IF WE HAD LOVE WE would not need anything else and any problem would seem insignificant. Its scarcity sometimes precipitates a crazy impatience in us. Our desire for love freezes us and blocks our dynamism completely. We feel alone, isolated, in an effective coldness, with only the hope of being loved someday.
To receive love depends on others who can deprive us of it. There is a very simple solution that we do not always think about: giving love depends on us. To give love is, first of all, a manifestation of being present in the world, of the presence of the other, of the ability to listen in a state of physical, mental and emotional relaxation. Since we are not accustomed to others being present, it is natural for us to succumb to this absence that characterises our social relationships, leading to deception games, superficial connections and avoidance.
But if we give a few minutes of real presence and attention, the process of avoidance disappears. Presence calls for presence. We experience pleasure. An authentic communication flourishes. We are not far from love. When one gives, one receives. It is as simple as that.
In our love relationships, we often confuse gift and possession. A creative life implies that we give to others all the space they need in order to blossom completely. But once the enthusiasm of the initial connection passes, a restrictive process establishes itself: we limit the breadth of investigation of our partners; we want them to change, to conform to our ideas. Love languishes, changing to bitterness. We do not cut the wings of the other without paying a price.
Love is a constant creation. If we do not confine others within the limitations of our own concepts, if we do not freeze them in a picture, they will be able to evolve freely and, by appreciating their freedom, we will be able to rediscover them day after day. It is the only powerful tie that can establish itself between two human beings. All efforts to limit or control will result in the death of love.
In this reciprocal, creative bond, joy will manifest itself and bind people in a far deeper way than any promises and limitations.
What is my definition of love?
According to this definition, would I say that I both give and receive love?
What is the part of possession in the love that I give to others?
Am I ready to give all the space needed for total fulfilment to the one I love?
Does this gift cover all areas: money, time, tastes, artistic and political opinions, and sexuality?
Does fear of abandonment have a place in my relationship?
Am I more generous in thought than in action?
Am I jealous when I love?
Am I jealous in life?
Do I believe that the happiness of another person robs me of a part of my happiness?
Is the happiness of giving love the same for me as receiving love?
Have I already experienced a love that was not centred on an object or a human being – a feeling of love that included the world?