Annie watched Wes warily as he glared out his massive windows, his phone clutched in his hand. His tone was direct and curt. He paced a steady line. This was the third call since they’d woken up and the blissed out, affectionate man from the bedroom had officially vacated the premises. This was business Wes. Pulled-in-a-million-directions Wes.
She loved him more than ever.
He hung up and dragged a hand through his hair. He was already showered, shaved, and suited up. Tie. Button-down shirt. Slacks. She was back in her sexy lace dress, the only clothes she had at his place.
She picked up his coffee mug and joined him by the window. “Is work always this insane?”
He glanced at the offered mug, but his gaze roved to her legs, up her thighs to the low neckline of her dress. His eyelids fell heavy. “Are you always this sexy?”
He pressed a kiss to her neck.
She almost dropped their mugs.
He took his coffee, eyes now locked on her face. “It’s not unusual, but the merger has taken the intensity to a new level.”
“Is it worth it?”
“Without a doubt. If the merger falls apart, we’ll lose market share. It’ll affect our bottom line, our growth. Jobs would be cut.”
All a huge deal, but that wasn’t what she’d meant. “Is it worth it to you? I’ve only ever seen your work life at a distance and didn’t realize it was this intrusive. Is it what you want to do, or did you get into the family business because it was expected? Do you love building a pharmaceutical empire as much as you love DJing?”
He took a slow sip of his coffee. “My father may have steered me toward Aldrich Pharma, but I couldn’t imagine not working there. My name’s on that company, and engineering pharmaceuticals makes a difference in the world. It’s a legacy of sorts. The DJing is a rush, but not like the accomplishment I feel at work. When life has been rough, work has been my escape. Problem solving, so many moving parts under my control. If you’re not in it and focused, everything falls apart. It’s a different kind of gratification, but no less important.”
“So you love it? Even with all this stress?” That kind of pressure would have flattened her. She flipped the page when a Sudoku puzzle got too hard, quit jobs when they became tedious.
“Aldrich Pharma is part of who I am. It makes me happy in an exhausting and thrilling way, and our breakthroughs change lives. If I lost it or left, it would be like losing a piece of myself. So, yes, the stress is worth it. The hours are worth it. But thank you.”
“For what?”
“For asking. No one has ever cared enough to ask how I feel.”
The coffee mug was toasty in her hands. Weston’s sincerity made the rest of her warm and sated. “It’s okay if you need to go. I know we said we’d talk, but you’re busy and I don’t want to add to your stress. And I haven’t mentioned it, because we were doing that whole ignoring-each-other thing the past week, but I worked on your video feed. I took it in a different direction, which you might hate, but it’s pretty good, if I do say so myself. Vivian helped splice it together, but it needs your genius beats to bring it to life.” His blue eyes were intense. Unreadable. The white-blue of an immovable iceberg. “If you don’t end up liking it, that’s cool. I won’t be offended. I can try something else or do nothing and let you create whatever it was you envisioned because I’ve clearly overstepped.”
He plucked her coffee cup from her clutches, placed it next to his on the glass end table, then he was everywhere, one hand in her hair, the other pressed against her back, fingers digging into her spine. His mouth moved against hers in a seductive rhythm that short-circuited her brain. He tasted like coffee and untempered desire.
“I can’t wait to see the video feed,” he said, his voice deliciously rough. “And I want to work on the music with you, have you in my studio when I’m there. Teach you the way I should have taught you when you blackmailed me. I want you with me as much as possible, sleeping over every night.” His request was desperate almost, like he thought she’d say no.
Had he lost his marbles?
“Count me in for it all. And blackmail is still on the table. I’m sure I can come up with a few things to entice you to perform your best.” She raised what she hoped was a seductive eyebrow.
He smiled, but his expression looked strained.
He must be worried about their impending talk. Their precarious future. All surface nonsense, as far as she was concerned. Nothing he could say would change how she felt.
She flattened her hands on his chest, reveled in his masculine firmness. “I love that you called me Squirrel again. It’s weird, but I missed that.” A vulnerable confession. An olive branch she wanted him to grasp: no matter what happens, we won’t lose each other.
“I’ll call you whatever you want. For as long as you let me.” He sounded downright unsure now, slightly pained.
She kissed his jaw. “Whatever talk we need to have changes nothing, so please don’t worry. And you’re going to be late. You should get going.”
He flinched, a small move, but her hands were on his chest. There was no mistaking that slight jolt. Something was going on with him, and it felt like a lot more than a talk about his commitment issues. His nervous energy seeped into her, a gradual churn that had her stomach hollowing out.
He released his hold on her. “We should talk now. Before I go.”
“Okay…” His body was all hard lines and angles, impossibly tense. “Should I sit down for this?”
He gave his head a small shake. “I’ve only dated one woman seriously. You might remember Lila?”
“I do.” Annie hadn’t been jealous of the beautiful redhead, per se. She hadn’t even realized they’d dated seriously, but she’d been catty about her, judging her clothes and voice and perfect skin the way envious girls lashed out.
“I cared about her,” he said, eyes on Annie, never looking away. “I wanted things to work with us, but when she got serious, I panicked. I ghosted on her and never called again. I cut her off, avoided her calls. I hurt her deeply because I’m a disaster when it comes to personal relationships.”
“And you’re worried you’ll do the same to me?”
He nodded, still holding eye contact. He wanted to show her how real this was, the possibility of him pulling another runner, like he had the scrapbooking night. A disappearing act. The way Leo had disappeared on them both. His mother, too. Her parents. Death wasn’t a choice, but leaving was leaving just the same. “You’re afraid to love and lose.” The worry she’d guessed at before they’d made love.
He gave another tight nod.
Did he not see they were already neck deep in this? That she had just as much to lose?
“Even if we’d never slept together, I wouldn’t be able to handle losing you, Wes. There’s no erasing our years together, or how much I care about you. And I think you feel the same. Adding sex—which was awesome, by the way.” He smiled, small but perfect. “Adding sex heightens this thing between us, but there’s still no way to protect ourselves. Best friends or lovers, we’re already attached where it counts. Like your job, in a way. But bigger. Losing each other would be like losing a piece of ourselves.”
He pushed his hands into his pockets, licked his lips. “You’re right. I know you’re right. It’s just taken me longer to realize there’s no fighting us. Keeping you at a distance has only made me feel…empty. Not as bad as if I actually lost you, but this week without you, knowing how you felt and fighting what I wanted, was beyond painful. I just can’t predict how I’ll react as we get closer.”
If he freaked and ditched her, she’d have a massive hole in her heart. How she’d felt the past week, but miles worse. None of it mattered. “There’s no going back from here. You said you’re consumed by me, and I feel the same. Being with you this morning was more intense than I ever expected. And it wasn’t enough.”
“I’m all in, Annie. I want to be inside you again, now. Every second. I want to be your everything more than I want to take my next breath.” But he was still reserved, holding back from her.
“Then let’s do what we want.” In her mind, they only had one option.
He was still so tense, his wide shoulders hitched high. Seducing him could help. A reminder of how great they were together. Kiss that frown off his face, let him know she’d be here if he panicked. She sauntered toward him, an extra sway in her step, and reached for him, but he gripped her wrists.
“I lied,” he said.
She tried to meet his flitting eyes. “When?”
“About Leo’s death.” He looked up, his devastation plain, and she flinched.
She jerked her wrists out of his hold. “I don’t understand.”
Wes swallowed convulsively and started to pace. “That night, at the club, Leo and I separated and were supposed to meet at a certain time, leave before the last couple of songs. He didn’t want to get back to the shelter too late. He was always like that, making sure he got back to you at a reasonable time. And I knew what time it was, knew when he wanted to leave. But I was having fun and chose not to go.”
Wes quit pacing and his arms fell limp by his sides. There was so much defeat in his slumped posture, so much contained agony. Part of her wanted to reach for him again, be his rock. A larger part couldn’t speak. She was frozen. She didn’t want to hear the end of this story, learn new grisly facts she’d have to accept.
“I was selfish,” he said quietly. “I didn’t care what Leo wanted. I liked that I was on the wrong side of town. Being there was a middle finger to my father’s controlling ways. I wanted to be out past curfew, ruffle his perfectly groomed feathers. So I didn’t meet Leo and he came looking for me. That was when the shots rang out. He was hit when he stepped in front of me. He took the bullet for me, even though we shouldn’t even have been there. He died because I was a selfish bastard.”
The plaintiveness in Weston’s voice was undeniable, his remorse palpable, but Annie couldn’t look at him. Leo, the bullets, blood, his riddled body blocking Wes’s—that was all she could see. A new image she’d have to live with. And it felt so fresh. Like he was dying all over again, the brother who’d promised to look after her always.
Together, he’d said. I’ll always keep us together, no matter the cost. He’d begged homeless men and women to pretend to be their parents in shelters. He’d helped her with homework so poor marks wouldn’t flag teachers. He’d taught her piano to give her the gift of music when they had nothing but each other to get through each hungry day.
He’d broken that precious promise, and she’d spent many nights furious with him, angry to the point of punching herself in the thighs, tugging out small sections of her hair. She’d been so alone, so lost. Because he’d been too loyal and wouldn’t have left Wes to fend for himself. In turn Leo had left her and now she had to relive his brutal murder because Wes had withheld the truth.
Tears burned, a hot stab that traveled to her throat. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see through her blur of tears.
“Annie, I’m so sorry. I should have told you. I was ashamed, too much of a coward to admit what I’d done.”
She clutched her throat, tried to swallow through a sob.
“Annie, baby. I’m here. I’ll help you through this. Please let me help you.” Wes enveloped her in his strong arms. Arms that had felt like heaven not so long ago.
They were suffocating now.
She wrenched away, dashed at her cheeks, despising that Wes was seeing her like this. She didn’t acknowledge him or his confession. She couldn’t speak without falling apart. She needed time and space to process, to grieve and be angry. She needed a lot of things right then, and none of them were Weston Aldrich.