The shot bellowed across the distant paddock, the echo rippling through the hot air. Before silence could settle, another crashed out. Falk froze in the driveway of Gretchen’s property, one hand stilled mid-motion as he went to slam his car door.
His thoughts fled to the Hadlers’ raw scrubbed hallway, the stained carpet. He imagined a blonde woman lying bleeding on the ground, only this time not Karen, but Gretchen.
Another blast rang out and Falk was off, running across the paddocks towards the noise. He tried to follow the sound but it bounced and echoed off the hard ground, leaving him disoriented. He scanned the horizon frantically, eyes watering against the blinding sun, looking everywhere, seeing nothing.
At last he spotted her, her khaki shorts and yellow shirt almost invisible against the bleached paddocks. He stopped dead, feeling a rush of relief followed by a wave of embarrassment. Gretchen turned her head and stared at him for a moment, then propped the shotgun on her shoulder and raised her hand in a wave. He hoped she hadn’t seen him running. She started over the paddock towards him.
‘Hey, you got here fast,’ she called out. Pink ear defenders hung around her neck.
‘I hope that’s OK.’ He’d phoned from outside the cemetery. ‘I felt like I needed to see a friendly face.’
‘It’s fine. It’s good to see you. I’ve got an hour before I need to pick up Lachie from school.’
Falk looked around, buying a moment while his breathing steadied. ‘Nice place you’ve got here.’
‘Thanks. The rabbits seem to think so too.’ She nodded over her shoulder. ‘I need to get a few more before I call it a day. Come on, you can be my spotter.’
He followed her across the paddock to where she’d left her kit bag. She rummaged in it and pulled out another pair of ear defenders. She reached in again, and pulled out a box of ammunition. Winchesters. Not the Remingtons found in the Hadlers’ bodies, Falk thought automatically. He felt relieved, then immediately guilty for noticing. Gretchen opened the barrel of the shotgun and loaded a round.
‘The warren’s over there.’ She pointed, squinting in the sun. ‘Point when you see one.’
Falk put his ear guards on and everything was muffled, like being under water. He could see the gum trees moving silently in the wind. The sounds in his head became amplified; the blood pumping through, the slight click of his teeth.
He stared at the area around the warren. Nothing moved for a long while, then there was a twitch on the landscape. He was about to gesture to Gretchen when she steadied the gun against her shoulder, one eye squeezed shut. She centred the gun, tracking the rabbit with a smooth arc. There was a muffled boom, and a flock of galahs rose in unison from a nearby tree.
‘Good, I think we got him,’ she said, pulling off her ear guards. She strode across the paddock and bent down, khaki shorts stretching tight for a moment. She stood triumphantly, dangling a limp rabbit carcass.
‘Nice shot,’ he said.
‘You want a go?’
Falk didn’t particularly. He hadn’t shot rabbits since he was a teenager. But she was already holding out the gun, so he shrugged.
‘All right.’
The weapon was warm as he took it from her.
‘You know the drill,’ Gretchen said. Then she reached up and replaced his ear guards for him. Falk’s neck tingled where her fingers brushed it. He squinted down the sights towards the warren. There was blood soaked into the ground. It reminded him of the mark left by Billy Hadler and the memory made his spine go cold. Suddenly he didn’t want to be doing this. Up ahead, there was a movement.
Gretchen tapped his shoulder and pointed. He didn’t react. She tapped his arm again. ‘What’s wrong?’ he saw rather than heard her say. ‘It’s right there.’
He lowered the shotgun and pulled off his ear guards.
‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I guess it’s been too long.’
She stared at him for a moment then nodded.
‘Fair enough.’ She patted him on the arm as she took the gun off him. ‘You know I’m going to have to shoot it anyway, don’t you? I can’t have them on the land.’
She raised the gun, steadied for a brief moment, then fired.
Falk knew before they even walked over that it was a hit.
Back at the house, Gretchen gathered up papers that had been neatly laid out across the kitchen table.
‘Make yourself at home. Try to ignore the mess,’ she said, putting a jug of iced water in a clear space. ‘I’ve been filling out applications for the school board to get some more funding. Charities and things. I was thinking about trying the Crossley Trust again, even though Scott reckons they’re a waste of time. See if we get further than the shortlist this year. The problem is, before anyone’ll give you any cash they want to know everything.’
‘Looks like a lot of paperwork.’
‘It’s a nightmare, and not my forte, I’m happy to admit. It’s not something the board members have had to do ourselves before.’ She paused. ‘That’s why I shouldn’t complain. It used to be Karen’s job actually. So, you know . . .’ She didn’t complete the thought.
Falk glanced around Gretchen’s kitchen as he helped her stack the papers on the sideboard. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but it was a little more down at heel than he’d imagined. The kitchen was clean, but the units and appliances had clearly seen better days.
A framed photo of Gretchen’s son Lachie stood in pride of place among the ornaments. He picked it up and ran a thumb over the kid’s toothy smile. He thought of Billy, ambling through the carpark behind Karen on the CCTV footage. Just eighty minutes left in his short life. He put the frame down.
‘Strange question, but did Karen ever mention me?’ he said, and Gretchen looked up in surprise.
‘You? I don’t think so. We didn’t really talk, though. Why? Did she even know you?’
Falk shrugged. Wondered for the thousandth time about the phone number in her handwriting.
‘No, I don’t think so. I was just wondering if my name had ever come up.’
Gretchen watched him closely, her bright eyes unblinking.
‘Not that I know of. But like I said, I didn’t know Karen that well.’ She gave a small shrug. A punctuation mark to indicate the end of topic. There was a slightly awkward pause, broken only by the clink of ice as she poured glasses of water.
‘Cheers,’ she said, raising hers. ‘Not often, but sometimes, this is better than wine.’ Falk watched the tiny muscles in her throat as she took a long gulp.
‘How’s the investigation going anyway?’ Gretchen said when she resurfaced.
‘Looks like Jamie Sullivan’s in the clear.’
‘Really? That’s good, isn’t it?’
‘Good for him. I’m not sure it puts us a whole lot further forward.’
Gretchen cocked her head to one side like a bird.
‘But you’ll stay until it’s resolved?’
Falk shrugged. ‘At this rate, I doubt it. I’ve got to get back to work next week.’ He paused. ‘I ran into Mal Deacon before.’ He told her about the encounter in the cemetery.
‘Don’t let him get to you. That man is off his head.’ Gretchen reached over the table, her fingertips brushing against his left hand. ‘Twenty years on and he’s still trying to blame you for what happened to Ellie. He’s never been able to accept that you and Luke were together.’
‘Gretchen, listen –’
‘If anyone’s to blame, it’s Deacon himself,’ she ploughed on. ‘It’s his fault his daughter was unhappy enough to drown herself. He’s been looking for years for someone else to point the finger at.’
‘You’ve really never doubted it was suicide?’
‘No.’ She looked surprised. ‘Of course not. Why would I?’
‘Just asking. I know Ellie was acting a bit odd towards the end, keeping herself to herself a lot of the time. And there’s no question, living with Deacon must have been a nightmare. But I never realised she felt that hopeless. Certainly not enough to kill herself.’
Gretchen’s laugh was dry.
‘God, you boys were blind. Ellie Deacon was miserable.’
Ellie threw her maths book in her bag at the end of class. She’d started automatically copying down the homework from the board but stopped, her pen frozen. What was the point? She’d considered skipping school altogether today but in the end had reluctantly decided against it. It would only draw attention to her. And she didn’t need any of that. It was better to do what she always did. Keep her head down and hope for – well, if not the best, then not the worst either.
Out in the crowded corridor a group of boys jostled around a portable radio listening to the cricket. Australia versus South Africa. A six prompted a cheer. Friday afternoon and all was well. They had that weekend glow already.
How long, Ellie wondered, had it been since she’d felt like that? She honestly couldn’t remember. If weekdays were bad enough, the weekends were even worse. They stretched out interminably, the end seeming like it was always just over the horizon.
Not this weekend, though. She cradled the thought in her chest as she pushed her way down the corridor. After this weekend, everything would be different. This weekend had an end firmly in sight.
Still clouded in thought, Ellie jumped as someone grabbed her arm. It caught a small bruise, and she winced at the pressure.
‘Hey. Where’s the fire?’ Luke Hadler looked down at her.
‘What do you mean?’ Falk stared at Gretchen.
‘You know what I mean, Aaron,’ she said. ‘You were there. You saw exactly the same things I did. How weird she was in those last few weeks. When she actually spent any time with us, that is. She was hardly around. She was always working at that crappy job, or – well, I don’t know what. Not hanging around with us anyway. And she’d completely stopped drinking, do you remember? She said it was to lose weight, but with the benefit of hindsight that sounds like bullshit.’
Falk nodded slowly. He did remember that. He’d been surprised because she’d probably been fonder of the booze than the rest of them. Not entirely surprising given her family line.
‘Why do you think she’d stopped?’
Gretchen gave a sad shrug. ‘I don’t know. Maybe she didn’t trust herself with alcohol. Wasn’t sure what she might do. And I hate to say it, but Luke had a point, that night when we had that big argument at the lookout.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘I don’t mean he was right to trick us,’ she said hastily. ‘That was a horrible move. But what he said about Ellie not being able to take a joke anymore. He shouldn’t have said it, but it was true. She really couldn’t. She didn’t have to laugh at that stupid stunt, obviously, but by then she wasn’t laughing at anything. She was always sober and serious and disappearing off on her own. You remember.’
Falk sat in silence. He did.
‘And I think –’ Gretchen stopped.
‘Think what?’
‘I think if you’re honest with yourself, you’ve suspected for a long time now that Ellie Deacon was abused.’
Ellie pulled her arm out of Luke’s grip and rubbed the mark. He didn’t seem to notice.
‘Where are you racing off to? You want to go into town and get a Coke or something?’ Luke’s voice was overly casual. Ellie had lost count of the number of times he’d tried to engineer one-on-one time with her since the fight at the lookout. So far she’d always brushed him off. It had occurred to her that he might be trying to apologise, but she couldn’t summon the energy or interest to find out. That was Luke through and through, she thought. You had to put yourself out even to get a sorry from the guy. Anyway, even if she wasn’t still pissed off with him, today was never going to be his lucky day.
‘I can’t. Not now.’
She deliberately didn’t apologise. She did wonder briefly if she should try to bury the hatchet, for old times’ sake. They’d known each other for years. There was history there. Then his face clouded and by the sulky way he looked at her she knew it wasn’t worth the effort. Ellie Deacon had enough men in her life who wanted more from her than they gave back. She didn’t need another. She turned away. Better to forget it. Luke Hadler was who he was, and that would never change.
Falk looked down as guilt and regret swelled in his chest. Gretchen reached out and touched his arm.
‘I know it’s not easy to admit,’ she said. ‘But the signs were there. We were just too young and self-centred to read them.’
‘Why didn’t she tell us?’ Falk said.
‘Maybe she was scared. Or felt a bit embarrassed, even.’
‘Or maybe she felt no-one cared.’
Gretchen looked at him. ‘She knew you cared, Aaron. That’s why she was drawn to you over Luke.’
Falk shook his head, but Gretchen nodded.
‘It’s true. You were so stable. Someone she could rely on. You would have listened if she’d tried to talk. OK, yes, Luke was flashier and smoother than you. But that’s not always a good thing. Luke was the star, but most people don’t like just being the afterthought in their own life. It’s not like that with you. You’ve always cared more about other people than yourself. Otherwise you wouldn’t still be here in Kiewarra.’
‘Hey, Ellie.’
She was halfway down the hall, feeling Luke’s eyes on the back of her neck, when she heard the voice from an empty classroom. Inside, Aaron Falk was packing labelled potted plants into a large cardboard box. She smiled to herself and went in.
‘How’d the presentation go? More top marks?’ she said, curling an escaping fern tendril around her finger and tucking it back into the box.
Aaron shrugged modestly. ‘I don’t know. OK. Plants aren’t really my thing.’ He wouldn’t say it, Ellie knew, but he would have aced it. When it came to all things academic, Aaron barely had to lift a finger. She’d also been barely lifting a finger this past year, but with markedly different results. The teachers had stopped bothering her about it a while ago.
He closed the box and hoisted it up, awkwardly balancing it in his long arms. ‘This is going to be a pain to get home. Fancy giving me a hand? There’s a Coke in it for you.’
His voice was as casual as Luke’s had been, but he coloured slightly and avoided her eyes. Things had been a little weird ever since they’d kissed at the rock tree. The fight at the lookout hadn’t helped. She felt an urge to explain herself but couldn’t think of the words. Instead, she wanted to take his face in her hands, kiss him again and tell him he had done everything he could.
He was still waiting and she wavered. She could go with him. It wouldn’t take long. But no, she told herself firmly. She had made her decision. She had somewhere else to be.
‘I can’t. I’m sorry,’ she said, meaning it.
‘No worries.’ His smile was genuine and she felt a pang of deep regret. Aaron was one of the good guys. He always made her feel safe.
You should tell him.
The idea popped into her head, unbidden. She shook her head once. No. She couldn’t tell him. That was stupid. It was too late. He’d only try to stop her now. But then, when she looked at his open face, she felt her insides wrench with a loneliness that made her wonder if maybe, in fact, that was exactly what she wanted.
‘Poor Ellie,’ Falk said. ‘Christ, we were supposed to be her friends and we all let her down.’
Gretchen looked at her hands. ‘I know, I feel guilty about it too. But try not to beat yourself up too much. Other people must have suspected and turned a blind eye. You were a kid. You did the best you could. And you were always good to her.’
‘Not good enough, though. Whatever she felt she was going through, it was happening right under our noses and we barely even noticed.’
The kitchen was comfortable and quiet and Falk felt like he would never have the energy to drag his heavy limbs up and leave. Gretchen gave a small shrug and put her hand on his. Her palm was warm.
‘It’s a lesson we’ve all had to learn the hard way. There was a lot going on back then. It wasn’t all about Luke.’
Ellie looked up at Aaron, and he smiled. Tell him, the little voice in her head whispered, but she shut it down. Stop. It was decided. She would tell nobody.
‘I’ve got to go.’ Ellie started to move away, then paused. The thought of what was to come sent a wave of recklessness crashing over her. Before she really knew what she was doing she stepped in, leaned over his box of plants and kissed Aaron lightly on the lips. They felt dry and warm. She stepped back, bumping her hip painfully on a desk in her rush.
‘OK. See you round.’ Her voice sounded false to her own ears and she didn’t wait for his response.
As Ellie spun around to the classroom door, she nearly jumped in fright. Leaning up against the doorframe, watching without making a sound, stood Luke Hadler. His face was unreadable. Ellie took a breath and forced her features into a smile.
‘See you, Luke,’ she said as she edged passed him.
He didn’t smile back.