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Callie’s parents weren’t too concerned because she’d be with her big sister Karen, but Mindy and Molly’s parents were understandably a little bit cautious about their seventeen-year-old daughters going to a party in a downtown high-rise condo with adults. Molly’s mom sought out Sabrina and introduced herself on the last day of class when she came to pick them up.
I ring Sabrina’s doorbell at 7:32 p.m., wearing the pink chiffon, pleated skirt and turquoise and white striped tank Tessa helped me find at Forever 21.
Sabrina greets me with a hug and a very hushed and cryptic, “Thank god you’re here.”
My smile instantly drops. I wasn’t the first to arrive.
Tessa sits on a bar stool at the kitchen counter with a glass of wine clutched in her hand and a strained look on her face. She sent me a text message earlier that day, asking me if she should come. It would’ve felt wrong not to have her there, but their relationship was such that she didn’t really know if Sabrina wanted her there. They may have broken the ice the night of Sarah’s party, but the water was still essentially frozen. They don’t interact.
I texted her back. Everyone is invited. It’s our end session party. Come.
Tessa gets up and says hello in a near whisper, then tells me she’s not staying.
I whip my head around, shooting daggers with my eyes at Sabrina. “I told her to come.”
They don’t say anything. Tessa pats my shoulder and walks past me toward the door.
I continue to stare, waiting for someone to say something, and I’m really disappointed. The night won’t be the same without her there, and it’s so stupid that two grown women can’t grow up and get over it already.
I cross my arms over my chest and exhale a loud, angry sigh. Sabrina bursts out laughing. I don’t get what’s going on until Tessa snorts, throws her head back and starts cracking up even louder than Sabrina. I half smile, trying to figure out what to make of it, when Tessa explodes.
“We kissed and made up.”
“Yeah,” Sabrina says, laughing. “Oh my god, your face was priceless!”
“I hate you guys!” I say angrily, but not really meaning it.
“This bitch decided to invite herself to the party early and made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.”
“And what’s that?” I ask, smiling in earnest now.
“We can be friends if she agrees to never to have sex with my father again.”
“Yeah, it’s signed in blood and everything.”
And that’s when I notice her hair. “Tessa, your hair! Oh my gosh, it looks great.”
“Yeah, major improvement,” Sabrina adds dryly.
The harsh platinum locks have been replaced by a natural color with slightly darker roots that fade nicely into a honey colored blonde at freshly trimmed ends.
“Thanks,” she says, running her fingers through her much healthier looking strands. “Melody suggested it, so I figured it was time to tone it down. I did it yesterday just in time for the photo shoot. Thank god it turned out.”
Everyone else arrives in a pack all at once. Hugs all around as everyone presses for details about the day’s shoot.
Sabrina wastes no time escorting Callie, Mindy and Molly to the kiddy bar where she’s mixed up virgin cocktails for the girls under twenty-one. “You can drink as much as you want of anything over here. Anything else is off limits. Got it? I will not have any pissed off parents at my door over one of you coming home with alcohol on your breath.”
“We know,” they chorused together in a sing song voice. They dip their spoons into the crushed ice and start creatively pouring drinks of various colors, creating a rainbow that shows through the clear glasses. Then they take off outside and upstairs to check out the rooftop deck.
“Minors make me nervous,” Sabrina says, coming into the kitchen and uncovering a full spread from Delaney’s.
“So did everyone love the shoot?” I ask.
“I’m in love,” Talya says. “Now I know for sure I want to be a model. It was the best.”
“So how was yours?” I ask Sabrina.
“I was just like, whatever, let’s get this thing over with. I signed up for the earliest slot so I was half asleep when I got there.”
Sabrina changed her mind about doing the shoot at the very last minute possible. Something about if she was going to do it she might as well go all the way and it was my turn to be right about something.
“Are you glad you did it? Was it fun?” I ask, pressing her for more information. She’s so nonchalant about everything. You kind of have to dig it out of her.
“It was okay. I think I did fine.” She shrugs her shoulders.
“Are you kidding? She was awesome.” Mindy says, hopping up on the kitchen counter, with Molly and Callie at her heels. “Your rooftop deck is killer, by the way. Anyways, I think she’s actually done this before and is just holding out on us.”
I’m not surprised. She’s good at everything. I feel a slight twinge of jealousy because I know that she didn’t even want to do this, probably put half the effort into it that I did and probably still did better than me.
“Next stop, Agency Day!” Mindy screams. Molly jumps off the counter and she Mindy and Callie clasp hands, squealing and jumping around in a hyper circle of giddy excitement.
“Janine, Karen, and Lexi, you should still do it, just for fun! We’d all be doing it together,” Molly pleads.
Janine and Karen both decided it wasn’t for them. “No way!” Karen says, shaking her head. “That entire industry is way too pretentious and prissy for me. I want nothing to do with it. I hope Callie becomes the next big super model because that’s what she wants, but it’s not my thing. I wouldn’t mind being her manager, though,” she says, raising her eyebrows at Callie. “She’ll need someone to protect her from those sharks once she makes it, but I’ll be spending my summer at the beach.”
“Have you told mom yet?” Callie questions.
“Don’t you worry about that,” Karen replies in a knowing voice.
“Janine?” I ask. “Why won’t you?”
“You have to know why. First of all, I didn’t exactly thrive in acting, and me as a model is kind of a joke. I already got exactly what I wanted out of this. I’m a better speaker, I’m more confident and I look more professional at work. I don’t look the part of model. I’m okay with that, so I’m not offering myself up on a chopping block to agents. I’ve just been playing, really. And it’s been wonderful and fun, but I have a secret. Everyone doesn’t want to be in the entertainment industry. I know most people would break their necks to get in there, but it doesn’t appeal to me at all. I just think there are better things to do with your life. Now, if the prize was an executive career on the technical side of the biz in some way, preferably having something to do with networking and computers, well, then I might have to reconsider.”
That’s Janine, computer geek through and through.
“But people in the entertainment industry are rich,” I interject. “Wouldn’t you want that?” I was playing devil’s advocate with Janine, but deep down I was still trying to convince myself. I’ve been alternating between feeling ridiculous for wanting to participate and feeling like my life depends on it.
“I guess, but there are other ways to earn a decent living.”
I wish I had no desire to be admired, beautiful and rich. How else could someone like me ever make enough money to be like those women on reality TV who spend their days dining out, shopping and vacationing? How else might I ever make enough money to help my parents? I’m not smart like Janine, or born with a silver spoon in my mouth like Sabrina. You land one national commercial and you’re set. Most importantly, I think I’d love it, except it’s not a regular job you fill out an application for. The acting world operates on an entirely separate plane with a very different set of rules and standards.
“I thought you said you were going to apply,” Sabrina says to me.
“I was seriously considering it, but it’s just not realistic. I have an extremely structured job. No flexibility whatsoever. And there are bills to pay.”
“But you said you were passionate about acting,” Tessa reminds me.
“I am.” I say simply.
“For me, it’s doesn’t really feel like a choice,” Tessa continues. “Performing in some way is the only thing I’ve ever really wanted to do. My drama teachers thought the sun shone out of my ass and I believed them. When I showed up in Hollywood straight out of high school, I was just one of a million other pretty faces who had been told they were going to be a star...and then reality hit. I blamed the industry, until I went head to head with Earl Warren.” She looks pointedly at Mindy and Molly. “You girls are going to have to work really hard. In all seriousness, it’s not as easy as it looks, and for me, this might be my best and last chance.”
“Don’t worry, we’re going to make it together,” Mindy says, grabbing Molly’s hand. Sweet Molly is used to her superstar best friend leaving her in the dust of second place, but in this case, second place may not be enough.
“I believe in doing something you’re passionate about. I don’t want to sit in a boring office all day when I grow up,” Callie says. That thought never crossed my mind when I was her age. I had one passion, but I wasn’t any good at it and it certainly didn’t translate into a career.
“It’s not something I’ve always wanted to do, but I want it really bad right now,” Talya says. “I want to see the world and modeling is something you have to do when you’re young. My business career can wait.”
Agency Day doesn’t makes sense for me. I don’t have the freedom to go traipsing off to LA for auditions, and as awesome as winning that scholarship to NYC would be, I don’t know if I stand a chance against the Mindys and Mollys of Agency Day. First I’d have to get in, but even if I won, I don’t know how to put my life on hold to pack up and move. What would I do with my car? What job would I have to come back to? How would I pay rent? The rational side of me who was too skeptical to sign up for Chloe Dillon is scared, and the bold side of me who ran in there and did it anyway refuses to be heard.
That night feels like a graduation party of sorts and not from the lame overpriced modeling school that I originally thought Chloe Dillon would be. I still think it’s overpriced, but it’s not lame at all. Maybe it’s pathetic that it took a class for me to learn how to put on eyeliner or experience genuine happiness and purpose, but not everyone is a natural when it comes to life. It was an expensive lesson, but chances are it’s just as much as I might have paid for therapy and a lot more fun. Plus, I made some amazing friends in the process. I’m so grateful I got a chance to meet these interesting and talented girls who have all taught me something in their own way, whether they realize it or not. My heart sinks, thinking about not seeing them twice a week anymore, then sinks even further because they have the world at their feet and all I have is a job I hate holding me down.
Plates loaded with delicious food, we head upstairs to the rooftop where we have a goofy dance off to Sabrina’s iTunes and reminisce about our time together at Chloe Dillon. Tessa’s Earl Warren impressions are so good, I snort wine through my nose laughing at her.
“Sing, sing, sing,” we chant until Mindy and Molly reluctantly agree on a song. Their voices comingle in perfect harmony in an a cappella version of a bluesy soulful song with such strength and clarity that goose bumps break out all over my arms and my eyes water with emotion. I didn’t realize they were that good. We put our arms around each other and sway to the rhythm of their voices until the last note rings out, fading into the pitch black sky. They hug each other and smile sheepishly before taking a bow to enthusiastic applause. The city lights of the San Diego skyline is the backdrop for silly group selfies, a cacophony of joyous laughter, and a night I wish would never end.
