CHAPTER NINETEEN

As I drove my blue Nissan along the dirt road to Route 62, I thought it was probably crazy to invite Henk to stay the night again so soon. But I’d been to see a counsellor and a doctor, and started two sorts of medication and a diet. And now I had the phone number for a satanic mechanic. So maybe I was ready.

I turned onto the tar. There were three other cars ahead of me on the way in to Ladismith. Morning rush hour. I wondered what I would cook for my Friday night with Henk.

Hattie’s Toyota Etios was already under the jacaranda, so I parked a little further away in the broken shade of a thorn tree. In the autumn weather, it would be cool enough.

I walked up the path lined with pot plants to the office of the Karoo Gazette. Hattie’s fingers were running around her keypad like mice, and she paused for only a second to greet me.

I went to my desk and the pile of letters that was waiting for me.

‘Tea?’ I asked Hattie, as I prepared my own coffee and rusks.

‘Hmm? No thanks. Just finishing off some last-second copy.’

I looked through my letters; there were quite a few new ones. Including some email printouts. I didn’t have my own email address, but they were sent to the Gazette for my column. Most people send letters; they’re more anonymous.

I reread that letter I hadn’t answered, from the teenager whose boyfriend wanted sex. I wrote:

If he cares about you, he will wait until you are ready. If you care about him, you will move gently in the direction of getting ready. It’s not something you must force yourself to do. Your heart and your body must both be happy.

In the meantime, you can make him the Venus Cake. Made with coffee and peanut butter and melted chocolate. It is very satisfying and will keep him interested for quite a while. If the waiting goes on a long time, let me know and I will think of something else. Though you can’t get much better than this cake.

As I wrote out the recipe, I wondered if a teenager was ready for the responsibility of an out-of-this-world cake. Should I make that same cake for Henk tonight? I hoped we wouldn’t be needing it. The problem with the Venus Cake was it disagreed too much with my diet. And my diet was moving me in the direction of getting ready.

I picked up another letter on the pile, one that looked impatient to be opened. It was a plain white envelope with a George postmark. George was quite a big town, further away and bigger than Oudtshoorn.

Dear Auntie Maria,

My boyfriend says he wants to have two girlfriends. He has a story about how he loves me but you can never find everything you want in one person. He wants us all to have dinner together some time (me and his other girlfriend). What should I do?

Miss Helpme

I finished my coffee, and answered:

Dear Miss Helpme,

Tell your boyfriend that is fine, so long as you have two boyfriends as well. And each of your boyfriends has two girlfriends. And those girlfriends need two too, and so on. It will be like a chain letter.

The problem will be having dinner together. How do you plan numbers for catering? It would be safest to have a picnic in the park or on the beach and ask everyone to bring their own food.

Not far from George is a nice beach called Herold’s Bay. I pictured them all on this beach and smiled.

‘Rightio,’ said Hattie, brushing her hands together with a clapping sound. ‘Done and dusted. I’d love that cup of tea now. And how are you doing, Maria darling? Have you heard from Jessie?’

‘Just a quick call,’ I said, putting on the kettle. ‘She was meeting Slimkat’s cousin, Ystervark, at the hospital.’

‘She has a nose for news, does our Jessie.’

‘She spoke to the people at the Kudu Stall. But it sounds like it wasn’t much help.’

‘Of course we want a good story, but I do hope she doesn’t end up in trouble again. Don’t think I could bear another kidnapping or coma.’

I hoped the same, but I also wanted Jessie to find out what happened. Slimkat’s eyes might haunt me for ever if she didn’t. I gave Hattie her tea and offered her a rusk.

‘No thanks,’ she said. ‘It hasn’t been proven yet, has it, that Slimkat was poisoned?’

‘No results on the sauce bottle yet,’ I said. ‘Well, nothing official anyway.’

‘Do you know something unofficial?’ asked Hattie. ‘You or Jessie, through one of your saucy sources?’ She laughed at her own joke.

I shook my head and settled back down at my desk. I thought I’d better write a bit more to Miss Helpme. She might not have found the chain letter idea that funny.

It may be true that you cannot find everything you want in one person. But it’s also true that your most important needs must be met by yourself.

If your boyfriend does not like the chain-letter plan, and does not want to be faithful to you, you may find you can meet your needs better without him. It is more lonely to be with someone who cannot love you right, than to be on your own.

I though about giving her a cold picnic recipe, but instead gave her Annemarie’s amazing brandy tart recipe, which should be eaten hot and at home. I wondered again what I should cook for Henk that night.

‘I’ve got some errands to run,’ said Hattie. ‘Toodle-oo.’

I couldn’t decide which letter to open next, so I shuffled them and just picked one. I got a fright when I read it.

Dear Tannie Maria,

My new boyfriend and I have been getting on very well for a few months. Then he told me he loved me. It scares me! Does this mean there is something wrong with me? Or that he is the wrong one for me?

He is coming for lunch this weekend. I don’t know what to do.

Mariana

The woman’s name even sounded like my own. Had I written a letter to myself? The postmark on the letter was from Ladismith. Was I going mad? No, I couldn’t have written it myself, because Henk was coming for supper not lunch.

I made myself a cup of coffee and went and sat outside on a chair in the shade of a karee tree and looked at the pots of succulents. They were not flowering yet, but their leaves had such interesting fat shapes. I don’t know their English names, but their Afrikaans names describe them nicely: toontjies – little toes, and worsies – little sausages, and bababoudjies – little baby bums.

When I’d finished my coffee, I went back inside and wrote my reply.

Dear Mariana,

Maybe he said it too soon. Time will tell.

Maybe you feel you do not deserve love. This sometimes happens if you have not had good love before. Or if you have done something you are ashamed of. Is there something hiding in your past?

You might need to decide if you really love him.

One way to decide this is to see whether you feel like making him a toasted sandwich or a three-course meal that takes half the day to prepare. Although if you choose the sandwich it could just be that you don’t like cooking, in which case you need to sit quietly and look inside your own heart.

Yours,

Tannie Maria

I gave her recipes for a delicious toasted sandwich (with cheese, tomato paste, sliced biltong, banana and peppadew) and for a three-course meal. The toasted sandwich I would make for myself for lunch, and the three-course meal is what I planned to prepare for Henk that night.