CHAPTER 9

Ego Check

Ego is a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. It is defined as the view that a person has of him- or herself. It takes work to be even-keeled. I am no exception, as I constantly work to keep my ego in check. Years ago, Javon Jackson turned me on to the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, and it has proved invaluable. I had to read it a few times before I was able to remember all four of them. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, the book offers a powerful code of conduct that allowed me to be more relaxed. They are: Don’t be judgmental, Don’t take things personally, Be impeccable with your word, and Always do your best. I must admit, the most challenging for me are the first two. How do you see yourself? Are you one of the greatest musicians on Earth? The greatest performer? Working in the field of entertainment, when I encounter folks consumed with their own self-importance whose talents don’t match their bravado, I hear the words of vocalist Ernie Andrews: “You aren’t who you think you are.” A healthy ego is good, but an unhealthy ego can foster toxic behavior that will turn people off. It is easy to become consumed with one’s own idea of greatness, significance, or importance.

Etienne Charles and Jeremy Pelt have a similar view on this topic. Jeremy observed that

Wynton Marsalis is now cool, but in the eighties and nineties he was (considered kind of) a jerk. You gotta get past it. You must have some ego. Trumpet players are groomed to be leaders because of the nature of their instrument. We don’t always get called. We can’t be the nicest guys in the world. The industry isn’t nurturing, after a point. We need bullies to make us better. Ego is a protection against other people. Have to know when it works and doesn’t. Trumpet players have been called arrogant. You have to believe in yourself before any others. It becomes more mental. He has to sell himself. Talent is the deciding factor, but you have to sell it.

“Ego is the first line of defense and first thing to give you confidence gives you the tool to say, ‘F it,” said Etienne Charles. “When it becomes toxic it affects how people see you in a negative light. I’ve always been around people who kicked my ass [he claims that his musicians are better at their instruments then he is at his]. Professors keep kicking my butt and why my ego is in check. Then I’ll listen to ‘Pops’ (Louis Armstrong) or Lee Morgan and being around elders and keep quiet, they give lessons. We are a tribe who makes this music. All of us in the music are in the tribe.” To keep grounded, Ulysses also looks to those who came before him: “It keeps my ego in check when I see the greats, living artists like drummer Roy Haynes. I look to what my attributes are. . . . I am confident in who I am and the kind of artist I am. I always want to be better, I admire the masters, I never arrive. Ego has been the death of great musicians. [Know] that the industry is fickle.”

Tia Fuller spent six years (2006–2012) in the band of pop diva icon Beyoncé, and she had to work hard to keep her head on straight as she observed the negative impact it had on other band members. One member, in particular

was doing the best she could, but I’m not sure what happened between then and now. To play at Zinc, she asked folks to get her a limo, she was “Beyoncé-fied.” Getting a gig like that, if you’re not stable or grounded, it can throw you off psychologically because you can become that and think, ’cause what you’re around you become that thing. You’re wrong, you’re a bystander of your situation. Being with Bey, you get all the perks, but it’s not because of your workmanship but with the artist and can get it twisted. I went through it for a moment. I was comfortable, though I was still booking gigs, had that steady paycheck coming in and but wasn’t able to let go that I had to keep my legs steeped in the jazz world because I knew that the Bey gig would end someday. I admitted that this is a stepping- stone, not a destination point for me. Some people got it twisted.

Camille Thurman has accomplished so much in a short amount of time. For years, female musicians have led movements against Wynton Marsalis and Jazz at Lincoln Center (JALC), accusing them of discrimination for not hiring women except as special guests. Camille landed the job (she’s filling in for someone for a year). She worried about how others would react to her getting that job: “I thought that they’d be mad at me, and I worried about how I’d be accepted. In the end I had to ‘bring it’ and do a great job.”

TALENT VERSUS POPULARITY

“I have an inflated ego,” says Aaron Diehl with a laugh. “Hearing others pushes me to get back to the drawing board. Younger musicians don’t have older musicians checking them and what they do. There’s less mentorship now.” As a child, I was told to not get a big head—talk about self-esteem and being told that you are good! Being popular doesn’t make you good. To you musicians in your teens, be careful of what we would call “too much, too soon.” If you stop growing artistically, rest assured, when you get into your twenties, someone younger will be taking your place. You may attract a large audience, have hit a record or two, and get great press. It will end should you stop learning. Case in point: This is an excerpt from the first edition about a young man whom I’d met, who was then barely out of his teens. I had just begun my job at the Newark Museum. He had a good reputation for being nice, polite, and respectful. That young man approached me, seeking to play at a venue where I produce a jazz festival each year. Several people had told me that I should talk to him because he was really good and that I needed to listen to him. He was very sincere and explained to me that he was just beginning to seek work as a leader, and that he would send me something. What he sent was quite shocking. His package included two demo CDs, a photo, and a letter that did not contain anything close to proper standard letterform, or even Standard English. The typeface was a fancy serif typeface, and he ended several sentences with a smiley-face symbol (to my shock, another artist sent me a letter with the same symbol at the end of some sentences—whew!). As I said, he was asking me to consider him for a jazz gig, but he included some samples of hip-hop that he had done, and his jazz sample was him playing to Jamey Aebersold music. That alone showed that he was not close to being a professional. It would have behooved him to have rented a studio with his friends and taped a live session. And he needed to consult someone on how to write a standard letter that was grammatically correct, as well. If you do not know what to do, then ask someone who knows. Years have passed, and he is an adult. He is still playing but hasn’t really advanced musically and is frustrated that he’s not working as he thinks he deserves. Because he’s unable to reckon with his lack of skills, he’s decided that his lack of work is due to his race.

HUMILITY/BE HUMBLE

Being an artist is perhaps one of the most fragile professions in life. So much of what artists do depends on how accepted they are. Artists have died penniless, only to have their great work discovered after their death. Not all artists seek validation through public acceptance. Thelonious Monk said, “I say, play it your own way. Don’t play what the public wants. . . . You play what you want, and let the public pick up on what you are doing, even if it does take them fifteen, twenty years.” Aaron Diehl said, “You have to have humility, that is nothing new! Share with love . . . have a sense of integrity.”

To that point, some advice from Ron Carter to young musicians:

I tell the students this story. I did a recording session where the musician was not very interesting or very good at promoting his musical ideas. I proceeded to play in a fashion I felt made the music sound better and made the arrangement give more life to the song. But then the arranger came in and said, “I like the way you played, but I want you to play what I wrote.” So I did. I tell my students, “No matter who you are, if someone hires you, you better be ready to do what they tell you to do.” The moral of the story is, no matter how big you are, if the guy writing the paychecks tells you that you play shitty, you just have to live with that. I had a sax player in my class who played just average, and I would get on his case all the time, and he was not doing what I asked him to do. He got a job as a reviewer for a magazine, and he bombed my own records. That’s personal, but it was in print, and no one knew the background of the writer reviewing my record. Those things come along, for me, to keep my ego in check and not get blown out of the water.

Eric Reed talked about turning down an opportunity to work with Ray Brown (after leaving Wynton):

I had made it all about myself, didn’t think I had the right to turn down Ray. I manned up and said no. That’s when I moved into being a leader. . . . Ego check? It isn’t about me, there have been great musicians playing this music. . . . I have to always remind myself that what I’m doing is trying to express beauty and love to people. Can’t let your ego get in the way. Love and ego can’t occupy the same place. Can’t give to people when you’re always trying to get something. People shouldn’t be guarded when you’re onstage. Gotta work through stuff. There’s healthy ego that makes you keep going.

Dorothy Lawson keeps herself grounded by understanding why she is a performer: “I guess it does all come down to the question of what I’m trying to do as a musician. I am not there just to have people look at me onstage. I’m there to share emotions with people—that excites me. If I did not have the confidence to think that I could do something, then I don’t know why I’d be there.”

Richard Smallwood does not feel that his music comes from his ego. Rather, he feels that he is a privileged vessel for the inspiration, Word, and music of God: “I never have dealt with that ego, but I know that it exists. It is a privilege to do what I do—why I was picked? I don’t know. It is a sacred trust God has given me. My ministry extends off the stage; it can happen in the grocery store. You have to be where people can reach you. You get tired, don’t want to be bothered, I just stay home.” He told the story about one of his first workshops at the Smithsonian Institution, which was quite humbling for him: “The crowd was mixed, and when it ended, a white lady who had been sitting in the audience told her neighbor sitting next to her that she had contemplated suicide that morning, but after hearing the music, it changed her life, and she realized that her life was not her own. She was inspired to learn more about God.” This happened early in his career and colored how he felt about his ministry. He says, regarding working with other musicians, “I can’t be all things to all people, but I can be nice to them. I love my peers; I admire all of my peers. There is room for all of us, and what they do does not diminish what I have. There are people I’ve worked with who had big egos. I let them know that they were no better or worse than anyone else, but they were blessed because they had the good fortune to be chosen.”

DON’T BE A HARDHEAD

Allan Harris confronts his ego constantly. He admits, “I’m still working on it.” In Chapter 8, he referenced a show that he’d done at a club called Tatou in New York City, where Tony Bennett was in the audience, that turned out to be a huge ego buster for Allan:

Sammy Cahn introduced me, and it was terrible! It was the most embarrassing moment I’ve ever had onstage. I fought Tony Bennett later that night. He had wanted me to take lessons and take my show to Luther Henderson. Luther and his wife, Billie, were in the audience on the invitation of Tony, who had put the evening together, and they wanted me to come over to their place and work on my show, and I had an attitude—imagine that! It was real deep. I had not yet moved to New York City, but later, when I did, we [Luther, Billie, and Allan’s wife, Pat] broke bread again, and Billie told me that night was terrible; I was all over the place. After that show, I went back to Miami; I had a few years to marinate; my phone did not ring. I had to go back to the drawing board and shed a lot. Ego is a hell of an impetus, because when you see someone really good, there is a balance between their ego and their talent. You want them to have an ego and to be confident in what they are trying to say. If they are self-involved and not worried about entertaining, they are almost masturbating, and the audience is a voyeur. Pop singers can’t do that because they are concerned with the visual show. But exceptional jazz singers can really let the audience watch them practice their craft. For the other 70 percent of artists, ego gets you to the stage, but if your craft and talent are not in sync with your ego, you have to drop it when you get to the stage so you can connect with the audience. The audience helps you out and brings you out of it.

Update: “[Now] I embrace it! Muhammad Ali said, ‘Braggin’ is when a person says something and can’t do it.’ I do what I say. I do what I say. Enough said.”

BE GRACIOUS AND GENEROUS

Mika says, “Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket. Can’t afford to be angry with people who say no. It’s OK to fight for something, but folks don’t like to work with angry people. Business is more transparent, play clean. Always say thank you, don’t be too humble, don’t talk people out of the good stuff you do.” Growing up, how many times was I told that it’s easier to attract bees with honey than it is with vinegar? Adults made it clear that to be pleasant went a long way in life. Attitude and approach to all situations were drummed into me and my friends. Specifically as it relates to the jazz community (this applies to life), I have seen musicians blow opportunities because they appeared aloof or rude to people; some were, some were actually shy. Ask for feedback on how you are perceived. You may need to make some behavior adjustments. However, no matter how much tweaking you do, in the end, don’t take things personally; it is not always about you.

NOTES

• Be grateful, show gratitude.

• Learn to forgive and let go.

• Let go of your need for control.

• Be self-aware, not self-centered.