my energy to keep my tears from coming to the surface. Crouching with my back to the wall, I looked on, helpless, as the others battled the male agothe-faxl swarming out of the cave tunnels. The black leggy creatures that looked like a cross between dog-sized spiders and scorpions were out of a nightmare—fast and vicious. Deep underground, we had no access to VELMA’s laser scattershot. It occurred to me how helpful it would have been to be armed with repeating rotator weapons down here in the blackest hell I’d visited since my husband’s death—or the Agothe Fatheza.
I wasn’t weaponless. Clutching the short sword, I would defend myself if need be, but everyone else fought like devils and kept the many legged beasts well away from me. With numerous bead lights lighting up the cavern from hunters’ past, the rapid shadows cast a seizure-inducing array of light and dark stripes across every surface.
Heart in my throat, not only did I fight my tears, but thoughts of my inadequacies and uselessness threatened to overtake me, and it was all I could do to remain facing the battle instead of assuming the fetal position and praying for death.
Without warning, music filtered into my helmet and startled me from my black thoughts.
The lyrics to one of CeCe’s favorite songs streamed in my helmet, and the driving beat hammered in my chest.
Before I could ask VELMA what was going on, CeCe’s voice sounded in my helmet, and my throat closed up in shock.
“This is a recording,” she said. “I begged VELMA to figure out a way to get this message to you, so if you’re getting it, it means two things: I’m very much alive. And I’ll be joining you on your crazy-ass adventure as soon as humanly possible. Stay brave, my friend.”
I couldn’t help the gasping laugh that escaped my chest when I clutched at the stone wall behind me to steady myself.
Amity whooped in my ear. “Get it, girl!” she shouted, unaware that my laugh had to do with CeCe’s message and nothing at all to do with the battle going on around me. But then I spotted a male agothe-fax shoot from between Raxkarax’s legs, and before I could think twice, I swung down in an adrenalin-fueled strike, crushing its head in one fell swoop.
Staring at the ooze leaking from its eyes, I shuddered and looked up to see that the battle had ended, and my fellow travelers all stared at me, helmets cocked or eyes wide in shock, and sudden silence filled the space around us.
“Um,” I said, licking my lips and looking around at everyone. “I got it?”
They shouted as one, lifting their gory weapons in victory, and my cheeks flamed.
Resuming our hike, I started a private girls’ channel.
“VELMA sent me a recorded message,” I said, unable to restrain the joy in my voice punctuated by breathlessness. “CeCe’s alive. She’s coming as soon as she can.”
“Thank God,” Esra breathed. “That’s the best damn news I’ve heard in a year.”
“We’ve only been down here for a day,” Amity quipped.
“Tell that to my bunions,” Esra said amidst our chuckles.
“How did you get the recording?” Pattee asked. “I thought VELMA was hamstringed when we were underground.”
“I’m not sure,” I hedged, remembering how VELMA had tasked me with shoving the modified T-samplers from Pattee’s pod into the softer ground outside the cave entrance. Communication was a challenge as we relied on nanosatellites and super low orbit nosecones in the absence of Deep Space Network towers, cell towers, or basically towers of any kind. I thought the T-samplers were for VELMA’s work in studying the mycorrhizal layer. “VELMA had me wire up some samplers for mycorrhizal testing outside the cave. Maybe she can use them as RF receivers?”
“Affirmative, Joan,” VELMA said. “I was only sixty-three percent certain it would work. If you come across a subterranean region with soft enough ground, please insert another one. In this way I hope to be of use to your party as you complete your quest.”
“Excellent,” Pattee said, sounding pleased.
When our group stopped for the night, I snuggled in front of Rax, eager for his arm to come around me.
“I want to thank you for your patience,” I said, my voice mingling with other low conversations in the chamber. “I know I’m hard to live with, but I hope you know I’m trying.”
Raxkarax squeezed me to him.
“I know,” he said. “My pride threatens to overtake me when I consider what a brave, yet studious, mate you are. And today you bested the wiliest of agothe-faxl.”
Chuckling, I basked in the warmth of my heart mate’s love. “Everything is so difficult here. But with everyone’s support and your love, I think I’m going to be okay.”
He growled in my ear and peppered my neck with kisses, letting his hands roam over my suit in the pitch black of the cave chamber.
Settling into my mate’s love and warmth, I considered my homework from today’s psychotherapy program lesson. I’d begun VELMA’s program a few days ago, and while negative thoughts dogged my steps, I was gradually learning to recognize them. I hoped someday to be able to dismiss them altogether, but I knew I had a long road ahead. Sighing, my eyes drifted closed as I realized our descent into the darkness was a real-life metaphor for my journey into my depression, and if it wasn’t for Raxkarax holding me tight, I might have spiraled into oblivion at the thought.
The only flaw with VELMA’s program that I could find was her suggested mantra: I am safe. I am responsible for my own life. Of course, I understood the responsibility I had for my own life, but the “safe” part I took issue with. It wasn’t technically true on the planet named Certain Death. Maybe when CeCe arrived, I could suggest some modifications to the program. I just wasn’t sure what they would look like. I am marginally safe, or I am safe under certain conditions didn’t carry the same weight.
I felt Rax’s arm pull me even closer, and I sighed. At least I’m safe at this moment.