about his father.

She slid her arms around his neck, and he pulled her onto his lap, burying his face in her hair. “I’m going to stop him,” he said. “Whatever it takes.”

“No, we’re going to stop him. I just have no idea how.”

“I don’t understand how he did it,” Philip said after a long silence. “I saw him die. Teige, at least the man I thought was Teige, was standing right next to me.” He paused. “That means whoever I killed was innocent, trapped under Kern’s control.”

“No!” she cried, pushing herself out of his embrace, her mind racing back three years to the night when Kern’s men almost— “None of Kern’s men were innocent. None of them.”

He grabbed her arms. “What do you mean?” he growled. “How do you know whether they were innocent or not?”

“I…I…” She shivered. “I was in their camp the night the siege started. I’d just gotten back from meeting with the monarchs and snuck in to see if I could discover anything.”

“And?”

She couldn’t meet his eyes. “And some of the men confused me for one of the women of the camp.” His hands tightened on her arms, and she rushed ahead before he could say anything. “Nothing happened. I escaped before…”

He groaned and pulled her close again. “I’m sorry. I should have been there.”

“Philip, we have to forget what happened in the past. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve finally found a way to protect myself, to fight him. As long as I can still pretend the rest of the time that Kern still has total control over me, maybe I can do something to stop him. And now that you know, and have magic, you can help me.”

“No.”

“But—”

“No,” he said again, firmer this time. “No magic.”

“Then we’re going to have to kill him. He’s not going to stop any other way.”

“And how are we supposed to kill the most powerful mage who’s ever lived?”

“I don’t know yet, but there is someone who might be able to help.” She told him about Halef and his agreement to discover anything he could about the mages who’d trapped Kern the last time.

“All right,” he said slowly. “So we wait for Halef. And in the meantime?”

“We have to pretend this conversation never happened. You still have to be his friend. You have to hate me. The more convincing you can be, the better, because that’s what Kern wants. He thinks it will change you, make you feel betrayed and realize power is the only thing that matters. Flirt with as many ladies as you can. Shun me.”

“Maren, I can’t. I can’t leave you to face Kern alone.”

“You have to. If you don’t, if Kern suspects something, he’ll take everything from me.” Her voice broke. “I can’t go through that again.”

He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. Softly, like she was something fragile. “Can you really take away your pain? Can you do this without living in torture? Because I can’t watch that.”

She nodded. “There will still be moments I have to endure it, when Kern’s around and would sense his magic. Those times, you’ll have to keep quiet and know it’s temporary. But the rest of the time? Yes, I can do it.”

“Okay,” he whispered against her hair. “I’ll pretend.”