The Illusion of Self
Q: What kind of person does Buddhism try to help its followers become?
A: No kind of person.
Q: What I mean is, what does a Buddhist try to become?
A: Pure being. When we abide in who we truly are, we shift into the peaceful, effortless state that is not involved with conflict.
Q: What is the biggest obstacle to spiritual development?
A: The biggest obstacle, of course, is the illusion of the I-Ego, which manifests itself in many ways. The common thread among them all is that they are troublesome. Each comes with an attached energy-pack of unskillful tendencies that exert enormous influence upon us. These, along with a pattern of embedded habits, are what get us into all sorts of regrettable mischief and keep us running around in the same circles.
The I-Ego is the major villain in the drama of our lives. The irony is that we have to discover and diligently practice skillful means in order to circumvent something that we come to realize never existed in the first place.
Several decades ago in Berkeley, California—of course—there was a spoof campaign for president of the United States. The candidate was Mr. Nobody. The campaign slogan was “Nobody for President.” A ticker-tape parade was organized and a convertible limousine was hired for the occasion. Motorcycle police flanked the automobile as it made its way down the main boulevard. Nobody was in the back seat.
At the time, that event was a definitive moment in my appreciation of American politics. Looking back, I now recognize that it was also a powerful demonstration of the reality of our human condition. There is no one in the back, or the front, seat.
There is a chain of assumptions that creates the image of the physical body as solid and permanent. This is an illusion. The sense organs also miss the boat. They tell us that the life process is continuous and stable. But it is not so. This body is in fact dissolving and reforming in the smallest units of change possible from one micro-moment to the next. Formation—dissolution—formation—dissolution continuously, until the body finally loses the ability to attract and hold the four elements that comprise it, and the karmic energy expires. The body is merely a meeting point where the elements congregate for a brief period of time.
Because there is dissolution and reformation, there must necessarily be empty or free space. Space exists on either side of a micro-moment of formation as it comes into being and dissolves again. So there is actually twice as much space as there is formation. Here is a quantitative expression of the reality of emptiness.
In conventional life we emphasize the formation phase, the micro-moments that create a field of tremendous, unstoppable activity. In Dharma we emphasize the space before and after, which is the more prevalent reality by at least two to one.
Honing in on what is factually the reality, we aren’t going to be so inclined to grasp onto things that are not here more often than they’re here. Life cools down, slows down, and deepens because there is no one to be worried about. No one is ever there.
Q: Do memories fade away? Though I am now able to refrain from most of the stupid escapades of my youth, some of the more exciting and sensual memories come around in my meditation and pounce on me. What can I do to escape these reruns?
A: If you skillfully practice letting go of all notions of self, you will find that these memories have no place to attach themselves to. The sense of self keeps reinforcing the idea of you as a consistent, constant, continuous entity. Memories are built upon and confirmed by this notion. But you are not the personality you think yourself to be. Through practice you come to recognize that you are a composite of changing conditions that have temporarily amassed into the form you regard yourself to be. In Dharma language, you are merely a karmic condition; you arise and pass away under the dictates of karma. The emotional energy connected to your memories draws you in because you continuously consent to being who you think you are.
If you cut yourself off from this misperception, you will cease to exist in a way that memory can bother you. If you are not really who you think you are, then memories are just old karmic images. Memory then has nowhere to hang its hat.
Q: I want to know what it would be like to be an arahant, an enlightened being. To become one is why I became a monk.
A: I hope you attain that noble aspiration. But I can tell you that when you arrive at your goal, you will find that there is no one to experience anything. I’m not saying that I know this from my own accomplishment. But I can say that I understand this from my experience in meditation and from a realization, through deep contemplation, of the nature of enlightenment. Enlightenment is a non-emotional, non-reflective way of being, a floating along, untouched by the world. Unburdened and unencumbered, the enlightened mind abides in absolute freedom. It is constantly alert and responsive in every way. The arahant lives in peace, harmlessly and harmoniously.
Having attained this transcendent reality, there is no one in him who would want to write home about his life as an arahant!