Present Day
Caroline sat on the back patio, alone for the time being, a glass of vodka in her hand as she tried to calm her jittery nerves.
She’d spent the entire day thinking, pacing her room, then running in wolf form to try and clear her head. She’d read the booklet Eleanor had given her, and sat with the woman for a couple of hours, asking her questions – not because she particularly wanted answers, but because she knew it was expected of her. And after all of it, she was no closer to a decision than she had been when Eleanor had first delivered her unexpected news.
The back door opened, and Caroline glanced around to see Baron stepping outside. She swore under her breath. He was the last person she wanted to see right now, desperately needing time alone to think, and she hopped off the wall she was sitting on, turning to face him with a glare. “What the fuck do you want?”
“Nice to see you, too,” he replied blithely, taking a seat on the wall she had just vacated. “I thought we could have a little chat.”
“Eleanor said I could take a few days to make a decision,” Caroline snapped, sure that he’d come to tell her she was perfect for the job and what the hell was she waiting for? “So I’m taking some time, thinking about it, and I don’t appreciate-”
“Whoa, hang on,” Baron jumped in, holding up his hands. “Let’s call a truce here, shall we? There have been moments in the past – not many, but enough – when you and I have managed to put down our swords and have a heartfelt discussion without the need to lock horns. And I’d like to have a go at that now.”
That made Caroline pause. In truth, for all their frequent disagreements, she respected Baron more than she’d respected almost anyone else in her life. So she stepped back. Took a deep breath. Came to sit down on the wall again and waited for him to speak.
Baron looked her over slowly, an expression of genuine affection creeping over his face. “Kendrick would have been proud of you,” he said softly. “He never stopped believing in you. You’ve gone from rebellious teenager, to lethal warrior, to alpha of the entire Den. And now you’re up for Councillor. He would have been proud.”
Caroline said nothing, but felt her face heat at the praise. It wasn’t often that Baron bothered to affirm or compliment anything she had done.
“I firmly believe that you would make a magnificent Councillor,” he said next. “You have an eye for strategy that few can match. You’re selfless, to an almost ridiculous degree.” When she went to protest, he went on. “When Anna stepped down as alpha, our Den was facing the worst crisis it had seen since Kendrick died.”
That was true enough. Kendrick’s death had come out of nowhere, a raid by the Noturatii that had seen half their Den wiped out in a single day, a gaping hole left in their ranks with Anna badly injured and left in a coma, and no males of sufficient rank or training to take Kendrick’s place as alpha. Left without a rudder in a wild and dangerous storm, the Council had stepped in, all but ready to shut down the Den and move its remaining members overseas. That Baron had pulled them back from the brink was nothing short of a miracle. And it was perhaps an overstatement to say that Caroline had done the same, when Anna stepped down, but not by a huge degree.
“You stepped up to the post,” Baron went on. “You completed the Council’s training, you got Silas to teach you to fight. Like an alpha, not like a force of nature bent on destruction,” he added with a laugh, at her insulted look. “And you pulled the Den in behind you, when half of them were just as ready to stab you in the back and call it quits.
“And now you’re staring down the barrel of a position on the Council. I know exactly what’s going to happen in the next few days. The Den is going to vote on your appointment.” The vote was the last formality in the election process, and a clear majority was needed to make the appointment official. Caroline still had her doubts about whether they’d side with her, but apparently, Baron held no such reservations. “And they’re going to approve it,” he said confidently. “Then you’re going to accept the posting in Italy, pack up your things here, and move in with a bunch of stiffs whose favourite thing in the world is to talk policy all day long.” He smiled, and then the look faded, turning pensive instead. “But if you head into that battlefield in the mindset you’re currently in, you are going to hate every single minute of it.” Caroline turned to him with a glare, but Baron wasn’t done yet. “Not only will you hate the job, but you’ll hate yourself for hating it, and you’ll hate everyone else for putting you there – the Den, Andre, the Council itself. Because,” he said, emphasising his words carefully, “you have been living in a cage of your own making since the moment you set foot inside this Den.”
The words cut too close to the bone, the truth suddenly a living, breathing thing, a ghost given life by his words. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” she bit out harshly.
“Look at yourself, Caroline. Look at the work you do. You never cut yourself any slack. You don’t let yourself fail. You won’t admit when you’re tired. You won’t lean on anyone else. You won’t ask for help when you don’t know the answers. You’ve set this impossible standard for yourself, and you see anything less as total and complete failure.
“You think I never screw things up?” Baron went on, continuing right along with his rant. “No, scratch that, of course I do. But I’m aware of it. The rest of the Den is aware of it. Hell, the fucking Council is aware of it. But the Council doesn’t beat me up over it because they all know, from personal experience, how fucking difficult it is to run a Den. The rest of the Den knows, but they don’t throw it in my face, because they’re all terrified that if I’m not here, one of them will have to do this job instead. So understand, Caroline, that no one expects you to be perfect. No one except you.”
He was right, Caroline had to admit to herself, even if she couldn’t quite get the words out. That was what she felt each and every day, every time they were attacked by the Noturatii, every time they had to make a decision on a new recruit or on a battle strategy. It was the bars of her self-inflicted cage, tightening around her, a constant warning that if she didn’t get it right this time, didn’t fight hard enough, didn’t make the best choice, then the cage would close around her and crush her once and for all.
If she was entirely honest with herself, that was what she had felt when Eleanor had offered her the position on the Council. Just another cage, a stronger one this time, with thicker walls, with the ceiling bearing down on her if she made the slightest mistake.
She was no stranger to the challenges that the Council faced on a daily basis. They wrote the rules that kept their society a secret. Chose the location for each Den. Determined how many members each one could have, passed judgement on new recruits, decided strategies for fighting the Noturatii and safeguarded the future of their species. It was terrifying to think that Caroline would soon be among their number, making decisions that could make or break their future. How the hell was she going to deal with that, when it wasn’t individual lives on the line, but the future of their entire species?
But walking away from the challenge also wasn’t an option, because that, in itself, was a failure. A failure to stand up to her responsibilities, to use her skills and knowledge to steer this eclectic family towards a brighter future. And failure was never, ever an option.
“Being appointed to the Council can be the greatest honour any shifter can receive,” Baron told her softly. “It’s a chance to change the course of history, to balance tradition with progress, to bring to light new ideas that can be mined for tremendous rewards.
“So go to Italy if it’s what you truly want. No one would stop you, and just so you’re aware, I admire the hell out of you for even considering it. Being offered a position like that would scare the shit out of me. But if it’s just another cage, just another set of duties and expectations heaped upon you by other people… I’m just saying maybe you should think twice.”
He stood up, not expecting a reply, and for the moment at least, Caroline had none to offer. He’d ripped her most private fears wide open and exposed them to the light of day. And she was mortified to feel tears pricking at her eyes as she suddenly remembered the only other man who had ever managed to do that to her, and remembered also that he was forever lost to her, having himself chosen obligation and duty over personal satisfaction, the decision keeping him from her as surely as if he were locked in a cage of his own.
“The door is open, Caroline. No one is keeping you in your cage except yourself. So isn’t it about time you stepped outside and had a look at what else life can offer you?”
With that final question, Baron turned and walked away, leaving Caroline with more questions, and more doubts than ever before.
The following evening, Caroline was once again standing on the back patio of the manor, but this time she was far from alone. The entire Den had gathered, along with Eleanor, who was overseeing the ceremony, and Andre, who was lurking in a corner, keeping to himself. It hadn’t just been Caroline avoiding him, she realised as she stole covert glances at him through the crowd. He’d been going out of his way to avoid her, as well.
“As you are all aware,” Eleanor was saying, “Caroline has been proposed as a candidate for the empty seat on the Council. We have made this decision after careful deliberation and a thorough investigation into her skills and attributes, and we have the utmost confidence in her ability to guide Il Trosa with kindness and wisdom.
“But our opinions are not the only ones that matter. You, also, all have a voice. And so, having given you all twenty-four hours to consider this matter, I am calling the vote. Your decision will be upheld as the final voice on the subject. An affirmative vote will see your alpha rise to the position of Councillor, to oversee the future of our species. A negative vote will nullify her candidacy and close the matter permanently. So I ask you all: Consider this choice seriously. Place your vote honestly. And consider not just your own feelings, but the future of Il Trosa in this decision.”
Caroline watched the proceedings with an odd sort of detachment. She had yet to officially accept the position, spending the day going over and over Baron’s words from last night, making a decision, only to find herself second guessing it five minutes later, and she must have changed her mind twenty times by now, each time thanks to a new reason that had suddenly popped into her head.
The real problem, as far as Caroline saw it, was the question of what she would do if she turned the offer down.
Last night, Baron had asked her what she really wanted in life. After nearly six years at the job, the role of alpha no longer scared her the way it once had. For all the pressure she placed on herself to do it well, she had become good at it. Not perfect – as Baron had said, they both still made mistakes – but good enough. Good enough to hold her Den together. Good enough to recruit new shifters and train them to be productive members of the team. Good enough to hold her own against Baron, to steer them through a crisis, to put up with the inevitable squabbling and in-fighting that popped up now and then.
But the question of what she really wanted?
That was a tough one, not because she didn’t know the answer, but because what she wanted had seemed for so long to be an unattainable goal. In her mind’s eye, the answer was clear. Herself. Andre. Her Den, all around her. A new family, to replace the old, hideous one that she’d abandoned all those years ago, the larger one that lived on the estate, and the private one that lived in her heart.
But Andre had chosen another path. And that made all the rest of it seem hollow.
Perhaps it was time she finally moved on from him, Caroline counselled herself gently. She’d wasted fifteen years longing for the impossible. She had a chance for a new start now. A boyfriend, maybe? It was a long time since she’d had one, but there were plenty of honest, respectable, reliable shifter males around. There was one in France whom she’d met on occasion, who had tried to flirt with her once or twice. One of the Ukrainians in Scotland had given her a smile and a wink, and if she’d been paying more attention, maybe it could have come to something.
As either alpha or Councillor, a partner wasn’t out of the question. And going to Italy wasn’t abandoning her family here, Caroline reminded herself. It was just looking after them in a different way, a very important way that valued their lives just as much, even if she wasn’t here to see them every day.
Eleanor’s voice cut through her musings, and she realised that the Den was ready to take the vote. “The affirmative vote will be to my left,” Eleanor announced loudly, holding out her hand to indicate the side of the patio, “and the negative vote will be to my right. Proceed.”
There were seventeen shifters in the Den, sixteen who could place a vote, since Caroline didn’t get to vote for herself. Which meant she needed a majority of nine to seven to succeed. Anything less, even a draw of eight-eight, would be taken as a negative result. For all that it kept its democratic processes to a minimum, Il Trosa took its members seriously when it counted, and for a role as important as Councillor, no risks were going to be taken.
She’d expected to be nervous about this. She expected her Den to vote honestly, not to place emphasis on personal loyalties or simper about for favours by giving their approval, but the prospect of being voted out by her own Den was a very real one, a terrifying denouncement of her skills as a leader. She’d led the Den to the best of her ability, not always being able to grant them what they would have desired, but always making decisions with their best interests in mind. And she’d expected to be standing here, shaking in her boots at this most definitive of judgements on her success or failure as an alpha.
But instead, she felt only numb. She watched with no particular attention as the shifters moved, slowly, taking their time, giving the decision all the consideration it deserved. And when the last person had moved, had chosen a side and cast their vote… Caroline couldn’t help but stare in shock as her jaw dropped.
It was unanimous. A unanimous vote in her favour. Caroline stared at the clustered group of people, unable to believe what she was seeing.
“The vote is called,” Eleanor announced, a clear note of pride in her voice. “Sixteen for, none against. Caroline Saunders… Welcome to the Council.”