NOT MY CUP OF TEA

aka: Black Tea Shortbread

For some, the aroma of coffee and/or tea brings back memories of budding relationships: flirty-flushy midnight rendezvous, sweaty palms, caramel-latte-flavored kisses, and comfortable lovey-dovey silences. For others, it doesn’t. Here’s some shortbread.

SHORTBREAD

• 2 sticks butter, room temp
• 1/2 cup powdered sugar
• 2 teaspoons finely ground black tea
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• Pinch of salt

1. Crank oven to 350°F, and then line a cookie sheet with a Silpat® or parchment paper.
2. In a large mixing bowl, cream the butter and sugar together until pale-golden and fluffy and oh-so delicious.
3. Dump in the tea, flour, and vanilla and mix until everything’s together and harmonious, like a budding relationship.
4. Dust a clean surface with powdered sugar. (No, this isn’t a typo! Powdered sugar NOT flour!) Gently roll out dough to 1/2-inch thick and cut into desired shapes. (Cute middle fingers would work, just sayin’.)
5. Bake 10–12 minutes or until just golden.

HACK IT Aren’t down with black tea or caffeine makes you shake like a tea leaf? First, what’s wrong with you. Second, kidding. Third, sub with your fave tea, like green, chamomile, or mint. Or, just "forget" to put it in — it’ll still be GD delicious.

MIXING MARTIAL ARTS

	BEAT To create a smooth creamy mixture by stirring briskly, using a spoon, whisk, or mixer. Hands, elbows, feet, or the nearest object are also allowed.
	CREAM To enthusiastically beat the daylights out of your ingredients, usually your sugar or a fatty food. Result: fluffy smoothness. And a sense of peace.
	GRIND To utterly mortify, diminish, and pulverize any food by crushing it into teeny, tiny bits. Once you’ve finished it, no one will ever mess with your kitchen again.
	POUND To thump or strike repeatedly, with great force. Also a unit of weight or a sweet, rich cake made from equal parts flour, sugar, butter, and rage.
	WHIP To add air and/or volume with a whisk or mixer or leather flogger. Sizes of tool may vary.
	ZEST 1) The outer, colorful rind or peel of a citrus fruit. 2)The exhilaration you feel after performing all the mentioned activities.