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Both hands cupped the coffee in front of her. Keira couldn’t believe it had been a week since she’d come home. Dexter still hadn’t told her if he’d been successful or not. Every day he went to work and she went to practice her jump.
She took a sip and let it sooth the nervous tension. He’d promised he’d tell her after work. They’d talk about the next step of her plan.
She picked up the note he’d left on the table again and reread it. Yup, she’d know tonight what he’d found. She gulped down the rest of her coffee and stood. Time to go practice.
Walking the short distance to the pool, she greeted the attendant, a young man whose family was new since she’d left. He gave her a wave.
“Do you think I’ll be able to do a triple super duper back flip off the high dive today?” She asked as she passed on her way to the dressing room.
“Maybe if you’d ever get the nerve to do anything but jump straight off.” He laughed as she’d intended. She’d let everyone think she was trying to overcome her fright and that someday she was going to actually dive off the board.
She quickly changed and went to join the other swimmers. Most knew her after a week or some had known her since she’d been small. Walking to the ladder, she looked up, took an exaggerated deep breath, and tentatively put her foot on the bottom rung.
“You can do it, Keira.” An older woman, who did laps every day, called.
Keira gave her a brief smile and climbed slowly to the top. She looked down at the water, imagined, as she did every day, she was on the bridge. She didn’t have to pretend she was frightened.
One foot slid forward, then the other, at a snail’s pace until she stood on the edge of the board. She closed her eyes for a moment. Time to concentrate. Remember to keep the body straight but not ridged as a board. Relax and float down letting the toes touch first.
She put her arms straight down, palms flat against her thighs. One bounce out and down, eyes still closed, her toes sliced into the water.
Down to the bottom, pushing off with her feet she came up and gulped in air. She’d done research on the measurements of the bridge height and the depth of the water. She needed to remind herself how much different the actual jump would be, the bridge was almost three times as high, the water temperature, tens of degrees lower. And she shuddered at the thought of the darkness. No bottom to push off with her feet.
It would be so murky, disorientation would set in, she wouldn’t be able to tell up from down. That would be the point she’d force herself to go limp and let the jacket naturally float to the top.
There had to be a way for her to get air without breaking through the surface. She would be spotted and ruin everything. She’d talked with Dexter, he’d promised to give it some thought. Along with everything else she’d dropped at his door.
Time for a few more jumps then she had a list of things to pick up. As she climbed out of the pool, there were several shouts of encouragement, this would surely be the time she’d go head first into the swan dive she’d always wanted to do.
At times, she felt like such a fraud leading this wonderful support group into thinking that was her intent. She’d accomplished exactly what she’d set out to. She knew how to control her body to slice through the water with minimum impact. God only knew if it would work when it needed to.
*****
Hair slightly damp pulled up in a ponytail, she set out in the direction of the only sporting goods store in town. Luckily, everything she needed was within walking distance of Dexter’s home. She’d run into a few of her old friends over the week she’d been in town. There had been plenty of questions. Dexter had told her to let everyone know she was only in town on vacation and going to New York soon. Not to give any dates and evade any other questions about her life.
She’d already planned to do that on her own. The store door was propped open to let in the breeze.
“Keira?”
She turned to see Sally Henderson at the counter and groaned. The biggest gossip of her school class.
“Hi Sally.” She walked to the register, knowing she’d have to talk to her anyway, might as well get it over with.
“I’d heard you were in town. How long are you staying?”
“I don’t know. I have another week of vacation. I may stay the whole time, or go home and get some things done around the apartment.” She was getting adept at lying.
She’d always been such an honest person. She didn’t even know herself anymore. Soon there wouldn’t be a Keira Cavanaugh. The thought brought a painful stab to her heart.
“I thought maybe you’d finally come to your senses and come home to put Dexter out of his misery.”
“Dexter and I are still only friends, Sally.”
“Yeah right.” She clearly didn’t believe that.
“I promised Dex I’d pick up his wet suit he ordered.” It was going to be a little big. They were the same height but he was heavier. “Oh, and he said he needed a life jacket also. I guess he’s going to take up diving.”
“Yes, the suit is in.” Sally gave her a smug look. “I took his measurements to send the order in. Come on I’ll show you the jackets, you can look at them while I go get his order.”
Keira followed the other woman to the rear of the store. “Sally, do you like Dexter?”
Sally stopped so fast to swing around, Keira almost walked into her. “You said you were just friends.”
“We are. If you do like him...” She was jealous of Keira. “Tell him.”
“Oh, easy for you to say, he’s all over you.”
“Sally, I love Dexter like a brother.”
Sally turned and walked away again. She tossed over her shoulder. “Well he loves you as a woman.”
Keira stopped at the storeroom door and sighed. She couldn’t worry about Sally’s insecurities. She’d either move on Dexter after Keira left or she wouldn’t. They’d make a cute couple though.
Keira looked at the life jackets while she waited. When Sally returned with a box, she had one on.
“Do you think this would fit Dex? I wished he’d come and get it himself but he said he was too busy getting his calendar cleared so he could take a vacation for his lessons.”
If someone did trace her to her hometown, there couldn’t be any evidence that may lead them to her real plan. Dexter had agreed.
Sally tugged at armholes. “Looks like there’s enough room for his bigger bulk. He can always bring the jacket back and exchange it if it doesn’t.”
“True.”
Keira finished paying, gathered her packages, before she turned to leave, “Sally please call Dexter, he needs someone, and it’s not me.”
How was she going to leave Dexter behind? It would almost be as bad as losing her parents all over again. She’d never be able to come home again.
*****
Keira had pasta ready and waiting when Dexter walked through the door. She’d been too nervous to sit and do nothing, and besides hunger clawed at her stomach. Dexter entered the kitchen, a package under his arm.
Her scalp crawled. Tingles ran down her spine. Her new life was in that bundle. She wanted him to tell her everything before they ate. She didn’t want to know. Hell, she didn’t know what she wanted.
“Hmm, something smells divine.” He dropped the package on the table, walked to the stove and lifted the lid. “I love pasta. You sit down. I’ll dish it up since you cooked.”
“No I want to do it, you’ve been at work all day and you’ve done so much for me.” Keira pulled his arm and steered him to the table.
“And you’re too nervous about this to sit still.” He lifted up the brown packet. “Come on, marinara is better left to simmer awhile. Let’s go over what’s in here then you can relax and enjoy dinner.” He paused. “And so can I.”
Keira turned the knob to simmer and put the lid on the pot. Taking a deep breath, she joined Dexter in the living room. He had papers strewn over the coffee table. Butterflies fluttered in her tummy. She place her hand there to calm them and wiggled her butt in next to him on the sofa.
“What’s all this?”
“What do you think I’ve been doing all week while you play at the pool?” He raised an eyebrow at her.
“Playing?” A grunt escaped his lips when her elbow contacted with his rib.
“Ouch! That’s the thanks I get for helping.”
“No, that’s for making it sound like I’m not grateful.” She pulled her legs up and crossed them Indian style on the couch. “Dex, I know it must have been hard. I had no clue where to even start. I don’t know how I’m ever going to repay you.”
“By staying alive? Look, you don’t want to know how I got this. I’m not even sure I could explain, and I’m sure as hell going to cover my tracks the minute you’re out of here. Keira, know always that I have your back.”
Her throat clogged and she wasn’t able to do more than blink back the tears and nod her thanks. After she cleared her throat, she stretched to reach over to pick up a paper. Apparently to lighten the mood, Dexter gave her hand a light and playful swat. “Come on the suspense is killing me here. Tell me.”
Dex plucked a certificate-sized paper from the pile and handed it to her. “You’re diploma. With your new name, Karla Brown, I wanted to keep your first name similar. And Karla suits you.”
Next, he picked up two laminated cards and handed them to her. “Here’s your new driver’s license and social security card. I’m assuming you’re planning to earn your keep.”
Her elbow moved toward his body and he scooted out of the way of danger. “Of course, I don’t want to live under the viaduct.”
The air lodged in Keira’s lungs as she bent her head to study her serious face surrounded with dark hair, her eyes covered with glasses, looking at her from the plastic card. Surreal to see someone else’s information with her image, no it didn’t really look like her. But it would, and she had to get use to it. In a few days she’d no longer be Keira Cavanaugh.
Dexter droned on giving instructions when he paused and raised a brow at her. Realization struck, she hadn’t heard a word. “I’m sorry. It’s hard for me to absorb it all. I’m really going through with it. Until this moment I don’t think I really thought I would.”
Keira unfolded her legs, stood and walked to the window, license still in hand. Under the light from the sun she read it over again. “How did you change my hair color to brown and add glasses?”
His shoulders lifted in shrug, “The guy I got it from did it. I can only assume someone used Photoshop on it. It wouldn’t be hard.”
“How did you do all this?” She repeated.
He looked away from her a moment. “Let’s just say I’m now very familiar with parts of town I never knew existed. And I’m going to forget...” He swallowed as if he didn’t like the picture in his mind. “...if I can.”
Keira exhaled slowly. She discovered she didn’t want to know. She needed to focus, pull her mind on track. “Could you repeat what you told me before I interrupted?”
Dexter studied her a minute then nodded. “You have reservations to fly to San Francisco in the morning.”
She closed her eyes. So soon. Dread filtered through her. How did she come to this point in her life? What had she done that was so terrible that in order to survive she had to, for all intense purposes, take her own life. Or at least make it look like it. Terror had been her constant companion since she’d made her plan.
“Are you okay?” Dexter’s voice forced through her fears.
“Yes, go on.”
He picked up some type of small magazine and handed it to her. “Keira has a reservation at a small hotel. Here are some listings for apartments in the bay area. I’ve circled some you’ll be able to afford while you’re looking for a job. The highlighted ones with time and date are for you as Karla. She has appointments to see and consider.”
“When are they?”
“Three days. That gives you two days to carry out your plan. I thought it best that you get your death over, and on with your new identity. Less chance for any recognition. You did say this organization stretched to the bay area.”
She sucked her breath in and hissed it out through her teeth. Her ears rang, black dots formed in front of her eyes. A feeling of falling, the next thing she knew, Dexter was laying her on the couch.
“You almost fainted on me. Are you sure you want to do this? Why not just fly to San Francisco, wear the glasses, die your hair, and live as Karla? It would be the same thing.”
“No.” She struggled to sit up. He had to know how important it was to have them stop looking for Keira. “I have to be dead. Otherwise, I’ll always be looking over my shoulder, wondering if I’ve been found out.”
“Okay, I’ve got your disguise, it’s not much. Since by yourself, it would be hard to use any kind of putty on your face.”
“Sounds good.” She felt a little better sitting down. The water works were about to start. Dexter’s face seemed to swim through a pool of water. Blinking fast, she cleared her voice and spoke. “Let me see if I have the plan straight.”
“Yes, that’s a good idea, I have a feeling you may have missed something important.”
“I fly out tomorrow. That will give me the rest of the day to find the place you’ve booked near the bridge. And buy a bag at the wharf or something, one that looks touristy and pack it with my wig, glasses, change of clothes, and my money. Then I’ll hide it where I plan to come out of the bay.”
“So far you’re on track. I have a question for you. What do you do if you surface closer to the other side?”
“I can’t let that happen. I don’t want to draw any attention.”
“Don’t you think someone’s going to see you pull yourself up and out of the water? Then realize you’re the same person who jumped?”
“I’ve thought it out. You did find a place for me to stay on the San Francisco side of the bridge?” At his affirmative nod she continued. “I’ll plant my clothes on the Sausalito side. When I know I’m close enough to shore I’ll be able to make it. I’ll remove my boots, coat, and life jacket. If anyone sees me they’ll think I’ve just been out diving. I’ll have the wet suit on and my snorkeling gear.”
“You’ll need to lose the boots as soon as you can, they’ll weigh you down and make swimming too hard.” Dexter ran a hand through his hair and knocked his glasses askew. Absently straightening them he continued. “What snorkeling gear?”
“I don’t want to shoot out of the water gasping for air when I finally make it to the surface. Under my coat, by my life vest, I’ll hook a bag with mask and snorkel. Once I get oriented and I’m at the surface, I’ll use the snorkel for air. When I’m sure I’m clear I’ll break through the water long enough to get my directions and get the mask on properly.”
“Wow, you have thought this through.”
“My life depends on it. I intend to survive. I’ve been studying the area around the bridge on the Internet. There aren’t a lot of places that are going to be easy for me to climb out and find safety.”
“I have a reservation for you for that night also. When do you plan for this all to take place?”
“I’ve planned my jump for early morning. In order to help suicides they’ve installed crisis hot lines. I thought I’d jump close to one of them. Dial it then drop the phone leaving the line open so someone can hear me scream as I go over.”
“Won’t that get someone there too fast?”
“I hope not, but as soon as I see where I am, I’ll go under again and swim in the direction I need to go.”
“Maybe you should lose the clothes along with the boots and only keep the wet suit, snorkel gear and life vest. If they find you with only that on, you can just tell them you’re out diving. You can always say you saw someone jump and you’ve been trying to find them.”
Keira sat up straight. “Great idea, maybe that’s what I’ll do. I’m not familiar with the area, I’ll scout around tomorrow, by the bridge, see if there is a park I could go snorkeling from on either side and stow my things there, somewhere it won’t get stolen – Of course I won’t stow it until right before I go to the bridge to jump.”
“I think the bay’s pretty dangerous. I’ve looked online to see what you’d be facing and it has riptides. They suggest you don’t swim.”
“True, but I’ve seen documentaries where they are jumping off boats and swimming in the bay. So I’ll try not to be seen, but as soon as I can ditch my clothes I’ll just act like I’m snorkeling if anyone sees me. Except most divers don’t have a life vest.”
“You’re a tourist from Venice, who moved there when she was very young. What do you know?”
“Right, I’ll have to remember that once I leave the bridge and hit the water Keira is gone forever, and Karla Brown has been born.”
It really hadn’t seemed real until now. The discussion as if it was an everyday occurrence was causing her stomach to roll with nausea.
Dexter searched through the rest of the items on the table. “I almost forgot the best part.”
What more could he have done? He’d practically given her a detailed itinerary. The only thing she needed to do was become Karla Brown.
“What best part?”
“You have a job interview with a marketing group, it’s located in the financial district, not far from Union Square.”
“Are you kidding? Perfect, I thought I’d have to get a job in a shop or something because I wouldn’t be able to use my transcripts. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you, Dex.”
“You haven’t got the job yet, that’s up to you.”
Keira ignored his statement to lean over and give him a hug. He tightened his hold. She kissed him on the cheek and pulled away. Not wanting him to see her tears, she reached onto the table to sort through the documents.
Dex didn’t say anything, just stood. When she got her tears under control, she looked up at him and saw his hand stretched out. She took it and let him pull her to her feet.
“I’m starved. I think the marinara has simmered enough.”
“Oh dinner.” Keira flew past him on her way to check the pots.
*****
Dexter watched Keira until she’d cleared security, given him a little wave, and disappeared down the concord. When would he see her again? Even though he knew she didn’t have the same feelings for him, he’d thought once she’d got her fill of the big city she’d move home and they’d marry.
She’d moved away, fallen in love, and then trouble had found her. Small consolation she’d chosen him to run home to. He was her family, the brother she’d never had. At least he could visit her in San Francisco. A couple of years would have to pass, but he’d wait.
The air lodged in his chest, he didn’t want to go, but knew the time had come to go home. He would get on with his life and wait to hear the news. Keira had committed suicide. Until she contacted him he wouldn’t know if she had survived her plan.
At least now he wouldn’t be waiting for her to return every day. Hoping that today would be the day she’d come to her senses. Except now every day, he’d wait for some word that said had she lived.
The airport was an hour drive from his home. He cranked up the radio and put the top down on the mustang. Wind snapped through his hair, the hot air felt good on his face.
Briefly looking at the sky as a jet flew overhead he wondered if that was the one taking Keira away from him for good. He took a deep breath, time to move on.