A while later Gavin and I were getting along like a Christian band house on fire. Shirts off. Jeans unbuttoned. Bodies entwined.
Don’t worry, we’d moved far from the madding crowd. My soon-to-be sex life wasn’t fodder for the masses, or their post-it-on-YouTube cell cam trigger fingers. I’d learn my lesson the hard way thanks to Ty.
Gavin had ensconced us in one of the upstairs bedrooms. The stuff we were doing, rubbing, tugging, groping and kissing was…okay. Nothing made me want to pull from Gavin’s embrace, or jump out of his arms screaming, I don’t do that sorta thing, but on the flipside – nary a goose bump in sight.
Testing the waters had progressed to full submersion. Things were getting close to the point of no return. Flickers of unease gradually intruded. Flashes of another face looking up into mine. Other hands sliding over my skin.
Eric’s face.
Eric’s hands.
My movements slowed. I worked a bit of distance between my flesh and Gavin’s.
I realized, there, on that unforgiving futon mattress, that this was what I’d been waiting for. All my criteria were being met. At. This. Moment. Zero emotional involvement? Check. Passably hot guy? Double check. Opportunity without pressure? Bingo on that one too. Gavin hadn’t said no when I’d climbed into his lap, but he certainly hadn’t expected such a bold move.
He’d just followed my lead.
Everything I thought I wanted was being handed to me on a futon platter and I wanted no part of it. Because the guy I really wanted was Eric.
From the beginning I’d wanted full ownership of losing it, but now I realized, I wanted more. I wanted to be fully alive and loving every second. I wanted to feel more than lust. To give myself, to be vulnerable. Raw. Real.
I paused for air.
Gavin stared up at me, waiting for his next cue, as I kneeled over him. Half his face was in shadow and the other half glowed a psychedelic blue, thanks to a lava lamp on the bedside table. Impressive that his gaze stayed fixed on mine and not my boobs.
“You’re a virgin, aren’t you?” He propped himself up on his elbows.
Was I wearing a neon sign?
“Is that a problem?” I fussed with my hair, arranging strands to strategically hide my nipples without all-out hiding behind the bed sheets.
“I’m sensing it might be…you want to stop, right?”
I flopped down, stomach first, burying my face in a pillow. “I’m sorry.” My words were muffled, but I knew Gavin heard.
He pulled the sheets over us. “It was too soon anyway.”
I turned to face him. “I didn’t think it could ever be too soon for a guy.”
He laughed. “The body was willing, believe me, but…I broke up with my girlfriend right before the show. Usual story, she was jealous of the attention I got from girls. You know, because of the band.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I’m their sound tech.” Gavin explained. “It’s not just the Brothers the girls go crazy for. The roadies do alright.” He shook his head. “But me? Never. Not once. I love Sara. Tonight was supposed to be special. We were going to watch the meteor shower.”
I nodded sagely. “Of course, isn’t every girl into space anomalies?”
“Okay, sarcasm, I know it when I hear it.” He sighed. “But that’s just it. Sara is into constellations and worm holes and, well, it was sort of our thing.” Another of his low, dry laughs. “I’m half naked with this sexy girl, and,” he held up a hand, “don’t take this the wrong way, but all I can think about is her. I had every intention of forgetting Sara existed. Just get totally shitfaced and get…” He trailed off.
“Laid.” I finished the sentence for him.
“Yeah.”
“Then we should get back out there.” I sat up, reached for my bra abandoned at the foot of the bed. “The night is young. You can find some other girl to make you forget the lovely Sara.” I pulled my hoodie on.
“No way.” Gavin swung from the bed. “I’ve got a better idea.” He dressed, and then pulled me off the bed. “Want to see some real rock stars?”
A bunch of us gathered on the roof, huddling around the railing of the house’s widow’s walk, staring up into the night sky. Gavin had convinced Brother Rory to kill the Christmas lights to make the display easier to see.
“Warm enough?” Gavin asked, grasping the railing for support as he leaned his head back to observe the skyscape.
“Sure, who needs toes, right?” Honestly, who cared about the weather when we were witnessing something so…profound? Hundreds of shooting stars fell from the heavens above us, streaking through blackness. Couples huddled together, giving hushed oohs and ahhs as the sky flickered and pulsed.
Amazed, I held out my arms, trying to catch the streaks in my gloved hands. They seemed so close.
“Thanks,” Gavin said, nudging me with his shoulder. “This is kind of almost perfect.”
I met his gaze. “Next time, Sara will be with you and you’ll really get your rocks off.”
Gavin groaned. “You are the most foul mouthed, dirty minded…”
I grinned. “Don’t waste such flattery on little ol’ me.” Movement out of the corner of my eye had me leaning over the railing and staring down at the snow-covered lawn. Was that…? Shitcrap. It was.
“Hey, is that chick puking?” A girl said, and soon everyone had turned their attention to an earthly display of teen rebellion gone wrong.
Roach had exited the building and promptly emptied her guts on the fresh snow. I bolted for the rooftop door.
“Where are you going?” Gavin called at my back.
“Gotta help a friend.” I shot him a wave. “Call Sara. Or else I’ll come back and kick your ass.”
With a bemused and, I have to say it, slightly sad smile, Gavin watched me go.