The Four-Part Nonviolent Communication Process

Clearly expressing
how I am
without blaming or criticizing		 Empathically receiving
how you are
without hearing
blame or criticism
OBSERVATIONS
1. What I observe (see, hear, remember, imagine, free from my evaluations) that does or does not contribute to my well-being:
“When I (see, hear) …”		 1. What you observe (see, hear, remember, imagine, free from your evaluations) that does or does not contribute to your well-being:
“When you see/hear …”
(Sometimes unspoken when offering empathy)
FEELINGS
2. How I feel (emotion or sensation rather than thought) in relation to what I observe:
“I feel …”		 2. How you feel (emotion or sensation rather than thought) in relation to what you observe:
“You feel …”
NEEDS
3. What I need or value (rather than a preference, or a specific action) that causes my feelings:
“… because I need/value …”		 3. What you need or value (rather than a preference, or a specific action) that causes your feelings:
“… because you need/value …”
Clearly requesting that which would enrich my life without demanding Empathically receiving that which would enrich your life without hearing any demand
REQUESTS
4. The concrete actions I would like taken:
“Would you be willing to …?”		 4. The concrete actions you would like taken:
“Would you like …?”
(Sometimes unspoken when offering empathy)

© Marshall B. Rosenberg. For more information about Marshall B. Rosenberg or the Center for Nonviolent Communication, please visit www.CNVC.org.

 

Some Basic Feelings We All Have

Feelings when needs are fulfilled

Feelings when needs are not fulfilled

Some Basic Needs We All Have

Autonomy

Celebration

Integrity

Interdependence

Physical Nurturance

Play

Spiritual Communion

 

About Nonviolent Communication

From the bedroom to the boardroom, from the classroom to the war zone, Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is changing lives every day. NVC provides an easy-to-grasp, effective method to get to the root of violence and pain peacefully. By examining the unmet needs behind what we do and say, NVC helps reduce hostility, heal pain, and strengthen professional and personal relationships. NVC is now being taught in corporations, classrooms, prisons, and mediation centers worldwide. And it is affecting cultural shifts as institutions, corporations, and governments integrate NVC consciousness into their organizational structures and their approach to leadership.

Most of us are hungry for skills that can improve the quality of our relationships, to deepen our sense of personal empowerment or simply help us communicate more effectively. Unfortunately, most of us have been educated from birth to compete, judge, demand, and diagnose; to think and communicate in terms of what is “right” and “wrong” with people. At best, the habitual ways we think and speak hinder communication and create misunderstanding or frustration. And still worse, they can cause anger and pain, and may lead to violence. Without wanting to, even people with the best of intentions generate needless conflict.

NVC helps us reach beneath the surface and discover what is alive and vital within us, and how all of our actions are based on human needs that we are seeking to meet. We learn to develop a vocabulary of feelings and needs that helps us more clearly express what is going on in us at any given moment. When we understand and acknowledge our needs, we develop a shared foundation for much more satisfying relationships. Join the thousands of people worldwide who have improved their relationships and their lives with this simple yet revolutionary process.

 

About PuddleDancer Press

PuddleDancer Press (PDP) is the premier publisher of Nonviolent Communication™ related works. Its mission is to provide high-quality materials to help people create a world in which all needs are met compassionately. Publishing revenues are used to develop new books, and implement promotion campaigns for NVC and Marshall Rosenberg. By working in partnership with the Center for Nonviolent Communication and NVC trainers, teams, and local supporters, PDP has created a comprehensive promotion effort that has helped bring NVC to thousands of new people each year.

Since 2003 PDP has donated more than 60,000 NVC books to organizations, decision-makers, and individuals in need around the world. This program is supported in part by donations made to CNVC and by partnerships with like-minded organizations around the world. PDP is a core partner of the Help Share NVC Project, giving access to hundreds of valuable tools, resources, and ideas to help NVC trainers and supporters make NVC a household name by creating financially sustainable training practices. Learn more at www.helpsharenvc.com.

Visit the PDP website at www.NonviolentCommunication.com to find the following resources:

For more information, please contact PuddleDancer Press at:

2240 Encinitas Blvd., Ste. D-911
Encinitas, CA 92024 Phone: 858-759-6963
Fax: 858-759-6967 Email: email@puddledancer.com
www.NonviolentCommunication.com

 

About the Center for Nonviolent Communication

The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) is an international nonprofit peacemaking organization whose vision is a world where everyone’s needs are met peacefully. CNVC is devoted to supporting the spread of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) around the world.

Founded in 1984 by Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg, CNVC has been contributing to a vast social transformation in thinking, speaking and acting—showing people how to connect in ways that inspire compassionate results. NVC is now being taught around the globe in communities, schools, prisons, mediation centers, churches, businesses, professional conferences, and more. More than 200 certified trainers and hundreds more teach NVC to approximately 250,000 people each year in 35 countries.

CNVC believes that NVC training is a crucial step to continue building a compassionate, peaceful society. Your tax-deductible donation will help CNVC continue to provide training in some of the most impoverished, violent corners of the world. It will also support the development and continuation of organized projects aimed at bringing NVC training to high-need geographic regions and populations.

To make a tax-deductible donation or to learn more about the valuable resources described below, visit the CNVC website at www.CNVC.org:

For more information, please contact CNVC at:

5600-A San Francisco Rd., NE, Albuquerque, NM 87109

Ph: 505-244-4041
Fax: 505-247-0414
Email: cnvc@CNVC.org
Website: www.CNVC.org

 

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, Second Edition

Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony With Your Values

Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.

$19.95 —Trade Paper 6x9, 240pp ISBN: 978-1-892005-03-8

Most of us are hungry for skills to improve the quality of our relationships, to deepen our sense of personal empowerment or to simply communicate more effectively. In this internationally acclaimed text, Marshall Rosenberg offers insightful stories, anecdotes, practical exercises, and role-plays that will literally change your approach to communication for the better. Discover how the language you use can strengthen your relationships, build trust, prevent conflicts, and heal pain. Revolutionary, yet simple, NVC offers the most effective tools to reduce violence and create peace—one interaction at a time.

More than 400,000 copies of this landmark book have been sold. Printed in twenty languages around the globe.

“Unless, as grandfather would say, ‘we become the change we wish to see in the world,’ no change will ever take place … If we change ourselves we can change the world, and changing ourselves begins with changing our language and methods of communication. I highly recommend reading this book and applying the Nonviolent Communication process it teaches.”

—Foreword by Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi and co-founder of the M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence

“Nonviolent communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for communicating in a way that meets both parties’ needs. This is one of the most useful books you will ever read.”

—William Ury, coauthor of Getting to Yes and author of The Third Side

“I believe the principles and techniques in this book can literally change the world, but more importantly, they can change the quality of your life with your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers, and everyone else you interact with.”

—Jack Canfield, author, Chicken Soup for the Soul

Available from PuddleDancer Press, the Center for Nonviolent Communication, and all major booksellers. Distributed by Independent Publisher’s Group: 800-888-4741.

 

Nonviolent Communication Companion Workbook

A Practical Guide for Individual, Group, or Classroom Study

by Lucy Leu

$21.95 —Trade Paper 7x10, 224pp ISBN: 978-1-892005-04-5

Learning Nonviolent Communication has often been equated with learning a whole new language. The NVC Companion Workbook helps you put these powerful, effective skills into practice with chapter-by-chapter study of Marshall Rosenberg’s cornerstone text, NVC: A Language of Life.

An exceptional resource for:

“I’ve used this workbook now in two prison facilities. It has been a wonderful tool for men and women who are committed to gaining useful life skills in some of the toughest of environments.”

—Karen Campbell, workforce and lifeskills coordinator, Coffee Creek Corrections Facility

“We went over real-life situations and followed various exercises that promoted understanding the content more fully. This practice was the key for my success in understanding and using NVC!”

—Kirsten Ingram, finance and administration officer, Children’s Commission Province of British Columbia

Available from PuddleDancer Press, the Center for Nonviolent Communication, and all major booksellers. Distributed by Independent Publisher’s Group: 800-888-4741.

 

Speak Peace in a World of Conflict

What You Say Next Will Change Your World

by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.

$15.95 —Trade Paper 5-3/8x8-3/8, 208pp

ISBN: 978-1-892005-17-5

In every interaction, every conversation, and in every thought, you have a choice—to promote peace or perpetuate violence. International peacemaker, mediator, and healer, Dr. Marshall Rosenberg shows you how the language you use is the key to enriching life. Take the first step to reduce violence, heal pain, resolve conflicts, and spread peace on our planet—by developing an internal consciousness of peace rooted in the language you use each day.

Speak Peace is filled with inspiring stories, lessons, and ideas drawn from more than forty years of mediating conflicts and healing relationships in some of the most war-torn, impoverished, and violent corners of the world. Speak Peace offers insight, practical skills, and powerful tools that will profoundly change your relationships and the course of your life for the better.

Bestselling author of the internationally acclaimed, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

Discover how you can create an internal consciousness of peace as the first step toward effective personal, professional, and social change. Find complete chapters on the mechanics of Speaking Peace, conflict resolution, transforming business culture, transforming enemy images, addressing terrorism, transforming authoritarian structures, expressing and receiving gratitude, and social change.

“Speak Peace is a book that comes at an appropriate time when anger and violence dominates human attitudes. Marshall Rosenberg gives us the means to create peace through our speech and communication. A brilliant book.”

—Arun Gandhi, president, M. K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence, USA

“Speak Peace sums up decades of healing and peacework. It would be hard to list all the kinds of people who can benefit from reading this book, because it’s really any and all of us.”

—Dr. Michael Nagler, author, America Without Violence and Is There No Other Way: A Search for a Nonviolent Future

Available from PuddleDancer Press, the Center for Nonviolent Communication, and all major booksellers. Distributed by Independent Publisher’s Group: 800-888-4741.

 

Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids

7 Keys to Turn Family Conflict Into Co-operation

Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson

$17.95 —Trade Paper 7.5x9.25, 256pp ISBN: 978-1-892005-22-9

Stop the Struggle

Find the Co-operation and Mutual Respect You Want!

Do more than simply correct bad behavior—finally unlock your parenting potential. Use this handbook to move beyond typical discipline techniques and begin creating an environment based on mutual respect, emotional safety, and positive, open communication. Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids offers 7 Simple Keys to discover the mutual respect and nurturing relationships you’ve been looking for.

Use these 7 Keys to:

With a combined 45 years of parent education and teaching experience, the authors offer you a refreshing alternative. Activities, stories, and resources will help you immediately apply these seven keys to even your toughest parenting situations.

Learn Powerful, Practical Skills to:

“This delightful book shows parents how to get the best results for their kids with respectful tools that are neither punitive nor permissive.”

—Jane Nelsen, coauthor, The Positive Discipline series

“This is the best parent read since How To Talk So Kids Will Listen!”

—Brenda Harari, Ph.D., HEART in Education

Available from PuddleDancer Press, the Center for Nonviolent Communication, and all major booksellers. Distributed by Independent Publisher’s Group: 800-888-4741.

 

Words That Work In Business

A Practical Guide to Effective Communication in the Workplace

by Ike Lasater

$12.95 —Trade Paper 5-3/8x8-3/8, 144pp ISBN:978-1-892005-01-4

Do You Want to Be Happier, More Effective, and Experience Less Stress at Work?

Do you wish for more respectful work relationships? To move beyond gossip and power struggles, to improved trust and productivity? If you’ve ever wondered if just one person can positively affect work relationships and company culture, regardless of your position, this book offers a resounding “yes.” The key is shifting how we think and talk.

Former attorney-turned-mediator, Ike Lasater, offers practical communication skills matched with recognizable work scenarios to help anyone address the most common workplace relationship challenges. Learn proven communication skills to: Enjoy your workday more; effectively handle difficult conversations; reduce workplace conflict and stress; improve individual and team productivity; be more effective at meetings; and give and receive meaningful feedback.

Available from PuddleDancer Press, the Center for Nonviolent Communication, and all major booksellers. Distributed by Independent Publisher’s Group: 800-888-4741.

 

Peaceful Living

Daily Meditations for Living With Love, Healing, and Compassion

by Mary Mackenzie

$19.95 —Trade Paper 5x7.5, 448pp ISBN: 978-1-892005-19-9

In this gathering of wisdom, Mary Mackenzie empowers you with an intimate life map that will literally change the course of your life for the better. Each of the 366 meditations includes an inspirational quote and concrete, practical tips for integrating the daily message into your life. The learned behaviors of cynicism, resentment, and getting even are replaced with the skills of Nonviolent Communication, including recognizing one’s needs and values and making choices in alignment with them.

Peaceful Living goes beyond daily affirmations, providing the skills and consciousness you need to transform relationships, heal pain, and discover the life-enriching meaning behind even the most trying situations. Begin each day centered and connected to yourself and your values. Direct the course of your life toward your deepest hopes and needs. Ground yourself in the power of compassionate, conscious living.

Available from PuddleDancer Press, the Center for Nonviolent Communication, and all major booksellers. Distributed by Independent Publisher’s Group: 800-888-4741.

 

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit

Practical Skills for Creating a Healthy Relationship With Your Body and Food

by Sylvia Haskvitz

$10.95 —5-3/8x8-3/8, 128pp ISBN: 978-1-892005-20-5

“Face Your Stuff, or Stuff Your Face”

—anonymous

Eating is a basic human need. But what if you are caught up in the cycles of overconsumption or emotional eating?

Using the consciousness of Nonviolent Communication, Eat by Choice helps you dig deeper into the emotional consciousness that underlies your eating patterns. Much more than a prescriptive fad diet, you’ll learn practical strategies to develop a healthier relationship with food. Learn to enjoy the tastes, smells, and sensations of healthful eating once again.

Available from PuddleDancer Press, the Center for Nonviolent Communication, and all major booksellers. Distributed by Independent Publisher’s Group: 800-888-4741.

 

The Compassionate Classroom

Relationship Based Teaching and Learning by Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson

$17.95 —Trade Paper 7.5x9.25, 208pp ISBN: 978-1-892005-06-9

When Compassion Thrives, So Does Learning

Learn powerful skills to create an emotionally safe learning environment where academic excellence thrives. Build trust, reduce conflict, improve co-operation, and maximize the potential of each student as you create relationship-centered classrooms. This how-to guide offers customizable exercises, activities, charts, and cutouts that make it easy for educators to create lesson plans for a day, a week, or an entire school year. An exceptional resource for educators, homeschool parents, child-care providers, and mentors.

“Education is not simply about teachers covering a curriculum; it is a dance of relationships. The Compassionate Classroom presents both the case for teaching compassionately and a wide range of practical tools to maximize student potential.”

—Tim Seldin, president, The Montessori Foundation

Available from PuddleDancer Press, the Center for Nonviolent Communication, and all major booksellers. Distributed by Independent Publisher’s Group: 800-888-4741.

 

Trade Booklets From PuddleDancer Press

Being Me, Loving You: A Practical Guide to Extraordinary Relationships by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. • Watch your relationships strengthen as you learn to think of love as something you “do,” something you give freely from the heart.

80pp, ISBN: 978-1-892005-16-8 $8.95

Getting Past the Pain Between Us: Healing and Reconciliation Without Compromise by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. • Learn simple steps to create the heartfelt presence necessary for lasting healing to occur—great for mediators, counselors, families, and couples.

48pp, ISBN: 978-1-892005-07-6 $8.95

Graduating From Guilt: Six Steps to Overcome Guilt and Reclaim Your Life by Holly Michelle Eckert • The burden of guilt leaves us stuck, stressed, and feeling like we can never measure up. Through a proven six-step process, this book helps liberate you from the toxic guilt, blame, and shame you carry.

96pp, ISBN: 978-1-892005-23-6 $9.95

The Heart of Social Change: How to Make a Difference in Your World by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. • Learn how creating an internal consciousness of compassion can impact your social change efforts. 48pp, ISBN: 978-1-892005-10-6 $8.95

Parenting From Your Heart: Sharing the Gifts of Compassion, Connection, and Choice by Inbal Kashtan • Filled with insight and practical skills, this booklet will help you transform your parenting to address every day challenges.48pp, ISBN: 978-1-892005-08-3 $8.95

Practical Spirituality: Reflections on the Spiritual Basis of Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. • Marshall’s views on the spiritual origins and underpinnings of NVC, and how practicing the process helps him connect to the Divine. 48pp, ISBN: 978-1-892005-14-4 $8.95

Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Learn to create a mutually respectful, enriching family dynamic filled with heartfelt communication. 32pp, ISBN: 978-1-892005-09-0 $7.95

The Surprising Purpose of Anger: Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Marshall shows you how to use anger to discover what you need, and then how to meet your needs in more constructive, healthy ways. 48pp, ISBN: 978-1-892005-15-1 • $8.95

Teaching Children Compassionately: How Students and Teachers Can Succeed With Mutual Understanding by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. In this national keynote address to Montessori educators, Marshall describes his progressive, radical approach to teaching that centers on compassionate connection. 48pp, ISBN: 978-1-892005-11-3 • $8.95

We Can Work It Out: Resolving Conflicts Peacefully and Powerfully by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Practical suggestions for fostering empathic connection, genuine co-operation, and satisfying resolutions in even the most difficult situations. 32pp, ISBN: 978-1-892005-12-0 • $7.95

What’s Making You Angry? 10 Steps to Transforming Anger So Everyone Wins by Shari Klein and Neill Gibson • A powerful, step-by-step approach to transform anger to find healthy, mutually satisfying outcomes. 32pp, ISBN: 978-1-892005-13-7 $7.95

Available from PuddleDancer Press, the Center for Nonviolent Communication, and all major booksellers. Distributed by IPG: 800-888-4741. For more information about these booklets or to order online, visit www.NonviolentCommunication.com