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I
t was a month since Queensland, and Greg was beginning to relax again. The whole thing at the airport with Sam had freaked him out. For the week after they got back he jumped every time the front doorbell rang, thinking it would be the cops.
He couldn’t deny that three months of living in the same place with the same woman had proved to be exhilarating, and frightening at the same time. Every time he gazed at her he still smiled, and his heart beat a bit too fast. There was no all-encompassing passion, but something more. He belonged to something, and it was like an addiction he didn’t want to give up. Even the trip to Queensland had gone better than he thought it would, except for meeting Sam. Thankfully, Beth had believed they were old friends and hadn’t asked any more questions. He didn’t expect to hear from his old cellmate again anyway, and for now he didn’t have any other inmates turning up on his doorstep.
No one had touched his pick-up since he’d moved in, either. Will had been away more than he was around. As far as Greg was concerned, he liked it that way. Beth had been annoyed with him for telling the freak to stay away, but Keri had been happy. Said she thought him creepy. She said her dad wouldn’t have like him hanging around, either. The guy had the look of some of those he’d met in jail: Loners, who just didn’t fit in with the rest of the world. Greg realized that was a bit rich coming from him, but it was true.
There were no more visits from Jeff either, which was the way he wanted to keep it. He remembered the words, “she is yours”: It was a statement that held responsibility, and he was standing by it. He just would do it on his own, without the weird messages and Beth hearing voices in her head.
Today in the house, chaos ruled as usual. As always with Beth, it was organized chaos. She was all dolled up and looked fantastic, but tonight it had nothing to do with him, though he would be happy to oblige when she got home. Her body was a drug and he was happy to overdose on it whenever he could. The smell and taste of her was almost enough to drive him insane.
Tonight, her parents were taking her to the opera. Greg hadn’t been invited, but then again that was nothing new. He didn’t like opera anyway. Just sounded like a load of people screeching to him. He didn’t like her mother Gillian, and she made it quite clear she didn’t like him. Her dad, Harry would look almost apologetic at his wife’s attitude as she either looked down her nose or ignored Greg at any family function. A night at Pete’s, watching cricket with the lads, was definitely more what he was suited to that Verdi’s whatever.
Beth fumbled through her bag, making sure she had her phone. “Are you sure about this, Keri? I don’t even like opera that much. It’s just, Mum bought the tickets a while back and they’re so expensive.”
Beth ran her hands through the hair she had just spent ages getting to look right. Greg grinned. Damn, he wanted to hold this woman so much. He loved it the most when her hair looked all messed up from sex with him.
“Mum, go. Greg, you go too. Look, I think Tyler and I can cope with my two brothers, and anyway Greg’s not far away, as long as he isn’t pissed at Uncle Pete’s.”
“It’s a possibility,” Greg laughed. He had a carton of beer in the pick-up waiting to go.
“That makes me feel so good––and don’t say pissed in front of David,” Beth said.
“Honest, Mum. Have you heard some of the stuff that comes out of his mouth? Makes me look like a nun.”
“I doubt that, but don’t say it anyway,” Beth said.
The doorbell rang and Greg left Beth to sort out the kids while he answered it. Gillian stood there, as antagonistic as ever––either that, or the pursed lips meant she was constipated. With Beth’s mother he could never be sure and didn’t want to find out. If the woman held her purse much tighter it would crumble under the pressure, or maybe she wanted to hit him with it. She had only spoken about ten words to him since they had met. Maybe she could see through him. He hated the idea, but knew she would be vindicated in her feelings one day. He just didn’t see why some people had to be so fucking righteous.
He thought back and remembered how Christmas lunch had been a harrowing experience for all of them. The season of goodwill to all men hadn’t extended to him. He hoped Harry would take her away on one of their trips again, and it couldn’t happen too soon for Greg. The longer this went on, the crazier he was becoming.
They had to find out soon, and he had no idea where things would go from there. He had considered he would off himself. Just drive into a tree, somewhere on a country road. That way Beth would think it was an accident. He wouldn’t do it. He would survive and move on. He would have to watch them from a distance. This was just another chapter of his life, and that was all. It was the only good chapter so far.
Greg sat back and watched as the others got into the cricket on television. The new plasma screen might have something to do with it. Greg considered this could be like the future opening up in front of him, and would it be such a bad one? Hell no. Then again, it was a fake future, based on a fake present with a real person.
Pete cracked a joke. Greg joked back, but a part of him wanted to run. Running from your past was the only way. If you stayed too long anywhere, people started to like you. He couldn’t even get pissed anymore because he was too much of a control nut these days, waiting for it all to go wrong.
The phone rang and he jumped.
“It’s Keri,” Pete said, as he sat back down with the guys.
Greg took the phone.
“I tried to talk to Mum, but her phone’s off. The police are outside, and they want to speak to us. Something’s happened next door. Josh is all upset what with the sirens waking him up. Please, come back.”
He could hear the panic in her voice. Greg thought about his perfect combination of what would send his life to hell: Police and things they don’t understand. Beth’s kids were in the house, and his boy was there too, and they were in danger. He wouldn’t let them down. He had no choice, no matter what the outcome. It had been good while it lasted.
“I need to go. Keri reckons something’s happened to the old lady next door, and the cops are there. She tried to phone Beth, but couldn’t get through.” Greg stood up and grabbed his car keys off the table. He had only had two beers, so he should be all right to drive.
“I’ll go with you,” Pete offered.
“Don’t be stupid, stay here. The guys are having a good time. I’ll phone. You’ve had too much to drink, anyway. It’s probably just those kids doing egging and graffiti again.”
Pulling into the street, Greg saw the flashing lights and tasted the bile in his throat as his stomach contents threatened to come up. Maybe it would have been better for Pete to come along. It was just a matter of time until they all found out, anyway. He pulled in the driveway and by the time he walked to the front door, there was a cop behind him. It had to be a cop. No one else was moving on the street. Greg’s back shivered and he stiffened as he clenched his fist. It was almost like being inside again. He needed to take a slow, deep breath before he turned around.
“Excuse me, sir.”
Sir. What a laugh. It would be you scum soon. Greg turned around and smiled. This cop would have been at school when he went inside. So many stories he could tell him that would shock him. Greg’s mind changed with the appearance of the policeman. The old Greg came back, the one who survived on his own, the one nobody in this new home knew. The new Greg hadn’t been real, anyway.
“It’s okay, I live here.” Greg put his hands up, which was not such a good idea. It gave the impression he expected to get arrested. The cop gave him the once over. “I just got a call from the kids to come back. They saw you out front and freaked.”
He heard the front door open behind him.
“Greg,” Keri yelled, and ran towards him and hugged him. That had to be a first. He knew she’d accepted him these last months, but she would never actually touch him.
The cop relaxed and followed them inside. Tyler held Josh in his arms and looked pale enough to pass out. David sat on the floor staring out the front window. Keri went over and took Josh back from Tyler.
The policeman coughed to get their attention back. “There’s been an incident next door, and we would like to search your back yard to see if there’s any evidence.”
“What kind of incident?” Greg asked.
“At this moment we can’t say any more.”
“Sure, go ahead, we’ll all stay in here. The kids’ mum is at the opera and we haven’t been able to tell her what’s going on, so there might be another car coming.”
The cop nodded and exited. Greg sighed as the front door shut. When he turned around, Keri shoved Josh into his arms. She ran over to Tyler, who enclosed her in his. They were both obviously relieved someone else was here to take over. Little did they know, it was all about to fall apart. David was still at the window. Josh was the only lucky one, as he was oblivious to everything. God, how Greg wished he could be too.
“So, what happened?” Greg asked as he cuddled Josh. It might be his last time.
“We were out on the deck when we heard a scream from next door. It was loud and horrible. I thought someone was being killed. Tyler wanted to go around and check, but I stopped him and called the police. One police car came and went next door and then another. They told us not to go outside and thought maybe there was someone in the back yard. Mrs. Goldberg wouldn’t hurt anyone. All she cared about was her cats.”
“I think they’re taking her out to the ambulance,” David yelled from the other room.
“Get away from there, you shouldn’t see that,” Keri called back.
“Try phoning Mum again.” Greg knew it was cowardly, but he wanted out of this before it was too late––that was crap, it was already too late. It was too late the night he had made love to Beth the second time. He would never leave the kids alone though, unless the cops dragged him off, which they could. At last, Beth answered and was on her way.
“Keri, did the police ask for names?” Greg asked.
“Yeah, they wanted to know all our names, so they knew who lived here.”
Now we just wait, he thought. He sat feeling cold and detached, as if his life as well as his blood was draining away and he couldn’t stop it. Beth arrived looking pale. He watched as Keri spoke to her mum, who cuddled and cared for everyone. He stood with his back against the wall and watched on like a stranger.
He was no longer part of this. It had been an illusion anyway. Tyler left, promising to come back in the morning. Greg felt all the past months fade as he walked into the lounge room and stared at Josh in his bassinet. He picked his son up and sat down on the couch. He should enjoy this, as he would probably never see him again. He would imagine she would have a restraining order out on him within the week.
“It’s fair enough, kiddo. You need someone better than me anyway. Your mum’s a lovely lady and will find a good man to look after you.” Josh grabbed his finger and opened his mouth to suck on it. Greg hated the thought of Beth with another man, but she shouldn’t be lonely.
She walked in and sat down beside them. “I think they’ve calmed down. It’s so strange though, you don’t expect this sort of thing in your own street. I’m so glad you were here for them. David’s finally going to sleep, though he thinks being a paramedic and seeing dead bodies would be cool. Not sure if he will be a carpenter anymore. Keri asked if Tyler could stay, and for one minute I nearly gave in. Even with tonight’s goings on, I’m not ready for that.”
Greg didn’t move. He couldn’t touch her when he knew this was all coming to an end.
“Are you okay?” Beth asked, reaching out and touching his arm.
He wasn’t sure what to answer, but it was irrelevant, as the doorbell rang.
“Do you think it’s the police checking back?” Beth asked.
“I don’t think it’s them, Beth, I know it is. And if I’m not mistaken, they’re here to see me.”
She answered the door and they asked to speak to him. An assault next door, and he had done time for murder. For the police, all the loose ends could be tied up quickly. Down to the station for questioning, that was what the young cop from earlier said. Greg remembered that one. It all ended up with years behind bars, only this time he was innocent.
“There must be some mistake. Greg’s my partner. Why do you want to talk to him?” Beth was biting her nail on her thumb. She hadn’t done it for months. He wanted to say sorry, wanted to hold her. As if saying sorry and a hug would be enough. Nothing would ever be enough for what he had done to all of them.
“I’ll explain when I get back.” As he drove away in the back of the police car, he glanced back to see Beth standing on the steps with Josh, her face full of concern for him. The next time he spoke to her, she would never look at him like that again.
Beth watched Greg get in the patrol car. He glanced back, shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. The car pulled off down the street and she walked back inside. This was surreal. Fist the attack next door, and now the police were thinking Greg could have had something to do with it. Mum and Dad phoned to see if everything was okay. She hadn’t said anything about Greg. Mainly because she didn’t know what to say.
She fed Josh and paced and waited till two and then fell asleep in the chair. Her neck ached as she stretched. She wondered if her decision not to phone anyone after they had taken Greg was the right one. The temptation to call her brother Alan, whose friend was a cop in Victoria, was so strong at this moment. It felt like betraying Greg’s trust, though. She had to believe in him. Pete said he would call around in the morning, but that was before Greg had been taken for questioning. None of this made any sense. Josh’s cry echoed from down the hall.
He was fed, changed, and drifting back off to sleep when she heard a car pull up outside. Peering through the curtain, she could see Pete’s car. Both he and Greg walked to the front door. As soon as the door opened, Beth grabbed Greg and held him close. He hugged her back then pulled away. Something was wrong. He had a distant look in his eyes. It had been gone for months, but she remembered it like it was yesterday. The look said, don’t ask because you won’t want to know the answers, but she had to. Pete took her arm. “Look, I’m tired and I need to get some sleep. You need to talk to Beth, and we’ll all talk in the morning. I’m not making a mistake by bringing you back here, am I?” Pete asked.
“No. They’re safe,” Greg answered.
“What the hell is going on?”
“Greg will explain. Call me if you want me to come and get him.” Pete kissed her on the forehead and left.
Greg went to the kitchen and poured two large whiskeys.
“It’s three in the morning, I don’t need that. I just want to know what’s going on. You’re both freaking me out more than what happened next door.”
Greg emptied the glass and refilled it, then picked both glasses up and walked into the lounge and sat down.
“It’s up to you whether you drink it, but you’re going to need it. Pete was asked to come down to the station to prove I’d been at his house this evening,” Greg said, as he stared into his glass.
Beth sat down at the other end of the couch. For some reason, she felt as if she needed space between them.
“Why did they want to know about where you were, and what’s it got to do with what happened to Mrs. Goldberg, and anyway, what did happen to her?”
“I got the impression from what they were asking me, she’s been assaulted.”
“Why would anyone hurt her?”
Greg shrugged and sipped his drink. “Sometimes little old ladies have stuff in their house that can be worth a bit. Druggies will nick anything they can get some money for.”
“Why would they think you had anything to do with it?”
“They didn’t, but when they realized I lived next door, they checked me out.”
“What do you mean they checked you out?” A chill wafted over Beth, as if knowing the answer would change everything between them. She looked up and there was something akin to regret in his eyes. She’d never seen him cry, but thought he might at that moment. She reckoned whatever he intended on saying, she’d already lost him.
“Beth, you’ve always known there’s a rough side to me. I never hid it, even if you didn’t ask. Pete believes that, and it’s why he’s prepared to leave me with you to explain. You must trust me when I say I would never hurt any of you.”
“I know that, Greg. You’re scaring me. What’s going on?” She could feel the panic starting as her breathing increased.
“I’ve a criminal record from years back. When Keri told me she gave our names to the cops, I knew it would just be a question of time before they wanted to talk to me.”
He wouldn’t look at her anymore. He just kept staring into the glass. Beth shivered, feeling a chill again even though the room felt warm.
“What kind of criminal record?” This time he did look up, and it was as if she stared at a stranger.
“The worst kind, Beth.”
Beth’s hand shook as she picked up the drink and took a big mouthful, which made her choke and splutter. She needed some courage before she asked the next question. “What do you mean?”
He took a deep breath before he answered. “I’ve done time for murder.”
The world became small as all her thoughts of the past months flew away. The man she knew didn’t exist. Pulling herself back together, she skulled her drink, and held the glass out for a refill. He picked up the bottle and poured another whiskey shot in her glass. Her hands shook. Drinking wasn’t the best idea, but she needed it. She had brought a killer into her home with her children. Beth took a deep breath and looked at him.
“I don’t know why I’m letting you do this, except I’m finding it hard to believe this is all a lie, but I’d like to hear you explain.”
“I’d been out of prison a week when we met. I’d served twelve years for killing someone. It’s all going to come out anyway, and I think you should hear it from me. It was my uncle, and I ran him down.”
Greg’s face had taken on the blank mask. Beth couldn’t think. It was as if someone had put her brain on hold. Or like watching a movie and the screen froze. This wasn’t happening. She knew he had secrets, but not this. Other people you read about in the paper know murderers, not people like her. She had invited a killer into her home. She didn’t know him at all, and the fact he knew how Jeff had died and had said nothing ... how could he?
“So if Mrs. Goldberg hadn’t been attacked, you would’ve kept on lying?” She peered at him, not wanting to know.
“This life was so normal, so good. I never expected much of a life after jail, but then I randomly met you and nine months later everything changed. I knew it wouldn’t last, but I wanted it for as long as it would. I’m so sorry, Beth. You’re a wonderful person, and I wanted to be wanted by you. I was selfish, but you have to believe I’d never hurt any of you. I killed someone long ago because I thought it was right. I did the time. I’ve never hurt anyone since.”
She was a fool, but she believed he wasn’t a bad man. If he would open up and tell her why he did it, then she would let him stay.
“I’ll go and get some of my stuff and leave. I can come back tomorrow for the rest.” Greg stood and headed off down the corridor.
“Shut up and get back here,” she called. He wasn’t going to get away with it that easily. She needed to know.
Beth took another swig of her drink. She had actually believed she was falling in love with him. The kids got on with him and everything had been rolling along. How had she lived with him and not seen anything? She wanted to feel angry, but just felt numb.
Greg walked back into the lounge and was ready for her to say anything. He wouldn’t argue, or fight, all he wanted was to see Josh. That wasn’t all he wanted, he wanted her, but that would never happen. He’d been right the first night he had met her. He wasn’t and never would be good enough.
Beth’s empty glass was on the floor. Her eyes were blank and staring ahead and her hand kept moving as if it was holding a pen.
Fuck. If he didn’t know better, he’d say Jeff was back again. Her dead husband’s ghost chose some great moments to make an appearance. Beth let out a sound as if in pain. Greg ran to the phone and got a pen and pad of paper. Beth still didn’t focus on him but started writing.
She’s yours now, you can’t just walk away. You can’t leave. He wants just her and he will get rid of my children as well as Josh to have her.
“In case you hadn’t noticed, Jeff, she knows about me. She knows I’m a killer and wants me out.” Shit, he was actually talking to her as if Jeff was there. Now he was losing his mind as well. She started writing again.
I’m in her head. She loves you. Tell her why you did it and she’ll understand.
“Well, fuck that one, mate. I thought I loved her too, but she loves something that doesn’t exist. The Greg who lived with her is an illusion. The real one’s a murderer.”
“Greg, you’re back.” Keri walked in the room, yawning. “What’s going on?
Greg looked at Beth, who had gone pale and was now shaking.
“Are you two fighting?” Keri walked towards her mum.
“No. We’re just a bit uptight with everything that’s happened,” Beth said.
“I’m going to make some hot chocolate. Do you want some?” Keri asked.
Beth nodded, so did Greg. It was more to get Keri out of the room. He put his car keys on the table and sat next to Beth. He didn’t know whether to touch her, now she knew the truth about him. He needn’t have worried, as she grabbed his hand and took a deep breath.
“I’ve just read what I wrote.” Beth started to cry.
Greg sat there not knowing what to do as she leaned against him and wept. Placing his arms around her he sighed, wondering why her dead husband would want to keep them together. They would need to talk about the shit Jeff had spouted, but for now he would play happy family in front of Keri. The kids would find out soon enough.
Beth wrote notes for both of the kids’ schools so the teachers knew they might be upset about the break-in. She hadn’t said anything to them about Greg yet. Now they were gone to school, she needed to sort out what would happen next. Her face was blotchy from crying. Greg rubbed his neck. It ached from sleeping those couple of hours in one of the lounge room chairs. As he walked back in from his pick-up, Beth put the jug on. Josh bounced away, absorbed in the brightly colored toys above his head.
“To say we need to talk is an understatement,” Beth said.
Beth placed their coffees on coasters on either side of the dining room table.
“You want to go first?” she asked.
“No.” Greg stared into his coffee.
“Okay, then I will. I always thought I was a bit crazy after Jeff died. Not just the grief, but because I believed he talked to me. I even went to see a psychiatrist about it. He told me it was normal for people to imagine things like that. I wasn’t imagining, though. Jeff would tell me things before they happened, and other stuff that would later be proved true. I heard his voice in my head as if he was sitting talking to me. I would even smell his aftershave sometimes. If I was mad, then it was a type of madness that helped me cope.”
Greg said nothing, but sat listening.
“You have to give me something here. I’m still finding it hard to accept you could have done what you did and not told me sooner.”
Greg shook his head. “So you’re sitting in a pizzeria in Gawler with a stranger. He tells you he was a week out from doing time for murder. You reckon you’d have said, come back to my room and let’s have some fun?” He was snapping and being unfair. This wasn’t her fault.
“You’re right. I wouldn’t have slept with you. I can understand you not telling me then, so you might get lucky, but not all the months of pretense since. When you came back into my life to be with Josh, you could have said something.”
“Come on, Beth. You would never have let me near any of your family, not even my own son. To lie was the only way I was going to stay near him. If I could turn back time, I’d do it again.”
“Regardless of our feelings?” Her hands were in fists.
“Yes.”
Stalemate.
“So this is all about Josh? You lied to us all so you could play at being Daddy?”
“Listen, I know you think what Jeff made you write was true. The truth is, the kid’s mine and that’s all, I don’t love anybody. To tell you the truth, I don’t know what love means.”
He glared at her with eyes that were locked off. That stated it loud and clear. He didn’t even love Josh. If she was the only one who cared, then she would be the one to take care of them all and he could go.
Don’t let him go, Beth. Someone wants to hurt you.
Beth knew she had said the words, but the voice didn’t sound like hers. It was deep and raspy.
It was Jeff, in her head again, and her coffee was spilt across the table.
Greg was next to her taking her in his arms. Her whole body shook and her breath came in gasps. He held her face cupped in his hands.
“It’s okay, I’m here.”
Greg’s blank expression was gone and replaced with one of concern. They were too close and she could smell him, and touch him, and his lips were close, lips she had grown used to. Then his lips were on hers. Despite everything she knew about him. The main thing she knew was they wanted each other too much. There was too much desperation there to ignore. She needed to stop this and think about her kids: he was an ex-criminal, a killer. They pulled apart.
“I won’t lie after everything, but Jeff said if you told me why you did what you did I would understand and let you stay.” Greg let go of her.
“You’ll be waiting a long time. Apart from a dead man who can see inside my head, I’m not talking.” Greg stood with the expressionless look back.
“So where do we go from here?” Beth asked.
“If it’s the condition of me staying, then I leave.” His knuckles were white as they clenched the chair in front of him.
“I love you. I know Jeff was right about that. I think if I didn’t, the police would be here escorting you away. If Pete hadn’t believed you last night after what he had found out, he would never have left you to stay the night. If this had happened a week after you had moved in, I would have said it was lust, but not now––the Greg I know, he isn’t some killer.”
He laughed and shook his head.
“But I am, Beth, and I would do it all again, and go to prison again. If he were in front of me right now, I would take his life without a moment’s hesitation. I paid for my crime, but I don’t regret it.”
Beth could see nothing in Greg’s eyes but cold, hard hatred. It was a place she had never been despite all her pain, and it was a place she didn’t want to go. What could happen to a person to make them like that?
“So you believe what you did was right?”
“No. Killing someone isn’t right, and I caused a lot of people pain. I live with that all the time. I just did what I did, and it was wrong. The case never went to trial, I pleaded guilty. I’m not telling you about my past, so don’t bother asking. Whatever you say goes. I’ll walk out of here and not bother you again.”
“What about the other things Jeff said? Your pick-up, with graffiti on it.”
“No one is threatening you, Beth. They just wanted me gone. Don’t start imagining things. The police are at the end of the phone, and next door was just a random thing. She disturbed a burglar, I’d guess. I’ll be at the local caravan park till the cops say I can move on. I’ll sort out how I can help out with money for Josh. It’s all I can offer.”
Their neighbor lay in hospital unconscious, and he talked about it so casually. Beth glanced around her home at all the familiar things, and then at Greg.
“What do I tell the kids when they find out, which they will? It’s going to hurt them.”
“Whatever you want, Beth, just trust me: your life is easier without me in it. At least Josh is young enough he won’t remember me.”
“It might be easier, Greg, but would I want it?”
“You should. You can’t think straight with me here, and neither can I. I’ll come back in a month or so. The cops have already stipulated I don’t move far. Serve your time and be free is definitely an illusion.”
“I don’t get any of this.”
“If you wanted to keep me in your life, you soon would. By knowing me, you’d be tainted. No more the florist who is so nice, but that shop is the one with the woman involved with a killer. You work hard and have a business, but with me around, there isn’t one.”
“You’re going, then?”
“Yes, just leave my stuff out front and I’ll pick it up tomorrow.”
He turned and walked out the door. She wanted to believe there was regret in his eyes, but there only seemed to be a sense of resignation and loneliness she couldn’t ease no matter what she said.
