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“Y
ou’re pregnant? How the hell did that happen? I mean, I know how it happened, but you haven’t been near a man in the three years since...” Sara put down her cup with such force, the coffee spilt over the top.
“Since Jeff died,” Beth finished. Those were the words her best friend Sara couldn’t say, so Beth said them for her. Everyone kept trying to protect her from the grief and loss, but it hadn’t worked. Nothing had helped until the night with Greg. A night of passion and tears with a complete stranger had brought her back from the abyss. He’d held her while she wept for the first time since Jeff’s death. The more she cried and shook in his arms, the closer he had pulled her to him. She still remembered his words: “You’ll get through this, Beth. Sometimes, we find we’re stronger than we ever thought we could be.”
Beth believed they were kindred spirits, meant to meet that night. Up until this moment, she had reasoned spending the night with him had been the right thing to do. She had gained a sense of calm, and acceptance of her situation. A calmness, now, completely gone. She was pregnant from a one-night stand, not a kindred spirit. Her stomach churned at the thought.
“Beth, are you listening to me?”
Beth winced as the two women at the next table glanced over. If she didn’t have a baby growing in her womb, then there was a rat gnawing at her stomach, or the first signs of morning sickness. She sat forward to try and let her hair cover her face. One of the women had ordered a bouquet for her sick sister last week. She probably wouldn’t order any more.
“Maybe the tester’s wrong. Let’s wait till I get the blood test back.” It would be positive. It might be twelve years since her last pregnancy, but her breasts were tender like they had been with Keri and David. This shouldn’t be happening, but there was no one to blame but herself. Beth tried to steady her breathing, so the panic threatening to consume her didn’t take over.
“I haven’t seen anyone around your place. What did you do? Sneak him in after dark? Oh hell, it’s the guy who did the shed for you. You said he had a nice butt,” Sara replied, giving one of the waiters the eye. He winked at her. “Did you see that?”
Beth wasn’t surprised. Sara might be in her early thirties, but was slim and attractive. Her friend would have given it all up to have a baby, but it had never happened. As a couple, they had done all the IVF stuff to no avail. Sara and Pete had done so much for her, and now she would be rubbing the salt in, being pregnant again.
“It wasn’t anyone you know. It happened when I went to see Christine. Dad had the kids, and Mum ran the shop for the weekend. Anne from the shop said she would come, but pulled out at the last moment. Said the whole idea of talking to the dead through some stranger freaked her out. I just met someone.”
Sara’s eyes rolled at the mention of Christine. Nausea hit again. Beth was on the School Council and ran the local florist. People like her didn’t go off and spend nights with total strangers and get pregnant, even if they were hot total strangers.
“I’ve tried to set you up with a couple of guys, and you said no,” Sara quizzed.
“I was on my own, and Christine said things, things I didn’t want to hear. I was upset and didn’t want to drive back. I stayed at the local motel, and I met someone, that’s all.” Beth wanted Greg’s arms around her now, how stupid was that? She didn’t even know his last name. More than likely, he would run a mile in the opposite direction.
“You didn’t just meet someone, Beth ... you had sex with him, and now you might be pregnant. What was his name?” Sara’s lips had a firm set to them, and her arms were folded across her chest. She wouldn’t give up until she knew more.
“He was in Gawler visiting his sister, and his name was Greg.” It made it real, saying his name out loud. Jeff had been gone three years, and yet she believed she was betraying him. Beth peered down so Sara couldn’t see the tears in her eyes.
“Are you insane? You could’ve gotten yourself killed. You’ve other kids. You can’t go off doing things like that. And what about protection? You could have gotten AIDS.”
The two ladies at the next table stopped talking and leaned towards them.
There go my Valentine’s Day sales, she thought.
“He did use some. I don’t know. Maybe I’m the one percent failure rate,” Beth whispered.
Beth was sure of one thing: she would lose all credibility with Keri. So much for safe sex talks with your sixteen-year-old daughter. Beth’s mind went back to the day before when she’d left the shower and stared in the mirror. When Jeff died, she’d let herself go. With the stress of the court case over his death, she’d stacked on the weight, going up to a size eighteen. With the help of the gym, she had achieved a fourteen. That elusive twelve had not seemed so far away. This time, she would have a huge abdomen, and there would be no Jeff to tell her she was beautiful. But Greg had, that night.
“Whatever you decide, we’ll be there for you.” Sara placed her hand over Beth’s.
Beth loved Pete and Sara so much. She wanted to do something for them, but she was always the one in need. Sara went to pick up her bag, but stopped.
“Hang on a minute. Did I hear you right ... you said he used some, not one, but some? Beth. You go from abstinence to an entire night of rampant sex with a stranger. You’re mad, you do know that.” Sara kissed her cheek.
“I know, and if it hadn’t been for the two of you, I would’ve given up and fallen in a heap long ago. Look, I’d better get back. Mum said she could only cover for an hour.”
“Have you told them?”
“No.” Beth felt the blood drain from her face at the thought of her mother’s reaction.
“Good luck. If you need some moral support, give us a call. I don’t think your mum has ever considered me a moral person, though.”
Sara stopped beside the two listening ladies at the next table.
“We’re having a girl’s night out at the pub on the corner, Saturday ... male stripper, if you want to come.” Sara glanced backed and winked as one of the ladies choked on her vanilla slice.
Blackhill was a small community, and as her baby bump got larger, the tongues would be wagging as to the father’s identity. She didn’t care what people said to her, but the kids had been through enough, losing their dad. Her appointment at the doctor was for six, and until then she would convince herself everything was normal. She would work in the shop, and no one would know.
Beth parked down the street from her home. She couldn’t face her kids: they deserved better. Jeff, where are you? Why did you stop talking? She thought back to the day she had seen Christine, and the night she had slept with Greg, the father of the baby now growing inside of her.
Christine showed her through to the kitchen and put the kettle on. Beth sat and tried to fight back the urge to bite her thumbnail. She was never this anxious coming to see Christine, in fact up until today, she was always happy. She felt like an ominous black cloud hung over her. Try as she could, it wouldn’t shift.
“I’m surprised to see you alone, Beth. I thought you were bringing a friend?”
“She couldn’t make it.” Beth smiled as Christine walked over with her teapot shaped like an elephant. The dresser in the corner was full of teapots of all shapes and sizes. Beth especially liked the one that was a bunch of flowers with the tulip spout. It was the florist in her coming out, trying to work out how many different flowers were on the pot. Or maybe she was avoiding a conversation she didn’t want to have.
“I’m surprised you came back. Jeff doesn’t come through to me much anymore.” Christine sipped on her tea, calm as always, as if the spirits she connected with gave her peace.
“I know. Mum and Sara say it’s time to move on. I’ve kept myself busy with the shop and the kids, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to move on to. These sessions when he talks to me through you, and the dreams, are what have kept me sane. It’s like he’s still here to help me live.” Beth’s stomach churned at the thought Jeff would reject her. It would be like losing him all over again.
“I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything.” Christine put her cup down and placed her palms down on the table. Her eyes closed –– to anyone looking in through the back door, it would have appeared she was having a nana nap. Beth liked that about Christine. There were no velvet curtains or crystal balls, just crazy-shaped teapots.
Christine breathed rapidly for a minute and then became calm. “He wants to know why you’ve come back.”
Jeff was here, and Beth could breathe again. “I wanted to let him know about the kids, and what I’m doing with the shop.”
“He says it hurts. He’s trapped because you won’t let him go.” Christine’s voice stayed flat as she spoke.
“I’m sorry.” Beth bit her bottom lip.
Christine opened her eyes and shook her head. “He loves you, Beth. It’s messing with him. You’re holding him here for something he can never have. He wants you to be with someone new, and then he’ll be free. He’s blocked me out. It happens sometimes. I had a feeling he would. I’m sorry.”
Christine reached a hand across. Beth didn’t have any cause to be angry with Christine, but she was. “Why?”
“I’ve dealt with enough people talking from the afterlife to know they regretted not doing more. You both had a good life together. He wants you to have more while you’re alive. He wants you to let him go.”
Beth placed her donation in the RSPCA box by the front door. It was the first time she hadn’t made an appointment to come back. Everyone thought her crazy for believing in this stuff anyway, but it had kept her from unraveling at the seams, and now it was gone.
That was three months ago, and now here she was sitting in her car, too afraid to go and see her kids. She wanted to cry, but no tears came, and there was no point delaying the inevitable. The kids deserved better, and she just hoped they would agree with her decision to keep the baby.
