10

Don’t Mess with Bearodactyls

Dr. Dragonbreath landed in the great courtyard at the entrance of Monster Castle. Penny hopped off him and ran to Principal Headcrusher.

Not one for words, Penny tried pantomiming what had happened. She did spinning jumping jacks trying to illustrate the fireworks, flapped her arms to mimic Dr. Dragonbreath, and even fell backward to show Charles’s tragic fall. Principal Headcrusher had no idea what any of it meant.

“Penny, there will be plenty of time for dancing later. Now go stand with your class.”

Penny groaned and realized she had no choice but to speak.

“CHARLES NUKID FELL!” Penny spoke as softly as she could, but because she had been holding her voice inside for the last six months, it shot forth like a wrecking ball, knocking over the first several rows of monsters in the audience. The monsters thought it was part of the show and cheered.

Principal Headcrusher looked around to confirm Penny’s statement.

“Well,” said Principal Headcrusher, “there’s nothing we can do. Charles either died from the fall or, if he somehow survived that, the forest monsters will have eaten him by now.”

Hearing this, Penny started crying.

“Yes, it’s very sad,” said Principal Headcrusher, patting Penny on the head. Her giant hands hurt more than they comforted. “Just try to be happy for all the kids who survived the journey. I was expecting far more fatalities.”

That didn’t help. Penny cried even harder.

Principal Headcrusher was probably the worst person in the world at comforting sad children, but she tried. “Perhaps I was too pessimistic,” Principal Headcrusher said, trying her best to make Penny feel better. “There’s no reason to give up hope just yet.”

Penny perked up.

“I’m not saying that Charles is definitely dead. All I’m saying is that there is absolutely no chance he is still alive. Does that make you feel better?”

Penny went right back to sobbing.

 

Charles Nukid opened his eyes. He expected to see clouds and angels all around him since he had so diligently followed the rules his whole life.

Instead, he saw sharp tree branches and three very strange creatures staring him in the face.

It was then that Charles realized he was not dead. At least, not for the moment.

Luckily, when he fell through the canopy, he had landed in the plush nest of the infamous bearodactyl. Also luckily, the mama bearodactyl was not home. However, three baby bearodactyls were presently in the nest. They were looking at Charles, unsure whether they were supposed to eat him or if he was there to eat them.

As you can probably guess, bearodactyls have the strong furry body and the fierce claws of a bear but the large wings and long, toothy head of a pterodactyl. The small, baby ones in front of Charles were kind of cute. The big, grownup ones, however, are so scary-looking I have ordered the illustrator to never draw a picture of one because even looking at a cartoon version of it would make you poop your pants.

The baby bearodactyls started nipping at Charles’s legs to test his reaction. Their teeth hurt, so Charles said “Bad Monster,” and bopped each one on the beak to teach them a lesson. The babies became nervous that Charles was not friendly and started crowing an alarm.

They were answered by a much louder, deeper crow. The mama bearodactyl was responding to their distress call!

Charles knew he was in big trouble if he didn’t get out of there fast. He climbed out of the nest onto an adjacent branch. Looking at what must have been a hundred-foot drop to the forest floor made him dizzy. He tried to map out a course down the branches in his head, but then the bearodactyl mama came streaming toward him.

Charles leaped as the bearodactyl took a bite out of the branch where his head had been just a split second before.

Like a gymnast on the uneven bars, Charles swung his way down from one branch to the next. The bearodactyl continued to chase after him, making desperate chomps, but he remained one step ahead of the angry beast. Eventually, Charles was able to grab hold of a vine hanging off a thick branch. He slid down to the forest floor like a fireman sliding down a pole.

The bearodactyl shrieked one last time, but didn’t want to follow him to the ground to finish him off.

If the ten-foot bearodactyl was scared of the forest floor, Charles could only imagine what horrors awaited him.

 

The Scary School students had taken their seats on bleachers set up in the courtyard facing the crowd of monsters. Tanya Tarantula searched the crowd for her parents, but saw no giant tarantulas. She guessed they must still be creatures of solitude and would hate being among a large crowd.

The Monster King was about to make his grand entrance. Horns widened, drums blasted, and eyes rolled. No wait, I mixed those up. Horns blasted, drums rolled, and eyes widened. Yes, that’s much better.

The front doors of the castle swung open, and King Zog the Monster King entered the courtyard to waves of applause. Every student stood and cheered when they saw King Zog. It was a sight that few humans had seen.

The Monster King walked proudly to the podium. He had grown much larger since becoming king. His toadlike head had almost tripled in size. His walrus body had become fatter, his scorpion tail was frighteningly long, and his horse legs weren’t even visible. That was because he was wearing a long robe, sewn out of several terrifying creatures, that draped to the ground and trailed behind him.

His crown was made out of fanged animal skulls.

A gust of wind blew past King Zog, and the Scary School students picked up his pleasant scent of fresh mint leaves in a shady pine forest.

He spoke to the crowd: “Greetings, monsters and guests. It is a pleasure to have you all here. I am King Zog, bringer of order, manners, and, above all, tolerance to Monster Kingdom. Yes, these days we monsters can tolerate just about anything. The only things we cannot tolerate are disorder, bad manners, and intolerance. Scary School proved a worthy opponent to all other Scary schools, and it is my honor to hand out several awards to the most outstanding performers. First is Larry Ledfoot, who I am pleased to award with the Most Valuable Kickball Player trophy.”

The Scary School students cheered as Larry Ledfoot stood up and plodded his way over to the Monster King. Larry was a sixth grader in King Khufu’s class whose feet were made of heavy stone after an unfortunate incident with Ms. Medusa.

Larry had great difficulty taking just one step with his heavy stone feet, much less walking across a long courtyard. It took about ten minutes for Larry to walk just twenty steps to the Monster King to accept his trophy.

“Congratulations, Larry,” the Monster King exclaimed, handing him a kickball trophy. “You have brought honor to your puny species.”

“Darn right I did!” Larry proclaimed. “I am the greatest! I stand like a statue and kick like a mule!”

“Young man,” Zog growled, drooling with anger, “your manners are an abomination. That was the ideal time to say a simple thank-you, and you failed. When you are in my kingdom, you must obey my rules. Guards! Punish him!”

Three very scary-looking monster guards with the heads of hyenas and the claws of raptors surged toward Larry at top speed.

Fortunately, Larry had experience defending himself from monsters and knew just what to do. He fell on his back with his stone feet raised into the air. The first monster guard leaped upon him and was about to tear him to shreds, but Larry kicked out with his stony feet and hit the guard square in the chest. The guard flew across the courtyard, squealing in shock. It hit the wall of the castle and slid down onto a spire.

The second and third guards attacked from opposite sides. Thinking fast, Larry kicked out in a dramatic splits position, sending one of the guards flying into the monster crowd. The other flew so far in the other direction, it landed deep in Monster Forest.

The monsters were so enthralled, they cheered their hearts out as Larry sprang up and bowed to them.

“Thank you! Thank you very much!” Larry exalted, bowing to each part of the crowd.

“Well, better late than never, I suppose,” said King Zog, shrugging his walrus shoulders. “You finally said thank you, so you are pardoned. Well done.”

 

Back in Monster Forest, Charles Nukid stealthily…

Actually, I think this is a good place to end the chapter. It will give you a chance to grab a spare pair of underwear. You may need them—things can get pretty scary in Monster Forest.