What happens now?
What comes next for me, now that I have died and gone to heaven and come back and shared God’s message? What is the next stop on this amazing journey I’m on? I simply don’t know – none of us knows what the future holds. But the beautiful part is, we don’t need to. ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord in Jeremiah 29:11, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’
These days I am grateful to God for so many things, but right up there at the top is my family. They give me such joy and happiness every day. Even my Grandma Ernie, who I miss so much. I still think about hiding under her muumuu and walking around with her as she strolled through her lovely garden on these beautiful stepping-stones. I have those stones now, right in the front of my house. And every time I step on them, I miss my grandma. But I also know she’s still with me, here in my heart.
I talk with my dad on the phone all the time, and we get along pretty well these days. I can talk to him about a lot of things I can’t talk to my mom about, because she’s likely to get all emotional, while my dad, who was never great at showing his emotions, always keeps an even keel. We’re finding it easier and easier to be friends. The other day, I looked at Micah in his little glasses, and he looked so cute I scooped him up and gave him a big hug. As I hugged him I was struck by how much he looked like photos of my dad at that age. It made me wonder if my dad ever got scooped up and hugged like that when he was a kid. I took a picture and emailed it to my dad and told him I loved him. It was the closest thing to a hug I could give him.
I realize now he was a better father to me than I ever gave him credit for. And I know he loves me dearly. Those two years I spent with him in Illinois, he says now, were the two best years of his life.
And my mom … well, I just love my mom. Like I said, she’s the only one who’s been there for me my entire life, even when we fought like cats and dogs. I’ve never forgotten all her small acts of love and kindness, and I’ve even incorporated a couple of them into my life – like writing little notes on the napkins in my kids’ lunchboxes. I learned a lot from my mother, and I still do.
The twins, thank God, are doing great. You watch them run around the living room chasing bubbles, and you’d never know they weighed less than a bag of sugar when they were born. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to see them with their father, who loves them like crazy. And what can I say about Virgil, the kindest and most loving man I’ve ever known? The way he supports me is so fierce and unending. God is my rock, that’s for sure, but Virgil is my rock, too.
My boy JP is growing up into a remarkable man. He is so loving and kind to his little brother and sister, and his heart is always there for others who need it. He’s a junior in high school now, and he plays the trumpet in the school band. He’s also getting pretty good on the violin in his spare time. He doesn’t remember much about the motorcycle accident, though he still has some pain in his knee on humid days and he can’t hear at all out of his right ear. He constantly has to tell his friends, ‘Come around on my other side so I can hear you.’ There are days when he still feels angry, but he’s worked so hard on being the best person he can be. His dream was to enlist in the military, but because of his hearing he won’t be able to do it. He’s okay with it though, because he has such a strong and personal relationship with God. ‘I see it as God redirecting my life so I can do what He wants me to do,’ he says. ‘I’m basically going with the flow. I’m throwing my lot in with God.’
My beautiful daughter Sabyre, who’s now a high school freshman, is really into music, too. She dreams of traveling to Nashville someday, and she loves Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift and the band Jesus Culture. She hopes to record her own demo and maybe have a career as a singer. Let me tell you, she has a great voice, so I’m betting on her. She was even invited to join the praise and worship team at our church, which is a huge honor and accomplishment. I am so proud of her! Sabyre hasn’t had much of a relationship with her biological father even though, God bless her, she’s tried. Not too long ago she wrote a long heartfelt letter and sent it to her dad, who is now in prison, in the hopes they could at least talk once in a while. But he never wrote back. It broke my heart to see Sabyre checking the mailbox every day. But, like I said, kids are pretty resilient. Sabyre is now determined to send her father a new letter every week, until he finally writes back.
And it will be in those letters that she fights for a father she cannot remember and ministers about a God he does not know.
Like JP, Sabyre has a very strong relationship with God. Last summer she went away to a Christian youth camp, and the experience really affected her – so much so that Sabyre came to me and said, ‘Mom, I want to be baptized.’
And so, on a very warm August day, we all drove out to Lake Altus, a gorgeous lake where everyone goes to swim and fish and lay on the beach. Sabyre asked Amber, who is like a big sister to her, to do the honor.
‘Do you have a license to baptize me?’ Sabyre joked with her.
‘Oh, please,’ Amber said. Then she ran to her pastor and asked if she did indeed need a license to baptize someone. Turns out her love and passion for God was all the license required.
While JP watched the twins on shore, Sabyre, Virgil, Amber and Brandon walked waist-deep into the water. I went in about knee-deep so I could take pictures. Mind you, we were all still in our regular clothes, so we got a few funny looks from the other beachgoers. But, hey, I’ve learned that feeling embarrassed is a small price to pay to glorify God.
Amber got into the water carrying her grandfather’s beat up, old blue King James Bible open to Colossians 2:13–14. As Brandon held Sabyre, Amber read from the Bible. ‘And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses,’ Amber read. ‘Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross.’
Then Brandon leaned Sabyre backwards and dunked her in the clear water. Poor Sabyre hates fish for some reason, and she was terrified she’d feel some scaly thing brush up against her. She even joked she was bringing fish food so she could scatter it far away from where she was. But the fish stayed away, and Sabyre come up from the cold water, and Amber told her, ‘Go forward and live a new life of love and mercy, a life that glorifies God.’ Then we all hugged and splashed each other and praised God.
It was too hot to stick around the lake for long, so we drove back home, and we had a Happy Baptism ice cream cake for Sabyre. The twins danced around like they always do, and everyone was happy and cheerful and feeling blessed. It was one of the best days of my life. I sat on my sofa, surrounded by my family, and I thought, Thank you, God.
Before all this happened I didn’t know if God existed, and now I know – with more certainty than I know anything – that God is real.
Before all this I thought I wasn’t worthy of His love and salvation, and now I know that I am.
Before all this I wondered what it was like to be in the presence of God, and now I know that it is glorious.
And that is something all of us can know.
You don’t have to die and go to heaven. All you have to do to be in God’s presence is choose Him.
All you have to do is believe.
It was only after I died and went to heaven that my mom dug through some of her old family albums and found this photo of me from when I was three years old. I’m wearing the same outfit I saw myself wearing in heaven.