4
The Big Announcement
By the third day of school, the new students had settled into a daily routine of learning, horror, and mayhem. Satisfied, Principal Headcrusher thought it was a good time to make the big announcement.
She gently gripped a microphone in her salad-bowl-sized hands, and her voice sounded on a PA system in every classroom.
“Attention, students and faculty. After lunch, everyone is to report to Petrified Pavilion for a big surprise.”
All the veteran students groaned because they hated surprises. At Scary School a surprise often meant that you would be turned into a mouse or lose an essential body part.
During the Italian-themed lunch, Sue the Amazing Octo-Chef’s delicious spaghetti and eyeballs had Jason and Fred going back for seconds. The side of garlic toast sent several vampire kids to Nurse Hairymoles’s office. I enjoyed a gourmet ghost-cheese pizza.
Once lunch was finished, the students gathered on the enormous wooden hands of Petrified Pavilion. They were raised into its screaming mouth, which was the entrance to the magnificent auditorium.
Charles sat next to Petunia, Raychel sat next to Rachael, and Bryce sat next to six girls from his class. They were shielding him from mosquitoes.
Lindsey sat next to her friends Stephanie and Maria. She still wore blond pigtails, but was now considered the nicest girl in school after being the meanest girl last year.
Once all were seated, Principal Headcrusher walked across the stage. She was wearing a very fashionable salmon-pink pantsuit. Her frizzy black hair looked like she had just been electrocuted.
She stepped up to a podium and grasped the microphone with her massive hands. The microphone exploded into dust.
“Whoops,” she said. “Oh well, this will work better anyway.”
Principal Headcrusher raised her hands to her mouth, which amplified her voice more than any microphone could. Experienced students stuck their fingers in their ears. New students heard ringing for the next three weeks.
“Good afternoon, vampires, zombies, werewolves, and you less fortunate human students,” Principal Headcrusher announced. “Who here remembers what the grand prize was for winning the Ghoul Games last spring?”
Wendy Crumkin, a smart girl with freckles, glasses, and braided red hair, raised her hand.
“Yes, Wendy?”
Wendy stood up and answered confidently, “The grand prize was a trip to Albania to meet the Monster King.”
“That is correct!” Principal Headcrusher declared.
The students erupted in cheers.
“Except for one thing.”
The students became silent.
“It’s not a trip to Albania. But you’re close. It’s a trip to Albany.”
“But last year you said Albania.”
“I did? Well, I meant Albany.”
The students looked at one another in confusion.
“Where’s Albany?” Bryce McCallister asked aloud.
“Good question. It’s a town in upstate New York.”
“So we’re going to New York!” Lindsey exclaimed with excitement. “I’ve always wanted to see Broadway!”
“No, no, no,” said Principal Headcrusher. “Albany is very far from New York City. But don’t worry, it is very similar to New York City, just without all the attractions and fun things to do. You’ll love it.”
The students groaned.
Later that day, each teacher handed out permission slips. The students had to have their parents sign off on their “fantastic” trip to Albany. The plan was to leave a week from Monday and return that Friday. The parents were only too happy to sign off on the trip to a harmless place like Albany and almost all of them were secretly thrilled to have a whole week to themselves.
Just kidding. Not almost all the parents. Absolutely all the parents were thrilled.
On Thursday morning, the new hall monitor, Ms. Hydra, wheeled all the signed permission slips into Principal Headcrusher’s office in a big red wagon.
Principal Headcrusher was very proud of the new Scary School hall monitor. Who better to be a hall monitor than Ms. Hydra—a giant monitor lizard with nine fearsome heads? Each head was attached to a twenty-foot scaly neck that could twist and bend around corners. The nine necks were attached to a stout lizard body.
“Thank you, Ms. Hydra,” said Principal Headcrusher, taking the permission slips. “Anything to report?”
The fifth of Ms. Hydra’s nine heads slithered forward and said with a serpentine hiss, “Thisss morning I ssssaw a boy out of uniform. He was wearing gray shorts, a white dress shirt, and a polka-dot tie! Nobody ever wears that! The nerve of him!”
“It must have been Charles Nukid. You didn’t eat him, did you?”
“No, I had three helpings of maggot pancakes for breakfast. Lucky for him I was full. So I sent him to Ms. T for detention.”
“Okay, that’s fine. But for future reference, Charles is actually the only student who wears the school uniform. All the other children refuse to wear it because it looks so atrocious. I did that on purpose, you see.”
“On purpossse? Why?”
“I am secretly keeping track of all the students who don’t wear the school uniform. If any parents complain that their child was turned into a zombie or fell into the lava pool or got their fingers bitten off by the Venus flytraps, I can say, ‘Look. Your child has been out of uniform three hundred days in a row. What did you expect?’ And that settles the issue.”
Ms. Hydra’s seventh head said, “That’s a sssssuper idea. I guess that’s why you’re the principal.”
“Oh, stop being such a sssssssuck-up!” said the third head.
“I’m thirsty!” said the second head.
“You’re always thirsty,” said the eighth head. “Why don’t you remember to bring a water bottle?”
“Hey, we share the same pockets. You forgot the water too!” replied the second head.
Principal Headcrusher finally butted in. “That will be all, Ms. Hydra. Please go back to patrolling the hallways.”
“Yesss, right away,” piped the seventh head.
“No, wait!” said the fifth head. “There’s that other thing.”
“Oh, right,” said the first head. “Principal, we heard that you were taking the sssstudents to meet the Monster King.”
“That’s right,” said Principal Headcrusher.
“Do you think that’s a good idea? Haven’t you heard the sssstory?”
Principal Headcrusher leaned forward with keen interest.
“What story?” she asked.
Ms. Hydra’s nine heads started swiveling back and forth to make sure nobody was eavesdropping. A bead of sweat dripped down each of her nine necks.
“What story?” Principal Headcrusher prodded.