22

The Big Kiss

King Zog had seen his chance and shot his impossibly long frog’s tongue across the yard, reeling Zogette in like a fish.

“At last I have you back, insolent daughter!” King Zog proclaimed. “Now it is time to marry Captain Pigbeard!”

“No, Father! Please don’t make me do it!” Zogette pleaded.

“Who you marry is not your choice. As your father, it is my choice. No more arguments.”

King Zog jumped off his throne, holding Zogette tightly to his chest. He began running toward the coast with his speedy horse legs.

Nobody was sure whether or not to get in the middle of this family issue. The monsters had been defeated, so the teachers and students seemed to think that the battle was over.

The only one who couldn’t stand to see Zogette abducted was Petunia. She knew what it felt like to be held against her will from her time in Scary Forest last year. She ordered the bees and wasps buzzing around her hair to stop King Zog.

The bees flew after King Zog while Petunia and Charles ran to catch up. When the bees swarmed the king, they halted his escape. He was shrieking from the stings and swatting the bees away.

“Don’t take another step!” Petunia shouted. “You have no right to force your daughter to marry someone she doesn’t want to be with.”

The bees drew away from King Zog, but remained hovering around him to make sure he didn’t try to run off again.

“Little purple girl,” said King Zog, “you do not understand monster customs. Zogette must marry whoever I choose, for her own good and for the good of the monster species.”

“No, she must not,” Petunia replied. “Marriage is about more than political arrangements. It’s about love.”

“I do not know of this human emotion called love. It sounds very silly.”

“When you were a young monster, your parents freed you from the dungeon because they loved you. When you waged battle against the Monster King Bub-Gub to save your parents from his dungeon, did you not do that out of love?”

“You’re saying…how I feel for my parents…that’s how Zogette and Charles feel for each other?”

“Well…it’s a different kind of love, but it’s still love. By separating Charles and Zogette, you are doing the same thing that the intolerant monsters did to you and your parents. You are no better than them.”

King Zog was taken aback. He had never thought that what he was doing could possibly cause so much pain to his daughter. He thought she had just wanted to annoy him.

“Okay,” said King Zog. “I want to see this love you speak of.” King Zog released Zogette. “If Zogette and Charles proclaim their love for each other and share a tender kiss, maybe I will believe in it.”

Charles began sweating bullets. This whole time he had put up with Zogette because he wanted to follow the rules and because he felt bad for her. He never really liked her. Now he had to convince King Zog that what they had was true love.

“Fine! I agree, Father!” Zogette declared. “Come to me, Charles.”

Charles walked slowly to Zogette. She stood there smiling with her misshapen teeth and her slimy frog tongue hanging out, giggling with anticipation.

As soon as Charles reached her, she took his hands and proclaimed, “I love you, Charles! Now, you say it.”

At that moment, a flood of images went through Charles’s head. He remembered the big hug Zogette gave him when he saved her from the monster-pirates. He remembered the amazing guitar she gave to him, signed by all his favorite musicians. He remembered her eating the entire Thanksgiving turkey in one gulp. He remembered her making a brave leap from the top of Scary School’s roof to save his life just minutes ago. And suddenly, Charles did not care anymore that Zogette was possibly the ugliest creature on the planet or that she smelled like something even a maggot would not dare to eat.

Charles realized that he did in fact love Zogette, and told her with the deepest sincerity, “I love you, too.”

“Awwww,” sounded a chorus of onlookers all around Charles. The students and teachers had crept up quietly to watch the action.

“Oh, Charles! I knew it!” said Zogette, swooning with emotion.

“Very well,” said King Zog. “Now give her a kiss. A big one.”

Filled with jubilation and confidence, Charles closed his eyes, loosened his tie, and moved in for the big kiss. Everyone’s mouths hung open with the thrill and tension of the moment. But right before Charles’s lips could meet Zogette’s…she abruptly pulled away.

Charles opened his eyes in confusion. Zogette’s joyous expression had changed to a look of puzzlement and uncertainty.

“Uh-oh,” she said. “Aaaawkward.”

“What’s wrong?” Charles asked.

“Listen,” Zogette said. “You’re a really great guy. I’ve had a really good time with you. But, um…this just isn’t working out.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Look, this relationship is over. But you’re super nice, and I hope we can still be friends. I’m going to go back with my dad now and marry Captain Pigbeard. Deep down I guess I still have feelings for him. Send me an email sometime and let me know how you’re doing, okay?”

Charles just stood there in shock as Zogette turned around and walked back toward her father.

Dr. Dragonbreath, Charles’s favorite teacher, walked up behind Charles and patted him on the back.

“Funny thing about monsters,” said Dr. Dragonbreath. “They only want what they can’t have.”

“So, as soon as I actually liked her, she lost interest in me?”

“Welcome to life, kid.”

“Ugh,” Petunia piped in. “I can’t believe she’s going to marry that monster-pirate after all this.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t count on it,” said Dr. Dragonbreath. “Now that she wants to be with him, he won’t want to be with her anymore. The most successful monster marriages are the ones where neither of the two monsters wants to be together at all.”

Of course, as soon as Zogette went willingly back to her father, her father suddenly had an urge to be rid of her as well.

“Hey!” said King Zog. “Are you sure you don’t want to keep Zogette here at Scary School? The castle was so nice and quiet without her there.”

“Oh hush, Father!” Princess Zogette huffed, bopping him on his toad head. “Take me back to the ship. If Pigbeard won’t have me, I’m moving back in with you.”

“Ohhhhhh…,” King Zog grumbled. “What was I thinking?”