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I’m the ‘bad’ friend so I know I should be the one to make the first move but I don’t know what to say or how to say it. I don’t know if she wants to be my friend anymore, especially after I skipped out on her shower. She’s been hanging with Michelle and Angela on lunches and breaks for the past month. For all I know, she may not care if we ever speak again. There’s only one way to find out. I catch her outside alone on break and I know I have to say something. I take a few steps toward her but hang back for a minute. I mutter, “Screw it,” under my breath, suck it up and walk right up to her and say in a rush, “Hi Sarah. How are you?”
She turns around and looks kind of surprised, but she doesn’t run away like I imagined she would. “Hey, I’m good. How ‘bout you?”
“I’m doing pretty well. Much better than before.”
“I’m glad,” she replies with a tight smile.
I take a deep breath. I might as well get this over with. “Look, Sarah, I’m really sorry for the way I was acting before. I’m sorry for flaking on you and missing your bridal shower. I acted like a selfish brat. There’s no excuse for it, and even if you don’t want to be friends anymore I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. You didn’t deserve that.” I don’t know what else to say and she has every reason to never want to speak to me again, so I turn to walk away.
“Hey, where are you going?”
Relieved, I turn around.
“I was really hurt that you didn’t show up for my shower, but I’m not going to hold a grudge against you forever.”
“I didn’t deserve to be there,” I say sadly, staring down at my shoes.
“Alexis, we’re still friends.”
“Really?”
She smiles and nods her head. “Really, but only if you let me. Let me be your friend.”
“I will,” I say, relieved. I’ll do better.
“Isn’t your birthday this weekend? We should do something fun if you don’t already have plans.”
“If I don’t already have any plans? Of course I don’t have any plans. Remember, I’m not exactly Miss Popular,” I say jokingly and roll my eyes. That’s Sarah for you. Ignore her for a whole month, be a no show at her bridal shower, then when you finally decide to speak to her again, she remembers your birthday.
“Cool, let’s do dinner. We have a lot to catch up on.” As we walk back into the building, a huge weight lifts off my shoulders. I hated having this terrible ugly thing between us, and I despised seeing Angela smile so sickly sweet and insincerely at me as the three of them chit chatted while I took my breaks alone. Now that we’re friends again, things can get back to normal at work. Well, as normal as can be when you spend your workdays getting yelled at.
Oh god. How embarrassing. I stare directly into the oozing chocolate deliciousness so I won’t see anyone in the restaurant looking our way. I could have done without a poorly sung birthday song from the entire wait staff. I’m just here for the giant free dessert. Sarah and I grab our spoons and dig in. Unlike most places, they don’t offer you the cheapest, smallest dessert of their choice. You get to pick whatever you want and they have the best Chocolate Molten Lava cake with vanilla ice cream in town. I know this, because I’ve made it my mission to find out. For that reason alone, this is the only place I ever want to go to on my birthday if I can help it. I don’t care that just half a slice probably has at least seven hundred calories on top of the ungodly amount of calories in the bacon cheese burger with garlic fries I just inhaled.
“How’s the new house?” I ask.
I’ve only visited once, a few days after their loan closed when cardboard boxes outnumbered furnishings. She gave me the grand tour of their newly constructed, five bedroom, four and a half bath home—the epitome of the American Dream if I’ve ever seen it. I didn’t see a white picket fence but that’s okay because the behemoth house with its circular driveway and expansive lawn would only dwarf a dainty fence like that. Glass double doors open up into Jason’s office with two walls lined with floor to ceiling, dark wood bookshelves. The oversized granite island in the kitchen seats at least six, and Sarah will be very happy cooking meals on their stainless steel, restaurant sized stove. The master bathroom looks like a day spa with double sinks, a large soaking tub with jets, and a giant mosaic tiled shower boasting double showerheads. I’m invited over to watch movies once they get the theatre set up in the rec room.
“The decorating is coming along nicely, but it’s a huge job. I’m not sure I know what I’m doing.” Our spoons clink as we go in for another bite and the brownie disappears by half. They bought the new house last fall and the final part of her fairy tale draws closer and closer.
“Your house is basically a mansion. Have you realized that yet?”
She sighs and shakes her head in disbelief. “I know. I never imagined in a million years I’d find myself living in a house like that.”
“It’s like a fairy tale. You are so lucky!”
“I know. Not a single day goes by that I forget that. And the thing is, even if it all went away tomorrow, I’d still be happy as long as I have Jason.”
I grab her hand across the table and squeeze it. “I am so happy for you. And you deserve this. I know that you never believed you were worth it thanks to all those dirty, rotten men, but I hope now you realize that you are.”
“Thank you,” she says, squeezing my hand back.
I tell her about my spur of the moment Chloe Dillon decision.
“Isn’t it one of those silly modeling schools? I’ve seen the tacky infomercials. Tell me you aren’t doing any of those weird modeling and acting classes.”
I recoil at her words but what was I expecting? I had the same thoughts before I signed up.
“It’s a personal growth course and I thought the same thing, but I’m pleasantly surprised by how much I’m learning and it’s only been two weeks.”
Her face remains impassive, skeptical.
“No really, it’s so good! So far, we’ve focused on goal setting and personal growth. We’re learning to identify strengths and weaknesses to build self-esteem, and how simply improving our overall attitude will help us to become a better, more confident person. I’m learning that a lot of what we don’t do in life has more to do with what’s going on internally rather than our actual life circumstances.”
She shakes her head. “But I don’t understand why it costs thousands of dollars for someone to stand there and tell you this. What’s the point? How much did you pay?”
“Our teacher won Miss USA. I think she knows what she’s talking about,” I continue, taking out my copy of Fundamentals of Personal Growth that I’ve taken to carrying with me in my purse. I skim it until I find the chapter I’m looking it for.
“This is the part that talks about how being a better person makes you feel like a better person. This of course makes you happier, which allows you to have a better outlook on life. And a better outlook can lead to more success...and did you know failure can actually be a good thing? This part talks about how to use it to your advantage to learn and grow from it.”
I look at her expectantly, not sure who I’m trying to convince, her or myself.
“I haven’t seen you this excited about anything in well...ever, so whatever you’re getting out of this, if it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad.”
“Well, you know, not everyone is a natural at life,” I retort, annoyed that she won’t share my excitement.
“It sounds a little like being back in school.”
“Kind of. We have two and a half hours in class and there’s more homework than I thought, but I don’t mind doing it,” I say, licking the last of the ice cream off of my spoon as the waiter comes by.
Sarah insisted on paying the check in full. I give her a big hug outside the restaurant before we head to our cars. “Thank you so much! I really had a great birthday.”
“You are so welcome. Oh, I almost forgot,” she says and reaches into her purse, handing me a small white box.
“You know you didn’t have to get me anything!” I say, feeling slightly guilty about being annoyed with her earlier. She’s a good friend.
“Hush. It’s nothing,” she says, thrusting the small box into my hands. “I just happened to see it when I was out shopping and thought about you. Open it when you get home.”
By the time I get home, it’s almost 10:00 p.m. Inside the white box lies a beautiful sterling silver id bracelet I would’ve picked out for myself; elegant but durable enough for me to wear every day. I finagle it onto my left wrist and hold out my arm to admire it. I kick off my shoes and flop down on my bed, taking in my surroundings with a fresh perspective. Just a month ago, if anyone told me I’d actually like this apartment, I wouldn’t have believed it, but I think it’s growing on me. It hasn’t transformed into a chic downtown high rise, and remains the same slightly drab but furnished with care apartment, but it’s me who has changed and for the first time, I can see this place more for what it offers and less for what it doesn’t. The glass is starting to look half full.
